Chapter 26 Keeley
Keeley
I wake up in the middle of the night in pure panic. After dinner, Jane and I had lazy sex in my bed until we fell asleep, tangled up together. Everything felt okay.
But now my bed is so cold I’m shivering.
I scramble up to a sitting position, trying to make sense of what’s happening.
Since I’m still ass naked, I tug on some sweats and a hoodie, shove my feet into slippers, and race out into the dark living room.
Part of me is terrified that she’s gone, disappeared into the night with nothing but memories left behind.
But the reality might be worse.
Jane is curled up in a ball on the floor next to the couch, huddled in one of the throw blankets, face illuminated by nothing but her phone screen. The light shines on tears streaming down her face.
My chest tightens. I sprint over to her side, crouching down next to her.
“What’s going on?”
Jane sniffs. “I caved and listened to the latest voicemail from my parents. They uninvited me to the wedding and…said a lot of other stuff.”
My breath catches as my heart breaks for her. If I ever get a chance to give the Mercers a piece of my mind, I’m not holding back. How fucking dare they do this to her?
“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.”
When I move to wrap my arms around her, she just shoves the phone at me. “And now Gossip Daily is at it again, and everyone’s talking about it. I can’t stop reading the comments.”
I take her phone, blinking my tired eyes to read an article that makes me want to vomit.
It’s not even Ryan Tate doing the damage this time—they’ve got Paige Hart in on it too.
I’ve never liked the woman—she’s the kind of fake nice that has always set my teeth on edge—and the article confirms my suspicions that she’s just as bad as her colleague.
These juicy photos PROVE Jane Mercer has been a secret lesbian this whole time! What else is she hiding? We have theories!
The worst part is, salacious captions aside, the photos aren’t damning.
They’re just pictures of Jane and I together over the years, smiling, laughing, leaning on each other.
More proof that this magic happening between us was inevitable.
If I’d stumbled upon these photos out of context, I might not think anything of it, other than fondness for those memories.
But the article is, of course, vile, and the comments are vicious.
And…oh god. A few religious people got in there.
I almost lose my grip on the phone because my hands are shaking so hard, and I don’t know if it’s with anxiety or pure, unbridled rage.
With the familiar all-caps rhetoric about hell and homosexuality, and the pasted images of bad graphic design plastered with Bible verses and American flags, it’s no wonder Jane isn’t smiling. This is her worst nightmare.
She ran from people like that, and she still can’t escape.
“Part of me wants to scream, I’M BISEXUAL ACTUALLY from the rooftops, but I don’t even know where to start,” she says, sniffling.
I pull her into my arms. “I’m so sorry.”
“What did I do to deserve this?” Her voice trembles, and she takes her phone back from me, gingerly setting it down on the carpet before nestling into my shoulder, blanket and all.
“I’ve always been kind to the press! What gives them the right to talk about my personal life at all?
I only ever wanted to make music with the people I love and work on interesting projects. ”
“And you should get to do that,” I say gently, squeezing her tighter.
She shouldn’t be in this position at all.
We didn’t know what we were getting into when we signed that first record deal, and the reality has been a lot of heartache.
But, by some miracle, Jane has been able to escape it… until now.
She pulls out of my arms, looking at me with sad eyes, and I know she’s thinking the same thing.
“Do you want to know the worst part? Even when all of this was happening to Valerie, even when I saw firsthand how much it broke her, I thought I was safe! I thought if I was nice enough, was pleasant enough, no one would ever go after me. And none of that fucking mattered! They’ve made me scared to go outside!
” She lets out a sob, and presses her hand to her mouth, and oh, I wish I could make all of this hurt go away.
“You deserved so much better,” I say, folding my legs into a pretzel to face her properly. No one’s coming-out experience is the same, but these assholes took all of Jane’s choices from her. It makes me sick.
“I don’t like feeling helpless and afraid,” she says softly.
“I know,” I say, because I don’t know what else is left. “What can I do?”
Jane sniffs again, shrugging the blanket tighter around her.
“I think…I think I need to take some time.”
“Oh.” I freeze, feeling as if the floor is about to fall out from under me. “Yeah, okay, whatever you need.”
Her eyes widen, and she reaches a hand out of her blanket cocoon to grab mine. “No, Keeley, I don’t want to break up. I just…I have to clear my head.”
I swallow. “And you can’t…do that here?”
She hiccups out another sob. “I don’t know. I’m so confused. This was supposed to be my choice, and those jerks stole it from me, and if I’m here…I’m afraid I’ll let myself hide forever. Things between us just happened so fast, and I just…I need time to think.”
It doesn’t make sense, and yet, I have to respect what she wants. Jane has just gone through a ton of trauma in the worst way imaginable, and if being here isn’t helping her, then I have to let her go.
Even if it feels so wrong it makes me want to scream.
“I can take you home in the morning,” I say.
Jane pulls her hand from mine, and it nearly breaks me. “I can’t ask you to do that. It’s fine. I’ll figure it out.”
I hear what she’s really saying, that she doesn’t want me to take her home.
