Chapter Five
T he remembrance party went for a few more hours. Others came by, paid their respects, and left. More stories were shared from different people and anyone around to listen raised their cups before taking a drink after each one.
Toby bounced back after downing an entire cup of apple cider in five seconds. He bounced off the wall and easily slipped into groups to talk with them. He was a complete social butterfly, in his element as he got people laughing and reacting to his antics.
Justin was quiet, like he usually was, but he was far more attentive than I’d ever seen him. He listened. Over and over, he listened. And I could see how much he appreciated hearing about his mom and little sister. Even some stories about his dad before he became the abusive asshole he was when he died.
But then Justin reached his limit, and it seemed people picked up on that. Slowly, they trickled out of the house, loaded with leftovers. Each person attending also got a remembrance keychain so they had a keepsake of their own. It was a family portrait with an engraving on the back with their names.
Some people seemed absolutely appreciative of the gift. Bryan was the thoughtful one who’d provided that for them.
“I need to head home with Dad,” Paxon said as he brought in more cups. “I’m sorry I can’t stick around to help you clean.”
“You already did enough,” I said.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“All right.” He eyed me. “I’ll see you tomorrow after church services. Calvin is excited for the rehearsal.”
“I am too. He’s been working hard.”
Paxon kissed my temple, giving me a quick hug.
“Let’s go.” George was standing there, eyeing us.
My face went completely hot and I expected him to call us out, but he only raised an eyebrow at his son.
“Yeah, I’m coming.”
His dad slipped away.
“Um,” I said slowly, not really sure how to ask. “Does he know?”
“What?” Paxon seemed confused.
My cheeks heated as I replied, “Us. All of us. Me dating all of you?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Are you sure?”
Paxon stared at me and then over to where his dad had been standing. “Well, now I’m not so sure. It’s Dad after all. I’m pretty sure he reads minds even if he keeps telling me that’s impossible.” He pulled off the light grey beanie he had been wearing and ran a hand through his blond hair. “Damn. I’ll try to feel him out.”
“What is he supposed to think?”
Frankly, I wasn’t sure what anyone thought. I think the guys decided on the parents thinking I was dating them while in front of their parents. But I wasn’t so sure that was what was coming across. And what exactly did that look like to Aunt Laura when she took care of both Toby and Justin? We never outright said I was dating them all, we just...did it, I guess. And it’d been nice, but also confusing.
“Hey, can you take Justin over to my place? He’s going to stay there,” Seth asked, coming in with a half full garbage bag.
“I’m still cleaning.”
“We got this, go take care of Justin.”
I paused and looked over at Seth. He wore a dark blue T-shirt stretched over his chest with a simple ‘Fueled by happy thoughts’ scrawled across the front. One of his tamer shirts. Now that the party was over and I had more space in my head to notice, I was able to appreciate how his shirt fit over his fit frame. Working in construction had done wonders for his body.
“Where is he?” I asked, dragging my thoughts out of the gutter.
“In the living room.”
“Okay.” I handed over the glass bowl I was cleaning to Seth and made my way to the living room.
Everyone really had cleared out. Only Justin was in the room, over by the altar. The tabletop was now completely covered with tea candles, casting a soft glow in the corner. One of the others would blow them out once we left so that my house wouldn’t burn down.
“Ready to go over to Seth’s?” I asked.
He didn’t say anything, so I moved next to him and grabbed his hand, holding it. He squeezed it in acknowledgment but that was all he did as he continued to stare at his family. He reached over to trace the photo of his mom, and I noted the bracelet already on his wrist. Justin wasn’t one to wear jewelry, especially because he spent so much time swimming, but that wasn’t going to be the case anymore. Bryan had chosen a really good gift for Justin.
“Mom hated cleaning,” Justin said. “She really hated it. So she turned it into a game. We’d race each other to do tasks. Whoever did the most got the treat. It could be ice cream, candy, favorite foods, a fun activity or a movie. Whatever. She made what we both hated to do and turned it into fun. And usually beat me.” He chuckled. “She wasn’t a fan of going easy. She was actually pretty competitive.”
“So you got it from her then,” I said.
He snorted. “Maybe. Both my parents were always stubborn.” He turned to face the room, his gaze scanning the walls again. “Bryan said he already made a copy of the slideshow for me. And Paxon said they’re going to put all the photos in an album for me.”
“Did you want any of the framed ones?” I asked. “We can just pop them off the wall.”
“Maybe.” Still holding onto my hand, we walked around the room. By the time we’d completed a full loop, he had taken down about ten photos. Mostly of his mom and little sister, but there were a couple that had his dad in them too, representing a time when the entire family was completely happy.
“Okay, let’s head over. I’m exhausted.”
He sounded like it.
“All right.”
We silently walked to Seth’s house across the street, and I used my key to go inside. Bebe was already there, practically jumping on me. I laughed and gave him doggy head scratches. “I’m going to let Bebe out,” I said.
Justin made a small sound as he beelined it to the couch and collapsed on it.
Bebe stayed on my heels as I went to the backyard and opened the door. He zoomed out into the cold. Seth had a bell hanging outside, so when he was ready to come back in, he’d ring it.
When I returned to the living room, Justin was sitting on the couch with his head back and an arm covering his face. The picture frames he’d brought with him were spread out on the coffee table. I quietly joined him. He didn’t move or react even a little.
I grabbed his arm and gave it a slight tug.
“What?” he asked.
“Come here,” I said.
He gave me a confused look, but I only kept tugging on his arm until he moved closer. I wasn’t happy until his head was in my lap and I could play with his hair. He practically melted into my touch as I ran my hand through the strands. It was a lot thicker than I’d thought, soft.
“I guess asking how you’re doing is a stupid question?”
“It isn’t stupid.” But he left it at that.
“Okay...well, how are you doing? How are you feeling?”
“Numb. Really numb.”
“I’m sorry. Maybe this was a really bad idea. Too much. Too far.”
“Cadence, stop. Please. I wouldn’t trade this day for any other. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until it happened. Frankly, I thought this was going to be the worst, but I don’t know. I just saw so much genuine love for my family. So much of my memories are overshadowed with after Ariel’s death that I nearly forgot all the good until that moment, or at least up to the months leading up to it. I had forgotten the way Mom laughed. Or how Ariel loved playing that floor is lava game. Even how Dad used to sing to Mom when they thought it was just the two of them. He really was a terrible singer.”
“Well then...” I wasn’t sure what to say to that.
Justin reached up and grabbed my hand, interlocking our fingers together as he brought them to rest on his chest. His eyes closed and I just sat there and let him be.
Seth came in about an hour later, saw us and smiled as he let Bebe in, but left us alone, going up to his room. Bebe followed him, letting the two of us sit in the quiet together.