Chapter Nine
A s promised, after school, Bryan brought me home.
Or at least I thought he was until he turned left instead of right on a street.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“A detour,” he said, tapping at the steering wheel.
“A good one?”
He smiled. “Yeah, I think you’ll like it.”
Then he went back to tapping the steering wheel again. Bryan always got fidgety when he wanted to ask me something, and though he was driving, I could tell he was working himself up to whatever it was he wanted to ask.
“Bryan.”
“Yes.”
“Just ask me.”
“How...”
“Really?” I raised an eyebrow and pointed at his tapping fingers.
He scowled at his hands for daring to betray him as he forced them to be still.
“So?” I gently asked.
“My parents are doing a Sunday brunch celebration of something or another. And I was able to get the guest list.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” His grip tightened on the steering wheel. “Half the women are girls my age or near my age.” He grimaced.
“Yes, I’ll be your date and I’ll make sure they know I’m your girlfriend. Is it the same scene like the banquet we went to?”
He nodded.
I considered that. Fancy, but not dinner party fancy. How did people dress at a brunch?
“But they can’t know about our situation,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“The others.”
“Oh.” I waved my hand. “That’s fine. I’m not making it a point to scream to the world that I have multiple boyfriends.” In a lower voice, I said, “I can barely wrap my head around it still.”
“I’ll admit, I’m struggling too.”
His words made my stomach feel like it dropped. “Are you thinking it isn’t going to work out?”
Bryan thought about his answer. “I’ve seen a lot of weird things people do, the kind of relationships they get into. So it’s hard for me to say that something like this would never work. But I also know how the world works, how people view things that aren’t normal and the ways they’ll push people down for it. I don’t want that happening to you.”
“You’re worried about me.”
“All of us.”
“Are you regretting trying?” I asked, sour bile rising in my stomach.
“No! Not at all. I love the guys. I’m in a good place because of them, and I can’t imagine who’d I be without them in my life. They ground me in the reality of how the world works, not just my rich little corner of it. And you do the same too.”
“Okay,” I said in a low voice.
“Okay,” was his simple response.
The quiet that fell between us was a little uncomfortable and stayed that way until we got to our destination.
“What is this?” I asked.
“A holiday festival,” Bryan said, parking the car. “I thought you’d like this. We can get dinner. Maybe find some presents for the guys.” He shrugged. “Have some fun. A distraction.”
I stared at Bryan. He was doing his best not to look at me, but it was obvious that he was feeling shy and nervous.
“You’re sweet,” I said and bravely leaned over, kissing his cheek, except he had turned his head slightly so I ended up pressing my lips against the corner of his mouth.
He cleared his throat, glancing at me with a small upturn of his lips to let me know he was happy and okay with that. The light turned on as he opened his door to get out. I smiled at the blush that seemed to go up along his neck.
I got out and met him at the front of the car and then headed to the tents. The parking lot and even the side road were packed with vehicles. Christmas music filled the air, mingling with the glow of tons of lights. Ahead, an open soccer field stretched out, cleared of the snow we’d gotten, now transformed into a festive wonderland.
“This is beautiful,” I said, taking in all the lights decorating tents, poles, and anywhere else they were able to stick them
“Yeah, they do this every year. The vendors donate a percentage of their earnings toward a charity for local kids in need of presents. I usually come here to find my gifts for the guys each year. Thought maybe you’d enjoy here too. They are all local small businesses, and I’d say very talented. There are also some silent auctions and a handful of competitions for artwork.”
I grinned, already trying to figure out what else I wanted to find the guys. I’d bought them some stuff already, but it didn’t feel anywhere near enough. “Thank you for bringing me. I can’t wait to see everything.”
Bryan liked my response and returned my grin as we headed over. There was a pretty red and green archway, big enough for a truck to drive through. The archway was full of Christmas ornaments and lights.
As soon as we entered, the tables greeted us with warm drinks. We each got a drink. I went for the hot chocolate since Seth was always stuffing me with cider these days. Bryan chose the cider.
Then we walked around.
“Should we circle around first and look before we buy?” I asked.
“That actually sounds smart. I usually buy as I see what I want, but then later on realize there’s something else that would work better.”
We stayed close together as we slowly walked by the stalls. The setup was simple—stalls lined up in two neat rows, facing each other, making it easy to browse both sides as we walked. The path wound around the field in a loop, and by the time we reached the end, we had circled back near the entrance.
There were many jewelry vendors and those selling their art. But there were also other things like homemade carved dishware, puzzle boxes, clothes, and candles. Tons of candles, actually. Perfumes. Wellness products. Lots of food and drink choices. Bakeries. Books.
One of my favorite stalls had books turned into hidden lockboxes. They could easily be hidden on the shelf with other books and no one would know otherwise.
There was also a spot for people to buy Christmas trees. As we walked by, I watched as a truck unloaded more trees. There had been some people walking by carrying their smaller trees. It seemed if someone got a bigger one, they were able to pull up their vehicle and get help loading it.
