CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Ben was an epic jerk. I knew it made sense for Ethan to stay at my place—especially since I was kind of, sort of, maybe a little bit the reason why the B&B had kicked him out. I knew it was best for us to stick together if it meant being safer and working together.
I was also very much aware that being in such close quarters with Ethan could be a risk to my sanity. And my self-control.
Hence, Ben being a jerk .
I set up the spare room for Ethan and started a game where I pretended I wasn’t freaking out about his imminent arrival. Even Hugo seemed excited. No. Not excited. That wasn’t the right word, because I wasn’t excited. Anxious. Annoyed. Indifferent. Definitely not excited.
I was organizing my stuff when he rang the doorbell. I opened the door for him and congratulated myself for not staring at his colorful, strong arms. It would’ve been easy to ignore the effects he had on me if he weren’t wearing his damn glasses.
He waved endearingly awkwardly. “I hope you didn’t change your mind. My car is kind of small for me to sleep in.”
I smiled at him. “You’re lucky I’m such a nice person. I’m about to go get a shower, so why don’t you come in?”
“Sure. Do you have an extra towel?”
I burst out a surprised laughter. “Would you look at that? Phoenix is a naughty bird. What would you do if I took you up on your offer?”
His eyes rounded a little as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and rubbed his hands on his pants. “Probably freak out at first. Then accept the invitation.”
I suppressed a grin. “You’d better come in. If I hit you out here, you’ll fall down the porch stairs. We don’t want that.”
He pulled the strap of his backpack onto his shoulder and walked inside laughing. Hugo sauntered our way, and I could swear he’d never been so hospitable. Ben might be on to something—Hugo could be a little shit.
“This again, Hugo? You traitor.”
Ethan squatted to love up my good boy and chuckled. It was hard to keep my shudder at bay at his laughter and grave voice. “I’m relieved to know he won’t attack me at any moment. At least I’m safe with one of you.” He looked around the space, avoiding my frown. “Your home is really cool.”
“Thank you. It’s my little cocoon.”
“It looks very cozy.” He leaned his head to the side. “What’s with all the portraits facing down?”
“Don’t touch them!”
“I…wasn’t going to.”
I shifted my weight between my legs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply you were. Or to snap at you. It’s just…they need to stay as they are.”
After a bit, he asked quietly, “Are they photos of your brother?”
I bit my bottom lip and looked at the mantel where once I could see Zach’s beautiful smile. “I just can’t look at them.”
He touched the back of my neck and squeezed it in comfort, and I leaned in a little closer to his side. “Then I won’t look at them as well.”
I cleared my throat. Things were getting too real and intense. I wasn’t in the mood to leave the house, but maybe it’d be better if I didn’t stay with him alone at home.
“I was thinking, maybe changing the scenery a bit could be fun. What do you think about getting out to eat something?”
He threw me a boyish grin. “As you wish. Anything for you.”
Damn, he was good.
We arrived at All In One, and I couldn’t wait to watch his reaction at the pub. I wasn’t one for getting out much, but that place was an institution, and for whatever stupid reason, I wanted Ethan to enjoy it as well.
“Interesting choice of name.”
“And you’ll see soon it’s very fitting,” I assured him.
We walked inside, and I let him soak the view in. He watched in awe at the different photos and decorations on the walls. From the pride flag to the Harley picture. From the romantic setting to the crocheted appliances. It was a place for everyone, and it made me love my small town a little bit more.
He smiled in awe. “I guess everyone is welcome.”
“No Holy-Waterers stay behind. And our friends don’t either. Come on, let’s find us a table.”
I pulled his hand, and we meandered through the patrons until we found a quieter booth, decorated with an adorable set of amigurumi little animals and crochet table settings. The place was still quiet given the early hour, but I was sure it would change in a while.
He picked up the little wolf and chuckled. “This place is a gem. Thank you for bringing me here.”
“Of course. It’s like a rite of passage. After tonight, you can even say you’re a local. But if you really aim to be a Holy-Waterer, then you need to engage in the thematic activities.”
“What are they?”
I ticked them off my finger. “Well, we have bingo night for the elderly. I came with your grandfather once, and he seemed to have fun. He didn’t groan at more than three people that night.”
He laughed, and I was enthralled by his crooked canine. I was in so much trouble.
“Knowing my pop, I can assure you that’s proof of a very successful night. What else?”
