Chapter 49
FORTY-NINE
VALENTINA
“No way are they letting you in with that mutt.” McCrae leans back in the Adirondack chair, his feet propped on the railing. He looks like a guard dog watching the front door, cigarette smoke still spiraling around his head in a ominous halo.
It’s the first time I’ve seen him since he moved out weeks ago, and as much as I’ve missed him, it only makes me realize how strong and independent I’ve become.
“They let you in, don’t they?” Rafael walks up the stairs behind me, wrapping his arm around my neck. We stand shoulder to shoulder, the squirming ball in question whining impatiently in my arms.
McCrae’s frown deepens, his eyes sharp as they drink us in.
Part of me wants to know what he’s thinking. Does he approve? Does he see how strong I’m becoming?
I shake my head, looking down at Willy, reminding myself it doesn’t matter what he thinks. It’s my life, and I’m happy.
“McCrae, are you coming inside—” Faith slams open the front door but jumps back when she spots us, clutching her chest. Her confusion instantly transforms into one of pure joy, her entire face lighting up.
“Valentina, Rafael, you came! Oh my gosh, get in here!” She grabs my arm, dragging me forward.
Rafael’s arm drops, hooking his pointer finger into my back pocket as he stumbles to keep up. “Guys, they’re here!”
My face instantly flames, and, not for the first time, I contemplate running for the hills. I don’t like being the center of attention, especially around people who matter. Even as terror fills me, curiosity does too.
I’ve never been a part of a group; our family was broken from the start, and I’m curious how the other half lives. Is it as great as I’ve made it to be in my head?
Adalene is the first to greet us, her face bright and rosy, dark freckles prominent across her nose. For half a beat, fear consumes me. The last time I was at their house, I stood outside their window and pointed a gun at her.
How can she possibly forgive me for that?
“Wine?” I extend my hand, and her eyes drop downward to my offering.
Her eyebrows rise, but so do the corners of her mouth. “Is the puppy’s name Wine?”
I look down, realizing I’m offering Willy instead of the wine. I switch hands. “Sorry, uh, no. I’m keeping the dog. He’s far too emotionally attached.”
“He wouldn’t care as long as you feed him table scraps the way V does.”
I scoff, looking over my shoulder at Rafael. “He’s my baby and he knows it. He’d never go to anyone else.”
As the words slip from my lips, Willy jumps from my arms, bounding down the hallway with a whoop. I stare in horror. “I’m so sorry. I’ll go get him.”
Dale laughs, grabbing my wrist. “He’s fine. He might not leave you for a human, but Queen Tut will surely be interesting for him.”
“Your cat?” I remember McCrae mentioning something about a giant orange beast once.
She smiles wider. “The older of the two, yes. Mateo got me a kitten for Christmas, but we haven’t come up with a good name.”
“Don’t ask Valentina for help with that,” Rafael grumbles, crossing his arms.
I glare at him. “Flea Willy is an incredible name for the ugly duckling. Almost as fitting at Rafael Santos—”
“Watch it.” But there’s no real anger in his voice, only heated promise. My toes curl at the insinuation.
“Shew.” Faith fans herself, her eyes dancing between us. “Y’all are fucking hot.”
“Faith—”
“Who’s hot?” Stetson and Poppy walk into the entry, everyone crowding like this is the place to congregate. It’s bizarre. And secretly wonderful.
“These two love birds.”
“Faith—” I warn again, my eyes widening. She just shrugs, always unafraid of anything.
“Can we please move farther into the house? I’m tired of looking at the back of Rafael’s giant head.”
Faith rolls her eyes. “Yes, McCrae. Sorry you were so inconvenienced.” She’s sassy with him, and fuck, if he doesn’t deserve it.
We move farther into the house, and I try not to gawk. Lights and Christmas decor litter the space—it’s like a Christmas store ate something purple and gold and then threw up in here.
“It’s uh—”
“A lot? Agreed,” McCrae grumbles, finally pushing past us to walk toward the table of drinks. He hesitates before grabbing a beer and then retreats to a corner of the room, posting up once more, content to watch everyone.
He’s here but still not one of them. A pang of pity fills my chest. It’s painfully clear he wants to be included. He just doesn't know how.
“Hi.” A young girl walks forward, her dainty face pinkening as she fidgets on her feet. Her fingers tangle in a delicate chain around her neck, the diamond horse pin refracting light as she fondles it.
I awkwardly smile at her. “Hi.”
Her blue eyes bounce to Faith before she sticks out her hand. “I’m Reiny.”
I quickly take the extended offering. “Reiny, of course you are. You look just like your sister. Nice to meet you.” She shakes my hand with almost a practiced measure, like she’s been taught such manners, and I smile.
Kids these days rarely know formality, and it’s not surprising that Faith’s younger sister would be the outlier—just like Faith herself.
I quickly trace the rest of her features, taken aback by how much she really does look like Faith. Her hair’s blonde—even paler than Faith’s—with wide, eager eyes that are navy blue instead of green and a perfect, matching, dainty nose. She’s incredibly thin, like Faith, not yet filled out.
