Chapter 23
Levi
I have never wanted to die more. Why can’t one of these panic attacks take me? Preferably the last one where I listened to the girl I like pour her heart out just so I can crush it. Idiot. Once we’re out of earshot, Kim yanks me down by my arm until my ear is flush with her mouth.
“Ow!”
“That didn’t even hurt. What is going on with you? I thought you liked her?”
My head rolls back slightly. How does one explain the layers of disaster that is Levi Johnson?
I press my lips together, considering. “I do like her, but I’m not the guy for her.
She needs, like, I don’t know...an accountant or someone from a stable home who fosters disabled dogs and eats organic.
Maybe has reading glasses.” I’m knee-deep in building Tate a perfect man when Kim slaps me in the chest with the back of her hand.
“Someone like that?”
I track her gaze to the screen door where Tate is perched on the shoulders of none other than Slater. That slimy, son of a gun.
“No, not him,” I seethe. “Anyone but him.”
“Levi, your jaw’s going to pop if you keep pressing it like that.”
Dang it.
“Calm down. You stay here, and I’ll get us another drink.”
I don’t say anything. I’m not a dang dog.
“Levi, stay,” she repeats. And what do I do?
Nod before watching her disappear towards the bar.
I know it isn’t healthy, but I watch Tate and Slater from the corner of my eye.
The way his hands run up the front of her legs before securing her calves.
How every now and again he looks up to say something and she laughs.
I slap the water, bouncing in the waves in front of me.
This time when I look back, Slater’s looking at me.
His mouth is crooked into the most annoying tilted smile.
I know I should look away now, but I can’t.
The longer he stares the more my eyes narrow back at him.
..and then he does it. He winks at me. I stand, ready to exit the pool and rearrange his face, but Kim reappears, pushing me back down into the pool.
“You look so desperado right now. I can’t. Levi, have some dignity.”
I press my fingers into my eyes. She’s right, and I did this to myself. Tate is not mine. I made that clear. Kim tugs at my free arm and I plop onto the step behind her.
“Bottoms up,” she says, holding a cup out to me. I grab it, tentatively inspecting the brown-colored liquid.
“What is it?” My eyes flick up towards her.
“Does it matter?
I tip my head towards my shoulder, lips pressed together. “Good point.”
She brings the cup to her lips, gaze steady on mine.
Kim’s cool. I’ve been, I don’t know...lost. I grab her drink from her, and she whimpers, making me laugh.
I take a small sip of her drink, holding the cool liquid on my tongue.
Her once crisp, blue eyes have deepened as her chest pulls upward.
I close the small space of water between us, wrapping my arms around the small of her back before leaning in and pressing our lips together.
Just like the first time, they work over each other in a familiar way, like the steps to a well-known dance.
She opens as I discard the small sip onto her tongue.
It’s messy and ravenous. She presses into me until my back’s against the wall, her hands latching together around my neck.
My lips vibrate from the tension, but when she pulls back, I miss the pressure.
She’s looking at me in the assessing way she did earlier.
I let my head drop to the side and inhale deeply.
“What’s that look for?” I turn slightly, just to grab my drink, but when I turn back, she’s blinking back tears. My face must shift to concern, because she laughs a watery laugh with her hand held up.
“Don’t, Levi.”
“Did I do something?”
“Don’t you always do something?” Gabriella mocks as she steps down into the pool beside us. I feel like I’m stuck in one of my mom’s novellas. Can’t a man have a pool party without any drama?
“Hey, Gabriella, we were just...”
“I saw you. No need to give me the play-by-play. And so did Tate, for that matter. You know, the girl you kissed on stage and have been blowing up her phone ever since? What...she didn’t respond fast enough so you had to replace her? Too hard to be alone with your own thoughts, Levi?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, and you don’t know me. Now, go away.”
“No!” She plants herself firmer, water coming to her waist. For a half a second, I convince myself to pick her up over my shoulder and carry her back to her room.
“No?”
“Yeah! Now tell me what’s going on in that country head of yours that’s causing you to throw away something good.”
“I’m not throwing away anything!” I yell back, exasperated. “Look, it was a kiss. And, yes, I like her, but...” I scratch at the back of my neck. “I’m not good for her.”
“Who says?”
“Me! I heard what she said. She wants all the things, Gabriella. House, dog, debt.” My confession comes out unpermitted. She takes a step back, a giant smile blooming on her face, and I feel like I might have another panic attack.
“Gabby,” I plead.
“Don’t call me that,” she snaps before the sparkle in her eye returns.
“Stop looking at me like that!” I demand, but it’s useless.
She clicks her tongue, making an audible pop.
“That’s what this is all about, hmm,” she hums happily.
Kim seems to put the puzzle pieces together too, grabbing her drink and slinging back what’s left.
Gabriella makes her way back out of the pool, absolutely thrilled.
Without thinking, I grab her ankle at the last step.
She looks down, eyebrows raised in amusement.
“Don’t tell her, please.” I say it like a dying man’s last wish.
“No can do, cowboy.”
I let go and she disappears as quickly as she came. Dang it!
