Chapter Eight
This was clearly going to be problem.
My neck craned as I scanned from the bottom of the rock face to the top and I felt my tummy turn from normal organ material to fearing-for-my-fucking-life material.
I was not an adventurous person. Death-defying pursuits such as climbing up a rock face and trusting some tattered ropes to save my arse was not my idea of a fun day out.
Around me was a hive of excited activity.
It was evident that of the course attendees and leaders, I was the only one who didn’t think this was an absolute blast of a way to spend an afternoon.
The drive from the lodge to the quarry where we now gathered had been so uncomfortable that I’d almost been enthusiastic about jumping out of the car and darting up a rock face.
I’d been wedged between Abel and Felix once again.
Abel had been in an upbeat mood, tapping at the steering wheel and literally whistling.
(Presumably to piss Felix off.) All the while, Felix was sending me death stares and looking between me and Abel in confused disgust.
Now, standing at the bottom of the cliff and contemplating my next few hours, enthusiastic was really not my vibe.
‘What do you think, Mary? Ready to rock ’n’ roll?’
‘There’s no way you’ll get Mary up there,’ Felix sneered.
I bristled at the way he acted like he knew me. Like he had the right to tell the world what I could or couldn’t do. Felix’s change in tone towards me had truly done a one-eighty spin since the sugarplum thing.
I felt Abel stiffen beside me too, then he placed a hand on my cheek.
It was so insanely unexpected, the air seemed to leave my lungs and for the briefest time, I forgot about the rock face and Felix and was entirely consumed by the sensation of Abel’s hand on my skin.
Warm, gentle. And why the hell was it there?
The contact was over in an instant, so fleeting I could have imagined it. ‘Give her time,’ he said with a smile. ‘But since you’re so confident, why don’t you show us how it’s done? I’ll belay.’
Obviously, this was a performance for Felix. That was why Abel had cupped my face. And from the way the smoke almost steamed out of Felix’s nostrils, the gesture seemed to have had the desired effect. I experienced a pathetic little sensation of triumph.
The ensuing moment was completely bizarre – almost something out of a wildlife documentary.
Abel the giant male lion versus Felix the slimy hyena.
I could see fire in Felix’s eyes and determination in Abel’s and I couldn’t possibly believe how I had found myself in this situation.
At the same time, the way in which Felix was now cornered gave me a sickly sort of satisfaction.
I could see he was less than thrilled at the idea of his safety being in Abel’s hands.
After a few moments of disgruntled organisation and harnesses being secured, Felix began to climb. Another six or seven climbers were already underway.
I was close enough to Abel to feel his warmth through our shoulders. ‘I know you’re getting some weird kick out of Felix’s misery,’ I murmured once Felix was high enough to be out of ear shot, ‘but I don’t actually want you to hurt him.’
Abel chuckled beside me. ‘You mean I shouldn’t drop him?’
‘Ideally. Please don’t drop him.’
‘You sure?’ I could hear the joke in his voice, but all the same, I didn’t want this to get out of hand.
‘Yes. Jesus, Abel.’
‘But I’m having fun.’
‘I can see that. Are you always this unprofessional?’
‘Only when the situation calls.’ His tone was matter of fact. ‘And Felix is a dick, so the situation calls.’
My eyes followed the clambering figures that were nearing the top and my stomach twisted with something like guilt. ‘I feel like he thinks there’s something going on … you know …’
‘Between us?’ Abel’s voice was light and carefree. As though we weren’t discussing the inappropriate show he was making of pretending we were an item.
‘I don’t want to be cruel. Or make you feel uncomfortable.’
‘I don’t feel uncomfortable.’ His eyes were focused on Felix, his hands swiftly taking up the slack in the rope with each move like it was second nature. There was something elegant in the way his hands worked so efficiently. ‘But I can stop if you want me to.’
I hesitated. I was extremely angry with Felix, but I was also not accustomed to doing things that upset others. ‘I think that’s for the best.’
Felix had reached the top and called out to signal he was ready to come down.
‘Can I still mess with him? Leave him hanging up there a little bit, perhaps?’
Felix had let his weight sit into the harness and was literally hanging off the end of Abel’s rope, ten metres in the air.
‘No, I don’t think you should leave him hanging in the air.’
