23. Celine
Celine
What happened between Alex and me on Sunday has been replaying in my head for four days. It was clear from his confession that he had been thinking about me. There was a hint of jealousy sitting low in my stomach when he was talking about the woman that has been occupying his mind.
When he described the woman, my mind when to Esther first. I know it was silly of me to think that she is who is was describing, but she is a spitfire and has mentioned how attractive Alex is.
Although, it would be ridiculous if Esther were to get with him.
She wants out of this place just as much as I do. She wouldn’t chance it.
But then why did I?
I wasn’t planning on letting him touch me in the confessional booth. I’m not sure why I went into my side of the booth to begin with, but I did, and then it turned into him confessing.
I let him get things off his chest, but when he started explaining all the dirty things he wanted to do to me, my imagination ran wild.
I pictured him fucking me in my bedroom or his. And the thought of him taking me on the altar made me feel something that I hadn’t before. It was a rush, and the need to alleviate my feelings became overwhelming.
Honestly, I’m not sure what I was expecting to happen when I joined him on his side of the booth. I thought maybe he would have gotten angry and made me get out. Or he would have stopped things from escalating.
But he didn’t.
And things escalated very quickly.
I can still see the face he made as he cleaned off my arousal.
I can still feel the ghost of where his fingers had been roughly inside me, and I miss the feeling of him filling me.
Another thing that I can’t stop thinking about is how he confessed to listening to me pleasuring myself in my room at night.
At first, I didn’t know how to feel about it, but then, when he said that he had touched himself to the sound of me, it made my insides ignite.
He stood outside my room, late at night, and got himself off to the sounds I had been making as I was pleasuring myself to the thought of him.
Someone could have seen him, and the thought of him getting caught excited me.
The thought of us getting caught caused my heart to race with excitement, and it made me want to do more with him. But I am afraid that after Sunday, he will come to his senses and realize that we can’t continue this.
Heels clicking down the hall pull me from my thoughts.
I groan at the sound of my mother approaching the office.
Along with her steps, I hear a second set of footsteps following behind her that are softer, but heavier than those of a woman.
My father must have decided to join her today.
It’s the third visit, almost three weeks of me being here, and he finally chose to see me.
It doesn’t surprise me that he hasn’t been here. My father hadn’t been very involved in my life while I was growing up, unless it was something for the church. He worked so much that it was always my mother and me.
On the weekends, though, he made it a point to make up for the fact that he was absent the whole week. He was in charge of the house during those two days he was home with us.
“Oh, Father Alexander, how are you?” my mother asks in a sweet voice.
I lift my eyes to look out into the hallway and see him standing before them.
“I am doing well, Suzanne.” He smiles, taking her hand. “How are you?”
I wonder if he’s freaking out internally as he talks with my parents because of what he did to me. I don’t hear my mother’s response because I’m too caught up in my thoughts that day, but I hear Alex speak again.
“Richard, it’s nice to see you on this visit.”
My father grunts. “A meeting got canceled, and Suzanne insisted I come.”
“I’m sure Celine will be thrilled to see both of you.” Alex turns his head, gaze meeting mine. The light in his eyes slowly fades into what appears to be lust while he stares at me. “Looks like she is already waiting for you.”
My mother peeks her head into the room, and I peel my gaze away from Alex to look at her. “Hi.”
“Hello, Celine. Richard, come on.” She ushers him into the room. “Father Alexander, it was good to see you.”
He returns the kind words, and then he walks away.
The door to his office closes the moment my parents find their seats.
My father, most likely checking emails on his phone, stares down at the device when my mother elbows him.
His eyes lift to hers, and he sighs as he locks the device and slips it into his suit pocket.
“How are you doing, Celine?” he asks me.
Be good, Celine. Don’t mention that he is only here on the third visit when he should have been here from the start.
“I’m good.” I plaster on a fake smile.
“You look good. More at peace,” he points out.
That’s what happens when you have a mind-blowing orgasm. “I feel at peace.”
My father nods, while my mother’s eyebrows shoot up. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I begin to construct the biggest lie I’ve ever told them. Let’s hope they buy it. “I‘m starting to understand why you guys wanted me to come here. This whole experience, being with the other women, the nuns, and learning all they have to teach has been eye-opening.”
