19. Celine
Celine
Father Alexander’s heartbreaking story of his father dying replays in my mind as I sit across from my mother. The pained expression on his face matched the ache in his voice, and it made me want to crumble.
It made me want to get out of my seat and wrap my arms around him in comfort, but I held back because if someone had walked by and seen us embracing, I’m sure there would have been an uproar.
I couldn’t imagine losing someone I was close to.
The thought of Vince or Amelia dying makes my chest physically hurt. My heart splinters at the thought of either one of them leaving this Earth early. They are my safe space and my whole world. Without them, I’m not sure how I would survive.
My eyes flick to my mother, who is going on and on about something I’m sure is important, but I have the notion of the people I love dying at the front of my brain.
Alex was close to his parents, calling them his best friends, which makes me wonder: if something were to happen to my parents, would I be as distraught as he was?
I don’t have the same kind of relationship with my parents that Father Alexander had with his. If they ever died, I would be sad, but I don’t get that same sensation in my chest as I do when I think about my best friends dying.
“Celine!” My mother’s loud voice breaks through my daze, shoving the dark thoughts away.
“What?” I focus my eyes on her.
“Did you hear a word I said?” The aggravated tone I despise so much is heavy on her tongue.
“No.” There is no point in lying because she will see right through it.
“Of course not.” A look of pure disdain crosses her face. “Were you half asleep when you dressed yourself this morning?”
“No?” My brows draw together as I glance at the dress covering my body before looking back to her. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”
She scoffs. “You aren’t wearing a bra.”
My eyes drop to my chest and make a noise of realization. That’s right. I didn’t put on a bra.
“The wire digs into my skin. I needed a break.”
“Celine Faith!” She gasps in surprise. “You are in a church! You cannot walk around indecently.”
“I’m not.” I lift the skirt of my dress and wave it around. “I’m wearing clothes.”
“That is almost see-through!” she points out.
I glance down again, and sure enough, you can slightly see my nipples. I knew it was slightly transparent, but I didn’t realize it was so sheer that you could see nearly every detail of my body. Odd choice for a dress supposed to be worn in a convent.
Even though my mother is fuming at the sight of me, I couldn’t care less that you could see them, but then I realize Father Alexander saw me like this. There is no question that he noticed, as I saw him briefly lower his eyes to my chest. For a third time.
The thought of him seeing my nipples makes my cheeks grow red, and then my mind tracks back to the other night in the library.
He was touching my face, getting so close that I thought he was going to kiss me.
If Sister Greta hadn’t come back, he would have.
And I’m not sure I would have stopped him.
“Your cheeks are growing with embarrassment.” My mother’s tone snaps me back to the present. “As you should feel, prancing around like that.”
“I haven’t been prancing.”
“You will go back to your room and put a bra on.” She stands from the chair and shakes her head. “It is so disappointing that there is no change in you yet.”
With her words piercing me like a knife, she walks out of the office.
I bite the inside of my cheek as I watch her leave my vision.
My foot begins tapping against the floor anxiously when Father Alexander steps into view.
He is looking over his shoulder, watching my mother walk away, and then his eyes find mine.
“Are you okay?”
I give him a flat smile. “Just peachy.”
Getting up from my seat, I round the desk and make my way out the door. I don’t want to go to my room and put a bra on because I don’t want to deal with the pain, but I also don’t want to deal with my mother’s wrath if she finds out I didn’t listen to her.
I go to pass by him to do as I’m told when he makes a point to stand in front of me. Flashbacks of the library flood my head as I stare at how close his body is to mine. When I look at him, his eyes are studying my face carefully.
“You sure?”
“Yes.” I lie.
He slowly nods and lifts his eyes over my head. I’m not sure what he is looking for, but when he is content with what he sees, he brings his attention back to me.
“Let’s meet in the library again tonight.”
“For what?” I ask softly.
So he can finish what he started this time? Why does the thought of that excite me?
“Our nightly prayer.” Oh, right. He literally just reminded me about it before my mother showed up.
I lick my lips on purpose, and he does what I want him to. His eyes fall to my mouth, and the muscle in his jaw ticks.
“Okay,” I agree. “Same time as last night?”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to bring me dinner again?”
“Are you going to skip dinner again?”
