Chapter Two
W e told everyone to be there by five, and they began arriving at four-thirty. Aunt Laura messaged me to let me know that Justin would arrive at five like we planned, so we needed to be ready by then. Micah showed up with his parents. The twins, Lillian and Hazel. Even Dr. Arason, my therapist. I raised an eyebrow and then made sure to hide from her. I was surprised when George went over and hugged her, the two of them talking animatedly. Then again, they worked in the same profession.
This was also a small town. Everyone knew everyone. I couldn’t be surprised.
Even Roman Davies was in attendance. I was still a little on edge around him after I was used as bait with the Ryder gang, but he’d been nothing but genuinely apologetic since that incident. A couple of people on Paxon’s soccer team came, the ones who’d known Justin for a while. Even Principal Calgary stopped by. There were some faces I didn’t recognize and once I began not knowing who some people were, my anxiety spiked.
I shouldn’t have put this on at my house. There were so many people in my space and after the break-in, it was hard to accept strangers in my home. I didn’t realize how bad it was until now though. We should have done like Seth suggested and had it at his house, but I refused when I realized more people than I expected were prepared to come to show their support for Justin and I had more space.
I swallowed my anxiety and put Dad, Micah, Toby, Paxon, Seth, and Bryan to work, helping me with the pictures. It was taking a lot longer than I had expected to organize but once I got everyone helping, it came along rather nicely. It also distracted me enough to stop thinking about the people who were coming into my house.
Justin’s childhood was a story. Everyone’s childhood was a story. I wanted that to come through in the way we arranged the photos. It wasn’t enough to just stick them on the wall. They needed to tell his story.
Having George there made a huge difference. He helped us piece together the timeline, filling in gaps and making sense of what was happening in each moment.
By the time we finished, we had mapped out Justin’s life—from his birth to the arrival of his baby sister, all the way to the day she and his mother died. Walking through the room felt like retracing his journey, each photo a chapter in his life. I couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like for Justin to see it.
All Justin knew was that we were having a remembrance party for him and his family, but that was all I was willing to give away. I didn’t want to make promises to him I wasn’t able to fulfill. We had lucked out that Aunt Laura had stored so much of his life away for him. If she hadn’t, this would have been a very different setup.
“Breathe, Cadence,” Seth said, coming over and rubbing my back. “This is far better than we could have ever imagined. You don’t need to fuss with it, it’s already perfect.”
“You think so?” I asked, stepping back from the perfectly even frame I had been trying to straighten. My nerves were starting to get the best of me and I was having trouble relaxing. I felt like this was the right thing to do but I also felt like I was overstepping some kind of line with Justin and that scared me.
Seth must have read all my thoughts because he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the back patio.
“Sit,” he said, not giving me much choice but to listen to him.
I practically plopped down on the benched chair Seth had brought over one day. A few of the furniture that now decorated my backyard came from him. Seth disappeared only for a minute, coming back out with a paper cup. I took in a breath and smiled at the hot cider.
Seth joined me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and letting me lean into him to help fight against the cold.
“This is brilliant and Justin is going to love it,” he said. His honey brown eyes were far more confident than I felt about the whole situation.
After blowing out a slow breath, I said, “I hope so.”
“We all feel a bit stupid,” Seth said. “We never thought to do something like this for him. Not even a whisper of a thought. We took for granted that we have our family at our side. That we don’t know the pain of loss, especially to the degree that Justin does.” He squeezed me. “But you didn’t and we’re glad someone wasn’t dumb enough to keep ignoring what was right in our faces. He needs this and it’s perfect that it’s coming from you.”
“Thank you.” The words came out thicker than I wanted.
He leaned over and kissed the side of my head. I closed my eyes briefly, just enjoying his presence at my side. The warmth of his body helped calm my nerves while the hot cider warmed my insides.
This was exactly what I needed.
Paxon’s dad eventually stuck his head through the door, pausing to watch us for a moment before saying, “Everyone else is arriving now.”
“Okay, we’re coming,” Seth said.
George nodded before slipping back into the house.
I straightened from Seth.
“Time to get this party started,” he said.
“Okay.” I rubbed my hands up and down my thighs.
Seth helped me to my feet and then we went inside.
“Cadie!” Paxon’s little brother, Cal, came speeding over before hugging me.
I made a little oof sound as I hugged him back. Cal was a mini version of Paxon, full of so much energy that he sometimes got himself in trouble, especially when he didn’t tell anyone where he was going.
He came to my house a couple of times without telling his brother. As far as the two of us were concerned, Paxon was the one who was really good at getting lost, not Cal.
“You behaved this week, right?” I asked.
“Of course. I promised Dad.”
“Good, then I’ll see you tomorrow at rehearsal.” Cal hugged me again before heading over to the buffet table we had stretched out in the kitchen.
Paxon chuckled, a box of tea candles in his hands. “He’s been practicing the guitar all week. I think Dad finally caved and got some noise canceling headphones.”
I laughed. “He’s been doing a good job.”
The recreational center I volunteered at was putting on a charity concert to help raise money for the center. I was helping with the concert, working with the kids on their choices of songs. Cal in particular was going to be singing while playing the guitar, something that was scary to him, but also got him really excited, and I was doing everything I could to keep his excitement going, including being the one to accompany him on the piano.
My phone buzzed and I checked it.
“He’s coming in,” I said, grabbing Paxon’s arm and squeezing. He arched a brow, clearly entertained, and grabbed my hand, letting me squeeze his fingers before I bruised his arm.