“Okay,” Bryan said. “Do you know what you want to buy now?”
“Yeah, I have a few ideas,” I said and then took lead, bringing Bryan to a clothing vendor and automatically picking out more shirts for Seth.
“I don’t think he needs more of these,” Bryan said.
I laughed. “Well, I may now have my own drawer full of his shirts, so I need to replenish what I stole.”
“Right. And are these going to end up in your drawer too?”
“Definitely not this one.” I lifted up a black shirt that said ‘Warning, I am taken. Don’t flirt with me. It’s for your own safety.’
Bryan laughed as I went to the man working and made my purchase. Bryan didn’t even let me have a chance to grab the bag, already claiming it when the guy held it out.
As we were leaving, I glanced over, trying to figure out where the next vendor was when I accidentally met eyes with a guy with short, blonde hair. He wore a Christmas sweater with bulbs that lit up. He smiled at me, so I politely smiled back as he leaned over and said something to his friend. His friend looked at me.
“I want to stop here,” Bryan said, pointing across the way.
“Okay,” I said distractedly, letting him lead as I followed. I glanced back and noticed both of the guys still looking at me.
With everything that had happened in the last few months, my stomach dropped and my skin prickled in warning. I had to be paranoid. They were only being friendly, doing that thing people do when you accidentally make eye contact with them and just want to flash them a friendly smile. Like saying ‘Hey, I acknowledge you. What a crazy ride we’re on, right?’
“Are you okay?” Bryan asked.
“Yeah.”
Bryan raised an eyebrow, challenging me.
“Okay. Maybe I’m being a little paranoid since we’re out in public and around so many people.” I shrugged, suddenly feeling a bit defensive. “It’s going to come with the territory.”
Bryan picked up on the tone and stopped walking. “Cadence?”
“What?” Even I grimaced at how sharp the word came out.
Bryan stiffened completely as he stuffed his hands into his coat pocket. He glanced around and didn’t see anything abnormal because there was nothing to see. I was just being paranoid and I hated that.
Hated that now whenever someone showed basic human kindness my mind was already second guessing and trying to figure out their intentions.
Bryan licked his lips and seemed to need to think about his words for a moment. Maybe he was trying to figure out how to talk to a crazy girl about to flip her shit.
“Cadence, it really is okay to not be okay. To feel paranoid. After all the shit that has happened, I don’t blame you. Do you want to leave? Do you need a quiet place without people around? What do you need? Tell me and I’ll give it to you.”
His assurance did wonders and suddenly I felt like I wanted to cry. Why the heck were my emotions all over the place right now?
I blew out a breath, closed my eyes, and did the thing Dr. Arason told me to do. She told me to voice my feelings and concerns more often, and looking at Bryan, I think I finally understood.
“I’m anxious.” I kept it simple and already it worked, as if speaking the words pushed some of that emotion out of me.
Bryan came closer and grabbed my hand. “Okay. What is making you anxious?”
I blinked and glanced around. We were in our own little world surrounded by strangers.
“I feel like something this fun, this good, that something has to go wrong,” I finally said. “I look at a stranger and I can’t help wondering how they are planning to hurt me.”
“Do you need a break? Should we go find a place to sit and relax?”
I shook my head. I felt like if we did that, it’d be worse for me. “Let’s keep shopping.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I just need to be distracted. That it’s just us.”
He stepped closer, his hands going to my waist. “It is just us. We don’t exist in these strangers’ lives and they don’t exist in ours. We exist in the same space, but that’s all it is. We don’t matter to them and they don’t matter to us.”
Holy shit. I blinked hard as I stared at Bryan, feeling his sincerity. He said exactly what I needed to hear, and it was beyond perfect.
I leaned into him as he wrapped his arms around me. He was warm, his scent rich and spicy. I sighed, sinking against him further.
“Thank you,” I whispered, feeling a bit like a basket case, but at least I didn’t feel like I was falling over a ledge. Again, I had to wonder if whatever was wrong with Lindie was hereditary. Maybe I wasn’t crazy yet, but I would be as I got older.
“I got you,” Bryan said, kissing my cheek. “And thank you for telling me. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you.”
He still kept saying the right thing.
I swallowed hard and could only squeeze him in response. He held on until I pulled away, feeling a little drained and tired. Maybe a little hollow but in a good way. Like a weight had been lifted off me.
I felt good.
“Back to shopping?” I asked.
His eyes lit up. “Yes, back to shopping.”
We spent another hour going stall to stall, buying what we wanted. I purchased some artwork I thought some of the guys would like. There was a tent full of anime-related stuff, and I knew Toby and Paxon watched that, so Bryan helped me get some things since I wasn’t sure what they were currently into.
I even found some gifts for Micah and his parents. There was a really nice wood-carved kitchen set I got for his mom. Some artwork for Micah and a set of tools for sketching. I bought some silly stuff for his dad including a beard bib apron for when he shaved, and a magnetic snap-on wristband. Nails and screws and anything else magnetic would stick to it, perfect for when he was doing the home improvement projects that Micah was always talking to me about. I think currently he was working on remodeling a closet to be more efficient with space.
