Chapter 18
RYDER
I wasn’t entirely sure that I had fully thought through what it meant to be friends with her while also fucking her.
Hang out with her.
Don’t be a dick and leave five minutes after fucking her.
Share my life in some way with her.
It all sounded simple enough, but as I laid in her bed the next morning, pretending to be asleep while she stared at me, I wasn’t so sure this would be anything but complicated.
Then again, the sex was phenomenal. And no matter how many times I fucked her, I just couldn’t get enough. Something about her pussy called me to the point of distraction.
But if I was being honest, it wasn’t just her pussy I wanted to spend time with.
I really did like her. Every inch of her.
She was smart and funny without trying to act smart or funny.
There was a level of vulnerability to her that I found one hundred percent addictive.
And she wasn’t afraid to try new things with me, which was a huge bonus.
But I could feel her watching me, wondering what I was thinking. Was I still asleep? Was I ignoring her when she wanted to spend time with me? If this was the way it was going to be, I was gonna be in a world of hurt.
She would become a clinger, and the last thing I needed was someone clinging to me when I was still trying to wrap my head around the fuckup of my last relationship.
Still, pretending to be asleep wouldn’t help a damn thing in the end. So, I did what any normal guy did, and I pretended to wake up, stretching my arms over my head before turning to face her and act like it was totally normal that she was staring at me.
Except she wasn’t staring at me.
She wasn’t even in bed.
Frowning, I looked over the edge, wondering if she was hiding on the floor, but there was no sign of her. She was just gone.
Sitting up, I listened for the shower, only to find it silent. There were no other sounds in the house either. How the hell had I misinterpreted the feel of her staring at me?
Because you wanted to wake up with her staring at you.
I dismissed the insane thought and tossed the covers off, grabbing my boxers off the floor. I really fucking hated pulling on last night’s underwear, but what the hell else was I supposed to do?
Heading into the living room, I glanced around, noting the dirty dishes still on the table from our midnight snack between fucking.
“Ellie?”
Nothing.
Walking to the front window, I peered out into the drive and was surprised to find only my vehicle there. There wasn’t even a fucking note.
Not that there should be. This was what I wanted. No strings. Friendship with fucking. And she was giving it to me, so why the hell did I feel like I’d been punched in the gut?
I quickly dressed, but couldn’t leave without cleaning up from last night. I wasn’t sure why I cared, but I needed to leave her place looking just as good as when I got here last night.
After that, I thought about going home, but I had this nagging feeling that I needed to check in with Ellie—to make sure she was okay.
Maybe she just said she was okay, but was really having a hard time dealing with the ground rules I laid out.
In which case, I couldn’t allow those feelings to fester.
After stopping by The Daily Grind for coffee, I headed to her shop, surprised to see her hard at work behind the locked door. Knocking on the glass, she glanced up and smiled, laying down the clothing she was folding before rushing over to me and unlocking the door.
“Morning, handsome,” she grinned. “What brings you by?”
“Well, I woke up alone in bed, and I thought I’d come check in with you.”
“Why?” she frowned, then eyed the coffee. “Is that for me?”
When I nodded, she greedily took it from my hands and headed back to her work.
Why? She wanted to know why I was checking in with her. I woke up and she was gone after having this whole discussion last night about what she needed, and then in the morning, she vanished.
And she wanted to know why.
“I just wanted to make sure everything was okay,” I said, making my way further into the store.
“Everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Well, you left your own house with me still in your bed.”
“I had an early delivery,” she sighed, opening a box.
“I thought my entire shipment came the other day, but some of the items were on back order, and the delivery guy was going to be here bright and early. If I wasn’t here to let him in, he would have marked them as non-deliverable.
And then I would have had to sort out that mess and wait for a second shipment to arrive. ”
So, this had nothing to do with me. She really did need to come to work.
“And that’s it?” I asked.
She looked up from where she was untangling necklaces that got linked together. “Is what it?”
“The reason you left,” I prodded.
Her eyes slowly shifted in thought, like she was trying to work out the puzzle.
Me.
I was that puzzle because I was standing here questioning her about her intentions when she already told me the reason she left so damn early.