My mother has a smug grin that screams, “I told you so.”
“So it’s working? Are you feeling closer to God?”
With another smile, I nod. “I am.”
She sighs in relief, and my father says, “That is good to hear. I am glad the convent is helping you get your relationship with God back.”
I fight the urge to roll my eyes because I never had a relationship with God to begin with.
“Me too,” I lie and swallow the bile that wants to rise because of the next words I’m going to say. “I’m sorry I gave you guys such a hard time. I guess I didn’t understand where you were coming from. So, thank you.”
“I’m happy you are finally coming to your senses,” my mother says, and then checks her watch. “We need to get going. I’ll see you next Wednesday.”
Hope deflates in my chest. Did I think that if they saw a change in me today, they would have taken me away from this place? Maybe. But I don’t want to start a fight and set myself back, so I keep quiet about it.
I stand from my seat, arms behind my back, as they begin to leave. “I’ll see you next week, and Dad, it was good to see you.”
“It was good to see you, too, Celine. I hope your mother brings back a good report next week.”
“She will.” I make the promise and mean it. I’ll act my ass off next week, too.
Once they are in the hall and out of my sight, I drop my smile and let out a long breath. I fall back into the chair and shut my eyes. Only a second passes when I hear someone lightly knock on the door. When I open my eyes, I find Alex standing there, leaning against the door frame.
“Can I see you in my office?” He asks, nudging his head to the room over.
“Sure,” I agree and stand.
He allows me to exit the room I’m in and then lets me enter his office first. The door shuts with a soft click, but I don’t take a seat. Instead, I go to the bookshelf that has his family photos.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He questions in a caring tone.
“About my parents or what happened in the confessional booth?” I didn’t mean to be so blunt about it, but I want to talk about it.
I need to talk about it.
“Your parents.”
Bummer.
“Not really,” I tell him as I inspect one of the photos on the shelf.
His dad’s arm is slung around his shoulders, and they both are wearing the widest smiles.
“What was your dad like? You said that he was your best friend, but what was he like as a person?”
As I continue staring at the happiness on his dad’s face, Alex approaches me. He stands behind me, an inch of space keeping us from touching.
“He was loyal, hardworking, and funny. I think he was the funniest person I’ve ever met. His family always came first. Whenever my mom or I needed something, he would drop whatever it was he was doing to help us.”
“He sounds like the world’s best father,” I mutter.
“To me, he was,” he says sadly. “Over time, I realized how lucky I was to have him as my father because other people didn’t get so lucky.”
“Like me,” I whisper. “I didn’t get lucky with my parents.”
“They can’t be that bad.”
The tears well up, and I sniffle, trying to hold them back.
“I guess I was lucky in the sense that I had food on the table for every meal. I had a warm bed to sleep in, and I attended the best school in my town, where I received an excellent education. However, my parents… I don’t know. I don’t think I got lucky with them.”
“Why not? From what you just told me, it sounds like you grew up in a loving home.”
“There is a difference between a loving home and the things I mentioned. Sure, I had all the necessities one needs to live, but the one thing that was missing was love.”
I close my eyes, fighting the tears, but when I feel Alex place his hand on my shoulder for comfort, I let the first one drop.
“My father always found work more important, except for the weekends, because of church. My mother was a tyrant. It always felt like I was a project to them. Throughout my entire life, they had been trying to mold me into a perfect, Godly daughter. I’ve never felt one ounce of love from them.”
“I’m so sorry, Celine.” Alex’s voice is low and full of pity.
“It’s nothing for you to apologize for.” I turn to face him, unable to stare at the happy family on the shelf anymore. I look up at him, my eyes watery, and give him a sad smile. “It’s not your fault my parents didn’t love me.”
“I think they may love you in their own way.” His hand leaves my shoulder, and his thumb wipes away a tear.
“They loved the daughter they were trying to make me. When she never broke out of the mold they placed her in, it was obvious.” I lean into his touch, soaking up the warmth. “I don’t want to talk about my broken family anymore. It was bad enough I had to see them today.”
“Okay.” He nods in understanding.
“Can we talk about what happened on Sunday?”