Chapter 22Cade
Cade
The creak of the front door filters through the kitchen around nine o’clock. My bowl of cereal is lodged between my palm and bare chest, and just as I dip another spoonful in my mouth, Jenna walks into view.
“Hey,” she greets, dropping her tote bag on the table.
“How was work?”
She sighs, surfing a hand through her blonde hair. “Exhausting. I can’t wait to sleep.” I munch on the oats, watching Jenna rummage through her tote for thermoses and empty snack containers. “Can you move? I’m going to need the sink in a second.”
I slide my lower back along the edge of the granite, making sure she has enough space.
Jenna turns, placing the used items in the sink before running the faucet. “Cade, I need the dishwasher.”
Agitation fuels her tone as she rinses the glass storage ware under the stream of water. And not once since she entered the kitchen has she looked at me.
Not once.
With one hand still cradling my bowl, I reach behind me for the stainless-steel handle of the dishwasher and open it. “Maybe you should stop picking up so many hours,” I retort, stepping off to another spot along the counter.
“I’m new. It looks good if I go in early and stay late.”
“It also looks good when you’re home.”
“I’m tired, Cade,” she exhales, purposely clattering the glass around. “I really don’t want to do this with you the second I come home.”
She bends to insert the wet containers in the dishwasher, harshly positioning them on the racks.
“You don’t want to kiss me either. Haven’t even looked at me since you came through the door,” I challenge.
Jenna scoffs, crouching in her scrubs to grab a pod from under the sink. “You really know how to light up a room, don’t you?”
I shovel the last spoonful of cereal in my mouth, walking my bowl to the dishwasher. “I think that’s the way you curled your hair and did your makeup for work.”
She never used to doll herself up at her old job. I used to stare at her natural beauty before she exited the front door. She’d throw her straight hair up in a ponytail, and there were always these adorable stray pieces that fell around her face.
But ever since she switched hospitals, Jenna pays extra special attention to her appearance. It’s a stretch for it to raise alarms among all the other red flags, but I don’t think I’m off base.
In fact, I think the shoe fits perfectly.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jenna stands in front of me now, disdain swirling in her sapphire depths.
I hold her eyes, abruptly plucking the gel pod from her hand.
“No, I’m not.” My body bends to prepare the appliance to run its course.
“And for some reason, I’m really starting not to give a shit.
” Once I snap the dishwasher door in place, I travel back through the foyer to make a left into my office.
My body sinks into the leather chair, palms wiping down my face through a deep breath. Thoughts of me and Jenna whirl about, my heart spasming with the chaos until images of her merge into focus.
Every now and then, I’ll concoct these visions of what she looks like. There’re these flashes of beauty that pop before me, but they’re too swift to snatch a hold of. And maybe that’s the whole point. Her beauty is just as unattainable as she is.
My head perks up at the sound of the running shower, and her blurred face evaporates from my mind.
I could’ve done this a month or two ago, but there was always an ounce of denial weighing me down. An ounce isn’t much, but when you know its removal will destroy your heart, you keep it around for as long as you can.
The thing is, I can still hold on to it.
But I don’t need to anymore.
Eventually, my palm quietly twists the knob of the bedroom door upstairs. I cross the threshold, padding along the carpet to search the dresser and nightstands.
Nothing.
I peek over at the ensuite bathroom, knowing that the closed door is most likely locked with Jenna’s phone behind it.
With my time limited, I quickly exit the bedroom and jog down the stairs. And since I’m already in joggers, I shrug on my hoodie from the foyer before grabbing Jenna’s car keys.
Jenna knows I’ve been suspecting her of cheating for months now, so she’s cleaned up her tracks pretty well. I’ve only been able to speculate by the traditional signs, but the one thing about the truth is that it will always rear its ugly head.
A cheater gets sloppy after a while.
They start to tangle their lies or forget where they leave things.
I open the passenger side door of the white Wrangler, ducking to sit inside. My fingers pull the latch of the glove compartment, sifting through papers and napkins, but I fail to find what I’m looking for.
A long breath blows from my lips when I pull down the visors above the passenger and driver’s seat. Besides our photobooth strips missing from the clips on the shades, I still turn up empty handed.
When I flip the visors back in position, I reach down to open the center console. I nudge around a few random bills and charger cables, feeling hopeless until I find a folded piece of paper cuddled right in the center.
My fingers pluck the note out, opening it to see the hospital’s letterhead at the top.
Evergreen Hospital
511 Mill Road
Briarwood, Rhode Island 02949
You’re all I think about.
Every damn day.
-B
PS. By the way, you look pretty today. ??
“You threw us away for ‘pretty’?” I mutter, folding the paper.
I shove the note back in the center console, slapping the lid shut before tossing my head back against the leather seat.
I seal my eyes shut, fingers pinching the bridge of my nose as I breathe through it. My chest pumps through impaired lungs, the puncture so deep that I can easily suffocate any minute.
Jenna and I may have our problems, but the truth cuts just as painfully. Like a jagged saw slicing my heart down the very center.
The water of the shower is still running when I enter the foyer. After hanging Jenna’s keys, I enter my office before locking the door and sitting at the computer. My elbow is propped on an arm rest, fingertips kneading my forehead as I close my eyes.
Anger boils from deep in my gut. A hot storm looking to take down this house with high gusts of wind, as well as the relationship we’ve built for the past three years.
But before I know it, I’m searching the hospital website on my phone. When I click on the appropriate link, the homepage pops up, and I click on the “Find a Doctor” tab. Knowing Jenna works in Pediatrics, I filter the search engine.
My stomach churns with each swipe of my thumb upward on the touch screen, just waiting for this motherfucker’s face. And when I click on the fifth page, Blake Remien, MD shines his smug face at me.
B.
Young—probably in his mid-to late-thirties. Clean cut with blond hair and blue eyes. Not unfortunate looking. I’m thinking this is my guy.
I hastily toss my phone on the desk, the crash ricocheting off the walls of the small room. My hands slide into my hair as I sink back in the chair, fingers curling around my locks and tugging.
What the fuck did I do wrong?
I’ve given everything I could to Jenna, and she knew I’d lay down my life for her.
I considered myself a decent boyfriend—always helping with chores around the house, pulling my weight financially, and making sure Jenna’s taken care of before me.
Our sex was great, and she’s never had to fake anything with me.
What happened?
Could I have done something different ?
Could I have done something more ?
The shower cuts out before Jenna’s feet march above the ceiling. The simmering fury bubbles more rapidly, and I know I can’t stay here one second longer. If I do, this house will be torn apart from room to room. Every wall painted with the blood from my knuckles.
I end up by my motorcycle, seizing the helmet from the handlebar before straddling the bike. But before I slide the gear on, I pause when the white feather cuts into my vision.
I lick my lips, gently nestling the feather between my thumb and forefingers.
The gusts of wind inside me begin to mellow out like she’s my tranquility.
The serenity I need to save myself from these demons I’ve been battling for so long.
And as the pads of my fingers stroke the vanes, I think about what she said in her letter.
A letter I’ve memorized like the back of my hand.
I’m reminded of my value. What I can bring to the table and what I can contribute in this life. She reminds me that I deserve better than what I’ve settled for.
I offered every part of my heart and body to Jenna, and if that wasn’t enough, then she wasn’t the one.
A bitter pill.
But sometimes, the bitterest pill is the most necessary.
Maybe Jenna can’t wholeheartedly appreciate everything I have to offer, but someone else can.
She does.