She doesn’t want to be seen in public with me, to fan the flames of this horrible moment any more than we already have.
But she didn’t bring her car in our haste to get out of her house, so she’s literally stuck with me until we figure out an alternative.
“I understand. You can pack. I’ll take care of the details,” I say.
“Are you sure?” she asks, so softly I barely hear her. Every molecule in my body wants to pull her close, to hold her and tell her it’s going to be okay, but I know that’s the opposite of what she’s asking for. Even if it hurts.
So instead, I jump up, putting physical distance between us. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
I want to ask if she’s coming back to bed, but we both know she’s not. If Jane is asking for time, I’ll give it to her, even if it makes me want to fucking shatter into a million pieces. When Jane doesn’t follow me, I slip into my bedroom.
Maybe I can’t be there for her right now, but…shit, I know someone who can help. It’s one a.m., but he’ll be awake. I shut my bedroom door for some privacy, trying not to look at the bed, trying to will away the memories of what Jane and I shared just hours ago as I pull up the contact.
Riker answers my call on the first ring. “Keeley? What’s wrong?”
My head spins. “Are you awake?”
“Of course I’m awake. But you’re usually zonked out by ten.
So again I’m begging you: What’s wrong?” There’s an urgency in his tone I haven’t heard in a long time, and I feel bad for freaking him out.
Riker has reliably been a night owl since we were kids, when he would stream video games late into the night to wind down from overhearing his parents’ screaming matches.
So I expected he’d answer, but hearing his voice and knowing there’s someone else I can trust to understand the gravity of this situation almost eases my raging panic.
“It’s Jane.”
“Fuck, what happened?”
“She’s fine, physically, but she saw some more of the media and…she’s not okay. She said she needs time.” It breaks me even more to confide those words in someone else, and my voice wavers. “I want to give her that, but she shouldn’t be alone right now. Can you just…”
“Oh shit, yeah, I can be there. Give me twenty minutes?”
I blink. “I was just going to ask you to take her home in the morning, but…yeah, maybe you should come over now.” Suddenly, I feel like such an asshole for being so jealous of Riker’s friendship with Jane. I know that relationship is what she can lean on now.
She can have all the space she needs, but she doesn’t have to be alone.
“Done. And Keeley?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for calling me. I know you have always felt a little weird about my friendship with Jane—”
“I don’t feel weird!” I protest.
He groans. “Don’t lie to me, Keels. That makes it worse. But Janey is like my sister, you know that, right?”
I relent, sinking onto my bed. Because sure, I’ve been jealous, but when I really look at their relationship over the years, I know it’s nothing more than platonic. They both had shitty families, and they bonded over that. I can’t hold that against them. “Yeah, I know.”
“Good, because sometimes it seems like you’re threatened by me, which is ridiculous, because Jane is so in love with you that there might as well be no one else in the entire world.”
“Yeah, okay,” I say, not totally convinced.
If she’s so in love with me, maybe she wouldn’t leave.
The tiniest part of my brain keeps telling me I’m the problem.
I’m the reason Jane has to deal with any of this.
If it weren’t for me, she would still be happily living her life without public scrutiny.
And wanting distance, well…it kind of proves my point.
“Listen to me, Keeley. You’re going to give Jane space right now, because I know you’re respectful and all about boundaries and other well-adjusted shit, but you two can overcome this. I believe in Jeeley.”
I groan, and when my voice breaks I don’t know if it’s a sob or a laugh. “How dare you give us a ship name that bad.”
He laughs, and I can hear him in the background shuffling around his house and grabbing his keys. “No, trust me, I’ve been thinking about it for years, and this is the best option.”
“Years?” I scoff, but the idea actually makes me smile a little, even as I feel like my world is ending. Years makes it feel like this fragile thing between me and Jane is less likely to fall apart.
“Obviously. I’ve been rooting for you since high school.”
“Whatever.”
“Back to the point. You two do not have names that are easy to portmanteau. I mean, nothing is as bad as CalErie, but the options for you two are, like, Kane, MercIngham, or something old-school like ‘Fire and Ice.’ Although I was proud of that one. You get it?”
I groan. “Yes, the hair.”
“No! That’s the best part. You are all fiery and she’s icy cool as a cucumber most of the time, so it’s actually the opposite. Maybe I should suggest that one to MK to feed to the fandom…”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” I say. “And someday we’re going to talk about that whole situation.”
“There’s no situation, and oops, I’m about to get into the car and lose you. See you soon!”
I roll my eyes but end the call, and then the impending separation from Jane hits me, and I plunge into despair.
Instead of going out into my living room to wait with her, I hide in my room like a coward until the doorbell rings.
I keep it together when Riker steps inside, when he silently folds Jane into his arms, when he shoulders her bags and leads her out my door.
And then I’m faced with the reality that I’m alone. What does it mean for us if Jane needs space, but space is the absolute last thing I need? I just want her in my life. But she’s gone.
My legs give out, and I collapse onto the floor of my now-empty living room and cry.