Chapter 22 Jane
Jane
There’s something so freeing about trusting people who love you with the most intimate parts of your identity and knowing they’ll be held with care. I feel so much lighter after talking to Nora and the band.
And maybe I’ve been holding on to this secret for far too long. I get what Keeley said about coming out in my own timing—and I adore her for it—but part of me wonders if I just got so used to hiding parts of myself when I was a kid that I never learned how to reveal them, even when it was safe.
After the RECORD nominations, season three of Into the Dragon Realm was announced, so I keep getting pulled into stuff for that.
Whether it’s press or hours-long meetings about our production time line, my days are busier than I’d ever want.
I’m exhausted. It’s hard to stay focused on the show and also steal pockets of time to work on other things.
But I spend my nights with Keeley. As October crashes into November, we fall into a routine, trading off whose house we’re sleeping at with only a rare, occasional night apart. It’s so natural, the way our relationship has fallen into place.
The future of the Glitter Bats feels uncertain, but I know Keeley and I are headed somewhere exciting.
Which is why I’m an absolute jerk, because I’m at yet another meeting for Into the Dragon Realm that’s going impossibly late, and Keeley and I were supposed to try a new recipe together tonight instead of going out.
We’re trying to save money in case we drain our savings to buy the masters, and cooking has been a fun challenge.
I text her, repeatedly, whenever I get the chance, and all of her responses are understanding.
Me: I’m so, so, so sorry.
Keeley: You already said that. It’s fine.
Me: I know. I promise, I’ll be there as soon as I can. We can still cook, right?
Keeley: It’s okay! I know you’re busy.
It’s not okay, though, and I’m tired of this pattern of blowing her off when I’d rather be with her than anyone else.
When I finally get out of the conference room, I race home as quickly as I possibly can.
Keeley’s Rivian is parked on the street in front of my place, and it fills me with hope that the night isn’t completely ruined.
I recently gave her a key, for the sake of practicality more than anything else.
Still, the guilt churns, deep and overwhelming, at the thought that she’s been waiting for me.
Mouth dry, I hasten up my walkway and head inside. Keeley is sitting on my sofa, cross-legged, her phone rotated sideways as she watches a video.
“Keeley,” I say, breathless. She glances over at me, a little ruefully, and my heart breaks at the disappointment she’s masking.
“There are leftovers in the fridge. Want me to heat them up for you?” she asks.
I gape. “You cooked it without me?”
She shrugs. “I was hungry. Plus, I had everything for the eggplant parmesan, and I’ve been wanting to practice making Italian ever since Valerie wooed us with that pasta last summer. Can’t have her being better than me at something.”
The words sound like Keeley, but the tone doesn’t. I rush over to her to press a kiss to her forehead. Normally I can’t reach with our height difference, but with the way she’s sitting, I can easily lean over. “I’m sorry,” I say, murmuring into her hair.
She sighs, leaning in so her head is resting against my sternum. “I missed you today.”
“I missed you too,” I say. “The meeting was long and exhausting.”
They’re already talking through season three…
and four and five. Because the songwriting is so integral to the show, my team got pulled into the writers’ room so we can prepare for the big emotional points.
If we wait until the whole season is written to start working on the music, the way we’ve done in the past, it’s going to delay production.
Today’s meeting proved we have to work at a breakneck pace if we want to speed Dragon Realm up to a two-seasons-per-year schedule.
So much for getting any rest. Now I really will have to worry about finishing my work on Half Moon Ranch 2 in my limited downtime.
The Dragon Realm writers are still hammering out some of the overall plot details, but once they have those, I’ll be able to grab my team and map out some songs. We have a few new characters coming in, so I’ll be writing for different voices and arcs.
It’s a good challenge. I enjoy a challenge.
But I’m also just so tired, and worried about sustaining this kind of pace.
I don’t know if I can do it, especially if we start to rerecord Glitter Bats material.
I love the idea in theory, I really do, but I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to work band stuff in with my demanding schedule over the next six months if rerecording is on the table.
We just have to hope we get those masters, so we can take a moment to breathe.
Keeley peers up at me. “Where’d you go?”
I sigh, sinking down on the couch next to her as she sits up. All of these things—whether they’re the band or the show or any other projects I get pulled into—will take me away from my time with her. “I’m sorry. My brain just won’t shut off.”
“If anyone can understand that, it’s me,” she says. “And it’s been a long day for you.”
She’s trying to minimize it, but I can tell she’s still bummed about tonight.
“I’m really sorry I missed our date,” I say, turning on the sofa so I’m facing her more fully. I press a kiss to her neck, just below her ear, then lower my voice to a whisper. “Can I make it up to you?”
Her eyes flutter closed. “God, yes.”
I catch her mouth in a long, lingering kiss that tastes like desire and peppermint toothpaste. My hands start wandering almost immediately, and Keeley places a hand on the one making its way to her breast.
She pulls back, pupils blown, but she manages a stern expression. “Nope. Upstairs is more comfortable. Last time you had me on my knees on this wooden floor, I was sore for two days.”
Laughing, I pull her in for another kiss.
“I’m not going to argue with that, but I think it was worth it,” I murmur against her mouth.
And then Keeley is standing, reaching her hands to my hips and yanking me up her body, so she’s cradling me against her.
Relishing the contact, I grind my hips against hers.
Keeley groans. “You are wicked, Jane Mercer.” She tugs me closer, stilling my movement.
“Are you going to let me fuck you or not?” I gasp.
