Chapter 38
My mom’s advice is ringing in my ears as I leave her office. “Be honest with her, my cabbage.”
Be honest.
I am honest with Cole. Mostly.
I answer every question she asks. It’s the age-old conundrum: Is it a lie if it’s by omission?
Really it’s my attempt to protect her, to take things slow… ish.
Feeling antsy, I check my watch. She should be in classes the rest of the day but maybe I can let myself into her apartment, hang out there for a while, and have dinner ready for her when she gets home.
With a quick change in direction, I head toward Cole’s apartment. I’ve never thought twice about letting myself into her apartment but, in light of the conversation with Mom, my stomach flip-flops when I reach for the spare key I had made. Only, her door is already unlocked.
My brow furrows as I push the door open. “Colette?”
She steps around the corner, a look of shock on her face. “Cole, what’s wrong?”
There’s a flash of… is that frustration in her eyes?
She looks as if she’s about to run into my arms but something stops her.
I’m not sure if it’s my anxiety or the fact that she’s home when she’s meant to be in class, but it feels like the few feet between us is rapidly widening into a full on chasm.
“Cole?” I question for the third time.
She opens her mouth to answer me when another voice cuts in. “Colette, who is here?”
Cole winces as a man joins her in the entryway. It takes me a moment to place him because I haven’t seen his face since high school, but the faded auburn hair and sprinkle of freckles across his wrinkled face gives him away.
“Mr. Russell,” I say, extending my hand. “It’s… uh, it’s good to see you?” It comes out as more of a question than a statement, and one glance at Cole doesn’t give me an answer.
She’s put her mask back on, that’s apparent. She looks like she did when we ran into each other last Christmas—hard, cold, indifferent. Not a trace of the warmth I’ve drawn out of her in the last few months.
“Ben Bardot,” booms Mr. Russell. “It’s good to see you too.” He claps a hand on my back, patting twice before he lets go. “What are you doing here?”
“Funny,” I mutter. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”
Cole’s eyes widen and her head shakes imperceptibly.
“Well, a father has every right to visit his daughter, does he not?” There’s an edge to his voice that wasn’t there initially. He doesn’t like his motives being questioned, and it’s obvious he feels some sort of entitlement to Cole’s time and energy. To Cole, period.
“When that visit is agreed upon by both parties, he absolutely does,” I reply. “Cole, was this agreed upon?”
“I—”
“Excuse me, but what gives you the right to walk in here and monitor visits between me and Colette?”
This statement finally jump-starts Cole. Except, instead of going after her dad like I thought she would, she comes after me.
“Don’t answer that.” She points at me, hiding her hand when I notice there’s no ring on her finger. “You need to leave Ben.”
“Me?” I ask, honestly shocked that I’m the one being asked to leave this unhappy little reunion. “What about him?”
“Young man, this is uncalled for,” Mr. Russell says. I make eye contact with him over the top of Cole’s head. It’s clear he is fucking clueless, which just confuses me even more.
A small hand comes to the center of my chest, urging me backwards. “Please, Ben.”
It makes me physically ill to leave her with a man who has caused her so much heartache. But one of the things I love about Cole is that she can hold her own, always has. “You’ll call me if you need me?”
“Probably not.” She shrugs.
“Dammit, Colette. Tell me you’ll call me if you need me or I swear to God I will sit outside your door and eavesdrop on the entire conversation.”
For a moment Cole looks guilty and then she nods, acquiescing. “I’ll call you if I need you,” she says through gritted teeth. “Now, go.”
I back up, hands in the air in surrender. Without another word, I turn and leave Cole with a sinking feeling that everything is about to change.
From the moment I was born, Jules has been the one person on this planet who knew me better than I knew myself. The one person that I knew wouldn’t feed me bullshit when I needed advice. The one person I could sit in comfortable silence with for an entire day if we wanted to.
Until Cole, my brain adds unhelpfully.
He doesn’t look surprised to find me when he opens the door to his house. He does, however, look exhausted.
“Shit,” I mumble. “Should I go? Were you taking a nap? Is Emmett taking a nap?”
