Chapter 21 Embrace Me
ERICK IS NOT as much of an idiot as he seems on the radio; maybe he’s just playing a part for his show. Not once has he made an even slightly sexist or inappropriate comment. It may be too early to be completely sure, but for now I’ll trust my instincts.
Kang, however, is the exact same guy I hear every other night on the radio: warm, calm, and confident in who he is and what he says. Every time I look at him, I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest and my stomach flutters in a way I’ve never felt.
All these feelings are new and exciting to me. Before the whole journey of my mother’s illness began, I hadn’t given boys much thought. Then, after my mom died almost two years ago, I got tapped in for the battle with cancer. Boys haven’t been a priority for me; I’ve been too focused on surviving.
So Kang is my first, for everything. The first guy I’ve had a crush on that I’ve started texting and talking to.
I’m enjoying discovering so many sensations and reactions in my body.
Now that I’ve met him, I wonder what it would feel like to kiss him, to touch him.
This is unknown territory, but there’s a longing in me that wasn’t there before.
I watch him jokingly punch Erick on the shoulder after he says something that annoys him.
I stare at his lips, how they curve into that beautiful smile of his.
Will you be my first kiss, Kang? I blush and lower my head. Don’t flatter yourself, Klara.
This is what scared me most about meeting Kang.
I was afraid of his reaction when he saw what I looked like, but I was also terrified because I knew I would get my hopes up.
Having him within reach only makes me like him more and want more from him, when he probably just wants to be friends.
I’d like to say I can control my feelings, but that would be like saying I can control my panic attacks.
Ha! Dark humor is definitely back, Klara.
“Oh, by the way, dude…” Erick pulls a crumpled paper out of his pocket and straightens it in front of Kang. “Did you see this?”
My curiosity gets the best of me and I read the advertisement with a QR code at the corner to sign up. It’s a talent show in Charlotte in a few months.
Kang doesn’t seem surprised or excited. “Yeah, I heard.”
“And?” Erick puts the paper down. “Are you signing up for it?”
Kang shakes his head. “No.”
“Why not?” I look at Kang, and his expression has soured.
“I’m not interested.”
“Come on, man. This may be your shot to be a famous singer or something,” Erick whines.
“Dude, drop it. I said I’m not interested.” Kang’s voice sharpens, surprising us both.
Erick and I exchange a glance, and he sighs.
“Fine. Whatever. We need to go back with the rest of the students either way,” Erick says after taking a swig from the can of Sprite Kang has passed him. “Ms. Romes sent me to get you guys. We should probably go back before she comes for us herself.”
I look at him in disbelief. “You’ve been sitting here almost an hour and you forgot to mention that little detail?”
Erick shrugs. “There were snacks, I got distracted.”
We stand up and I feel like an elf walking between the two of them. I grab my hood with both hands and flip it over my head. Kang gives me a disapproving look but doesn’t say anything.
Erick leans down and I take a step back. “Are you going to sit with us in the hall?”
I would like to spend more time with them, but I don’t want to draw everyone else’s attention.
“Let her breathe, Erick,” Kang says, seeming to notice my hesitation. “Come and sit with us whenever, if you want.” He offers me a smile.
“Okay.”
I wave to Erick as he walks ahead of us. Kang just stands there, looking at me, and I’m short of breath again, but I manage to speak. “See you later, Batman,” I say, remembering how he told me he wears a Batman mask when he sings.
He crosses his arms and takes two steps toward me. “So you remember that?”
“I remember everything you tell me.” Ahh, Klara, don’t say things like that!
Kang raises an eyebrow and bites his lower lip. “And why do you remember everything I tell you?”
“I have a good memory.” Good answer!
“Well, I don’t have a good memory”—he steps a little closer—“but I remember what matters to me.”
My heart is on the verge of collapse.
“So I remember absolutely everything about you.”
I forget how to form words. He is so close, his dark eyes are so deep. I take a cowardly step back, but he takes a step forward and holds out his hand. “Again, a pleasure to meet you, Klara with a K.”
