10. Este
ESTE
A fter dinner ends, I pull out a key lime pie from HEB, Reed’s favorite.
It’s been a pleasant night with my girls and the man I’m rapidly falling for, and I’m trying to adjust to the male presence.
At first, it was weird. Now, it just feels refreshing.
His good vibes and positive energy fill me with hope.
I hope that perhaps all the healing I’ve done over the past three years won’t be for nothing.
That I’ve somehow prepared myself for Dom’s arrival in my life and not his eventual departure.
I’ve been so pessimistic about relationships and men since I lost Cole; it feels like a breath of fresh air to be this excited about someone new. To have something to smile about.
There’s a bit of underlying guilt, too. Why should I get to be happy again when Cole is no longer a part of the world?
He died loving the hell out of me and Reed, wanting nothing more than the life he’d worked hard for.
We were finally in a good place that February before he was so brutally taken from me.
It had taken forever to get things back to that level of good, maybe the best we’d gotten along since our teenage years.
Before the last year or so, things had been rocky between Cole and me. The more missions he went on, the more he wanted to go on, addicted to the adrenaline of it all. He wanted to be a hero, and he could have done that more at home if he’d simply been present and less grouchy.
“Hey. You good?” Mallory asks, squeezing my hand across the table.
“Oh, yeah. I’m great. So is this pie.” I point my spoon at it, purse my lips, and nod convincingly. “You better leave me one of the last pieces,” I tell Reed. She sticks out her tongue, and I know I’d better sneak a piece late tonight while she sleeps if I want another taste.
“I should be going.” Mallory finishes her piece and drops the fork.
“Got a possible listing early tomorrow. I’ve put together a whole presentation, pulled all the comps, and bought a new outfit.
He’s a single man in his forties, so I figure a tight skirt can’t hurt.
” She flashes a smile at me before she pulls out her phone and shows me the photo she’d taken in the fitting room.
She’s wearing a plum-colored pencil skirt with a flowy white button-down tank top with matching purple stripes.
It’s got just the right amount of professionalism for a hundred-degree day.
“Perfect. You look hot in purple. Make sure to shave.” I hand her back the phone with a wink.
Dom covers a laugh beside me, and I sense he’s thinking about undressing me again. I’ve only been wearing my outfit of green shorts and a strappy white tank top for a few hours, having been in some state of undress most of the morning and afternoon, to Dom’s delight—and mine.
I’m not going to have sex with him for the first time under the same roof as my daughter, even if she is on the second level at the front of the house and I’m on the first level at the very back. And she sleeps with a sound machine on. And we both sleep with two fans on us.
No. No. No, Este, you will not do it. You’ll be a good girl.
Oh, God. The way Dom had called me “good girl” earlier had left my whole fucking body buzzing. Who knew that such a simple phrase could make me go crazy?
Surely, fans and a sound machine would cover up my moans.
Curled up on my oversized couch, I attempt to concentrate on the crime drama I’ve been dying to watch.
It’s fast-paced and intense, and we make it through the first episode when Reed comes out and announces from the stairs, “I’m headed to bed.
Exhausted. I have practice before school since the coach just texted that she’s feeling better. Night, Mom. Goodnight, Dom.”
“Night, Reed,” Dom tells her with a little smile that she returns. Reed seems happy to see me curled up in Dom’s arms, because she watches for a second too long, then turns and opens her bedroom door. I hear the soft sounds of ocean waves piercing the quiet, with our TV paused.
“I think she’s purposely giving us our space,” I whisper, turning in Dom’s arms to face him, and pressing my mouth to his. This kiss is hot, and I offer myself to Dom in every way as the kiss deepens. God, I want him, but it’s getting late, and Dom has an early morning tomorrow.
Sensing his reluctance, I draw back and shrug. “It’s okay. You’ve been here all day, and I’m sure you’re eager to get home.”
Dom kisses my chin sweetly. “Not at all. You think I’m excited to go home to my empty house when I could stay in your arms and enjoy your mind-blowing kisses? Never. I just don’t want us to rush into anything you might look back and regret.”
Dom shrugs out of my grip with one long, achingly slow kiss, and then puts his shoes on and heads for the door.
I hold his hand until we get to the glow of my front porch light, and I yank him back into my arms to kiss him, straight from the heart, my need evident.
