Chapter 13
CHAPTER 13
Finn
Beau
Stop worrying about me, I’m fine.
Finn
You’re not fine, and don’t tell me not to worry, that’s stupid.
Beau
Focus on your new boyfriend and leave me alone.
God, he can be so fucking infuriating.
Especially when he’s half right. He always manages to make me feel like it’s a full win when he isn’t.
I should focus on Lou at the moment, I know that, but I also know I should be worried about Beau. Since I didn’t go back to Crushville with him yesterday when we got back from Vegas, I have no clue how getting home went for him.
Since Tanner is—or maybe was—his roommate, I told him he could stay at my place, and he even did me a solid this morning on the house front, but he hasn’t said anything about his loft. About whether Tanner is there or if Lu has tried to talk to him—the adultering meanie not my Lou, and the fact that their names are so similar would be creepy if I didn’t already know that they’re complete opposites.
Except maybe it has been weird for Beau. God, I didn’t even think about that when I introduced them during the weekend.
But those are all things I should know, things I should be supporting my brother through. Instead I’m... falling in love.
Waiting in the lobby of one of the huge high rises of the city for Lou to come down so we can get our date started.
I texted Beau to distract myself from the butterflies— butterflies! I’ve never felt those before, but my brain has apparently found a way to connect every thought, every idea, every situation to Lou.
He’s so deeply ingrained in my brain after less than a week, that I think me becoming obsessed before a month has passed is a serious possibility, so love isn’t that much of a stretch.
Not with the way we connect when we talk, when we kiss, when we fuck...
Aaaand I need to think of something else. This definitely isn’t the place to get a boner.
“Finn.” I hear his beautiful voice and my lips just stretch on their own.
He looks so damn good, smiling as he power walks out of the elevator. I grab him as soon as my arms can reach him, and kiss the living hell out of him until a feminine throat clearing reminds me where we are.
“Sorry,” Lou says sheepishly. His cheeks pinken slightly and that just makes me want to find a supply closet where I can have my way with him. There has to be one of those around, right? But his next words stop me. “Finn, this is Clarice Wells, my boss. Clarice, this is Finn, the man I told you about this morning.”
He told his boss about me?
I’m gonna marry this man.
An unhinged thought if I’ve ever had one, but I feel it in my gut.
“It’s an honor to meet you, ma’am.” I hurry to speak when I fear I’ve gone into my head for too long. I offer her my hand and she shakes it—strongly. “I’ve been a fan for many years.”
“Have you?” she asks, clearly surprised, and maybe a bit... skeptical? That’s fine by me. It means she cares about Lou and wants me to prove myself.
I like that he has her in his corner.
“I have,” I confirm simply.
“That’s a good start. I won’t keep you, but I just needed to make sure my best employee is well taken care of.” She looks formidable and is clearly threatening me, so I’ll do my best to reassure her.
“I think he takes great care of himself, but I consider it an honor that I can be there for him when he needs support.”
There, that was okay, wasn’t it?
By the blinding smiles I’m getting, I think I nailed it actually.
Clarice turns to Lou and her smile softens a little. “I know you probably won’t, but please don’t forget that conference call with the UK office tomorrow, okay?”
“I won’t,” he says confidently. “You’re also supposed to be retired, so why don’t you consider not joining that meeting since Clara, the CEO you appointed and trained, and your daughter, can handle it.” I bite my lip so I don’t smile at how adorable Lou looks, trying for stern but he’s adorable. And it’s clear Clarice thinks the same by the indulgent smile she answers with.
I know what meeting he’s talking about since he told me this morning, and that’s why I had Beau doing me that favor.
“Great. Have fun visiting Crushville. It really is a great town. My husband and I go up at least once a month.”
She’s gone before I can ask her about it, but I get it.
It’s the end of the workday and everyone just wants to get home.
“I’m ready for soup,” I announce and gallantly offer Lou my arm. He giggles adorably and takes it.
We get there easily enough—it’s just two blocks away—but winter is very real in Chicago and we need defrosting by the time I open the door for him.
Lou goes for a ramen soup that’s apparently new, and I go for a classic onion soup. It’s really good soup.
But the company’s even better.
