Chapter 42 Rafael Santos
FORTY-TWO
RAFAEL SANTOS
Swirling the spoon through the chocolatey cereal, the pebbles that normally bring me happiness turn to ash in my mouth. What have I done?
More importantly, how do I fix it?
“Enjoy your cereal and then pack your shit.” McCrae waltzes into the kitchen, playing the indifferent part he’s too damn good at, and I snort. It’s a mask, a facade, and it’s not about to work with me.
“Or what, tough guy?”
His shoulders tighten, cords of muscle bulging in his neck as they threaten to snap. I take a bite of cereal, savoring the chocolate taste for the first time tonight.
Everything’s better when I’m pissing off McCrae.
He doesn’t turn around, but his voice lowers as he opens the fridge. “You will leave Santos—or should I say, Rafael?” He pulls out a beer and pops the cap before finally meeting my gaze.
Being the glutton for a beating that I am, I smirk. “I prefer Rafael. Santos is a little too saintly for me, if I’m being honest.”
McCrae’s nostrils flare. “If you’re being honest? You haven’t been honest a single day I’ve known you.”
I shrug, chewing the bite of cereal so slowly, the vein in his temple begins to throb. “To be fair, I thought you shot my brothers and murdered my little brother. I didn’t exactly owe you my honesty.”
“Well, now you know the truth—”
I stop him, setting down the spoon with a loud clatter before he can begin his signature McCrae tirade. “And so do you. We’re even. I don’t give a fuck what you think; only what Valentina thinks.”
He laughs, really laughs, his eyes widening like I’ve just told him the funniest joke.
“Valentina? She’ll never forgive you. That’s not who she is.
She might have said that shit earlier, but that’s only because she wants to be different, not because she’s capable of actually being different.
” He takes another swig. “It doesn’t matter to me.
I care about her just the way she is. I always have.
I protect her when she needs it, whatever the fallout may be, and start over the next day.
She deserves someone to be there for her, despite how difficult it may be. ”
His words are like a physical blow, each one hitting closer to my already-bruised heart. Standing to my full height, I place my balled fists atop the counter, leaning my weight on them to keep from throwing them in McCrae’s smug face.
“How dare you.” My voice quivers, and his brows instantly drop.
“What the fuck—”
“V’s not deserving of love despite how difficult she is. She isn’t difficult—she’s tortured. She’s deserving of love because she’s the strongest, bravest, most beautiful woman alive, and if you don’t fucking know that already, you don’t deserve her.”
McCrae’s jaw slackens, caught off guard in the worst way by my outburst. He’s clearly never seen anyone defend Valentina the way she deserves, and it’s fucking heartbreaking.
I don’t blame him for seeing her that way. I don’t blame him for caring for her the only way he’s ever known. But I won’t stand by and allow her to think that’s all she deserves—not anymore.
“Valentina’s been through more horrors than you can imagine; surely, you can allow her to have her happiness, even if it’s at your own expense.”
McCrae’s lip curls. “Fuck you, Rafael. I’ve done nothing but stand by her from the moment I’ve met her. I’ve killed for her. What the hell have you done?”
“She doesn’t need a fucking knight or a guardian angel. She needs a damn friend.”
His eyes roll, throwing his hands in the air. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“I’m not fighting her battles for her, McCrae. She doesn’t need that—all that’s done is cripple her. She needs someone to have her back, support her while she hurts, believe in her and cheer her on. She doesn’t need a savior, she needs a fucking partner.”
McCrae’s knuckles crack around the glass bottle, “you sure have a lot of fucking opinions for a guy who planned to fucking kill her.”
I rub a hand down my face. “I was never going to kill her, and you know it. I felt like I had to seek revenge for my family's honor—it’s what my older brother would have expected. You know, older brothers. They’ve got a lot of heavy expectations.”
“Don’t,” McCrae snarls, and I’m grateful for the granite separating us.
I shrug, feigning indifference. “What? I was talking about my own older brothers. If you take offense, that’s your own shit to work out. But if I can give you some advice, don’t wait too long. You never know what might happen to them.”
“Is that a fucking threat?” McCrae’s voice booms in the kitchen, the glass cabinets rattling, and I cling to the mask of nonchalance.
“No, McCrae. It’s a reality. Life doesn’t wait for you to fix things before it fucks everything up. Trust me.”
“You will leave Valentina alone.”
I don’t so much as breathe as I glare at him, matching the fire in his eyes with my own. “I won’t. I love her, and I won’t give her up. Not unless she asks me to.”
McCrae’s fire snuffs out in an instant, the bottle quivering in his grip.
“You…love her?”
“Why’re you so surprised by that?”
“Does she know?”
I chew my lip, hating he’s the first one I’ve told. He doesn’t deserve an explanation, but I give him one anyway. “No, but I plan to prove it to her, as long as it takes.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What wouldn’t you do for Faith?”
His eyes narrow, and I offer a weak smile. “It’s not the same.”
“Yes it is. The difference is, I’ve admitted it to myself. We’re addicts, you and I, both recovering from heartbreak and devastation. I’m simply at the acceptance phase while you’re stuck in denial.”
“I don’t—”
I wave him off. “I honestly don’t care what you tell yourself.
Know this: I’m not leaving Valentina, but you are.
She cares about you deeply—I’m not blind—but she sees you as her savior, her safety blanket.
In a world that’s done nothing but hurt her, you’re the one thing that’s stopped the torture.
But she’s stronger than that, and she’s coming to learn it.
Valentina killed her attacker all on her own.
She fought him off, put a bullet in his neck because she valued her life more than someone else's for the first time ever.”
“I made sure he won’t come back to haunt her. I took his car—which was stolen, by the way, to the dump—where I watched them crush it. And as far as the body, I called in a final favor, getting his lousy ass fried to a crisp.”
“Great, you cleaned up her mess. That doesn’t mean you saved her.
” He looks truly confused at that. “She saved herself, McCrae. When I found her, she was prepared to turn herself in and accept the consequences. The woman I met months ago would have simply killed herself or let the man kill her, whichever ended her suffering faster. But this Valentina—”
“She wants to live. Because of you.”
I shrug again, pushing off the bar stool, “I don’t know. But I know I’m going to stick around and play whatever part I can in her journey to happiness. There’s no other purpose to my life now—Valentina’s everything.”