I tangle my tongue with his and encircle my arms around his neck.
As much as I want him to reverse course, lift me up, and carry me to my bedroom, I know he’s got his mind set. He doesn’t feel right with Reed in the house, and I shouldn’t either.
Dom gives me a lingering kiss and then asks, “What time should I pick you up on Friday?”
“Just come over as soon as you’re done with work. I’ll be finished by noon.” I press a kiss to his chin.
I watch Dom walk out to his car, constantly looking back at me. It’s like he’s having second thoughts and wants the same thing I do. Maybe he does, but he has the self-control to get in his car.
Suddenly, I run up to the side of Dom’s Jeep, and he rolls the window down.
“You’re my boyfriend, right?” I blurt out with a grimace afterward at how needy I sound in this moment. “We’re not seeing other people?”
I need to know he’s all in.
“For me, it’s you,” Dom tells me. “Slap the label on it. Goodnight, girlfriend.”
Then, I lean in through the window to kiss him one last time, and I fucking hate when he reverses out of the driveway and leaves me standing alone in his headlights as they fade.
I’m cursing the clock by one-fifteen on Friday. Work has been busy, helping keep my mind from obsessing about Dom, and I’m grateful for that, but the minutes are dripping by like refrigerated honey.
My mind plays over the conversation Reed and I had about my dating Dom. She told me how much she approves of Dom and how happy she is that I’m finally dating again. Her excitement for me seemed genuine, and it meant a lot. It feels even better being with Dom knowing I have her blessing.
Dom sends me lunch at eleven after I complained about missing breakfast, and the chicken salad croissant from the local diner is just what I need to make it through my morning. I already love Dom’s thoughtfulness and how easily we’re falling for one another.
It comforts me that Dom works here—he has ties to the community and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
I need a man who stays. He’s not off fighting for our country in a desert somewhere at a moment’s notice.
Life with Cole in the military, especially a unit as prestigious and in demand as the Delta Force, had been difficult on a good day.
I had to learn to be a single mom before his death officially made me one.
Still, losing the love of my life was a crazy train I would never have chosen to board, especially when grief was so complicated by how rocky our marriage was until that last year.
I held so many things inside. I longed to tell him when he finished his assignment, including my desire to be a mother again.
I had wanted another baby three years ago, and he would’ve been delighted, after asking me for one for years.
I just had to make sure he was up for the challenge, and he’d started talking about retiring from the Army.
In the back of my head, I knew he’d never do that.
Maybe he was always going to leave in a body bag, and I’d been deluding myself thinking I could handle another baby by myself.
But being in my early thirties had prompted me to believe that, if I didn’t do it soon, it would never happen.
Instead, I hold tight to Reed, the best thing that Cole ever gave me. The person who reminds me more of him than anyone else, but only in the good ways. Minus her mile-wide, impressive stubborn streak that mirrors Cole’s.
Great, now I’m crying at…1:18 p.m.
Grabbing tissues, I throw myself onto my chaise with my phone, and it pings in my hand. It’s Dom, telling me he’s eyeing a bottle of Prosecco, asking if I’d like him to grab it.
I reply quickly.
Me:
Yes, please! Reed texted me a heads-up that she’s spending tonight at her friend’s house. It’ll be just the two of us.
I hit send and heave a sigh that I have to wait several more hours to see Dom.
Dom had every chance to drag me to my bedroom on Sunday night, but he seemed determined that there was a right and wrong way to do this.
I don’t mind a delicious mistake here or there, but I want us both to be ready for the next step, and tonight is our first real, official date.
A nice enough restaurant in Houston where I’ll put on a dress and heels and have a nightcap of Prosecco back at my place or maybe his—I don’t care.
Then, hopefully, a whole night together away from the listening ears and curiosity of a sixteen-year-old.
I leave early and get home a little before 3 p.m., and Mallory calls me right before Reed is due home from school.
“We set the closing date for the million-plus-dollar house today, girl!” Mallory practically shrieks. “The listing you got for us, with the buyers you roped in at the diner. You’re about to have a nice check hit your bank account.”
I can’t help but do a little dance in the kitchen and whistle with glee when she tells me the amount that’s coming my way. It’s astronomical; the biggest check since Cole’s or my grandparents’ life insurance.