Chapter Eleven #2
I blinked. He was being sarcastic, right?
He gave a yawn and stretched his arms up. When they came down, one of them was on the back of the couch behind me. It wasn’t as though he was even touching me, but it felt suddenly very odd. Overly familiar.
I felt a presence in the doorway and I looked up to see Abel watching me.
His expression was unreadable. Then he gave a small tilt of his head that seemed to say, All good?
And I shot a Not really! look back.
I hoped he’d come over, but he just frowned slightly and walked back out. Evidently, my non-verbal communication skills were even worse than my verbal ones.
‘And do you have, like, a boyfriend or something at the moment?’
What? Okay, we got here quick.
‘Uh. Yep.’ What the fuck?
‘That dude?’ Jimmy indicated to the now empty doorway and I panicked.
A normal person would have said, ‘No. Not that dude. I have no boyfriend. I am both single and uninterested in a relationship.’ But I wasn’t a normal person. And I seemed to be at the peak of my weirdness out here in the bush, so I just sat and continued panicking and said, ‘Yep.’
‘Ah, no worries. I wondered. Lucky dude.’ His arm was still behind me and the whole thing was just getting worse, and worse, and worse.
Would it be awkward to get up now? Probably. Would it be more awkward to stay here? Undoubtedly.
‘Anyway, you did great today, Jimmy.’ Lie. You were terrifying. ‘I’m pretty tired.’
‘No worries, Mary. You take it easy. Don’t forget to give yourself that insulin, hey?’ He winked and I tried a friendly smile in response that I am almost certain came out like a pug wincing.
‘Don’t say anything.’ I tried not to make eye contact as I walked through our cabin door and slammed it behind me.
‘I’m not.’ I could hear him smiling. All innocent amusement, leaning against the wall on his bed, looking at a map. ‘Nice fellow?’
‘Arsehole.’
‘Ouch. Poor guy.’
‘Not him, you douche. You.’
‘Oh, Mary.’ He pretended to sound wounded then smiled again, eyes coming up from the map for the first time. ‘I think he quite fancied you.’
I groaned and slumped on the bed, bringing my hands up to cover my eyes. ‘He asked if I had a boyfriend.’ Why was I even telling him this?
‘Ooh, great opener,’ he said with mock interest. ‘Then you kissed him by the fire light?’
‘Fuck off.’ I was swearing at him way too much. He was my colleague. This was supposed to be professional.
‘And did Mary have a boyfriend?’
‘Apparently,’ I mumbled, hands still covering my eyes.
He started chuckling. ‘Gold.’
For some reason, I was starting to laugh too. It wasn’t funny. Not even a bit. What was wrong with me?
‘Who’s the lucky guy?’
I pulled a pillow over my head.
‘Go on. Tell me. I’ll keep your dirty little secret.’
‘It’s your fault, you arse.’ Again. Did I have no filter? I couldn’t seem to help it. Abel was infuriating. He was just so goddamn infuriating.
‘My fault? I was giving you space for your romantic blossoming.’
‘Ha, ha.’ My voice sounded small and muffled and whiny. I hated myself. I hated Abel. I hated the whole situation. ‘You started the sugarplum bullshit.’
‘Oooh.’ He was really getting interested now. ‘Did Contrary Mary tell Jolly Jimmy that I was her boyfriend?’
‘He said that. I … didn’t contradict it.’ My voice was so tiny it was barely audible. Yet, he seemed not to have missed a thing. He gave a low-bellied laugh that was rich and nourishing like hot chocolate.
I pulled the pillow off my head and threw it at him. ‘Did I mention I hate you?’
He was still laughing. And so was I, even while I was dying from embarrassment. Why couldn’t I have straightforward emotions anymore?
‘I’m sorry.’ He tried to compose himself. ‘It’s just. Very lovely, Mary.’ His smile was stupidly beautiful. Alight. So many things. Ugh. ‘Seeing you … all …’ He waved his hands in my direction and I glared back.
‘—over the place?’ I picked up a sock and threw it his way. ‘Scattered?’ A T-shirt next. ‘Loopy?’ A toothbrush. I wasn’t smiling anymore. I didn’t know what I was feeling. But out of control, absolutely.
He dodged everything but the toothbrush, which got him in the belly. He moved from his bed to mine in one swift motion and his ginormous hands found my shoulders and he held me firmly.
My gaze was on my lap and he bent his head to catch it.
His expression had lost its tease, but not its warmth. ‘You’re fine, Mary.’ His thumbs ran little circles on my arms and I felt simultaneously comforted and incredibly unsettled.
We stayed like that for a moment.
‘Do you hate me?’ I don’t even know why I asked. It was obvious. And irrelevant.
‘Why would I hate you?’
‘It’s a stupid question. I’m sorry. Of course you do. I’ve come unannounced. Brought my unannounced ex-boyfriend. Invaded your quiet cabin solitude. And now allowed our course attendees to believe that you are my new boyfriend.’
He chuckled. ‘When you put it like that …’
I smiled briefly, but it faded just as fast.
‘Of course I don’t hate you.’
His expression was so gentle I felt myself almost sway. ‘I’m really not usually … so … all over the place,’ I tried to explain. I don’t know why I cared, but I did. I didn’t want Abel to think I was a complete lunatic.
He just stared at me for a moment, a small smile still on his lips and in his eyes.
‘I know that.’ His smile grew and he squeezed my shoulders.
‘You’re honest and reliable and hardworking.
I know all that.’ He paused, then added, ‘Which I think makes it all the more spectacular when you’re not.
It’s like a little gift,’ he said. ‘Seeing the gaps in the Mary you show the world.’
I felt lost for air. Confused. Disorientated.
‘It’s my fault for teasing you and poking the gaps,’ he continued. ‘Trying to catch you off guard. I’m sorry. It’s just … I don’t know. I think it’s beautiful to see.’
I didn’t know what to say. I just frowned back at him, incredulous. Then the moment was interrupted by a knock on the door.
Abel got up to answer it, leaving me slightly stunned and feeling like someone had reached right inside me and unlocked something I hadn’t known was there. Unformulated questions banged noisily in my brain while a conversation that I didn’t listen to was shared at the door.
I heard the door close and Abel turned to me.
‘Hope you slept well enough last night? We’ve got a midnight scenario to prepare for. Ready, sugarplum?’