He tells me about his day—how Clarice was definitely not supposed to be there, but he knows it’s because of him. He can’t hide how happy that makes him, but I’m not mean, so I don’t point that out, and since his job is fascinating I’m listening intently and riveted the whole time. I try to dissuade him from talking about my work, but he’s interested as well, something I know very few people are.
All in all, a perfect second date.
It’s harder, though, when we get back to his place and get in the shower together... when he breaks the kiss and then breaks my heart.
“I need to tell you about my family. I—” He stops and shakes his head. “I have issues. Like real, actual issues with connection. And trust issues, and codependent kinds of issues. I’m also a very nervous person, and I probably have OCD... though I don’t think it affects my life, it actually helps me.”
“Okay,” I murmur, getting worried.
“My family, they’re very closed-minded. My childhood... it wasn’t great.” He talks quickly, as if he just needs to blurt it all out.
And I let him.
I realize at that moment that I’ll always do everything I can to give him what he needs.
“I was clothed and fed, had a roof over my head, and a pillow to lay my head on at night.” That’s far from all a child needs, but I keep quiet. “I just always knew, somehow, even when I was way too little to know, that they didn’t love any of us. Seven children. Between us we didn’t have any of the love I saw you have with your brothers. No matter how much I wanted it, they rejected me. All of them.
“When I left to go to college—something none of them understood why I wanted to do—I told them I was gay and they kicked me out.” The way he says that last part has me clenching my fists. He’s leaving a lot out. He’s downplaying. He has to be if the pain in his eyes is anything to go by. “So I have a lot of issues,” he goes on. “And I want you to know about them. Not to warn you, but to ask you not to take advantage of me because of those issues. I’m already attached to you, I already care, so please, please ...” he whispers and can’t talk any more after that.
He only shakes his head, and looking deeply into his eyes, I nod.
“I won’t, cutie. I promise you, I’m attached too. I care too. Way too much already, and that has never happened to me before, I can promise you that. I’m not that way, I’ve never been that way. But everything is so easy with you, I don’t want it to change.”
He nods then too, and there’s no more talking.
I finish washing his hair, his body, then tuck him into bed and slide in behind him and hold him the whole night.
* * *
We’re on the road by seven in the morning. When he told me yesterday morning about the conference call he has later, I could see he was nervous about it, and though I can’t know exactly what’s causing it, I think I can make things a little bit better by rushing us out of his place and beating the traffic out of the city.
In just under forty minutes Lou’s parking his car in my driveway and I lead him inside with some nerves of my own.
I love my house, I really do, and I hope he at least doesn’t hate it.
It’s nothing out of this world, really. Just one story, three bedrooms—one of which I use as my office—and it’s a bit old, but I’ve done some repairs...
Okay, I got my Uncle Ric to do some repairs... mainly to my office.
Yeah, it’s a bit outdated, but the windows are only three years old and the brick facade looks perfect. With a bit of snow on the roof and in the front yard, it looks idyllic to me.
And I hope it does to him too.
“Your house looks like something out of those cheesy Christmas movies.”
“Is ... that good?”
“Yeah,” he says brightly, turning to look at me. “I want a full tour but?—”
“After your conference call, come on.”
We dump our bags in the living room, and with his briefcase on his shoulder he follows me to the office.
“Oh my God,” he whispers, with awe I’m pretty sure.
It’s one wall of windows, floor to ceiling, that look out at the back yard and the forest beyond. The other three walls are the best part. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases. My desk extends out of the bookcase in the far corner and faces the windows.
“I made those with my grandpa and uncle,” I tell Lou proudly and point them out. I am proud of them... of having them if not making them. “In all honesty I’ve never been great with... tools,” I hedge and Lou laughs a little. “I basically told them what I wanted, and after the hard stuff of the build was done I helped with sanding and staining.”
“They’re incredible, Finn.”
I get lost in his eyes, in the pure happiness I see in them, but then he snaps me out of it.
“I’m guessing that’s new?” He points to the other desk, which isn’t as cool as mine, but it’s functional... It does look a bit cold compared to all the dark wood in the room, but it’s all Beau could find on short notice.
“Yes, Beau brought it over. You can set up there. He made sure to bring out an extension for power outlets, and here...” I pause as I go over to my desk and get the little laminated paper I always have on hand. “Is the Wi-Fi password. I’ll stay out of your way, but let me know if you need anything. Actually, you want some coffee?”
“I’d love some,” he says softly. I nod and get out of there fast.