Chapter 27
ELLIE
I dialed Ryder’s number again, disappointed when it went to voicemail yet again. He hadn’t shown up last night, and when I texted him, he didn’t answer. Worry began to claw at my gut with every hour that passed. It wasn’t like him not to call me back or at least let me know what was going on.
Grabbing my purse, I closed the shop and headed down the street to his office. Surely, he was there, working hard and just hadn’t had time to stop.
Though I didn’t know of any cases that were taking over his workload. When we talked the other day, he just had some minor contracts to go over.
I racked my brain the whole walk to his office, trying to come up with any reason he might not have contacted me last night.
He was really busy.
But why didn’t he just send a quick text message?
He fell asleep at the office in a heap of paperwork.
Yet, when I tried calling this morning, he didn’t answer.
My feet stalled when another thought came to mind. What if he just needed a break from me? It had been three weeks since my shop had been destroyed. He spent nearly every waking minute fixing it for me, and while I was grateful for what he had done, maybe I wasn’t grateful enough.
Or maybe he was just getting tired of me. After all, this was supposed to be sex only, with a side of friendship. Yet, he spent every night with me. The only time he went home was when he grabbed more clothes.
That wasn’t what he signed on for, so maybe he was just worn out. And that was the reason he wasn’t answering. He needed space from me, and answering the phone would mean discussing what was going on.
“Ellie?”
Startled, I spun and put on a bright smile when I saw Remi. “Hey.”
“Everything okay?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”
He eyed me curiously. “You were standing in the middle of the sidewalk.”
“Well, yes,” I said, not knowing what else to say.
“Okay, do you want to tell me why you were just standing there?”
“I was thinking.”
“Uh-huh.”
Clearly, he didn’t believe me. Maybe I was being stupid. He was a deputy. What if something happened to Ryder? He could help me. Then again, if Ryder really did just need space from me, then I would look like an idiot, storming into his office with a deputy in tow.
“Do you need something?” he asked.
I didn’t know what to do. But my gut was churning, telling me to check on Ryder and make sure he was okay. So what if I looked like an idiot? I was worried about him.
“Yes, I need you to come with me.”
“For what?”
“I haven’t heard from Ryder since last night. He normally comes home right after work, but he never came home last night. And I’ve called and sent messages, but haven’t heard anything yet.”
Nodding, he motioned me forward. “Okay, let’s start by checking out his office, and then we’ll take it from there.”
“Thank you,” I sighed in relief. “It’s probably nothing. I’m sure he’s busy or just forgot to call, but I’d feel better knowing for sure.”
“Of course.” We walked in silence for a minute before he asked a question I wasn’t quite prepared to answer. “So, living together, huh?”
“What?”
“Well, you said he comes home. That implies that he lives with you.”
“Uh…well, not really. I mean, he stays there every night, but— it’s not like that. I mean, it’s like that, but it’s not,” I said, trying and failing to explain myself.
“Okay,” Remi chuckled.
“What I mean is that we’re together, but not like that.”
“So, he’s living with you, but you’re not dating.”
“Um…” Frowning, I tried to think of the best way to explain this that wouldn’t make me sound like some kind of escort. “He’s not living with me. He just stays there.”
“Well, that’s clear as mud.”
“I mean, we’re not in a relationship. It’s…complicated.”
“Sounds like it.”
I stopped suddenly, turning to face the tall, handsome deputy, wishing he could see this through a man’s eyes so I didn’t have to explain it. “Look, you know what it’s like. You’re with a woman and things are great, but you don’t want a relationship.”
“Then why would I be staying with her every night?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
That was a good question. One I didn’t have an answer for. “Well…because there’s a friendship agreement.”
“Like…I’ve sworn to be her friend?”
“Sort of.” God, this was so awkward. “Um…it’s more like you’ve vowed to make it about more than just sex.”
“So, a relationship,” he ventured.
“No, not a relationship. A…working sexual—” I flushed hard at the wording I’d chosen. “Not working. I mean, not in the sense that it’s working like being paid.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s a functioning sexual relationship with companionship.”
“So, you’re fuck buddies,” he grinned.
Rolling my eyes, I stormed away from him. The last thing I needed was to explain myself to anyone, especially when I was terrible at doing it.
“Hang on,” Remi said, grabbing my arm to stop my escape. “Ellie, I’m just teasing. I get what you mean.”
“It’s ridiculous,” I sighed. “I don’t know why I—”
“Because you want it to mean something,” he said, reading my mind so easily. “It’s normal to want to feel wanted for more than just sex. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with sex either. I’m not judging.”
“But you think it’s weird.”
“Sounds perfectly normal to me. You don’t want to feel used. Still doesn’t explain why he spends every night with you.”
Yeah, I didn’t have an answer for that one. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I wondered why he never went home when he was so adamant that there would never be a relationship.
“Look, it’s not my place to say. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m crossing some kind of boundary, but a guy doesn’t protect you the way he does when it’s just sex,” Remi pointed out.
