Chapter 30
Band of (Bardot) Brothers
Ok, I really need to lock things down this weekend
Jules
Lock what down?
My relationship with Cole. What else would I be talking about?
Bex
Seeing as we all just learned about this relationship a few weeks ago, excuse us for being confused.
*Bex changed the name of the conversation to Bex + Her Idiot Brothers*
Gabe
That’s not very nice, Bexy
Bex
If the shoe fits…
Can we get back to me please?? Cole and I are going to a cabin this weekend and I need to convince her to marry me
Jules
Do you know that you don’t actually have to abide by a pact you made when you were 18?
Of course I do, no take backs.
Gabe
Come in the living room and I’ll teach you the move that’s guaranteed to lock her down.
Bex
Fucking gross
I’m not sure I should be taking advice from you, Gabriel.
Gabe
*single tear emoji*
Jules
Just be yourself, I thought Cole hated that version of you but apparently you did something right if she’s agreed to go on an overnight trip with you.
Too true. I am amazing. Thank you for the advice, Julien.
Bex
*eye-roll emoji*
Jules
Anytime, brother.
You’re late to work.
The next Friday, we arrive at the cabin just in time for dinner. Cole hops out of the car, stretching her arms above her head, her ring glinting in the light from the setting sun. It looks almost as good as her ass in those leggings.
I think I’m going to like Cabin-Cole.
Ernest jumps out of the back seat as soon as I open the door for him. He immediately starts sniffing everything within snouts reach, his tail wagging rapidly.
“He likes it here,” Cole smiles, crouching down next to her dog. “Don’t you, bubba? We need to get you out into nature more often, don’t we?” she coos.
“I’ll buy us a house with some land.”
Cole looks up at me, incredulous. “I have no choice but to believe every asinine thing that comes out of your mouth, Benoit Bardot, so do not go home and buy an entire damn house because I said Ernest needs to get into nature more.”
I shrug, eliciting a growl from Cole. “I need a house anyway. Don’t want to live in Gabe’s apartment forever. Real estate is a good investment.”
She falls back onto her ass dramatically. “You aren’t going to listen to me, are you?”
“Would you hate moving out of your apartment? Are you particularly attached to it?”
“I’ve worked really hard on decorating my apartment, thank you very much.”
“That’s not what I asked, Colette.”
She huffs, standing to follow Ernest into the cabin. “It has to have a bathtub.”
I wipe the smile off of my face. “It’ll have ten bathtubs,” I call after her.
She flips me off in response.
I chase after her like the fool that I am.
“This place is nice.” Cole walks over to the back window that takes up the entire wall. The early October weather makes it the perfect time to be out here. The trees are painted in deep oranges, bright reds, and vivid yellows—with the sunlight it gives the illusion of the forest being on fire.
Cole’s matching orange ponytail swishes as she looks over her shoulder at me. “Beautiful,” I murmur, but I’m not looking at the foliage anymore.
“It really is.” Her lips tip in the barest of smiles. “Thanks for bringing me out here. I should be studying,” she adds. “I’ve only barely climbed out of the hole I dug myself by missing the first week.”
“Your health is more important. And I made you flash cards based on the chapters in your textbook that you’d tabbed.”
Her mouth drops open. “You… I can’t… you are so confusing to me.”
I walk toward her, my arms snaking around her waist from behind. She leans back against me, her entire body flush against mine. “What’s confusing, Red?”
She sighs. “My entire life I’ve had to work really hard to figure people out.
No one ever really says what they mean… with autism it almost feels like the general population is speaking in code, sometimes.
So with you, I keep trying to apply the same code.
But… you just say what you are thinking.
No fucking around, no double meanings. It’s refreshing honestly, but also confusing when I’ve been conditioned to interpret conversations with neurotypicals my entire life. ”
Kissing her temple, I whisper, “I will never purposely confuse you. And you should always feel free to call me on it if I do.”
She smiles up at me, twisting in my arms so we are facing toward each other. “Thank you. It means a lot that you would accommodate me.”
Scoffing, I roll my eyes. “It is quite literally the least I could do—communicate clearly.”
Cole shrugs. “I know it’s not easy being—”
I cover her mouth with my hand because I don’t want to hear that nonsense. “You, Colette Russell, are the easiest person in the world to be with. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, got it?”
“Got it,” she replies, voice muffled by my hand. She nips at it playfully before placing a kiss in the center of my palm. I move my hand so it’s cupping her cheek instead, leaning down to take her lips with mine.
It surprises me, every time we kiss, just how perfect it feels. I hope it never stops surprising me.
I’m ready to pick Cole up and take her straight to the bedroom when her stomach lets out a loud growl. Her cheeks flush a pretty red color, so I kiss there too for good measure. “I’m going to start dinner. You study, yeah? Get a blanket and go sit on the back porch.”
“Can I help with dinner?”
Shaking my head, I point authoritatively to the pair of rocking chairs on the other side of the windows. “Go,” I repeat, giving Cole a quick smack to her ass.
She takes her backpack and a blanket from the couch, finally listening to my instructions. Ernest lopes after her, tail still wagging. I prepare the burgers and then join her on the porch, firing up the grill.
The fading sunlight makes Cole look like she’s glowing, and I almost burn the burgers because I’m too busy staring at her.
Half of her face is illuminated, her sprinkling of freckles in stark contrast to her pale complexion, even in the warm light.
Her nose slopes to the cutest little point, and I want to run my finger up and down it.
I’m sure she’d find that annoying, which would make her face scrunch up. Everything she does is adorable.
I’m so fucking gone.
She looks up at me then. “I can feel you staring, Benjamin.”
“So what if I am?”
“It’s distracting,” she chides. “And you’re supposed to be making dinner.”