“I wish I could be mad at you for using me, but I should have known. No more though, please,” Kim says, following Gabriella’s path out of the pool.
I need more alcohol...now. I walk over to the bar and pour myself a whiskey straight. I take a sip, feeling the bite the whole way down. The burn is promising.
“Aye, captain!” Clay calls over to me, a shine in his eye.
He’s in the same chair we started in. Not sure if he’s moved and made his way back, or if he’s been here the whole time.
Whatever the case, I’m happy for his company.
A friend without strings. I walk over to where I was seated earlier, only to notice way too late that Slater is in the opposite chair, Tate draped over his lap.
I try to think of an excuse to leave, but my brain gives me nothing, so I sit. Eyes in my lap.
“You good, man?” Clay says, squinting against the sun.
“About to be better,” I say, lifting my cup. He doesn’t press, lifting his own in a gesture of cheers.
“So, Levi, who’s your friend? She’s cute...” Slater asks, wrapping his arms around Tate’s middle. Her face winces, but not enough for him to notice. What is she doing?
“Levi?” Clay draws my attention back. “Slater was asking you about Kim.”
“That’s Kim,” I grind out.
He smiles, skating his fingers over Tate’s thighs again. “Are you guys seeing each other?”
“Just friends.”
I watch as he takes a healthy sip of his drink before saying, “Friends, huh? Do you normally kiss your friends? Because it’s kind of trending that way. Tate on Thursday? Kim today?”
“Alright, that’s enough,” Clay cuts in, and thank God. “We’re all adults here, and if Tate wants to hang out with Levi one day and you the next, she can do that.”
My eyebrows slam together in a way that says, Um, no she can’t.
“Wait,” Tate says, pulling herself off Slater to stand up.
“How did this become about me? Levi kissed me and I haven’t kissed anyone since.
” Her eyes settle on me, like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t have to.
The disappointment in me is written all over her face, in her downcast eyes, pinched mouth, and hollow cheeks.
I know I should say something. Try and fix this. k
“Tate, can we talk? Somewhere private?”
“No, you cannot.” Gabriella comes floating over on her evil cloud of doom.
“I’m coming too. You know, so I can keep you on track.
” She cuts me a tight wink. Tate narrows an eye towards her like she couldn’t be more confused but relents and starts walking down the lawn towards the studio.
About halfway down we hear the chirp of a police car.
Gabriella stops and looks towards the sound.
“Gabby, we don’t have time to be nosy, come on.” I grab her hand and tug her down towards Tate who’s punching in the code to the studio.
“Tate, hurry,” Gabriella hisses. Tate looks up, her skin is completely flushed, and all at once I feel like a teenager again, running from the cops.
We’re all above drinking age (I think), but I’m sure the directors on the lease are going to show up any minute, and I don’t want to be there for that.
Once inside, we creep into the sound booth for its lack of windows and darkened space.
After about three or four breaths, we all break into a fit of laughter.
I kick my legs out from under me, happy to be out of the sun for a minute.
..and with Tate, even if Gabriella is also here.
“Alright, now that we have evaded capture...Levi, is there anything you would like to say to Tate?”
I prepare to start when Tate puts a hand on my thigh to stop me. I stare at it, all at once forgetting anything worthy of speech. “It’s okay, let’s just forget about it.” She says pulling her hand back and snapping me out of it. Gabriella gives me a pointed look.
“Tate.” I swipe across my eye with my left hand, inhaling a breath. “I am sorry about the kiss.” Gabriella starts shaking her head. Wrong. “I mean...I’m not sorry about the kiss, but I’m sorry it was public.”
Tate’s quiet. Gabriella swirls the air with her hand, urging me on. I drop her gaze, letting my head hit the wall behind me because it’s easier to confess to the ceiling. “I may have—”
Gabriella clears her throat. I bring my head back to level just in time to see Tate lightly smack her on the arm.
“I...overheard you talking to Gabriella this morning.”
Tate’s eyes widen in surprise. “Oh, and what is it that you heard?”
I let out a breath. “I heard that you were concerned about us wanting each other in different ways.”
I watch as she rolls her lips into one another. “Hmm,” she hums. “And your response to that was to call Kim?”
“Look, Tate.” I reach for her hand. “I’m not good at this.”
“This being...” She tips her head a bit. She’s mad or just really hurt. I see it behind her eyes.
“I guess...I am just not good at the long haul, and I like you enough to be up-front about that.”
“But you weren’t up-front about it. You got drunk and made out with someone else instead of doing what we’re doing right now.”
“That’s my point...I’m not good at this.”
“Levi, this goes beyond being noncommittal. You know that, right?”
Gabriella hasn’t said anything in five minutes, a new record for her. I have a feeling she didn’t see it going this way.
“You hurt my feelings and you embarrassed me.” Tate’s voice drops to a whisper.
“I’m sorry. My execution sucked, yes, but my intention was not to hurt you. You see that, don’t you?”
She looks away and then back at me. “Let’s go back to not talking to each other.”
“If that’s what you want,” I say, flicking a hand in the air.
“It’s what I want.”