Her breath hitches. “Let’s go.” With purpose, she walks in the direction of my stairs, not pausing to let me down. For a moment, I wonder if I’m too heavy, but Keeley doesn’t relent. She just keeps kissing me and holding me until we make it to the bottom of the stairs.
“Probably not the smartest idea to walk up the stairs like this,” she says, laughing a little. But it comes out breathy, and I can’t get over the idea that I affect Keeley Cunningham in this way.
“Come on,” I say, sliding down her body. She groans, but laces her fingers in mine, striding up the stairs two at a time. With my shorter legs, I practically have to run to keep up.
I don’t mind, though. I always want to follow her.
At the top of the landing, Keeley whirls around to kiss me again. Through the open window, my favorite one that looks out over the water, the cold, salty breeze whips around us, and I shiver a little as she holds me tighter. But I don’t dare let go.
Keeley pulls back at me, smiling. “I really, really like you.”
I beam up at her. “I like you too.”
“I want you to feel just how much I like you,” she says.
And then she’s whisking me into my own bedroom, practically shoving me onto the bed.
But oh, I fall willingly as she sinks on top of me.
Without even divesting me of my shirt, she makes her way down my body, pressing kisses over my clothes onto my breasts, my stomach, the gap of skin where my top has come untucked from my pants.
She swirls her tongue in a slow, languorous circle there, and I whimper.
“I’m supposed to be making it up to you,” I gasp, as she kisses my skin with her open mouth.
“Fine.” Keeley raises herself up on her hands so she’s hovering over me, caging me in. Her voice comes out low and raw, and there’s something electrifying, seeing her already desperate like this. “You must really like me or something,” she murmurs.
More than like, I almost admit, but I know it’s too soon.
We may have alluded to deep feelings back in Montana, but now that reality has kicked in, I’m scared to rush into things and ruin it all.
Still, right here, in this moment tucked away from the rest of the world, I can believe love isn’t so far out of reach. And I want to be sure she knows it.
I shimmy out from under her and start unbuttoning my shirt, slow and deliberate, reveling in the way her gaze roams hungrily over each newly revealed inch of skin.
“Take off your clothes for me,” I say, almost in challenge. Sometimes we battle like this, who gets to take control, but I’m not going to let her win this time.
Keeley swallows, but she doesn’t protest. No, she just sinks back on her heels and peels off her tank, then her shorts, quickly followed by the slide of form-fitting boxers and her sports bra.
She shoves all the clothing aside, leaving nothing but the perfect expanse of soft skin for my eyes to feast on.
I lean up and press a kiss to the tattoo on her rib cage, and she shudders.
“Oh god, I love your mouth, Jane,” she says, sighing dreamily.
My eyes spark with an idea that already makes me breathless as I sink back onto the bed. I crook a finger toward my chin. “You should sit on my face.”
Keeley’s eyes widen, her skin flushing with what I know is desire. But she still hesitates. “Uh, I…”
I prop myself up on my elbows and cock my head at her, feigning innocence. “Unless you don’t want to?” My words are playful, nonchalant, because I can see the tempted look in her liquid gaze. Oh, Keeley wants this; she’s just afraid to want it.
“It’s just…I’ll crush you.”
I laugh. “You’re not going to crush me, Keeley. Let me make you feel good.”
“Fuck, I can’t say no to that,” she says. I scoot myself up so my head is resting on the pillow, close to the headboard. Keeley places a thigh on either side of my rib cage, but I can tell she’s hesitant, even as the intoxicating scent of her arousal fills my lungs.
I don’t want her to hesitate. I want to get her off.
So I grab her thighs and tug her up to me.
Keeley gasps, gripping the headboard as I pull her closer, pressing a kiss to the inside of each thigh, then dragging my mouth across her core.
And then I’m lost in the taste of her. She sighs as I find the right rhythm, and then she’s relaxing into me, doing exactly what I wanted her to do.
Riding my face. Taking what she needs. I give her everything I can, gripping her thighs and adjusting my movements to chase the perfect keening sounds that come out of her mouth.
In my periphery, I can just make out her twisting her own nipples, edging herself closer, and I moan into her, relishing the fact that I made Keeley this wanton.
I grip her closer, and soon she’s crying my name, over and over again as her pussy clenches over me.
With one last cry, Keeley flips over and collapses on the pillow, tugging me against her damp skin.
“God, you’re good at eating me out,” she murmurs. “You make me feel so fucking good.”
I preen under her praise. It makes me a little possessive, and I know I want to be the only one who does this to her. Ever.
“Good. That’s all I want,” I say, because it’s all I can manage. “Even if it didn’t seem like it tonight. I’m still…just so, so sorry I missed our dinner.”
She shrugs, chuckling. “I can assure you I’m perfectly content right now.”
“It won’t happen again,” I say, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her closer.
Keeley groans into my shoulder. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. I feel too good to argue with you.”
“I can keep it,” I say, and I mean it.
My current pace is unsustainable. I’m wild about this woman, and she’s reminding me there’s more to life than working past burnout to crisis mode where I barely eat or sleep.
Everything feels so out of my control, and I know I’ll have to find some balance if I want to give our relationship a real chance.
We’ve enjoyed our stolen moments, but soon I know they won’t be enough. She deserves more than that.
There are so many layers to it: the ways our personal and professional lives intersect, figuring out when and how I may want to be more public about my identity, how much we share our relationship with the rest of the world.
And while I know Keeley would never rush me, I’m determined to figure this out.
Because I know she’s worth it. She’s worth anything.