I flip a burger, showing off for her. “See? I can stare at you and make dinner. I’m multitalented.”
Cole hums, her attention returning to her textbook. But I don’t miss the way her full lips curve up.
“Just cheese?” I ask, ready for her attention to be back on me.
“Yes, please.”
Ernest perks up from where he’s laying across Cole’s feet. His nose sniffs the air as he walks toward me, obviously searching for some dropped morsels.
“Don’t feed him,” Cole commands.
Ernest and I both whine in response.
“That’s pretty rude of her,” I whisper to Ernest.
“I can hear you,” Colette responds.
She’s still not looking at me when I ask, “He’s not allergic to human food or anything, right?”
Shielding her eyes from the sun, she glares at me. “No, Benjamin. Ernest the dog, whose ancestors have survived for many centuries living off of what they could hunt and scavenge, is not allergic to people food.”
“Just checking,” I tease. And then I feed Ernest a few bites of hamburger.
“I see we’re ignoring my requests today,” Cole mumbles.
I laugh and add some cheese to our patties. “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just selective. And you aren’t paying enough attention to me. I’m like Ernest here, I simply require your love and devotion. And some perfectly grilled burgers from time to time.”
She slams her textbook closed. “You’re the one who told me to study!”
“And you have studied!”
Cole looks at her pretend wristwatch. “For like twenty minutes!”
“Well, now it’s time to eat. Burgers are done.” Her head hits the back of the rocking chair, an exasperation only I can draw from her is evident in the dip of her eyebrow and quirk of her mouth. “Outside or inside?”
She stands, abandoning her textbook and wrapping the blanket around her shoulders. “Outside, you menace.”
“Excellent choice.” I pop open a diet cherry cola, placing it at her spot on the table.
We eat with the sounds of wind rustling the fallen leaves and the call of some unidentifiable bird as our background music. “I think there’s water nearby,” Cole comments. “Can you hear it?”
I sit in silence for a moment, and sure enough, I can hear the faint trickle of water. “Should we hike and try to find it tomorrow? Too bad it’s not summer, we could have gone for a swim.” I pump my eyebrows obnoxiously which receives a flick to my nose in return.
“I’ve been thinking,” Cole says after another bite of her plain cheeseburger. “Do you really not want kids?”
“Woah, coming out with the big questions tonight, Red.” I smirk.
She looks out to our temporary backyard. “You don’t have to answer. I’ve just been curious.”
“Oh my God, Colette Russell. Have you been thinking about a future with me?”
“No,” she deadpans.
“You have!” I jump up, rounding the table so I can sit next to her instead of across from her.
Taking her blanket, I wrap it around both of us so she’s cuddled in close to me on the bench seating.
She doesn’t push me away so I test my luck even further by urging her onto my lap.
With a huff, she acquiesces, straddling me and arranging the blanket so we are in our own little cocoon.
“You like me,” I sing-song, kissing her so she doesn’t have the opportunity to respond. “And no.”
Cole pulls back, confused. “No?”
“No, I don’t want kids. Hence the whole vasectomy thing,” I joke.
She looks between both of my eyes in a way that tells me she’s contemplating what to say next. “When did you decide to do that?”
“Uh…” I tilt my head side to side, deciding how truthful I want to be in my answer. “A few years ago.”
There. A vague answer should be good enough.
“How many years ago, Ben?”
My mind flashes to the smile she gave me after I told her that I would do my best to communicate clearly with her. Such a simple fucking ask.
“I…” I clear my throat. “I read an opinion piece about three years ago now that finally convinced me to do it, though I’d been thinking about it for a while.
The article made many thoughtful points about how men should have more involvement in the prevention of unwanted pregnancies and how there’s a movement of couples who are choosing to be childfree.
The author talked about how they came to that decision for themselves and it honestly was such a…
relief. A relief to see that someone else felt the same way I did.
I love kids, hell I am a kid, but I’ve never felt the desire to have my own. ”
Cole stares at me. For a really long time. Without saying a single word.
“Say something, Colette. Are you upset? I thought you didn’t want—”
“How’d you come across that article?” she interrupts.
Fuck.
I look over her shoulder, scrunching up my face as I pretend to think about it. “A friend of mine posted it to their Instagram story, I think.”
“Hmm.” Her eyes are searching. She knows, but she doesn’t know how to ask. Finally she comes up with, “Does this friend have red hair and happen to be sitting in your lap right this very second?”
I nod.
“You got a vasectomy for me?” Her voice is quiet. Uncertain.
I nod again.
“What if you had met someone else?” she whispers. “What if you changed your mind? What if I had met someone else?”
She’s shaking her head now, frantic and a bit panicked.
“Hey, hey. Shhh, it’s okay.” I run my hands up her back, over her shoulders until I’m cupping her neck. My thumbs firmly hold the side of her face, fingers pressing against the base of her skull. She’s looking up, but I can see her eyes beginning to water. “Look at me, Cole.”
After blinking a few times, she finally makes eye contact, a single tear tracing down her cheek.
“Don’t cry, Red. It’s fine, really.” I take a deep breath before admitting, “There was never anyone else. I wasn’t going to change my mind.
If you had met someone else I would want to know you were happy.
If you were, I would regret walking away from you when we were eighteen for the rest of my life.
But that would be my problem to deal with, okay? ”
“I’m overwhelmed,” she admits. “We hated each other. We—”
“I never hated you.”
Cole lets out a sob at that, burying her face into my neck.
“Sweetheart, it’s okay.” I continue to rub soothing strokes up and down her back. “We’re good, we’re here. Yeah? It’s okay.”
She pushes back, tears streaming down her face. “I just need a minute,” she says, and then she’s gone, through the backdoor and into the cabin.
Before I can register what’s happening, before I can pull her back onto my lap, she’s simply gone.