Chapter 34
RYDER
“Ryder,” Bianca breathed, her eyes tearing up as they wandered over me.
I used to love that look on her face. There was nothing better than seeing the desire and knowing it was all for me.
Now, I wasn’t so sure if she was looking at me, the man she loved, or if she was seeing a dollar sign in a suit.
“So, you’re moving back to London,” I said, tossing my bag in the corner of the apartment.
“I don’t have to.” Her steps were hesitant as she walked toward me. Her intent was perfectly fucking clear, though.
“Yeah, you do.”
“Ryder, we could start over. It could be just like when we came here.”
Her words twisted a sobering laugh from my lips. If only things could be like they used to, back when she looked at me as more than a meal ticket. I hadn’t even realized it until the day I walked out.
“There’s no starting over. Not for us.”
She nodded slightly, her eyes downcast. But all I saw were games, the way she used those pretty eyes to get her way. It used to only take her batting her eyelashes at me for me to turn everything upside down to please her.
For some reason, Ellie popped into my head at that moment. I tried to think of a time that she had ever tried to get her way with me, but nothing came to mind.
The only thing she wanted was friendship, and I was so screwed up that I couldn’t even give her that. Giving even the smallest piece of myself was non-negotiable. She’d see the real me and try to twist it into something for herself.
But Ellie would never do that.
And I saw it now. I was foolish to think a woman like Ellie could ever be anything like Bianca. She didn’t care about my money. Hell, she didn’t even know about it.
But what if she did? How can you be sure she wouldn’t turn out just like Bianca?
“Ryder, I never meant for things to end the way they did. I realize now what I was asking, and I want you to know how horrible I feel about all of it.”
“Because I walked out the door?”
My question seemed to trip her up, and for a moment, she fumbled for her words. “Of course. You have to believe me, I never wanted anything but you.”
This time, she didn’t hesitate as she rushed forward, sliding her fingers along my jaw, just like she used to. A few more tears, a delicate sniffle that I was supposed to believe meant she was devastated.
I slowly slid my hands up to her wrists, pulling her away from me. “If you never wanted anything but me, money never would have been an issue.”
“Ryder—”
“I gave you everything, but you only wanted more. Nothing was ever enough, and the whole time, you let me think it was my fault. I worked my ass off to make sure I gave you the life you deserved. But asking me to defend a rapist…”
Huffing, I took a step back, dropping her hands. Oddly, it didn’t feel at all wrong.
What felt wrong was standing here in this apartment with her when I could be in the comfort of Ellie’s home. The one she fell in love with just because it was a cute house. There was nothing expensive about it. In fact, it was small.
And when I was with her, I’d never felt more at home.
“I’m selling the apartment.”
“Ryder,” she sucked in a breath.
“That’s why you called me out here, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t think…”
“You thought I’d come out here, and you’d find a way to win me back, right?”
She blinked back tears, swiping them from her face. “We’ve been together for years.”
“And that still wasn’t enough for you.” Sighing, I shook my head. “Go back to England. I’m sure you’ll find some rich barrister that will give you everything you could ever want.”
“What about you?” she asked as I turned to leave.
My eyes locked on the door, on my escape to freedom. “I’m going back to Montana.”
“Then I’ll go with you. Ryder, we could still have the life we wanted!” she pleaded, wrapping her arms around my chest as she buried her face in my back. “Please, let me come with you.”
“You would hate it. It’s cold, and winters are hard.”
“I don’t care! I just want to be with you!” she cried. “I was wrong and stupid, but that doesn’t mean we should throw this all away!”
Peeling her hands from around my waist, I spun and lifted her chin to look at me. “You opened my eyes. We want different things, and I could never make you happy.”
“But—”
I stepped away from her and grabbed my bag I’d tossed on the floor. “Take whatever you want from the apartment, and let me know when you’ve gone. I’ll put it on the market.”
“Ryder, please,” she cried, tears spilling down her cheeks.
There was a time her tears would have worked on me. I would have given in and taken her back, forgiven anything just to have her. But now there was only one woman I was terrified about losing, and if I had even the slightest chance of winning her back, I was going to have to give her all of me.
“Goodbye, Bianca.”