Chapter 7
The restaurant he had chosen was a laid back, informal place and to his relief there was no awkwardness or tension and their conversation from the car continued to flow easily and pleasantly.
After a glass of wine, Violet seemed even more at ease and she flowered before him into a fun, carefree woman having a good time.
“Have you never spontaneously done something utterly unsuitable just for the fun of it?” she asked him smiling impishly.
Jeremy thought about the question and wracked his brain trying to think of a time when he had done something truly spontaneous, of a time when he had allowed his emotions to carry him away.
He came up with a blank. “I can’t think of anything, does sneaking into the girls’ changing room in high school count? ”
“Depends on why you did it.”
“I lost a bet.”
Violet shook her head, “Sadly, bets don’t count. Do you always play it safe, Jeremy?”
“Not always…” his mind was searching through its catalogue of memories, trying to dredge up at least one memory of him doing something unpredictable and totally out of character.
A vague memory took form and he smiled at Violet triumphantly, “I don’t always play it safe but it’s not a memory I can share. ”
Jet black eyebrows rose up in twin question marks, “That’s very convenient isn’t it, why can’t you share it?”
“It wouldn’t be right given our relationship…”
Violet grinned, “Is it an ex-girlfriend story?”
“Maybe.”
“An ex-girlfriend sex story?”
He looked away from her questioning eyes, “Maybe,” and then asked her the same thing, “Have you? Done something utterly spontaneous?”
She considered his question for a minute, “I guess deciding to have Tanya and getting married was an utterly irresponsible and spontaneous action.”
“Oh?” He was surprised.
“Yes, I wasn’t exactly ready for motherhood at twenty you know…”
“Were you happy?” Jeremy didn’t know what possessed him to ask such a question, Violet seemed equally surprised by such a direct and personal question.
She moved her fork away from her mouth and considered the question carefully before answering him, “I was happy enough, it wasn’t exactly the life I had dreamt of or planned out for myself, but I wasn’t unhappy either and I got Tanya out of it.
Something I wouldn’t trade for anything else in the world.
She has been a joy and a blessing to me every single day. ”
“I’m glad you have no regrets.”
“No, no regrets. Life often doesn’t pan out the way you thought it would, but when you look back sometimes you realize it unfolded exactly the way it should have. Does that make sense?”
It was Jeremy’s turn to mull over her words as he thought of things in his own life. “I know what you mean, whenever I think about the past I feel very certain I dodged a major bullet. Even though at the time it hurt unbearably.”
“But having dodged that bullet, you’ve also closed yourself off to everything pleasurable in your life, focusing all your energies into work because you’re scared of hurting again. Aren’t you being unfair to yourself?”
Jeremy was surprised at how perceptive she was and how quickly she had read him, but instead of answering the question he asked one of his own, “Why did you never marry again? Didn’t you want to?”
Violet shrugged, “Not particularly.”
“Serious relationships?”
“None.”
“Why?”
“You’re full of questions tonight, aren’t you,” she teased him gently.
“Sorry,” he muttered, taking a sip of his wine, “you don’t have to answer anything.”
His contrite expression melted Violet’s heart and she answered him truthfully, “It’s okay, I’m just pulling your leg.
I really don’t mind. After Alex passed away, it’s not something I thought about, it wasn’t a priority for me.
I loved our little family of just her and me.
I also didn’t want to bring another man into Tanya’s life, it was really important to me she have stability and not have to worry about too many changes in her life. ”
Jeremy sensed there was more and he nudged her gently, “Was there any other reason?”
After a few moments of hesitation, Violet replied simply and honestly, “I also told myself the next time I get involved with anyone seriously or plan to get married, it will be for love and for nothing else.”
Jeremy couldn’t explain why the answer pleased him but it did. The waiter arrived with their food and their conversation moved on to Tanya. They didn’t linger over coffee or dessert because Violet wanted to be back to tuck Tanya into bed.
When he pulled up on her street, she thanked him and said goodnight. He stared at her intently for a few seconds and then whispered, “I’m about to do something impulsive now.”
Before she could utter a word, he leaned down towards her, his face so close she could feel his hot breath on her cheek then his mouth covered hers sending shockwaves down his spine.
At first she held herself stiffly, taken aback by the kiss, but as his lips molded against hers softly, plying her lips open, she felt herself relaxing and giving into him.
Her hands went up automatically and wrapped themselves around the curve of his neck, her fingers raked through his short hair.
His hands slid from around her waist to just below, softly massaging her back with sensual strokes.
She pulled herself away from him and whispered weakly, “Tanya’s waiting. ”
Not trusting his voice, Jeremy nodded and drove off once she had gone inside.
Later that night as Jeremy documented some patient notes, he thought about the kiss he had shared with Violet and recalled a question she had asked him earlier during their date, “What makes you happy, Jeremy?”
He hadn’t been able to think of anything right then, but it was an interesting question, what did make him happy? He ticked off the things in his life, trying to find the one thing which filled his life with joy.
His parents? He loved them certainly, he would do anything for them, well almost anything, but they didn’t bring him joy or happiness exactly. He had happy memories, he liked being around them and spending time with them like any other son, but they didn’t add sparkle to his life.
His material possessions? He drove a very nice car and lived in a large and tasteful home.
He had a closet full of expensive suits and shirts for the rare times he attended a formal occasion.
He had gadgets galore and the money to buy almost anything he wanted.
His possessions brought him comfort and made his life easier, but that wasn’t really happiness, was it. He could easily give them up.
His job? That surely gave him happiness, but thinking deeply he realized that while he derived a lot of satisfaction and pride from his work, it could not be characterized as genuine happiness.
When he cured a patient’s illness or saved their lives, he felt a rush and thrill at having solved a complex puzzle, but was that happiness?
Then his thoughts went to Violet, whenever she was around he felt a warmth within him, a sense of belonging.
He loved hearing her joyful laughter, loved to watch her eyes shine and sparkle as she played with Tanya or gently teased him.
To his great surprise, he realized happiness is what he felt whenever he was with Violet or whenever he thought about her.
The next morning when he woke up, he called Violet and asked her if he could see her again.
Hesitating briefly she said yes, she would like that very much.
Through the course of their next few dates, they came to know each other intimately, they talked every chance they got, he told her about his childhood, how hard his father worked to become so successful.
She learned about his mother who sounded formidable but kind.
She learned about his old love Julia who he had almost proposed to but he had discovered her cheating on him with his best friend.
He learned about Alex, and her own childhood of growing up in the projects and how she dreamed of taking Tanya away from it.
In the meantime, the results of Tanya’s tests came back and Jeremy explained to Violet as gently as he could that Tanya would need to undergo surgery so he could fill the hole in her heart, otherwise she would face serious complications within a few short years.
Violet cried that day and he held her for long moments while reassuring her that everything would be all right.