Chapter 31
ELLIE
Dabbing some concealer over the biggest zit known to man, I sighed at my reflection. It wasn’t perfectly covered, but it would do the trick. At least the bar had dim lighting and would mostly conceal the atrocity.
Grabbing my phone and purse, I was about to walk out the door when I saw a waiting message on the dating app. Opening it, I should have been excited to see that my date was already at the bar, waiting for me. Instead, my shoulders deflated just a little.
I didn’t want to get out of the date. Not exactly. I was just disappointed it wasn’t Ryder.
“Get him out of your head, Ellie. He doesn’t want to date you.”
I took my time getting to the bar, even stalling for a minute outside, working up the nerve to go inside. I just wasn’t feeling it, but the only way to get over Ryder was to move on.
That’s what I told myself, anyway.
Tugging the door open, I strode inside with a smile on my face. Garret stood from his seat, walking over to shake my hand.
“Ellie. It’s nice to meet you.”
He leaned in, giving me a kiss on the cheek, which should have felt amazing, but instead, made me miss Ryder even more.
It’s not like Ryder ever approached me like that when we first met. Instead, he only talked about random things that didn’t mean a thing.
“Garret, right?”
“Yeah. Here, let me get your chair.”
Pulling it out, he waited for me to sit before pushing the chair in. I took a quick second to check him out. He was extremely handsome with dark hair that was just a few inches long, a clean-shaven face, and bright blue eyes.
If I looked at him just right, I could almost see a little bit of Ryder in him. From the angular, strong jaw to those expressive eyes—
I ducked my head, embarrassed that I was comparing him to Ryder. Garret was not him, and it wasn’t fair to think of another man when I was on a date.
“I like this place. Interesting name. Do you know where the owners came up with it?”
“Um…I’m not sure.”
“Boots make sense, but where do you think the beaver came from?” he chuckled. “Maybe they found a beaver hiding in a boot when they bought the place.”
I smiled at the ease I felt sitting here with him. He didn’t seem nervous at all, where I was a complete mess inside.
“Could be,” I laughed.
God, I was screwing this up. These short answers were not going to cut it.
“You know, you lied on your profile.”
I met his eyes in a panic. What had I said? “Um…what?”
“Well, your picture lied. It doesn’t show an accurate representation of how beautiful you are.”
I flushed bright red at his compliment. He was really laying it on thick.
“I think you’re exaggerating just a little.”
“Not nearly enough.”
Lizzy walked over with Willow on her hip, smiling at both of us as she set down two coasters. “What can I get you?”
“Red,” I smiled, taking Willow’s hand in mine, my heart melting when she squeezed my finger.
“What a sweetheart,” Garret smiled at her. “How old is she?”
“She’s just about to turn ten months old.”
“My sister has a little boy about that age. Time goes so fast.”
“It does,” Lizzy smiled at her little girl. “So, what can I get you?”
“I’ll just take whatever you get Ellie.”
“Sure. I’ll be right back.”
Lizzy turned and headed back, but glanced over her shoulder and fanned her face as she mouthed Oh my God!
“She’s nice.”
“Yeah, she is.”
“She owns this place?”
I nodded. “With her brother, I think.”
“You’re nervous, aren’t you?” he asked, leaning back in his seat, a slight smirk on his face.
“What gave me away?” I dropped my eyes, blushing even harder. I really hated to be put on the spot like that. Not that I didn’t appreciate that he could read the room. If anything, it made it a little easier on me.
“Don’t worry. I don’t do well with first dates either.”
“That’s not the way it looks. You seem so calm and at ease.”
“Well, I’ve been on a lot of first dates over the past three years.”
My stomach dropped at his words. “How many is a lot?”
For the first time since I walked through the door, he looked uncomfortable. “Um…probably one every couple of weeks.”
I swallowed hard. “Weeks?”
He nodded, taking the wine from Lizzy. The long sip he drank made me a little nervous.
Was he a heavy drinker? Was I going to have to slip out of here in an hour when he was too wasted to talk without spilling wine everywhere?
God, I should have stuck to Tuesdays and Thursdays, but stupid me wanted an actual date night.
“Sounds pretty terrible, doesn’t it?”
“Um…no,” I lied, picking up my own wine and taking a long sip to hide how uncomfortable I was.
“It’s okay,” he chuckled. “You can say it. I just freaked you out.”
“Not at all,” I croaked out.
“It’s not like I’m a serial dater. I just…” He sighed, resting his elbows on the table, leaning toward me. “Can I be honest with you?”
I held my breath, terrified of what he was going to tell me. Honesty was supposed to be a good thing, but what if he told me that he was super picky or that he murdered all his previous dates, and that’s why he had to keep going on new ones?
That was highly unlikely, but just to be sure, I checked out how many men were in the bar that might be able to intervene if this guy decided to drag me out by my hair and kidnap me.
“Sure,” I answered, hoping I didn’t sound like I was terrified.
“The reason I’ve been dating so much is because…the last woman I was with broke my heart.”
His eyes dropped to the table. For the first time tonight, he was hiding from me, embarrassed by his admission.
“Oh,” I said breathlessly.
“She uh…” He huffed out a laugh, finally meeting my eyes again. “She found someone new, but didn’t tell me until she had already decided to marry the guy.”
“What?”
Okay, now I was just pissed on his behalf.