I grin like a fool as I shake his hand.
Kang’s cheeks flush; he looks away and releases my hand to scratch the back of his neck. “Damn, you’ve got such a nice smile.”
It’s my turn to blush, warmth creeping up my cheeks then settling in my stomach. “Thank you.”
Kang clears his throat and extends his arm for me to walk ahead of him. “Shall we go?”
“You go first. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Are you ashamed to be seen with me?” He gasps, as if in horror. “Am I your little secret, Klara?”
I play along. “Something like that.”
He places both hands over his heart as he walks backward down the hall. “That hurts, Klara, that hurts.”
“You’ll survive.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Of course. You’re Batman, after all.”
Kang stops and lowers his hands, but before he disappears around the corner, he flashes those adorable dimples.
I don’t know how long I stand there, staring at the spot where he stood, trying to process everything that just happened to me.
I met Kang.
I talked to him in person, just inches away.
He called me pretty—well, “hot,” technically—and said I have a beautiful smile.
I met his friend Erick and he wasn’t a jerk.
I chatted with my crush and I didn’t die!
I pat myself on the back. Good job, me. You did well today .
When I return to the Blue Ridge Health Sciences Center and sit back down next to Perla, I can’t help but notice the confusion on her face and the thousands of questions in her eyes.
I don’t know what she’s thinking, but I do know that she saw me run away from Kang earlier.
My eyes meet Diego’s, who’s staring at me with a smirk plastered on his face. I’m imagining things.
“What did I miss?” I ask, trying to make things normal between Perla and me.
“Nothing interesting,” she replies.
All of a sudden, the power comes back on and the building lights up. There is cheering and laughter all around as Ms. Romes appears at the end of the hallway.
“The storm has died down for now, so we’ll wait a bit for everyone to either go home or continue with your regular schedules.”
Diego frowns and raises his voice for everyone to hear. “Regular schedules? I think we should have the afternoon off.”
She gives him an annoyed look. “That’s for the dean to decide.”
Kang and Erick are sitting near Ms. Romes. Kang’s eyes meet mine and he subtly waves at me. I press my lips together to keep from smiling and wave back. I look down and when I look back up, Diego is watching me, again with that same smirk. Doesn’t he have anything better to do?
I spend the next few minutes chatting with Perla. Surprisingly, she doesn’t ask me about Kang. Maybe she doesn’t want to bring him up because she knows I have a lot of questions for her, too. I still want to know why she warned me about him.
One by one, the students begin to disperse. Perla sighs. “Well, this adventure was fun while it lasted. See you next class, Klara.”
“See you.”
Kamila texts to let me know it will still be a while before she or Andy will be able to get across town to pick me up, and I feel a little anxious as I watch the hallway emptying out.
There’s no one seated nearby except for Diego, who is on his phone.
A few other students linger around, including Kang, chatting with another guy now that Erick has left.
“Hoodie,” Diego whispers.
I shoot an exhausted look at him but say nothing.
“Seems like it’s just you and me. Destiny keeps throwing us together, but you won’t cooperate.” He runs a hand through his red hair. “Do you have something against redheads?”
I shake my head.
“So it’s just that I’m not worthy of being spoken to?”
I shake my head again. It’s just that you’re so loud and you like to draw attention to yourself, and I want to go unnoticed .
Diego sighs, almost as if pretending to feel defeated. “Hoodie?”
I feel bad for ignoring him. So, against my better judgment, I engage. “I know you know my name, so why do you keep calling me Hoodie?”
The wide grin that spreads across his face is almost contagious. “Because I like to be original.”
“Well, Mr. Original, why are you so insistent on talking to me?”
Diego presses his back against the wall, his elbows resting on his knees. “Why are you so mysterious?”
“You can’t answer a question with another question.”
“I’ll tell you why I’m so insistent if you tell me something that has me curious.”
“What is it?”
“Well, my darling Hoodie, more elusive than my ex after I begged her to take me back—how is it that you’ve gotten so close with the radio host?”
“It’s complicated.”
“That’s what my ex said, too.”
