Chapter Thirty
When I woke, my body was still draped over his. We fitted together like we’d been designed purely to end up in this tangled position.
As though sensing me waking, he shifted, his arms winding themselves more firmly around me.
‘You feel so nice,’ I whispered. Still drunk on feeling; logical thought and usual filters not quite in place yet.
‘You do too.’
I felt something vibrate within me, weightless, alive. ‘You make everything feel so good.’
‘You do too.’
I shifted my head back to look at him and his hand brushed the hair from my face. It was like I belonged here. This was my place.
‘You said you wouldn’t touch me,’ I murmured.
‘It was more difficult than I’d anticipated.’
My hand moved over his bare chest, exploring, unable to help myself.
I watched his features to see if he would react, ask me to stop.
But he just kept gazing at me. I could feel the air entering and leaving his lungs.
The skin was warm, a smattering of hair on his chest. My hand moved over the rise of his pec and stopped over his heart.
I could feel the apex beat between his ribs, pounding. I circled my hand around it.
‘It’s like I’ve got your heart in my hands,’ I said without thinking.
He gave the smallest of smiles. ‘You do have my heart in your hands.’
Our faces were just inches apart. The smallest of movements would close the gap.
‘Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I wasn’t leaving.’
‘So do I.’
The air was warm, heavy with potential. But the doubt was creeping in at the edges of my brain. Men were dangerous. And Abel had told me he wasn’t interested. Hadn’t he?
‘But you said you didn’t want any complication so I guess it wouldn’t matter anyway …’
His features jolted like I’d splashed water on his sleepy, dreamy face. ‘What?’
‘That night you came back and I’d just started house-sitting and you said you didn’t—’
‘I remember the night, Mary.’ He was staring at me with bewilderment. ‘You think I didn’t want complication?’
‘Yeah. You said you didn’t want to distract my focus.’
‘You were the one who told me you needed to focus. I’ve been doing everything I can to give you space. To honour the boundaries of your steely discipline.’
‘But you’ve been seeing other people. You went out with Alannah.’
‘To distract me. Because I soon realised that to have you here and not be able to have all of you is absolute fucking torture.’
My breath caught. His admission was staggering – almost too much for my brain to comprehend. I needed to disentangle myself from his body so I could actually take in what he was saying. I sat up on the bed, my weight resting on my hand, searching his eyes for the meaning behind his words.
‘Then why didn’t you ever make a move?’
‘Because you need to drive your life, Mary. Don’t you get it? You need to work out what you want and then you need to make it happen. I’m not going to be another decision that is made for you.’
The weight of his words settled in my brain, their meaning wrapping around my heart. I was speechless. The possibilities. The permission. The terrifying realisation that I could choose something so beautiful, so utterly perfect.
He lay there looking up at me – his emerald gaze, his full mouth, his caramel-coloured skin in the softness of his bedding, his bare and broad chest, the dip beneath his ribs and the soft trail of hair that led to his waist beneath the covers.
My whole body ached with longing. I could see a path before us.
A path leading me into the unknown, the thrilling, beautiful unknown.
Maybe I was brave enough …
The urge to kiss him was almost impossible to resist. And when his eyes dipped to my lips, I felt my heart quickening in anticipation. Could this be it? Was this finally going to happen?
But the moment was interrupted by the rumble of children’s footsteps down the stairs and Molly yelling, ‘I’m doing a wee first.’
I sighed. ‘I better get up.’
‘Yep.’
‘I need to take them to the airport.’
‘I know.’
There was a fragility in his eyes that sucked the air from my lungs.
He was always so confident, so sure in his decisions, but at that moment, he was bare.
Exposed and vulnerable. And I couldn’t let another moment go by without him knowing that he was all I wanted.
Maybe I had no clue where that would lead us, or if there was any possible future for us, but I saw in a moment of clarity that I needed him to know.
So I touched my hand to his cheek, letting it trace down his jaw and to the side of his neck, and I watched his breathing grow shallow.
‘Abel,’ I whispered as I leant down, bringing my forehead to rest against his.
‘Mary,’ he whispered, his voice almost quivering. His lips were open, I could feel them a whisker away from my own. His hot breath mixing with mine.
And then finally I closed the gap and I kissed him. Because he was perfect and I wanted him with every bit of my body.
His hand cupped my cheek too, as though I was something of wonder, something to be savoured, as I savoured him.
It lasted a fevered second. A whimper escaped my throat, exposing my need at the same time as he sighed into me – raw and hungry. I had no clue where we would end up, but I knew with certainty that we were both ready to go there.