“I should have seen it coming. I mean, she was always on edge, always had one foot out the door. But I kept trying because I was falling for her. It was stupid,” he laughed, shaking his head. “And now I’m spoiling this date.”
“No.” I slid my hand across the table, squeezing his hand in commiseration. “I actually know what that feels like.”
“Yeah?”
“Not a great feeling.”
“Who the hell would ever walk out on you?”
I sucked in a breath as Ryder walked to the bar at that very moment and turned to face me. His eyes locked on the way I held Garret’s hand, and there was no mistaking the anger on his face.
I quickly pulled my hand away, then cursed myself for allowing Ryder to get to me when I was on a date.
“That’s him, huh?” Garret asked, his eyes landing on Ryder. “Seems a little jealous.”
“Yeah, well, he doesn’t have a right to.”
“Ellie…”
Slowly, I looked up, nervous at what I would find in Garret’s gaze. But instead of anger, all I saw was understanding.
“You deserve someone who wants you the same way you want him.”
“It’s not always that simple.”
“No, it’s not. You can’t help who you want, and it’s pretty clear that you’re not over him.”
I sighed, hating that he had me pegged so clearly. “No.”
“Look, I get it. You need to get past him, and you think that if you put yourself out there, maybe you can move on. Trust me, I did that for a long time. But it doesn’t really work.
You’ll compare every man to him, just like you’re probably doing right now.
” He laughed, glancing down. “I’m not sure I want to know how I measure up. ”
“Garret—”
“No, it’s fine, Ellie. I get it. But I’ve been where you are right now, and I’m not ready to go back to the guy who isn’t the one.”
Standing, he tossed some money down for the drinks, still smiling at me. “I hope he figures it out before it’s too late.”
Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Good luck, Ellie.”
As he walked out, I felt my cheeks flush red with anger and embarrassment. Garret was a nice guy, and if Ryder hadn’t walked in, maybe it would have worked.
Maybe not.
Most likely not.
I downed the last of my drink and stood, grabbing my purse as I stormed for the door. I wasn’t more than fifteen feet from the entrance when I heard his footsteps running behind me.
“Ellie!”
“Don’t!” I shouted, not bothering to turn around.
I watched as Garret got in his car. My date was officially destroyed, all because he had to walk into the bar.
“Ellie, wait!” Ryder shouted, grabbing my arm and spinning me around.
“What do you want?” I screamed. “Why are you here?”
“I just wanted a drink.”
“And it had to be tonight? You couldn’t have come any other night? What about Tuesdays and Thursdays?”
He looked stricken, unable to form the words.
“So, you just wanted to come tonight when I might be here.”
“I didn’t know you were going to be here tonight, especially not on a date,” he spat.
“It’s date night! Where else would I be? At home pining for you?”
“That’s not—”
“I don’t need this, Ryder! I was moving on. I was leaving you in the past!”
“Clearly, as your date just walked away because you couldn’t keep your eyes off me!”
I wanted to spit in his eye, to smack him across the face for his words. But I also wanted to kiss him, and I wasn’t sure which one would win out, so instead, I walked away.
“That’s it? Nothing else to say?” he called out.
I held up my middle finger, flipping him off as I made my way to my Jeep at the back of the lot.
“What the hell did I tell you about parking back here?”
“Go to hell, Ryder!”
I was just about to the safety of my Jeep when he spun me around again, this time shoving me up against the door. His lips came crashing down on mine as his hand snaked around my neck, pulling me tighter into his arms.
“I can’t fucking walk away,” he cursed, sliding his hand down my body, slipping underneath my dress. “Fuck, I just…”
My eyes fluttered shut as his lips caressed my neck. Fingers slid over my panties, gently rubbing at my clit.
“Fuck, Ellie. I’ve missed you so much.”
I spread my legs as he slid a finger under my panties and into my pussy. I was on fire, desperate for his touch. Nothing had been right without him, and every day that passed felt like an eternity.
“Ryder,” I gasped as his tongue laved every inch of my skin, working me into a frenzy as his finger pulsed inside me.
“Every fucking day, I tell myself not to go to your house, not to use that damn key.”
My head swam as dizzying tingles spread through my body. I was so close, on the verge of coming hard on his fingers. I couldn’t hold out much longer.
“I need you, Ellie. I need you in my bed. Your pussy wrapped around me, strangling my cock. Fuck, tell me I can have that.”
A chill spread through my body, erasing the heat from just moments ago. Shoving him away from me, I straightened my dress and wiped his kisses from my lips.
Tears pricked my eyes as I watched him standing there, heaving as his eyes trailed over my body.
“And that’s it?”
“What do you mean?”
I laughed humorlessly, feeling like an idiot for ever thinking I would have something real with him.
“I’m so stupid.”
“Ellie.”
Turning, I yanked my door open and climbed in. “I’m worth more than just a quick fuck every night, Ryder. I thought you knew that.”
“That’s not—”
“That’s what you just said!” I cried out. “You want my body. You want me to fuck you, but you don’t want me!”
Tears poured down my face as I tried and failed to close my door. God, I was such a wreck.
“Go away, Ryder.”
“But—”
“You’re ruining me!” I shouted.
He froze on the spot, his fists clenching hard as he resisted coming after me. Luckily, it gave me just enough time to slam my door and escape the parking lot. I cried the whole way home, and when I walked through the front door, I broke down in tears on the floor.
Tugging my knees to my chest, I cried for all that was lost.
He was the one man I wanted, and the one man I could never have.