Chapter 25
ELLIE
I ignored the incessant ringing of my doorbell, already knowing who it was without having to get out of the comfort of my couch. Wrapped in a heavy blanket and wearing fleece pajamas, I was a little warm for summer, but the weight was comforting.
Especially as I dug my spoon into my chip and mint ice cream.
Yes, it was a little early in the day for ice cream, but I ran out of Oreos and milk yesterday. And all my chips the day before.
My steady diet of comfort food was no doubt adding ten pounds of flubber to my waist, but it wasn’t like I had anyone to impress. I wasn’t going anywhere. I no longer had a business. My fuck buddy hadn’t stopped by in days.
“Because you told him not to follow you,” I muttered to myself, stabbing my spoon into the container again, scooping out a gigantic scoop that was way too big for my mouth.
Not that I cared.
I licked and sucked at the ice cream, enjoying that for once in my life, I didn’t care if what I ate made me fat.
“Ellie!”
I ignored the pounding on the window, grabbing the remote to find a good movie to watch. Settling on Waterloo Bridge, I decided it was just depressing enough to soothe my battered soul.
Romances were out. So were comedies and action movies.
I wanted to cry, and cry hard. I wanted to feel like something other than what was happening to me was causing these tears to spill down my cheeks on an hourly basis.
So, I found every sad movie I could think of, and spent my days and nights stuffing my face as the tears flowed with the storylines.
I ignored the sound of the window opening in my bedroom, along with the huff of Josie trying to climb over the table without knocking everything over. When she yelped and fell to the ground with a thud, I turned up the volume on my movie.
“I’m okay!” she shouted. “No need to worry about me!”
Seconds later, she walked into the living room, grimacing at what she saw.
“When was the last time you showered?”
I shrugged, not finding it all that important.
“You can’t see Ryder like this. There’s no way he’ll ever sleep with you again.”
“That’s not a problem. He hasn’t even bothered to stop by since the—”
I sucked in a ragged breath as the words refused to leave my lips. As much as I didn’t want to remember, I couldn’t stop the images from flashing through my mind. There was no erasing what had happened.
“He didn’t stop by because he’s been busy.”
“Too busy to comfort his fuck buddy,” I said, stabbing my ice cream angrily before scooping out another spoonful.
“Fuck buddy is a terrible term to describe what he is to you,” she said, flopping in one of my chairs.
“That’s all we are,” I muttered. “His words. He said he couldn’t offer me more. He’d just gotten out of a relationship, and he wasn’t ready to be in another one.”
“He spends all his time with you!”
“Because I stipulated that I needed a friend. So, he spends time with me.”
“And you don’t call that a relationship?”
It was beginning to feel like one. Right up until the point I walked away from him, and he didn’t come after me. “What’s the point? It’s not like it matters. I’m leaving.”
“Yes, I can see that based on the way you’re snuggled into your couch, stuffing your face with everything in your fridge.”
I held up the container. “This was from the freezer.”
“And when you run out of food, what’s your plan?”
“To move.” I licked my spoon, scooping the last of what was left from the container. I was quickly running out of things to eat, and when it was gone, I would have no choice but to move on.
“Yep, I can totally see that. You run out of food, so you move to a new town and start over.”
“Sounds pretty good to me.”
I sucked in a breath as a cramp stabbed my belly. Maybe the whole container of ice cream wasn’t a good idea.
“And what about this house? You love this house.”
I looked around, trying to see it the way I once did. It used to mean everything to me, but now? “Eh.”
“Eh? What is wrong with you?” Josie shouted, getting up from her chair and storming over, ripping the blanket from my body.
“Hey!”
“You are not doing this! Look at you! Is that chocolate on your pants?”
My eyes drifted to the brown spot, and for just a moment, I feared something much worse than spilled food happened to me. I bent over, struggling to shove my nose to the spot with how full my stomach was. Thankfully, I got a good whiff, and it was one hundred percent chocolate.
“Yep.”
“No. We’re not doing this,” she said, linking her arm through mine and tugging me unwillingly to my feet. “God, you smell so horrible! You’re so lucky it was me that came to get you.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I snapped, shoving away from her.
“You are, and you’re going to shower, shave, and brush your teeth! It’s like fuzz is growing in your mouth!”
She grabbed me again, but I shoved her away. Except, my balance was off and I ended up pushing myself backward somehow. Tripping over the edge of the chair, I lost my balance and tumbled over the side of the chair, rolled to the floor and smacked my face on the side of the table.