We went over to the door just as it was opening. Aunt Laura came in first, giving me a little hidden thumbs up, then she stepped to the side and Justin came in.
His eyes met mine instantly, his dark blue eyes exhausted. All of him looked tired. Between his dad dying and swim season starting, he was spread thin. We all felt it, and did what we could to give him his space.
As long as he didn’t ghost me like he did last month. That had nearly destroyed me and made me realize how much I couldn’t stand the idea of being abandoned without a word. My dad had done it to me. My mom even, in her own way. I couldn’t handle others in my life doing the same.
Once Justin saw me, his shoulders relaxed slightly, and then he finally looked around the space. The entryway didn’t have much to it. We did add his favorite colors to the decorations, adding in different shades of green throw pillows, picture frames had some green to them too, and someone even brought in some fake green plants. Not too much green.
“How was morning practice?” I asked, feeling nervous and shy, not really sure what to say.
“Good, Coach went easy on us.”
“I don’t know if I’d call that easy,” Aunt Laura mumbled.
“Are you ready?” I asked.
He swallowed hard, his gaze flickering at everyone here. He paused on some people, noting who was here for him. I could tell without him saying it, that he appreciated it. His body slowly relaxed when he realized he had more people on his side than he’d probably thought, people who cared to take time to come to an event like this.
“Okay,” he whispered.
That was all the response he could give so I stepped to the side and motioned toward the living room.
As soon as Justin went into the room and saw what we’d done, he took in a harsh breath and practically stepped back. He looked like he wanted to run away, so I stepped to his side and locked my fingers with his. He leaned into me as he stood there and took it all in.
No one said anything, letting him have this moment to himself.
On the furthest wall, we had covered the windows with green, leaf-print curtains. Over that was a huge, white ‘screen’ that currently had the opening slide of the slideshow on it. It was just a title slide with a photo of Justin’s family on the left side and on the right, it said, ‘Today, we remember the Deason family.’ Below that was a quote I’d picked out and thought was perfect for the occasion. ‘The world changes from year to year, our lives from day to day, but the love and memory of you, shall never pass away.’
Justin didn’t move for a long time before he finally looked at the wall. He moved closer, starting to the left. All along the walls were photos. Tons and tons of photos of his mom, his dad, his sister, of him, of all of them. It started with the wedding photo of his parents, his mom’s pregnancy and his birth as well as his little sister’s, all of them together. I stayed by his side as he slowly made his way around the whole room, pausing at different photos.
In the corner, just before the screen, we had set up a small altar with tea candles. There were four photos—three individual portraits and then a family photo. Justin stopped in front of them for a moment, and I thought right then and there, he was going to break down. Instead of falling apart, he reached for the lighter and lit the middle candle.
When he set the lighter down, I gently took it and lit the candle to its right. There was a soft rustling of bodies as the others all lined up to take their turn, each with solemn expressions. One by one, they moved around the room, lighting a candle in between looking at the photos.
By the time we made it back to the entrance, his eyes were shining with tears. And if his cheeks were wet from some that escaped, no one made mention of it. When Justin reached the last photo—his mom and sister outside in the snow, taken the year his sister died—he lingered. Then, without a word, he turned to me, pulled me into a hug, and held on tight. His whole body shuddered against me, and I wrapped my arms around him as my own tears fell. Before I could register who moved first, we were surrounded. In an instant we were in one big group hug with Justin and me squished in the middle.
And we stayed that way until Justin finally said, “Okay, get off me now.”
We chuckled as we pulled away. Justin’s eyes were still glistening, but he was smiling and his face was a little red from embarrassment.
“This is more than anything I ever expected,” he said.
“But it’s exactly what you need,” Paxon said.
I glanced around, noting how many eyes were glistening and how many people were crying. That was when I realized this wasn’t just about Justin’s loss but also those who knew his family. From what I knew, Justin’s parents had been good friends with George and Aunt Laura. And through the chaos of losing Ariel and then the chaos of losing Justin’s mom, no one really had the chance to mourn the loss.
This moment had been twelve years in the making for everyone.
Bryan started the slideshow. Copies of the photos on the walls flashed across the screen while soft, low music played in the background.
I followed Seth, Paxon, and Toby to the kitchen where we started handing out drinks—letting the people choose between hot apple cider or coffee. Once everyone had a drink in hand, George took over.
“Raegan Deason was my friend from high school. She was a bright light amidst the bullshit of high school drama. When she met Trent, she glowed so much I thought she became a sun. She was the sweetest woman I have ever known. I remember when Justin was just born and I went to the hospital to check in on her. She was on her hospital bed, bawling her eyes out. It took me forever to calm her down. Turned out, she was crying because she didn’t know what to do with her emotions. She was completely overwhelmed with happiness about her little boy. In a span of fifteen minutes before she calmed down enough to tell me why she was crying, I genuinely thought her world may have ended and that maybe Justin was dead. I was preparing my heart for her to tell me he had died. That was how hard she had been crying—like her world had ended.”
That got some chuckles from everyone.
We all raised our drinks to the air in honor of Raegan before taking a drink. After George told his story, others were more than happy to jump in with one of their own. It was mind blowing and heartwarming to hear all these positive stories shared of lives I knew nothing about. All I knew was the product of those lives in Justin.
Justin hung on to every story, his eyes never drying. I stayed by his side, my cup constantly refilled by either Seth or Paxon as we raised silent toasts for each memory shared.
Eventually, the stories tapered off, giving way to quieter conversations as people drifted into smaller groups and the room settled into a soft rumble of voices.