“I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t done anything to piss you off,” I clarified. “After our discussion last night, I was worried that I said or did something that—”
“Ryder, seriously, we don’t have to do this. I’m perfectly aware of where you stand, and you know my stance as well. I didn’t see the point in waking you up when I had to leave so early. I mean, it’s not like you were going to steal anything from me.”
“No, but what if I had rifled through your things like a woman?”
She shot me an amused look. “One, I have never rifled through a boyfriend’s things—”
I cringed at the word boyfriend, but didn’t say anything. She was just trying to make a point.
“And second, if you had, all you would find is my secret box filled with paperwork.”
That was interesting. “What kind of paperwork?”
She widened her eyes, then looked around to make sure we were alone. “Taxes. Oh, and that one ticket I got for prostitution.”
“Excuse me?” I snapped.
A smile twitched across her face at my anger. She was fucking teasing me.
“So, there’s no reason I need to be here.”
“Nope.”
“And I overreacted by thinking I needed to come here and explain things further.”
“Yes, but I do appreciate the coffee.”
I nodded, sure I had this wrong somehow. Yes, I understood that she was in a delicate position with me, but still…I kept waiting for her to go overboard and demand I be at her beck and call or take her out on a date.
It was weird.
Every second of this was just weird.
“Okay,” I nodded, wondering what the hell to do now. “So, I can leave.”
“I would appreciate that. I have a lot to do before the store opens.”
Right. She was basically kicking me out.
“Okay.”
I walked forward and gave her a kiss, to which she was very perfunctory. Shaking my head in confusion, I walked out, then stood on the sidewalk, trying to figure out my next step.
There was no need for me to make anything right because she wasn’t mad. I didn’t have to explain anything because she left me to go to work. I was in the clear.
And I wasn’t used to that.
I strode back to my car, wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my day, when I remembered that old law office just another block down behind the post office.
With my cup of coffee in hand, I headed that way, surprised to see that it was still open, though it looked like they didn’t have any clients based on the dust coating the desks as I peered through the window.
The door opened with a jangle, and Mr. Peterson peered out, a surprised smile on his face. “Can I help you?”
“Uh…I was just wondering if you were still practicing. I’m Ryder Lawson,” I said, holding out my hand.
“Ryder!” he grinned, walking out to meet me. The man had to be pushing seventy by now, but he was still as sprightly as ever. “I heard about how you made it big at some law firm in New York.”
“Uh…yeah.”
He nodded. “There are always problems working with big law firms. Can’t blame you for leaving. Come inside. I’ll put on some coffee.”
I glanced down at the to-go cup in my hand, but followed the man inside. How long had it been since he’d talked with anyone about law? Tossing the cup in a nearby garbage can, I walked inside, sneezing immediately at the collection of dust.
“So, you’re back from the big city. Can’t say I blame you. I headed off to Denver once myself. Took a job at some corporate company. Never did like it,” he chuckled, moving some old files off a chair for me to take a seat. “So, any plans now that you’re home?”
“I hadn’t really thought about it,” I sighed, sitting back in the chair.
He eyed me as if he knew exactly why I left and why I was back here. “It’s tough.”
“What’s that?”
“Matching your beliefs with theirs. Either you fall to their commands, or you stand up for what you believe. Good for you.”
I shifted in my chair uncomfortably. “Um…what exactly did you hear?”
He chuckled. “Same thing as everyone else. They fired you because you couldn’t cut it.”
“And…from that, you took that I was standing up for my beliefs.”
He grinned at me, spinning in his chair to pour me a cup of coffee from the small table behind him. “You can take a man out of the west, but you can’t change who he truly is.”
“Mr. Peterson—”
“Call me Simon,” he grinned. “Leaning forward, he interlocked his fingers on his desk. “It’s lucky you came by. I have a proposition for you.”
It was a no-brainer.
And the first person I wanted to tell was Ellie. I wasn’t entirely sure why, other than the fact that I wasn’t getting along with my parents right now, and no one else in town actually cared.
Yes, they would gossip about it, but they would never actually care what this meant for me.
Pulling into her drive at seven o’clock, I got out and rushed up to her house, banging a little harder than necessary on her door.