“Wow, I can’t believe how much you two look alike,” I state, looking between them.
Faith and Reiny both blush, a matching set, and I laugh at the sight.
“Moreen says we’re cut from the same cloth.” Reiny pulls her hand back, pushing it deep into her pants pocket.
“How much older are you again?” I ask Faith.
She chews her lip a second before putting her hand on Reiny’s shoulder. “Fourteen years.”
McCrae coughs from his perch in the corner, and I pin him with a questioning gaze. He waves me off, refusing to make eye contact, and I can’t help but wonder what that’s about.
“Anyway, I’m excited to meet you, Valentina.
Faith’s talked about you a lot.” Reiny smiles and then walks away, her fingers still tangling nervously in her necklace before she pulls out her phone and sinks into the purple velvet chair in the corner nearest McCrae.
He stares at her for several seconds before looking away, confusion flashing across his face for the briefest moment.
Dale scurries into the room again, setting up the dinner table. “Mateo’s here somewhere—” She’s dressed in dark wash jeans and a black blouse, simple but cute on her.
“It’s okay.” I don’t know what I’ll say to him when I see him anyways. Her eyes meet mine, soft but determined.
“You’re deserving of his time, V.”
I blink. How did she—
“Who’s deserving of what?” Mateo walks into the room, his cologne and enormous frame eating up the space. Just like when we were younger, his presence seems to overshadow mine, even as I’m the older sibling.
I feel Rafael squeeze my hand, just once.
Taking a deep breath, I face my brother, blurting out the rehearsed speech before I can chicken out.
Again. “Congratulations on your wedding.” The room goes quiet, like everyone’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I understand their fear, but I’m determined to wipe it from their minds.
Mateo’s eyes widen a fraction, so I barrel on.
“Rafael and I, we’d like to come. I’d love to stay in the lodge you have booked and help, but we’re also happy to stay somewhere else.
I already looked it up and found a hotel nearby.
Either way, I want to be there.” I inhale, realizing I stopped breathing somewhere in the middle there.
“If you’ll have me,” I tack on, feeling the nerves swirling in my stomach.
There’s silence, too much silence, and my need to flee becomes even greater by the second. Finally, Dale breaks the silence, “Mateo.” She scolds, her eyes icy as she glares at him.
He instantly straightens. “Of course we want you there.”
I nod, expecting that to be the end of it, even as my heart deflates.
It’s not perfect, but it’s a start, and I can live with that.
I hear a shuffling before a loud “oh” fills the room, and I look back up at Mateo, who’s red-faced, staring down at Dale.
Her arms are crossed, and they’re having some kind of silent argument I know I want to be no part of.
Mateo meets my gaze. “Can we, uh, go outside for a minute? Rafael, help yourself to a drink, get comfortable. We’ll be right back.”
I look at Rafael, not sure if I should follow Mateo or not. I’m completely out of my element, swimming with my head bobbing in and out of the frozen water. One wrong move, and I know I’ll find myself sinking beneath the surface the way I’m so used to doing.
Rafael offers me a small smile but retreats further into the room, silently telling me it’s my choice, but he believes I’m strong enough. It’s all the reassurance I need.
“Sure.” I walk back out of the room and onto the front porch. Mateo instantly follows, closing the door behind him.
He’s silent for several seconds before sighing heavily.
“I’m sorry, V. For so much, but especially for not knowing what was happening to you and then resenting you for so many years because you were simply trying to protect yourself.
I remember—” his throat bobs, and I wonder if he’s going to cry.
“I remember when you tried to kill yourself. I was so angry, because I thought you were just being selfish, wanting more attention. I understand now, and it breaks my heart to know I wasn’t there for you the way you deserved. I never was.”
I blink back tears, not having expected such a confession today. It flays me open, exposing my shriveled heart to the storm that is my life.
“You couldn’t have known. I worked so hard to make sure you didn’t—I wanted to protect you. Now, I know it was all unintentional manipulation. I shouldn’t have tried to control your emotions, but I appreciate you saying all that just the same.”
His lips wobbles, and he shifts back and forth on his feet. Chills crawl down my arms as I rub them to keep away the discomfort.
“I want you at the wedding. I want you at the lodge. I want you in my life, as much as you’re able.”
And the damn bursts, tears falling down my cheeks in hot droplets. I wipe them off my chin. “I want to be in your life.”
I don’t realize it’s happening until I’m not longer cold. Mateo’s arms wrap around me, squeezing, and I let him hold me. When we pull away, he holds me at arm’s length, looking over my face. “Are you going to be okay? Are you happy?”
“I’m working on both,” I say honestly.
“Can I be part of helping? I think I need to know more things, hear more about your life—when you’re willing, that is.”
I nod, feeling relief flood me.
“And Dale told me about this idea for Faith. I’d love to be a part of that too. Could we start in a week or so, just go to the old building and see where to start?”
“Yes.” I smile at him.
It’s the tiny green olive branch I needed.