Chapter 8 Convince Me
I STARE AT the screen, unable to move, unable to react. Did I read that right? I must be dreaming. I rub my eyes, but the message is still there.
Kang ? Kang sent me a message? How? Why? The questions crash into each other inside my head. The border between fantasy and reality has been breached and it terrifies me. Should I answer him?
Me: Kang? From Follow My Voice?
Unknown: The one and only. Sorry to text out of nowhere, don’t want to scare you.
Me: How did you get my number?
Unknown: I got it from the radio station message board.
Me: Why?
Unknown: I don’t know, K.
What kind of answer is that? My heart feels like it’s on the verge of collapse. I’m talking to Kang, whose voice has gotten me through so much for so long.
Me: You’re going to have to come up with a better answer than that.
Unknown: I know, I guess I’m just curious about you.
Me: You’re curious about one of your listeners?
Unknown: Yes…
Me: Is this something you do with all the fans of your show?
Unknown: No, only with you.
I feel a strange tingling in my stomach. Is this really happening?
Me: Why?
Unknown: I already told you, curiosity.
Me: How do I know you’re really Kang?
Unknown: Ask me anything you want.
I chew on a fingernail as I think about what to ask, and when I glance at the book on my nightstand I get an idea.
Me: Tomorrow during the show, say a quote from Jane Austen at some point; then I’ll believe you.
Unknown: Okay. But can I talk to you today?
Me: We can talk tomorrow, person claiming to be Kang.
Unknown: Talk tomorrow, K :)
I put the phone on the bed and hug the pillow tightly, burying my face to stifle a squeal.
Did that really just happen? This feeling is new to me.
Before my mom got sick, I never thought much about boys.
Is this what being interested in someone feels like?
If so, Kang is the first guy I’ve ever really been interested in and I don’t even know what he looks like.
I walk out of my room with a smile on my face and run straight into Kamila.
“Oh, I forgot how pretty you look when you smile.”
“What? I smile at you often.”
“Not like this. This one seems genuine.”
I avoid eye contact, still smiling. “It’s… a beautiful night.”
Kamila raises an eyebrow. “I’m guessing your good mood is thanks to that guy’s radio show, am I right?”
I nod. “Yeah, you could say that.”
Kamila hesitates for a second, and I imagine I’m not going to like what she’s about to say. “Have you looked at the university website like we talked about?”
My good mood goes right down the drain.
“Do you think you’re ready to visit campus yet?”
“No.”
Kamila lets out a long sigh. “Klara, you have to try. Taking even just a class or two this semester would give you a lot to think about, something to do besides sitting home alone filling your head with negative thoughts. The distraction might do wonders for you.”
“Kamila, I know I’ve made some progress, but going to college is completely different.
Not only would I have to adjust to an entirely new environment, navigate academic expectations—something I’m so out of touch with, might I remind you—among other things, but what if I have a panic attack in front of everyone?
There will be tons of people there. I’d die of embarrassment. I can’t. I don’t want to.”
“I’m not going to force you into anything you don’t want to do, you know that. Just think about it, Klara. You’re a very smart young lady with a lot of talent and a whole life, experiences, and yes, even challenges ahead of you.”
Just as I’m about to snap at Kamila, Andy walks in.
“There they are, my favorite girls.”
I give him a tight-lipped smile.
Kamila plants a quick kiss on his lips. “I thought you weren’t going to be home until later.”
Andy rubs his neck. “I left early—it was a rough day.” His eyes move from my sister to me. “Why is everyone so serious?”
“Kamila, once again, was trying to convince me to start college,” I answer.
Andy turns to my sister. “I thought you said you weren’t going to pressure her.”
Kamila crosses her arms over her chest. “When did you two team up against me?”
I shrug. “When Andy stopped making such a fuss about my eating habits, like the Coke and popcorn that you claim are ‘unhealthy.’?”
Kamila sends her husband a murderous look. “Andy!”
He throws up his hands. “You know I can’t say no to her.”
Kamila laughs. “All right, just think about it, okay, K?” She takes Andy by the hand. “Come on, I’ll give you a massage.”
Andy throws me a military salute. “Good night, K1.”
I salute back then head to my room, my mind still stuck on the conversation with Kamila.
I grab my laptop and look up our city’s community college out of curiosity.
I scroll through the slideshow that appears on the home page, and I begin to wonder if that could be me one day.
I decide to venture further and click on the Programs and Pathways tab.
I scroll to the bottom and see a photo of a classroom full of students.
Frustrated at myself for missing out on so much, I shut my laptop and grab my phone instead, choosing to do something that will distract me: reading my exchange with “Kang.”
That night I dream of a radio station, a university campus, and the outline of a guy whose face I can’t see.
I wake up feeling a little uneasy the next two days, thinking about the conversation with Kamila. She has no idea how much I wish I could be a part of the world, be a normal teenager, experience life.
I think about all the things a nineteen-year-old should be doing—decorating a cramped dorm room with a roommate, pulling all-nighters, cramming for an exam I forgot to study for, going to football games, joining clubs just to socialize.
I spend the entire day ruminating over the possibilities and my limitations, weighing the pros and cons of going to college, until I finally give up and decide to curl up in bed with a book to pass the time until Kang’s show comes on.
But as luck would have it, even my favorite pastime decides to mock me today.
“Welcome back to our show, folks. This is Kang, your faithful friend and companion for this hour of Follow My Voice . You might need to break out your sweaters tonight. We’re going to see lower temperatures as the summer heat eases and we get ready to welcome a cool, autumnal breeze.
” He sounds almost excited about it. “Most people prefer summer, but I love the cold; watching snow fall outside my window is one of my favorite things. I wonder if you listeners out there agree with me. Are you winter or summer people?”
I like the cold, too.
“Anyway, with the new semester having started this week, today’s topic is how education has changed in the past few years. These days we can’t help but mention the impact of the internet and technology…”
I tune out Kang as I begin to think about the topic, back to the pandemic days, when we were forced to take school online.
I could do that now, but I know Kamila won’t like that; she wants me to leave my bubble, enjoy society.
Am I able to? Thinking of the progress I’ve made so far makes me believe I could…
Sitting by the window, looking at the dark sky, I leave my thoughts behind and realize the show is about to end and Kang hasn’t read a quote to his listeners.
Was the person messaging me someone else pretending to be him?
The thought makes me feel both hurt and relieved at the same time.
It’s better this way because if I started texting Kang, I’d probably start wanting to meet him, and that’s a risk I can’t take.
“Well, that’s all for now, I hope you enjoyed the songs and theme of tonight’s show.
Thank you for your messages; even though we don’t have time to share them all on the air, I assure you that I always read each and every one as soon as Follow My Voice ends.
This is your friend and companion, Kang, bidding you farewell. Have a wonderful evening.”
I’m so disappointed… I’m about to rip my headphones off when I hear Kang’s voice again. “Oh, and our quote for today is from Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen: ‘The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.’ Good night, folks.”
For the second time in less than three days, Kang leaves me breathless.