“Hungry?” Bryan asked after we dropped our load off in his car.
“Actually, yeah,” I said, a little surprised.
“I know the perfect vendor.” Bryan brought me to a decently long line with people patiently waiting to get their hands on paninis stuffed with barbeque food.
“I like the pulled pork panini,” Bryan said. “What are you thinking?”
I quickly glanced at the menu. “The pork belly one.”
“A great choice too,” he said.
As we waited, I glanced around and realized that the guy I had accidentally locked eyes with was right behind us. I stiffened next to Bryan, grabbing his arm. When I glanced at them, they were staring at me again and even smiled in acknowledgement when they realized I was looking at them.
“Cadence.” Bryan grabbed my hand. “Why are you squeezing my arm so tightly?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said and let him go quickly.
“It’s fine, squeeze as hard as you need. Are you anxious again?” His concern helped me to relax.
“A little,” I admitted as the back of my neck prickled and I felt the need to leave.
We got to the counter and Bryan put in our order, then we stepped to the side to wait for our numbers to be called.
I got a better view of the two guys as they stepped up to buy hot drinks. They turned—and the moment their eyes met ours, they started walking straight toward us.
I sucked in a sharp breath and instinctively stepped behind Bryan. It took him a moment to catch on, but as he followed my gaze, he finally noticed the two guys.
“Who are they?” he asked.
“I don’t know.”
The blond man who had originally caught my attention gave me a shy smile. “Do you happen to be Cadence Wiles?”
Bryan practically bristled as he put himself further between us. “Who are you?”
They both raised their eyebrows in surprise at the sudden aggressiveness. I had hoped it’d be enough to make them back off, but then the guy’s friend gave him a gentle nudge and a nod, supporting him.
“I’m Theo Bardot. I attended a charity event where I saw Cadence perform.” He glanced down nervously.
Hearing the other guy talk helped me relax a little so I moved to stand closer to Bryan. Bryan didn’t say anything, but he wasn’t backing down either.
“The one with Hope’s Embrace?” I asked softly.
Theo nodded. “I’m a strong supporter of the work they do.” Something in his expression told me exactly why that was. He was like me, a child who had not been seen for too long and suffered for it.
I finally relaxed. “They’re my go-to,” I replied.
He swallowed hard and nodded. “I wanted to introduce myself. Your song at the last charity event...it was felt. In multiple ways. And I wanted to say thank you. I appreciate how much you do for them too.”
His words warmed me and the last of my anxiety melted away. I smiled genuinely. “I’m glad you’re doing good.”
His friend clapped him on his back. “I’m making sure he stays on track,” he said. “We’ll get him there yet.”
“Chris, cut it out,” Theo grumbled.
I gave them a chuckle. “Well, it was a pleasure meeting you,” I said.
“Same. And I hope to see you at future events.”
I nodded. “If they call on me, I’m there.”
His smile widened. “Good. That’s good to know.” They walked off, leaning into each other and whispering. Chris wrapped his arm around Theo and gave him a quick squeeze before dropping his arm.
“Are they the reason you were scared earlier?” Bryan asked.
“Yes.”
He blew out a breath and relaxed next to me. “Okay.”
Our number was called, and he went to grab our food. Afterward, we found an empty picnic table and sat down.
We were halfway through our sandwiches when he said, “If anyone makes you uncomfortable, even by just looking at you, let me know. We’ll sort it out.”
“It was silly,” I said.
“You not feeling safe is not silly. Me, and the guys, we’ll do everything we can to make sure you feel safe. So let us know. And we’ll figure it out.”
“Thank you.” I reached over and grabbed his forearm, squeezing it to show how much I appreciated him.
He smiled back at me. We were able to eat in comfortable silence and now that we knew the reason behind my craziness, everything felt better that it was resolved.
On the drive back, the awkward silence didn’t exist. We had Christmas music playing softly in the background, and once in a while Bryan would share a story about a year when he or one of the guys did something ridiculous. It was a nice ending.
When he dropped me off at Seth’s, he came around the car while I was getting out. As I straightened, he leaned over and kissed the corner of my mouth like I had done with him. I blushed, feeling shy now that I was on the other side of it. He was smiling big, all boyish, as he went back around his car. We hadn’t kissed kissed yet, but with him, that was okay. It was clear he wasn’t ready for that, and I didn’t want to make him feel rushed.
And the way he showed his own intimacy was sweet and a breath of fresh air.
“Good date?” Seth asked as he held out my car keys as I stepped into his warm house.
I grinned back, grabbing them. “Yeah.”
“That’s good. And your car is fixed. Did you want to hear what was wrong with it?”
“Am I going to understand what you tell me?”
He shrugged. “Probably not.”
“Do I need to be concerned about more problems?”
“You should be fine until your yearly car inspection.”
“Okay, let’s leave it at that then.”
Seth laughed as he shook his head and pulled me into his house to hang out with him for the rest of the evening.