“Gay trivia. We have to come to one of those. They’re crazy fun, and the food is amazing.” I tapped on the table and looked around. “I’m a little lost on the calendar, but I think today is for the MC nearby. Damn, it’ll get loud. They don’t do much. Just eat, drink, and play cards or whatever. But the onion rings are always better on MC night. I don’t know why, and Hank—the owner—never admitted it, but they taste better. And then we have the couple’s night if you’re looking for something more romantic.”
“You didn’t bring Pop to one of those, did you?”
I laughed. “I’m trying to, but he’s playing hard to get.”
He shook his head with an amused grin on his tempting lips. “I find it hard to believe. That man will do anything you ask of him. You’ve done the impossible: you befriended the Grinch.”
“Oh my God, he’s such a Grinch. Although a lovely Grinch.”
He snorted. “I’m sure some people might disagree with ‘lovely.’”
“Starting with Benny. John isn’t very fond of him since he knocked Izzie up. Benny gets all uncomfortable, trying to win your grandfather over. It’s hilarious.”
“Maybe we should schedule a new dinner with Pop and invite Ben in.”
I laughed at the idea—already thinking about the closest date to do so.
A waitress came over to take up our orders of drinks and appetizers, and I waited for her to walk away.
“Does it bother you that I’m close to him?”
He thought for a moment, and it was refreshing to meet someone who did so before speaking.
“I won’t say it didn’t surprise me. But it’s reassuring to know he isn’t alone here, that someone in this town cares about him.” He played with the little wolf still in his hands. “It just made me wonder…how can you have such a good relationship with an older, often belligerent man, yet you and I keep bumping heads?”
Because I don’t have the hots for your grandfather .
Before I could come up with a better response than that, a tall figure approached us. “I can’t believe you were able to get my geek brother to get out of the house. First my pop, now Ethan. Are you trying to make all the men of my family fall for you?”
“She didn’t try anything with you,” Ethan countered with annoyance.
Shane chuckled. “That’s very true. And I’d be very hurt if I wasn’t so thrilled to meet you both here.” He sat next to Ethan, pushing him to the side so he’d round the booth closer to me. “Scooch.”
I tried to ignore Ethan’s woodsy scent as best as I could as I gazed at his brother. “How are you enjoying your stay? Has Holy Water seduced you already?”
He leaned over the table on his forearms. “This town is awesome. I’ve been traveling for so long, I might stay for a little longer.”
“Ethan told me you’re here for the MC reunion. Are you a member of any club? ”
He shook his head. “Not anymore. I might try my luck with a new one.”
Ethan looked at him with worry. “Is that a good idea after everything you’ve been through?”
Shane’s demeanor changed, his jaw ticked, and his eyes turned cold. Not at his brother, though, more like at the world. “Some mistakes I only make once.” He slapped Ethan’s arm. “You worry too much. I’ll be fine.”
I knew better than to meddle in someone’s story, but I knew the area and maybe could help a little. “Not that it’s any of my business, but I assume you’ve heard about The Shadow Guardians. They’re hosting the reunion.”
“Sure, they’re widely known.”
“And the guys are great, I can vouch for them. They’re based in Gratitude, a town over, and I’ve known some of them for years. I also know the president. If you’d like, I could introduce you two.”
Behind his flirty grin—which seemed to annoy Ethan, much to my begrudged delight—there seemed to be gratitude as well. “Keep her around, Ethan. And don’t screw this up.”
Ethan glared at him as Shane stood up to grab a drink, and it wasn’t lost on me that Ethan leaned a little closer to me. That my heart sped up a little was just a coincidence.
I was getting the impression that the Cross brothers needed more than more time with their pop. They were searching for a place to call home.
If I could help them with that, I’d be happy to. And if Ethan were to stay a while longer, that mightn’t be the worst thing.
Our order arrived, and Ethan and I resumed talking. It must’ve been the longest we spent together without driving each other crazy.
He was brilliant, fun, endearingly shy, and thoughtful. I already knew he was incredibly competent, and as much as it pained me to admit, working with him was challenging and exciting. But beyond that, he was caring and loyal. He spoke about his family with so much love, it was impossible not to smile at his sweet remarks.
As he relayed to me his time in the army after leaving college, and when he started at the DEA, and told me stories about him, his brother, and their grandparents, I realized how easy it was to talk to him. How comfortable we could be with each other. And how easily I could fall for him.