I can’t help but chuckle. Diego’s funny, I have to admit. “I don’t have to explain myself to you, Diego.”
“Oh, so you know my name.” He winks at me.
“How could I not? You haven’t stopped messing with me since I started here.”
“I wouldn’t say I’ve been messing with you; more like I’ve been fighting for acknowledgment.”
“Why all the effort? You seem to have plenty of friends already.”
His features soften, and he bites his lips as if thinking very carefully about his next words. “This isn’t the first time I’ve seen you, Hoodie.”
I frown. “What are you talking about?”
“It was a while ago, at the hospital. I saw you in the chemotherapy room, many times.”
A bolt of icy electricity runs through my body at the possibility of Diego knowing my secret. I swallow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Diego approaches me and gives me a friendly pat on the shoulder. “I’m glad you made it, Hoodie.” He smoothes out his pants. “Well, this exotic redheaded beauty has to go now.”
“Diego…” I don’t know what to say. “How…?”
Sadness settles into his features, an expression I’ve never seen on him, always so cheerful, joking around. “My father.” He answers the question he can see written on my face. “He always talked about you, the girl who made him laugh in the chemo room with her dark sense of humor.”
My mind travels back to Dario, a man in his forties who was fighting an aggressive colon cancer, with whom I shared my chemo sessions several times.
“How do you manage to keep your sense of humor under these circumstances?” He runs his hand over his bald head. “I admire you, Klarita.”
“Cancer has taken too much from me already. My mother, my hair, my energy… If I let it take away my sense of humor, I’ll have lost everything.”
The reality was that I was very depressed; I hadn’t even been able to grieve my mother’s passing before I started my own battle with cancer.
But somehow Dario looked even more depressed than me.
The first time I saw him, he didn’t speak or interact with anyone.
That made me want to cheer him up and be a source of laughter for him, even though I was dying inside.
Trying to make him smile was my motivation to be strong during chemo.
We sit together as the medication, hanging from a metal rack between us, enters our veins. Dario motions for me to lean closer, and he whispers, “Wanna hear a secret?”
I nod.
“If you say you feel nauseous, they’ll bring you Jell-O. Any flavor you want.”
“Really?”
He nods. “Ask for strawberry, the other ones taste like medicine.”
I try it out and, sure enough, the nurse brings me a cup of Jell-O. Dario and I high-five, giggling.
After I’d recovered from my mastectomy, I wanted to stop by and visit with him; I hated the idea of him sitting there alone during chemo.
Very rarely did they let family members in, and Dario didn’t want his relatives to see him like that anyway, so he always asked them to wait outside.
I thought he might get depressed being there alone, so I bought some strawberry Jell-O and went to see him. But I was told he had passed away.
I was devastated by his death in many ways that I cannot explain.
I sent a letter to his family, offering my condolences and telling them how wonderful it had been to get to know Dario—how he had made me feel stronger and made the treatments more bearable.
Dario had talked about his son, but it would’ve never occurred to me that it was the same Diego. What a small world we live in.
Diego holds out a hand to help me up, bringing me back to the present.
“I’m sorry, Diego. I didn’t know.”
He pulls me into a hug. “Thank you so much, Klara,” he whispers. “In the name of my father, may he rest in peace.”
Tears spring to my eyes and I try to hold them in. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about Dario and it’s as if the pain is now revived with the memory of him.
Diego’s eyes are red. “Your letter was a comfort to my mother and me. Thank you.”
I don’t know what to say. I have no words.
Diego takes a step back. “I gotta go, but I’m going to take you out for the best strawberry Jell-O in the world, and you can’t say no.”
I smile, my vision blurred by tears. “Okay.”
Diego feigns a smile in return as he walks away. “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to get to know me, whether you like it or not.” He shrugs. “You don’t have a choice.”
“If you’re anything like your father, then it would be my honor, Diego.”
He gives me a thumbs-up before turning to leave. Even after his death, Dario has found a way to brighten my day, to encourage me to stay strong. He helped bring someone new into my life today.
Thank you, Dario.