Chapter Seven #3
Barry doesn’t understand him. Jeremy doesn’t mean he’s leaving the party, but his initial reaction and meaning is that he wants to leave the ranch.
He never wants to see Clark again, and Barry just doesn’t understand that.
Suddenly feeling trapped, Jeremy shakes his head and pushes away from Barry, saying, “I have to go!”
Barry tries calling out to Jeremy but that’s lost on him, already rushing away.
The image of Clark having sex with a man is burned in the back of his eyelids, searing his memory.
The whole thing makes him want to sprint at full speed, getting the sensation that he’s being suffocated by all these bodies and his heart accelerating anxiously.
The foyer is still packed, people jumping up and down to the rhythm of a fat beat that vibrates the whole house.
Jeremy could be squished under their feet and not know the difference, never having felt this small before.
Making his final push out the front door, the fresh air from outside still isn’t enough.
Immediately pulling out a cigarette from his pack, he tries to strike the match but it won’t catch a spark.
A hand extends in front of him, lit lighter right in front of his face.
Looking up, Merle is the one holding out the lighter, looking at Jeremy expectantly.
Maintaining eye contact, Jeremy leans forward and inhales the flame.
Merle puts away the lighter after Jeremy’s stogie is lit, saying, “Leaving so soon?”
“Merle,” Jeremy wants to tell him to get out of his face, forget about whatever they had, but instead he asks, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Taking a deep breath, Merle offers with a kind smile, “I didn’t want you to think of me differently, I guess.”
Jeremy briefly closes his eyes and shakes his head a bit, saying aloud, “I feel so stupid.”
“Don’t. I mean, I get it - why you didn’t recognize me. We didn’t interact at all on set.”
“Right,” Jeremy nods, trying to pacify himself, “I only ever saw you from afar.”
“Yeah, I saw you from afar too,” Merle’s smile turns coy.
Jeremy scrunches his brow, “On set?”
“Mhm. Clark constantly hung out with you, so I noticed you. Always thought you looked really cute,” Merle adds the flirtation.
Shaking his head, Jeremy walks across the front porch and says over his shoulder, “I’m not in the mood.”
“What’s up?” Merle says from behind him, following him down the steps, “You act like you’re not happy to see me.”
“It’s not that,” Jeremy sighs before sucking on his cigarette again, “This is just really bad timing.”
“Really? Because I think it’s really good timing. Perfect, actually,” Merle hurries to keep pace with Jeremy. He steps in front of Jeremy halfway across the lawn, stopping him and saying, “Can you at least let me say my piece?”
Inhaling shakily, Jeremy’s grounded by Merle’s dark gaze and he relents, “Okay, what?”
“Come back to LA with me.”
Jeremy blinks, chuckling out of shock, “Excuse me?”
“Yeah, I want you to leave Colorado and come live with me in California,” Merle says again but more clearly.
Shaking his head, Jeremy’s gobsmacked, “I- I can’t.”
“Why not?” Merle asks simply.
“Because my life is here. My career.”
Merle shrugs as if that’s no problem, “Come live with me and you’ll never have to work another day in your life. And LA has plenty to offer, you’ll settle in great there.”
Jeremy keeps laughing and shaking his head, he asks, “Why?”
“Why do I want you to come live with me?”
“Uh, yeah,” Jeremy puts his hands on his hips, recalling their earlier conversation, “I thought we agreed we weren’t looking for anything serious.”
“Because,” Merle’s eyes search Jeremy’s, softening and genuine as he says, “I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re constantly on my mind. I really have never felt this way about someone before.”
Feeling choked, Jeremy squeezes out his words and replies, “After a couple nights together? That’s what you’re basing such a big decision on?”
Merle nods, “That’s fair. That’s why I’m not leaving until you come with me.”
“Say again?” Jeremy squints, not following.
“I’m going to stay in Limerick and come visit you on the ranch until you feel ready to come live with me,” Merle states, “That way we can spend more time together.”
Jeremy doesn’t know what to say, how to respond. He feels swept away without realizing the tide had come in.
Merle frowns briefly, adding, “Unless you really don’t want me. Just tell me right now that I’m crazy and you never want to see me again. I’ll go and won’t come back.”
Lost for breath, Jeremy can’t say that. He did enjoy his time with Merle, and in a lot of ways the timing is right; he’d just been thinking about running away from this place. He gulps down any saliva he can gather in his mouth and tells Merle, “This is a lot. I have to think about it.”
Smiling big, Merle steps into Jeremy’s personal space and touches his hand. His eyes flick down to Jeremy’s mouth and he tells him, “Everything I said, I meant. I know I’m not the best at relationships, but I think if I’m going to make it with anyone then I got a real chance with you.”
Jeremy can’t help but feel spellbound by the enchanting man, asking breathlessly, “What makes you so sure of that?”
“Because,” Merle squeezes his hand and leans forward, “You’re worth it.”
Their lips are about to meet when someone calls out from behind them, “Jeremy!”
Looking over his shoulder, Barry is standing a hundred yards away and watching the interaction closely. Jeremy blushes and steps away from Merle, telling him, “I really will think about what you said.”
“I’ll be back, Jeremy,” Merle calls out after him as Jeremy continues to walk away, “See you soon!”
Head swirling with new revelations, Jeremy can’t seem to focus on one thing.
He’s just over the edge of tipsy, not stumbling drunk but enough so that his thoughts are out of his control.
He hates that Barry saw him almost kiss Merle, and then he thinks of Merle’s proposition.
His words were enticing, a deep part of him really not wanting to live on Willmaker Ranch anymore.
He searches his memory for why and is affronted with the vision of Clark’s bare ass humping some stranger.
He doesn’t go to bed right away, instead walking around the deserted ranch and smoking each one of his cigarettes until his mind is much clearer.
Big life choices have been thrust upon him tonight, but none of that will be sorted under the echo of duress.
Jeremy will have to meditate on the three men that have come to take up space in his mind and, undoubtedly, in his heart.