8. Four
Four
Fallon
T he loud rumbling of an engine alerted his arrival with enough time to wipe my paint-stained hands on the dish towel.
“Jenny, I have to go. Jake is here,” I hurried into the phone. “But I’ll see you on Tuesday.”
My best friend’s laughter echoed through the receiver. “I hear that beast’s engine. You’d think Adam would have kidnapped the truck by now in protest of Jake’s shitty maintenance. Even worse when Jake knows how to fix cars himself! He pushes things aside, doesn’t he? Refuses to take a look unless forced—”
“Adore you and your wisdom, Jen, but dissecting my love life when yours is anything but sorted feels misguided,” I sang.
“Hey!” she protested. “You’ve got a stallion begging to destroy all good sense. I’m the underdog!”
I peeked out the window and spied the truck door swing open, and two tan work boots hit the gravel.
“No, you’re a salty bitch. I love you, but I gotta move these figurines before I get obliterated on this table.”
“Hussy,” she whispered in awe. “But also, did you paint the Tyranids without me?”
I hesitated. “I did.”
“I hate you,” my best friend muttered, hanging up. Wonderful. I doubt she’d bring my favorite dip to game night this week.
My tabletop fantasy games were all the excitement in my schedule. Job hunting had been moderately depressing since graduating college last month, but Warhammer never failed to improve my mood.
The porch screen groaned in agony, the only security alarm in the house. The man couldn’t sneak up on me if he wanted to.
Biting my lip and smiling, I rushed to set my figurines on the countertop beside the dish rack. With my back to the doorway, I sensed Jake’s presence without turning around.
“You didn’t call before coming over.” I spun to face him.
The accusation was pointless.Jake never called before coming over, and I never asked him to. He had a key to my house and an open invitation.
Wordlessly, he stalked forward, a slow step followed by a slower one until he stood in the kitchen.
His intensity made my stomach flutter. Dark eyes that didn’t just consume—they devoured.
“Do I need to announce my arrival whenever I want to see my girl?”
My eyes landed on his full mouth, admiring all he could do with it.
“Every time my heart beats for her and aches to have her near?”
Like that.
He lifted his chin in a subtle calling.
I crossed my arms, eyebrows raised. “I’m nobody’s girl.”
I didn’t believe myself when I said it, but I glanced away before he caught my smile.
“Say that again,” he murmured, the pad of his thumb sweeping over his lip, eyes locked on me. Arousal coiled in my belly.
This man loved me unconditionally. On my bad days, I feared he wouldn’t when it sunk in that his dreams and my health weren’t compatible.
“This changes nothing.”
My infertility could have changed everything for a man who wanted a family.I broke up with Jake after my diagnosis, thinking I’d freed him from my burdens, but he came back. Six months in, and things had settled into place. We were solid.
I still had the bad days. When insecurity and worry crept in, the fear and guilt, but he soothed every sore spot with the tenderness of his affection .
“A bit cocky?” I asked.
“Come here, and I’ll show you how cocky I can be.” He palmed himself over his jeans, biting his plump bottom lip. Jake may be cocky, slightly arrogant, too, but he earned his bravado.
“Doing fine over here,” I said with a feigned indifference. Even the subtle brushing of my cotton panties as I shifted had me squirming. “I don’t need you to show me anything.”
His head lolled against the wall. “You tell me that when I’m buried between those thighs. I dare you.” He beckoned me with the crook of a finger. “Come closer and say it.”
Pushing off the counter, I made my way over.Beads of sweat slid down my spine, the thin fabric of my tank top clinging to my skin from the muggy warmth in a kitchen too small for Jake Lauder’s desire.
Toe to toe, my heart pounded in my chest. He still did that to me all these years later.
Two fingers lifted my chin to eyes that hadn’t looked away for a second. When Jake gave his attention, nothing else in the world existed. His focus belonged to me, and he demanded the same.
Slowly lowering his face, his soft lips brushed over mine, barely a touch.
“I missed you,” he murmured, his thumb sliding along my jaw before he cupped the back of my neck.
“You just saw me,” I whispered, nuzzling into his caress.