“The man rebuilt your whole store. He cursed the town for turning on you. Now, I could be wrong, but that doesn’t sound like the kind of man who’s just sleeping with you and wants nothing else.”
“So…you think I should talk to him about this?”
That didn’t sound like a bright idea to me.
If anything, I was pretty sure that would only strain our relationship.
He had said nothing to me about his previous girlfriend or how that ended.
In fact, there was very little I knew about his time in New York.
If he didn’t want to tell me, it didn’t seem right to force it out of him.
Then again, he had no problem forcing me to talk about things.
“Look, let’s just check out the office and take it from there,” Remi said, taking me gently by the arm. “He’s probably just swamped and didn’t have time to check in, but we’ll make sure.”
“Okay.”
Taking a deep breath, I tried to settle my rattled nerves. Between not hearing from him and the words Remi just said, I was feeling all twisted up inside, and a big part of that was hope that one day, Ryder might actually want something with me.
I couldn’t allow myself to hope, though. He was very clear about where he stood, and if I said anything to him about my feelings growing, he would probably back off.
No, I had to play this cool.
Which was so easy to do when I was worried that he’d gone missing.
I tugged on his office door and stepped inside, only to find a woman sitting at the desk. Her eyes widened as we walked in, and when Remi approached, she scrambled out of her chair and shoved herself against the wall.
Remi immediately backed off, taking a step away from her. I glanced between the two of them, wondering if they knew each other. Remi wasn’t a violent man, so why would she be afraid of him?
“Um…I’m looking for Ryder.”
The woman didn’t answer, though. She just kept staring at Remi with wide eyes.
“I’ll be outside,” Remi whispered.
He was leaving? But we hadn’t found out anything about Ryder yet. “Hey, you were supposed to come with me,” I hissed. “Remember? Ryder is missing!”
He lowered his voice so only I could hear. “This woman is clearly upset with me in her presence. I’ll be outside. Just find out what you can.”
“Do you know her?” If she was afraid of Remi, there had to be a reason.
He shook his head, then walked out of the office, leaving me alone with the woman.
“Um…I’m Ellie. I’m looking for Ryder. Have you seen him?”
Even though Remi was gone, the woman still looked terrified. I didn’t know if I should try to calm her in some way or if that would only make things worse. After another minute passed and Remi didn’t return, the woman seemed to finally calm down a little.
“Are you okay? Do you need me to get you something?”
She shook her head forcefully as tears sprang to her eyes. “No, I’m fine.”
Stumbling over to the desk, she grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes. She was behind the desk, which probably meant she was supposed to be there, but Ryder hadn’t mentioned hiring a secretary yet.
“Um…do you know where Ryder is?”
She shook her head again. “Uh…I was supposed to be here this morning to start working, but…but he wasn’t here.”
“But the door was open?”
She nodded.
“What about phone calls?”
“No. Nobody’s called.”
“Okay. If you do see him, will you please tell him Ellie is looking for him?”
The woman nodded, but wouldn’t look me in the eye. Part of me was worried to leave her alone here, but the other part of me said it was more important to find Ryder. If she was supposed to be here, then telling her to leave would be pointless. Besides, the door was already open.
Unless he never left here last night.
Not voluntarily anyway.
Storming out of the office, I rushed over to Remi, who was waiting across the street. “What if he was taken?” I asked, panic overwhelming me as a million possibilities ran through my mind.
“Taken? By who?”
“I don’t know! But she said the door was open when she got here this morning. What if he never came home because he never left the office?”
“Did you see any signs that he might not have left of his own free will?”
I gnawed on my lip as I ran over every inch of the office I saw. Nothing looked out of place, other than the scared woman inside.
“No.”
“Then that’s probably not it.”
“But she was supposed to meet him, and he didn’t show up. That’s not like Ryder. He’s always on time for everything.”
“I know. I know, Ellie.”
Tugging me into his arms, he rubbed his hand up and down my back, trying to calm me, but the panic was starting to overwhelm me. Ryder was the one person always on my side, and right now, I didn’t have a clue where he was.
“Hey, we’ll find him. I’m sure this is nothing. What does Ryder normally do in the mornings?”
“He—” The truth was, I didn’t know. “He goes to work.”
“Okay, what about before he bought the practice? What did he do then?”
God, this was so pathetic. I didn’t know anything. I went about my day, but Ryder never really told me what he did. He ran into people. He checked out jobs. But he never really gave me specifics.
And while I stood there with Remi, I realized that while I had divulged nearly every aspect of my life to Ryder, he had kept almost everything hidden from me. I didn’t know anything about his life in New York, and he didn’t tell me much of anything about his life here.
I knew he liked me. I knew he liked to go on dates on Tuesdays and Thursdays because it was less likely you’d have to spend a long time with a date. And I knew he didn’t get along with his parents. Other than that…
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
The sympathetic look in his eyes told me all I needed to know.
This was not normal. This was not a real relationship, and no matter how much I was falling for Ryder, he would never truly open himself up to me.
Because I was nothing more than a warm body at night.