I studied him again in appreciation—and fear. He wore dark jeans and boots, a black buttoned-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up his forearms, exposing the ink in his arm. His dark-rimmed glasses enhanced his blue almost gray eyes, and his dark auburn hair was combed, yet he didn’t mind running his hands through it. I wouldn’t either.
I glanced down at myself—the red silk blouse hugging my chest, the black skirt above my knee, and my high-heeled boots, drawing attention to my legs. I looked up at Ethan again and noticed he was checking me out as discreetly as he could, then averted his eyes quickly when he realized I caught him.
That was when I realized my mistake. I was so eager to get us out of the house for a safer environment that it didn’t register until then that I ended up throwing us right into a first date.
I was on the verge of freaking out when more people joined us and saved me from the dangerous good guy sitting next to me.
Jimmy sauntered our way with skinny jeans, a bright purple shirt, boots, and a leather vest to match the MC scenery. Mark was his discreet self with dark gray dress pants and a white buttoned-down shirt, sans vest.
Jimmy leaned down to kiss my cheek. “Hey, girl, hey. And who is this hunk?”
I was so out of sorts that I started answering with no idea about where to go, then ended up with, “Hum. This is my…Ethan.” Great, I just staked a claim.
He didn’t seem to mind, though, if his suppressed grin was any indication.
“Your Ethan? Girl, do tell.” Jimmy leaned down to kiss Ethan’s cheek as well, which was turning adorably pink.
“Hum, Ethan this is Jimmy and his boyfriend Mark. Guys, this is Ethan.” I was afraid to say anything else or try to explain his presence and end up saying he was the pierced, sweet hunk I hoped to bang again soon.
Ethan shook Mark’s hands. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, guys.”
Jimmy sighed. “What is with that grave voice?”
Mark poked his rib, although with no venom. “I’m standing right here.”
Jimmy turned around to peck his lips. “And you’re never leaving.”
Shane came back to our table. “I didn’t know there would be more of us, I’d have ordered more drinks.”
Jimmy waved his hand. “Don’t worry about it. We were just meeting Mia’s Ethan.”
Shane chuckled. “Then allow me to introduce myself. I’m Shane. Mia’s Ethan’s brother.”
Awesome. It was catching. Maybe I should be more bothered about it. As the three of them invited themselves to our table, more people began to arrive. Mostly MC members, but also our friends.
Benny, Izzie, Danny, and Lisa arrived and made themselves comfortable at our table. Once again, my heart constricted with grief and guilt at Zach’s and Haley’s screaming absence. My nose stung, my eyes burned, and I bit my bottom lip and squeezed my hands into fists. The guilt and pain were so intense, it was getting hard to breathe, and my head was getting dizzy again.
Ethan touched one of my hands and interlaced our fingers. He leaned closer to my ear and whispered, “Breathe. I got you.” He squeezed my hand counting our inhales and exhales.
As everyone seemed oblivious to my turmoil, Ethan seemed to be the only anchor I had, the only constant keeping me from drowning.
I felt like walking on a wire that Ethan kept lifting higher and higher. I was doing my best not to fall, but I was standing right on the edge, wondering how bad it’d be if I let him catch me.
As he whispered in my ear, trying to calm me down, my heart pounded like crazy in my chest. It felt like the world was spinning faster, and disaster seemed inevitable. Yet, it was a beautiful kind of disaster.
He pulled my hand lightly. “Maybe you should get some air.”
I let him guide me outside, to the alley behind AIO. Not once did he let go of my hand. Once outside, he pulled both my hands, laced our fingers, and rested our hands on his chest, while still counting our breathing.
When my discomfort eased and I could breathe without struggling, I squeezed his hand back in gratitude.
“Are you feeling better?” I nodded at him. “For how long have you been having panic attacks?”
“Since I screwed up,” I answered with broken words.
He rubbed his thumb over my hand and gave me the sweetest yet most tempting smile. “Next time you have one, just remember to put your head between my legs.”
I snorted out a laugh and felt lighter than I had since I tore my family apart. “I’ll be sure to remember that. So, make sure to be around.”
He looked right into my eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I gulped at his sincerity, at a loss for words. I stepped closer to him and rested my forehead on his chest, as he placed his cheek on top of my head.
After a while, he gave my hands a light squeeze. “Are you ready to go back?”
I nodded, and we turned around to walk inside, still holding hands. But before we could go in, a new figure approached us.
