CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Since Ben, Danny, and I were away dealing with our contract with the DEA, Haley was rescheduling our meetings with private clients for when we went back home.
After being kicked out of the DEA, I decided to start my own company. One where I wouldn’t be at risk of getting fired for trying to do the right thing. Or so I thought.
I wasn’t in the mood for a trip down memory lane, but the memories assaulted me anyway.
Years back, when I was forced to leave a job I loved, my first order of business was to call Benny, Danny, and Zach to be a part of it. If I was going to build something big and dangerous like that, I wanted people I trusted to be with me. Benny and Zach jumped right into it, and Bryants she didn’t resist his violence and was murdered by the devil.
Even after her death, Michael Walker still made Benny’s life a living hell. We were all teenagers when the three of us fought him off—not before he managed to physically assault me and Benny. That night, after his vicious attack—that left me and Benny limping and bleeding—Zach and I took him to our place for good, and our parents turned him into an honorary Bryant.
Benny lived with us until he and Zach left for the Navy. Once they joined the SEAL program, they met Danny, and our family became bigger. During their time in the Navy, Danny met Andrea, his ex-wife, and they got pregnant. Little Sofia was as much a part of our family as any of us, but for the life of me, I couldn’t find one single thing to like about Andrea. Thank God, he divorced her sorry ass .
She forced him out of the Navy with a newborn on the way, so I pulled some strings to have him working with me at the DEA. When I was canned and decided to start a company, she threw a fit so Danny wouldn’t join us. Until he finally did.We were creating a name for ourselves and in desperate need of a receptionist, someone who could help us deal with our daily operations without dealing with the investigative side of things.
Enter Haley Brooks. The sweetest person I’d ever known. She walked into our atrium with a desperate and pleading look, yearning for a job to support her and her newborn son, Gabe—my nephew from the heart.
She started working for us right away, and a few days after that, the two of them moved in with me and Hugo, my furry companion. He hadn’t retrieved gold yet, but he did make my life brighter.
They were all my family. And we’d all been inseparable ever since.
Until I killed my brother.
Zach wasn’t only my big brother. He was my best friend. My confidant. My partner. My hero.
And I made him my victim.
I was fooling myself thinking ending the cartel would bring me some kind of peace. Nothing could make his loss feel better but having him back. Which was impossible.
I couldn’t even decide what was worse: the guilt over what I’d done, the excruciating grief, or not being able to spend more time with my parents, forever being the reminder of the son I made them bury. Hearing Haley crying in her room night after night, longing for the love they didn’t have the chance to experience, or all the times Gabe asked me when Zachy was coming back because he was so sure he would. With one bad movement, I managed to lose my brother, my parents’ son, Danny and Benny’s best friend, Gabe’s honorary father, and Haley’s love.
Talk about an overachiever.
As soon as we woke up, Benny, Danny, and I took the road back to Holy Water. And with all those happy thoughts, I arrived at my home.
I walked inside to the sound of Gabe’s sweet little-boy-voice as he talked to Hugo. I looked around as I always did when I got home, and welcomed the pain that assaulted me at the sight of all the portraits facing down on the mantle, the coffee table, the sideboard.
Facing down as they should be. Like the coward I was proving to be, I didn’t dare to look at Zach’s photos again.
Hugo was the first one to notice me. He ran my way barking, wiggling his butt, and grabbing everything on the way to show me. I loved up my good boy as Gabe screeched and sprinted to me.
“Auntie Mia! You’re home! ”
I squeezed him into my chest for a big hug and sat on the floor to refuel myself on their love. “I missed you so much, Gabe-boy. So, so much. How were your days? Did you and Hugo give your mother any trouble?”
Still attached to my neck, he shook his head. “We were good to her, Gamma, and Pawpaw.”
I couldn’t help smiling every time he called my parents that. Haley walked toward us, and I stood up to hug her and kiss her cheek. “Was everything okay around here?”
She nodded and threw me a smile that never reached her eyes. And my guilt intensified. “Hugo and Gabe were indeed very good to me. The company is okay, although you and the guys already have some meetings lined up. We also spent a lot of time with your parents. They miss you,” she whispered the last part.
My last attempt at going to their place after Zach’s death was more than I could withstand. It was just too painful.
I was still recovering from her comment when Gabe tapped my leg. “Auntie Mia, did you see Zachy while you were away?”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Haley turn her back to us, squeezing her eyes and holding her chest. I took in a shaky breath, squatted in front of him, and smiled as best as I could against the sting in my nose and the wetness of my eyes.
“I’m sorry, kiddo, but I didn’t. ”
His eyes lost a bit of their sparkle before he smiled brightly again. “That’s okay. He’ll be back soon. I need to show you my new game!”
He ran to his room as Hugo barked after him. I had no idea what to say to Haley. How many times could I say ‘I’m sorry?’ And what difference did it make?
No matter how hard she tried to tell me it wasn’t my fault, there was no ignoring I was the one who pulled the pin on that damn grenade. The one that ignited all the others. The one that sealed my brother’s fate.