‘Oh, all right then,’ Abel said with a theatrical sigh and began lowering Felix. ‘I’m just fucking with you, Mary. I’m a very professional person.’
I frowned at him. I had no idea who he really was, this man who always seemed so serious and stern.
This man who appeared to hate me and think I was an absolute joke, yet who seemed almost to be on my team.
Or someone’s team. Certainly not Felix’s team.
Maybe Abel had recognised an opportunity to make someone’s life miserable and I just happened to be a bystander.
My eyes returned to Felix. I would feel much more at ease once everyone’s feet were back on the ground.
‘Rope’s a bit stiff, sorry mate!’ Abel called as he lowered Felix painfully slowly.
‘Can we speed this up a bit?’ I could hear the anger in Felix’s voice.
‘I’ll do my best!’ Abel’s expression was deadpan. I watched the rope give a bit and then stop, give then stop, such that Felix was lowered in tediously jerky spurts. I was somewhere between horrified and delighted by the situation.
Finally, he was nearly down.
‘Sorry about that, not running very smoothly today,’ Abel said with a baffled sort of shrug.
‘How was that? You nailed it, man!’ Abel was beaming with what could almost pass as genuine friendliness.
All the while, Felix’s feet were still not quite touching the ground, harness tight on his hips.
It was excruciating. And ridiculously comical.
‘Could you put me on the ground, please,’ Felix demanded through gritted teeth.
‘Oh! I’m sorry.’ The rope slackened abruptly and Felix only just caught his footing, very nearly landing in a pile on the gravel.
I almost felt bad for him, until he looked at me with disdain and said, ‘Don’t even bother with Mary. She doesn’t like getting her hands dirty.’
His meanness stung. Even when I was so mad at him and so done with him, the closeness we’d shared was only a blink in the past. I’d loved him, or felt something I thought had been love.
Now I felt such bewilderment I couldn’t find words to even defend myself.
Had he always spoken to me like this? Had he always been so cruel or was he just threatened by some perceived thing between Abel and me?
I felt Abel bristle beside me like a lion who was being provoked. But when he spoke, his voice came out soft and dripping with sweetness, only loud enough for the three of us to hear. ‘What do you think, sugarplum? Want to show him how it’s done?’
I looked at Felix. His eyes burned with fresh anger.
I was sickened by the idea that Abel and I were being misleading about what was going on between us, yet I couldn’t keep being the victim either.
There for Felix to cheat on. There for him to come back to.
There for him to follow onto my wilderness course and tease and belittle.
He knew me and he was using it against me in a way that hurt deeply.
No, I didn’t like getting my hands dirty. No, I didn’t like taking risks. No, I didn’t want to put my life in someone else’s hands. But I also couldn’t let him have the satisfaction of exposing me like that in front of others and proving that he was right by being safe, weak – pathetic.
My insides hardened with determination.
‘I can do it.’ I strove to keep my voice even, but my breath felt like it quivered in my throat.
Abel gave my hand a squeeze and for the first time, the gesture didn’t feel like a performance. ‘You don’t have to,’ he said to me gently. ‘Don’t let that prick make you feel like you need to prove something.’
I let myself properly look at him. Those emerald green eyes, flecked with hazel and gold around the irises that I hadn’t noticed before.
They were kind eyes. I didn’t know Abel at all, but there was something in those eyes that made me feel an unexpected calm.
They told me he’d take care of me at the end of that rope.
For the first time since we’d arrived at the quarry, his expression wasn’t teasing or mischievous – it was oddly soft and reassuring.
‘No,’ I said, my strength growing. ‘I want to do it.’
I heard Felix snort with distaste and walk away to join one of the other groups.
Abel showed me how to put on my harness, how the buckle looked when it was open and how it should look when it was closed. I let my mind focus on his instructions and tried to ignore the tight anxiety in my chest that Felix had ignited.
I listened to the deep rumble of Abel’s voice and watched the competent way his hands worked the straps.
He crouched on the gravel and helped me tighten the harness around my thighs and my hips and the fear I was feeling seemed to settle with the sensation of his hands against the tight polyester of my running tights.
He looked up and his eyes met mine with a smile that shone enough to make something turn unexpectedly in my groin.
‘You look great.’