He huffs a laugh. “What is sleep?” Jules waves me in, shuffling to the kitchen. “I was about to make another coffee. Want one?”
“Sure, thank you.” I take a seat at their kitchen table.
Jules works quietly. He’s never felt the need to fill the space with chatter. With him, I don’t either. He places a double espresso in front of me and I raise my eyebrows. “This feels excessive.”
He glares at me. “Does it, Benoit? How long did you sleep last night?”
“Fair, I’ll shut up now.” That lasts for about thirty seconds before I ask, “How is my nephew?”
“I will be happy to answer that question as soon as you tell me why you’re here.” He takes a slow sip of his own coffee, content to wait as I decide what to say.
“Just… feeling a lot of feelings.”
“Helpful,” Jules deadpans. “Care to expand on that?”
Thea walks in then, a squishy Emmett in her arms, hair piled high on top of her head. She looks like she got about as much sleep as Jules but at the same time she looks more content than I’ve ever seen her.
“Hey, Ben, I didn’t know you were coming over.”
“He didn’t tell us,” Jules answers. “Coffee on the counter for you,” he tells Thea, a warm smile aimed her way.
She gives Jules a kiss on his cheek before handing him their son. “Can I sit with y’all or is this secret twin time?”
“Have a seat!” I say, eager to continue avoiding why I came here.
“If she sits, you still have to talk,” Jules says, seeing right through me.
I sigh. “Fine, it would probably be helpful to have a woman’s point of view anyway.”
“I’m glad to be the only woman in the vicinity.” She smiles. “Should we ask if Bex wants to come over too?”
“God, I think she’d pass out if we did that,” I joke.
Thea starts texting before I have the opportunity to stop her. Jules’ hand comes over the top of Thea’s. “We aren’t waiting for anyone else. Spit it out, Benoit.”
“Full-naming me, are we Julien?”
He doesn’t respond, just waits.
“I’m not even sure why I came over here,” I admit. “I went to Cole’s and her dad was there and she asked me to leave and I didn’t want to go to my apartment so now I’m here.”
“Cole’s dad?” Thea asks. “The one who lives in Florida?”
I nod. “I don’t get it. He’s barely been in her life for years at this point. I don’t really understand how he knew where she lived or if she’s communicated with him recently. I was fully expecting to… I don’t know, defend her honor? And she asked me to leave.”
“Does Cole’s honor need defending?” Jules asks.
“No.” I scrub my hand down my face. “She can fight her own battles. I guess I was hoping she’d want me to help.” My head hits the table in defeat. “I want her to want me to help,” I whisper.
Thea rubs my back in an extremely maternal gesture. “I’d wager that she wouldn’t mind the help but doesn’t know how to ask for it. The sudden appearance of her father had to be jarring.”
“I know you’re right.” Emmett lets out a little cry in agreement and then snuggles right back into Jules’ chest. “I also need to talk to her about something important, and I’m a little bit pissed that he’s blocking me from doing that.”
“Maybe it’s not the right time,” Thea suggests. But I hear the implied Don’t overwhelm her, you idiot!
“Fuck. I know… It’s important, though,” I repeat.
“We don’t doubt that it’s important,” Jules cuts in. “But you can’t argue that maybe it’s not the right time to talk to her about whatever it is.”
I look out their kitchen window, fiddling with the coffee cup in front of me. “I’m worried. About her. About us.”
“Hang out here for a bit,” Thea says around a yawn. “Then you can call her to check in. But give her space right now—it’s what she asked for.”
“It’s what she’s always asking for,” I mutter.
“I don’t think she always means it though, when she asks for space,” Thea says. “I think she doesn’t know any other way. And it’s your job to continue showing up for her, to continue showing her what it’s like to have a true partner by her side.”
“Holy shit your kids are lucky.” I smile at Thea and Jules in turn. “You sure you don’t mind if I hang out here for a while?”
“Absolutely not,” Jules says. “You take the baby, we’re going to lay down.”
My gaze swings over to Thea who simply shrugs. “Advice tax.”
“I don’t know what to do with a baby—”
Bex chooses that moment to bust into the kitchen. “Sorry, let myself in.” There are no boundaries in this family. “What did I miss?”