His hand slid into my hair, pulling me closer until hardly an atom of space remained between us. Our warm breath collided, mouths a whisper away. My entire body went tight and loose simultaneously.
“Thought of you all day. Leaving you this morning and the sweet smile on your lips, hoping you were having good dreams. Do you remember what you dreamed about, baby?”
I shook my head. Jake refused to wake me when he left for the day as the sun emerged from the blanket of night to get to the construction site.
“Pity. You were making these breathy little moans. I’ve wondered all day what you were dreaming about.”
He kissed me, soft and gentle, my toes curling against the linoleum floor. A farce, this man’s tender start. He’d clear the messy kitchen table with a sweep of his arm before bending me over it and pounding into me.
I loved that about his touch. Intensity and affection lived within him, and he knew when to employ each and how to make one feel like the other.
“I’d like to hear those breathy little moans again.” Kisses slid along my jaw as the grip tightened on my hair. “But not as much as I want to hear you scream for me.”
Gentleness gone, Jake consumed. His tongue split the seam of my mouth. I bit his bottom lip, earning me a groan, but he quickly escaped.
Heat flared in his dark eyes, and he tugged my hair hard enough to make me wince.
“Feeling feisty, baby?”
My hand slipped beneath the hem of his shirt to slide over the tight skin of his muscled torso. Raking my nails over each defined ridge, I smiled. “Feeling something.”
He released the grip on my hair, working his belt open. “Yeah? Feel more.”
His head fell against the wall when I wrapped my fingers around him. Smooth and hot in my hand, pre-cum already leaking, he’d entered the house hard and ready for me. The thought sent a spark of pleasure along my spine.
Leaning forward and pressing my breasts against him, I whispered in his ear, “I can tell you’ve been thinking about me. Want to know something?”
He hummed, his chest heaving as I pumped in long and pressured strokes to keep him going. Eyes closed, his breathing turned ragged when I squeezed the tip.
My free hand guided him beneath the band of my shorts and into my panties. His fingers slid through my arousal, and he cursed softly.
A seductive smile spread over my face. “I’ve been thinking about you, too.”
“Shit,” he rasped, a rough breath to follow as he rubbed me. “You feel so good.”
With a wolfish glint in his eyes, he shoved me backward until my ass hit the table.
I was wrong. Jake didn’t sweep it clear before fucking me over it, but he still flipped me around and pressed between my shoulder blades to flatten my chest against the top.
Peeling my shorts down and kicking my feet wide, he entered in one hard thrust, his hand holding my head down as he railed me.
To his delight, I gave him exactly what he wanted as I cried out his name and came apart beneath him.
“I’m so sorry,” Jake murmured, his mouth brushing along my temple.
Sprawled on the kitchen floor, I stared at the busted Warhammer pieces, smears of wet paint splattered in the path of destruction.
He gazed at the ceiling with one leg hitched and his arms behind his head. “I was so careful not to mess with anything on the table when I saw the paint tubes.”
“You were careful with the table,” I agreed. Just nothing else.
Insatiable, he pressed me against the counter and fucked me again after having me on the table. Unfortunately, my freshly painted Warhammer miniatures were drying on a dishcloth.
“At least my battlefield setup is safe in the office.”
Jake licked his lips. “You sure?” The hint of mischief dancing in his eyes proved enough of an answer. “You’ve awakened a beast, baby.”
“I’ll move them to the shed with the rest.”
Sweat-coated skin stuck to the linoleum, and I peeled myself to prop on my elbow. Jake’s tousled dark hair hung over his deep brown eyes. Flames of urgency no longer heated them, but affection shone warmly as he smiled and swept the hair from my shoulder.
“Are you keeping me company tonight?” I whispered.
He groaned, his back bowing off the floor as my lips ghosted his damp body. “Unless you’ve got someone else in mind.”
Kissing along his heated skin, I inhaled his scent. “I can barely manage your libido, let alone someone else’s.”
He huffed a laugh. “Yeah?”His hand trailed down my spine. “Palmer’s got a lot of guys on site. Want me to ask around?”