The last few days were a myriad of emotions. I was arrested. We advanced in our investigation. We were betrayed—again. We almost died—also again. And we knew for certain more than the cartel was working against us.
I went from despising Ethan’s presence to feeling anything other than pain in his arms for the first time in forever. I moved from not trusting him to feeling more centered when he was around. And I hated that.
He was more than the man working for the same agency that betrayed me—taking my job and everything. Not only was he the first person who ever challenged me, but he was also the first one to make me forget about my grief.
To say he left me out of sorts was an understatement. He made me feel things I wasn’t ready to acknowledge. He invoked emotions in me that I didn’t deserve to experience. He was a good guy, so far trustworthy and filled with principles.
While I was the one who ruined my family.
As unfair and childish as it was, it made me mad at Ethan that he could be the perfect person for me during the worst possible time. I resented the day we met because it brought an illusion of healing I had no business having.
And to make it even worse, Haley was about to throw an unexpected blow.
She touched my arm lightly. “Can we talk?”
I gulped at her serious tone. Not even her melodic voice could attenuate it.
We sat down on the sofa, and she rubbed her hands over her legs. “When I arrived in Holy Water, I was so scared. You know most of my story, and it wasn’t pretty. I’d been running for a long time, looking back over my shoulder, terrified he would find me again and drag me back.”
She never told me who he was. All I knew was Gabe’s father was the devil impersonated. And as theories grew in my head about who he could be, I got more and more distressed. And more desperate to bring the cartel down.
Haley went on. “I had nowhere to go, an infant who would soon succumb if I didn’t find help soon, and a terror so great that it didn't let me sleep a wink. Then I met you and your family.” She choked on her words, and I took her hands in mine. “You gave me more than my job. You gave me what I’d never had before. Friends. A family. A home. Safety. The love of my life.” She covered her mouth to control her sobs, as I squeezed her other hand. “You’re not just my best friend. You’re my sister.”
I bit my lip and let a tear run down my face.
She ran her free hand across her cheeks to dry her tears. “I’ll be forever grateful for everything you did. I could never forget how my life turned around to something way more beautiful than I could ever imagine. But…I think…I think it’s time for me to learn how to be more independent. That’s why Gabe and I are moving out.”
It felt like a punch in my stomach.
I concealed my gasp and whispered, “What?”
“We’re not going far,” she hurried to explain. “I was just wondering, since the unit upstairs is vacant, maybe I could rent it from you.”
“But why?”
She looked down at our hands. “Since my parents passed away, I was forced to grow up quickly, but I had my foster parents to take care of me. Then I met Gabe’s… father , and my life was a freaking hell. When I finally managed to escape, I found you.” She squeezed my hand. “You took me in, you protected me and Gabe. Then Z-Zach did. And I feel like it’s time for me to learn how to do that on my own. I owe it to Gabe to be independent. I owe it to myself. And I’m only strong enough to do so now because you, your brother, and your family have been by my side this whole time.” She giggled. “And because I plan on living right above you. Please, don’t think of this as me and Gabe abandoning you.”
I smiled at her reassuringly. “I know you aren’t. Even though you’ll be living just a few feet away, I’m going to miss you two like crazy. But I’m proud of you for taking that step. It’s empowering. And after everything you’ve been through, I’m sure it’s freeing.”
She scooched closer to me, and we rested against each other.
“Do you think he would be okay with my decision?” she whispered, and I had to control my breathing again.
“I’ve no doubts about it. He’d support all your decisions. And he’d be proud as hell. He already was. He loved you so much,” I said quietly.
“Sometimes, I pretend he’s just traveling, and he’ll be back any day now. When I think about that, I feel a little better. Like he isn’t gone. He’s just a little late.”
We stayed curled on the sofa, seeking comfort in Hugo and Gabe playing together.
“I’m sorry.”
She leaned her head to look at me. “For what?”
“For making him more than just a little late . ”
She shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault, Mia. You were also a victim of the circumstances. It could’ve very easily been you we were mourning.”
And I never wished for something so hard. That it was me who was gone, and not my brother. But I couldn’t tell her that. Instead, I gave her the key to the unit upstairs so she could look around again and picture her future with Gabe.
I knew she wasn’t abandoning me. I was aware her decision was healthy, and I was genuinely happy for her. Just like I was happy for Danny and Benny for finding their happily-ever-after with their women and kids.
But finding one of Zach’s origami stuffed between the cushions of my couch wasn’t helping my ever-growing turmoil.
As I clutched his figurine and looked around at my empty place, hearing Gabe, Hugo, and Haley upstairs; as I missed my parents for not being able to face them again; as I watched Danny and Benny building their families through pain, love, and loss; as I witnessed Aaron struggling with his job, not knowing what to do about his friend Ariel; as my chest constricted in pain every time I thought about Zach and missed his voice; as I thought about Ethan’s body over mine, making me feel cared for and safe in a grief-less cocoon…I couldn’t help realizing I’d never felt more alone.