“Ow!” I held my eye as tears leaked down my face. I was a freaking mess, and I had no one to blame but myself.
And Josie.
“Look what you did!”
“What I did? You did that to yourself!” she argued.
“You pulled me off the couch! You took my blanket!”
“Because you look like a freaking disaster!”
I sat up suddenly, smacking my head on the table. Crying, I clutched my forehead, screaming in frustration and anger. This day had started with so much promise, and now it was all downhill.
“I freaking hate you!”
“Yeah, well, I don’t like you too much right now either, Stinky!”
“You suck!” Tears clogged my throat, and snot dripped from my nose as my meltdown turned into a full-blown breakdown. Everything I had been crying about for days slipped back to the surface, only this time, there were no movies to blame my depression on.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried into them, soaking my fleece pajama pants. I didn’t want to be this sad sack person who laid around in her pajamas all day, eating everything but the furniture in her house, but I couldn’t seem to move past what had happened.
Not that I was trying. I was really just doing everything to avoid thinking about the store or any of the responsibilities that faced me. Like calling the insurance company. Or cleaning up the mess.
Finding a new life.
Pretending this one wasn’t mine.
“God, I suck!” I screamed.
Josie sat down beside me, gently wrapping me in her arms, letting me cry on her shoulder. She was such a good friend, and I was being a shit. But I cried for another ten minutes until my tears had finally dried up and I was no longer on the verge of throwing up from stomach cramps.
“Better?” Josie asked, handing me a corner of my blanket.
I swiped it across my face. I could wash it later. “Maybe.”
“You can’t sit around here crying anymore. You need to get dressed and pull up your big girl panties.”
“I left them at the store,” I said, chuckling slightly.
“Then we’ll go get them. But first, you need a shower. And now I do, too, because your stink has rubbed off on me.”
“I’m not that bad.”
“Uh, yeah, you really are. There are litter boxes that smell better than you.”
I lifted my arm and gave a big sniff, cringing at how badly I smelled. “Okay, maybe a shower is needed.”
“And lots of conditioner.” She grabbed a piece of my hair and twisted it in the air, grimacing at the frizz. “I’m not sure what you did recently, but this is…something else.”
“I didn’t use my silk pillowcase.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’ve been sleeping on the couch.”
“Seriously?”
“I’m pretty sure my ass has an imprint of the material.”
Tugging me to my feet, she ushered me into the bathroom, turning on the water for me. “Hot shower. Lots of shaving. Don’t come out until you look like a normal person.”
“Fine, but you can’t make me do my hair!” I shouted as she slammed the door.
I tugged off my shirt, then leaned forward when I caught sight of my red eye in the mirror. “That’s gonna bruise.” Then I saw the state of my chin. “Note to self: the next time I go on a three-day binge, use napkins.”
I didn’t feel at all like myself. Even dressed in my clothes and with my hair somewhat styled, nothing was right. Of course, that could have been because of the massive bloating from eating so much junk food.
“I really don’t want to see the shop,” I muttered as Josie drove me into town.
“Too bad. We have to face this, and the sooner, the better.”
Now that I was dressed, I wished I was back in my pajamas, watching depressing movies on the couch. “Maybe we could just drive past it today, and leave the rest for another day.”
“Not a chance in hell,” she said, turning down the street to my boutique.
I held my breath the closer we got, and just like the last time I drove through here, a crowd was gathered in the streets.
“Oh, God. They’re still here? Why is everyone still staring at the shop? Don’t they have better things to do?”
“They’re not staring at the shop. I mean, technically, they are, but not for the reasons you think.”
“So, you’re saying they’re not here to laugh at my misery?” I said sarcastically.
She pulled to the curb and shifted into park. “Look, I know you don’t want to do this, but this is something you need to do, and the sooner you get your ass out of this car, the better you’ll feel.”
“Highly unlikely,” I grumbled.
“Ryder is waiting for you, and—”
“Wait, Ryder is waiting? Why would he be—”
“Because, you dimwit! The only reason Ryder hasn’t been to your house to check on you is that he’s been too busy trying to save your business!”
My jaw dropped in shock at her words. “He’s been—”
A knock at my window startled me, and I jumped, nearly banging my head on the roof of the car. Turning with a scowl, it instantly faded when I saw that handsome smile on the other side of the window.
Hitting the button, I lowered the window just enough for me to hear him.