I hummed, nipping next to his navel before circling up again. He tasted like sweat and salt, and it lit my tongue on fire.
“You’re an intimidating man,” I murmured, lips fluttering over his belly. “I doubt anyone would be up for the challenge of joining.”
His fast breath fanned over the crown of my head as competition pumped through his veins—Jake’s favorite aphrodisiac.
Everything about him was decidedly masculine, the musk and cologne. The rough stubble along his jaw and neck. The strength of his body. Calloused palms that smoothed over my flesh as his cock came to life again.
“How was your day?” I brushed my lips in a lazy trail to his sternum.
“A day,” he answered. “Have you heard back from the school about the open position?”
A day . Jake got squirmy when I directed the conversation to him. He preferred to talk about me instead—a touch of his obsessiveness mixing with avoidance.
“They didn’t have the funding for another social worker and pulled the position.” Leaving me with few leads. “Tell me about the part of ‘a day’ you’re dodging.”
He may be a private man, quiet and closed off to others, but never with me. It always made me feel special, proud, and safe. Our communication was unfailing. The times when he held back? It was for my sake, not his convenience.
His fingers tangled in my hair, guiding me over his body. “Tell me what you got up to today. I’d rather hear about that. You painted. Did you slaughter Adam? Tell me you razed his field and destroyed his army.”
Nails scratched at my scalp, goosebumps blooming on my skin despite the humid and stale air in the house.
“Cute when you try to keep up.” I bit along his collarbone, enjoying the sound of his breath catching with my teeth. “But no, his psyker unit nullified mine with a Deny the Witch roll.”
He pushed the hair from my face to smile at me. “If ever I thought you and my best friend were having a torrid love affair, I’d be a fool. Turns out you’re both just nerds.”
The soft drone of the floor fan in the living room buzzed in the background, mingling with passing traffic on the highway. The house wasn’t much, a small two-bedroom rambler, but it was temporary. Once Jake finished renovating his house, I planned to move back in.
But road noise and fans aside, something heavy hung in the air. A beat of tension lingered on his face; his brows pinched in a way that told me something rested heavily on his mind.
I sat up, facing him. “What? What’s wrong?”
He hesitated. “I got you something.” Reaching across me to retrieve his jeans, he rummaged through the pockets and pulled out two lollipops. “Mrs. Mathers says hello.”
“Cherry and watermelon. My favorites!” I clasped my hands together and practically cooed.
A small gesture, but a nod to the days when he’d hop the fence between our houses and meet me on the roof, watching the stars and talking until sunrise.
I couldn’t recall who started it, but we began sharing candy one night. He always brought them after I told him the lollipops were my favorite.
“Hm. Which to choose?” I eyed the suckers like I wouldn’t take them both.
Thinking the same, he smiled. “You want both. No shame. Rot your pretty little teeth out. You deserve it.”
I laughed, swatting his arm as he tugged his jeans over his hips and tossed me my shorts. Opening the candies, I passed one to him. “We’ll switch off. I don’t mind sharing.”
“My dental insurance is shit,” he said.
“Yet you have the best smile.” I bit my bottom lip to stifle my laugh. “In the rare instances you use it.”
He launched off the floor, shadowing over me and grabbing my wrists, pinning them above my head. His hips held me in place despite my wiggling protests, and my breath went shallow as he swelled against my thigh.
“Again?” I whimpered, rubbing against him through the rough denim of his jeans. With Jake, I felt just as greedy. “Why’d you even get dressed?”
His eyes locked on me. “I love you, Fallon. You know that, right?” He adjusted, gripping my wrists with one hand while the free one cupped my cheek. “After everything we’ve been through, with whatever comes, I love you.”
My smile flatlined, my eyes flickering over his. “What’s wrong?” I whispered.
He kissed me softly at first, shifting to eager and imploring. His forehead dropped to mine, and his chest heaved in sync with my breathlessness.
“Beau Dalton is back in Windmere.”
Fingers drummed over Jake’s knee, an impatient roll as he sat on the kitchen floor and watched me finish dressing.
“I didn’t know,” I said softly.
It wasn’t supposed to be more than a good time, and Beau made that clear.