I smirk. “If I get caught up in the library, I might.”
“You’ll be at dinner tonight, Celine.” It’s not a statement, but an order.
“Fine.”
Taking a step back, I watch him as his eyes dip to my breasts again. His hand clenches into a fist at his side, as if he were trying to control an urge. Knowing that I have an effect on him, I grin to myself a little before I twirl around and head to my room.
I ended up blocking out Sister Ruth during the lesson, as I usually do, and wrote in the notebook that Sister Alice had given me to take notes in.
I decided to write my own story because I was having withdrawals from not reading. However, I will have to keep this story a secret because what I am writing is pure filth. Esther would probably get a kick out of it.
Maybe I’ll show her someday.
After the lesson, Joanna tries to get me and Esther to spend time with her and Bekah. She has been nicer to Bekah since that blow up in the dining hall.
The two of them are pretending that the small fight never happened. Esther and I decline the invitation, which upsets Joanna. She didn’t have to voice it; you could tell by the irritated look on her face.
“One of these days, she is going to force us to spend time with her,” Esther says as we watch the two women leave.
“How would she force us?”
“I don’t know… probably handcuff us with that necklace she always wears and blindfold us with a sliver of her dress.”
My eyes peel away from the back of Joanna’s head to look at Esther.
“Your imagination is wild. Besides, I don’t think she would risk ruining her dress to blindfold us. The tablecloth in the dining hall, however, I could see her cutting that up.”
She hums with a nod of agreement. “Yeah, you’re right. We have to be on the lookout for when she decides to finally snap.”
“If you say so.” I shake my head with a laugh. “What are you about to do?”
“I am going to have some alone time. Clear my head.” Meaning she is going to sneak into the corridor we aren’t supposed to be in. “What about you?”
“I’m gonna head to the library.”
“You skipping dinner again?”
“No. I’ll be there,” I reassure her.
“If not, then sexy Father Alexander can bring you food again.” My brows shoot up at her words, and she looks at me with amusement. “What? I’m not blind! He is attractive, and it was really nice of him to make sure you were fed. Did you thank him? And how?”
I swat at her. “You are just as bad as my friends! I thanked him the normal way. By using my words.”
“Mhm… sure,” she grins and whispers. “I won’t tell your secret.”
“There is no secret to tell!” I shout as she walks away.
Luckily, there are only a few women still lingering in the hall. They all look at me strangely, but I ignore them and head to the library.
Sister Greta was quiet when I got here. She didn’t say hi, nor did she thank me for making her office squeaky clean. I even made a point to mention how long it took me to clean her space again, and all I got was a grunt.
With a frustrated sigh, I moved on to the main part of the library and started dusting.
I was focused on the task that I didn’t realize the time until Sister Greta reminded me that it was dinner time.
It’s not surprising that the only words she spoke to me were “go eat dinner” because she wanted me to leave.
After cleaning up, I sauntered down to the dining hall, where I now wait patiently behind a woman I’ve never met before. She offers me a warm smile while she pours herself lemonade. I return the gesture as I scoop some mashed potatoes onto my plate.
I may hate this place, but I can’t lie. The food is so good.
As I fill up my plate, I sense eyes on me.
Lifting my own, I take a quick look over my shoulder to find Father Alexander watching me.
Heat rolls through my body as his eyes remain on me while Father Keaton speaks to him.
The latter is staring at his plate while he talks, so he doesn’t see the heated gaze Father Alexander has on me.
Looking forward, I move to the end of the table, pour myself a lemonade, and go to find my seat. Sitting down, I begin cutting the chicken up and still feel his eyes on mine.
Casually raising my mine, they land on his, and my cheeks burn. The way he is staring at me is different than before. He used to look at me with curiosity, but now there is something else behind his eyes.
Something I’ve seen in men before when they’re attracted to someone.
His stare sends butterflies to my stomach, and it’s so intense that I have to look away. Esther is minding her own business, eating her food, while Joanna and Bekah talk. I don’t understand how they always have so much to discuss. It’s not like anything crazy happens in this place.
“They are having a movie night, not this upcoming Monday, but the next!” Joanna informs us with too much delight for my liking.
Although the idea of a movie night does sound nice. “What are they playing?”
“The Greatest Story Ever Told,” she responds.