“That couldn’t have been nice,” the man chimed in. “Panic attacks are for traumatized people or guilty ones. So, which one are you?”
Ethan pulled me closer to him and inserted himself slightly between me and the intruder. “Look, man. We don’t want any trouble. So, why don’t you get lost and leave us be?”
Even though his words were somewhat friendly, his voice was harsh. Harsher than I’d ever heard, even considering Tequila’s interrogation.
The man grinned, but it wasn’t nice. It was cold and calculating. “There’s no need for hostility, I’m just making conversation.”
Ethan rounded one arm on my waist. “Then our talk is over.”
The annoyer—who I didn’t recognize—leaned his shoulder against the wall. “I never pegged you for a woman who needed a knight in shining armor.”
I scoffed. I was starting to get irritated at the intrusion. “I hadn’t realized you knew so much about me. I assume you know who I am?”
He threw me a nasty smile and clicked his tongue. “Of course, I do…You’re Zachary Bryant’s little sister.”
I took in a sharp breath as Ethan cursed beside me.
“Did you know my brother?”
The man laughed and sprinted out of the alley. On instinct, I pushed Ethan and raced after the know-it-all. Somewhere distant in my brain, I heard Ethan calling my name and running after me, but I was on a mission.
The damn heels were slowing me down, but nothing could hold me back. I followed the man with tunnel vision and pumped my legs to cross the street after him .
Then came another close call. It all happened so fast.
I was about to cross the street when I heard a car accelerating and tires screeching.
“ Mia! ”
The sound registered too late in my brain. If it weren’t for Ethan pulling me from my waist to the sidewalk, the black car with its lights off would’ve hit me. Right before taking off.
I looked around the deserted street, a couple of blocks away from AIO, and I didn’t find them anymore. Not the man, nor the car.
Ethan tightened his hold on me, his heart beating like crazy against me, matching my own heartbeat. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
I looked around, searching for anything in the dark that could give me answers. Or a reprieve.
“Mia!” he asked louder. “Are you okay?”
Slowly getting out of my trance, I just nodded. But whatever he saw in my face made him curse under his breath. “Let’s get you home.”
Still holding me against his chest, Ethan guided me to his car. We drove back home, and I felt out of breath for a whole different reason.
To say the unknown man had left me out of sorts was an understatement. Ethan’s presence was consuming me more than I was ready to admit or deal with. My brother’s absence screamed even louder than before. No wonder my head was dizzy to the point I couldn’t walk straight.
Ethan helped us inside, and we played with Hugo in silence, both of us too afraid to acknowledge the latest events and the energy coursing through us. When Hugo left in search of one of his many stuffed toys, Ethan and I stared at each other.
I stood frozen in place as he walked closer. He rested one hand on my hip and with the other one he caressed my face. He ran his hands lightly over my cheeks, and I palmed his chest in an attempt to steady myself.
He leaned his head down, and I pushed up on my feet to meet him halfway. Unlike last time, the kiss was tentative and sweet. It wasn’t raw and hard. It was comforting. It was a balm to my constant turmoil.
The moment he kissed me, I knew I was risking it all. My grief. My guilt. My sanity. My self-imposed loneliness. My heart.
He pulled me against his chest and probed my lips open with his tongue. We breathed each other in, our tongues dancing languidly as if he wasn’t patiently yet purposefully changing every little aspect of my life.
I ran my hands up from his chest to his thick hair, fisting it. He groaned into my mouth and bit my bottom lip, intensifying the kiss. His heartbeat sped up, matching my own. His tongue enticed me. His woody smell intoxicated me. His arms made me feel safe, even from the pain that had been accompanying me for so long.
I was in the backseat of my heart’s decision, bracing myself for the imminent collision, incapable of saying “no.”
I guess it was a good thing Hugo felt jealous and barked for attention, startling us both. But instead of stepping away, Ethan looked deep into my eyes, pulled me tighter against his chest, and pressed a lingering kiss on my forehead.
“Go to sleep, Spitfire.” He panted quietly. Ethan kissed my forehead again, then pressed a sweet peck in the corner of my mouth.
He petted Hugo’s head and headed to his bedroom, not before looking at me one more time with a shy smile on his handsome face.
“Good night, Phoenix,” I whispered.
Then I locked the door and left the porch lights on, like my brother had instructed me so many times. And for the second time since I met the enemy sleeping next door, I did something I had long stopped believing in.
I prayed for things to be different.