“We were just having fun, right, Fal?”
Beau said the right words and even had an easy-going smile when he said them, but I wondered if he’d also felt disappointed to say goodbye.
Or maybe it delighted him to get under Jake’s skin. The two had been far from friends.
Beau and Jake fought for everything growing up; they were hard-headed and stubborn in all the same ways, competitive and territorial. I suppose I was another tally on the list.
Jake’s head dropped, and he stared at a patch of floor between his hitched knees.
“I know. I wanted to tell you.” He examined his hands, inspecting each finger to avoid meeting my gaze.
Beau Dalton is back in Windmere.
Well, that explained the afternoon pounding.
Beau’s return proved a surprise, but it’s not like he kept in touch after blowing out of town as Jake roared back in. A generic text on my birthday and well-wishes for my college graduation via social media was all the contact we’d had.
Kate insisted there were no hard feelings from her brother, but the entire situation left mine raw for reasons I didn’t want to examine. I assumed it wouldn’t come up again.
“What are you thinking?” I whispered, hugging an arm around my waist as I studied him.
With a heavy sigh, he met my gaze. “I’m thinking I should have run him over like I wanted.”
I gaped, but Jake lifted one shoulder in a half-assed shrug and smiled. He really did have the best smile despite his possible psychopathy.
“Allow me the feeling of sainthood for a moment, please. His appearance surprised me. Brought up some insecurities and some questions, too. Be patient with me, but I don’t anticipate resorting to actual murder.”
Unclear if I believed him now, but I believed him six months ago when he said he didn’t hate me for my choices then.
“I won’t hate you for enjoying yourself, Fallon. I only resent myself for giving you the need for it. I never should have left. Never should have made you feel like some idea of a future was more important than the reality of what we have.”
Jake knew of my crush on Beau growing up, but Beau was my friend’s flirty older brother. The one who chased girls for sport. The number of times I’d seen him in precarious situations with a pretty girl…
God, I’d been so jealous all those years ago. How playful and philandering he was. The hookups. So many in high school, and plenty more since.
Unserious and casual, Beau’s magnetic personality and zest for life were why I pursued him at Christmas. Newly single and devastatingly sad, I wanted a casual and good time. I wanted to feel something other than hurt.
But my short time with Beau felt anything but unserious—like packing in a decade’s worth of unrequited feelings amplified everything percolating between us.
Foolish when he sought nothing more than a good time together. It shouldn’t have been disheartening. It still shouldn’t be.
Jake cleared his throat. “What are you thinking?”
“I’ll keep away,” I said, focusing on adjusting my clothing instead of catching his eye. “Whatever he’s doing here, I’ll give distance. He’s back to see his folks, I’m sure. Besides, we were only having fun.”
Rising to his feet, Jake began collecting figurines and wiping paint off the floor.
“Yeah?” He licked his thumb and scrubbed a blue patch against the beige linoleum. “Prove it.”
“What—”
“Tell him,” he continued. “Let’s call it closure for you, satisfaction for me when you remind him who warms your bed.”
My cheeks heated, my fair skin blushing red enough to match my hair. “I don’t need closure. It was just—”
“Fun,” he cut me off. “You’ve said it plenty in the months since. It was just fun.” He gripped the counter and dropped his head. “So remind him.”
I didn’t understand why he was pushing and wouldn’t let it go. I had, regardless of my feelings, I had let Beau go.
“I swear, he’s only my friend. We were friends who hooked up a few times when we were single.”
With a slow nod, he pushed off and collected his keys. “But what if I hadn’t come back?”
Nothing was the answer. Fun. It was just for fun. Beau told me as much when I informed him my ex had returned to town and planned to stay.
I gave him a watered-down smile. “We’re long-standing friends, Jake.”
“I’m not worried, baby.” He kissed my temple and headed for the door. “The day someone steals your heart from me is when I haven’t done enough to keep it.”
He said that a lot, and I never quite knew how to explain that my feelings for Beau were never about Jake not having done enough to earn my heart.
It hadn’t been about Jake at all. Somehow, that made the guilt worse.