12. Chapter 12
Willow’s deadline is closing in, and she seems to be okay. After we worked through what her guy’s motive could be, she didn’t mention it again. It probably didn’t help that I immediately took her upstairs and tied her up.
A grin pulls at my lips just thinking about it.
“Morning, Oakley.” The sheriff’s voice interrupts my memories from last night.
“Morning.” I start making his Americano as he continues conversation like I invited one.
“Hear anything else from your old partner?” he asks offhanded, but the question freezes me in place.
I turn around, handing him his coffee and looking around to see if anyone is in, even though it’s usually quiet this time of day. I feel like he wouldn’t oust me like that, but you never know.
“I have, actually,” I say cautiously. I think it’s a good idea to keep the sheriff informed if he’s worried, even if I don’t share Woodcroft’s concern.
“Oh?” He takes a sip of his coffee.
“Seems Tennison is traveling west.” His jaw tightens. “Last tip was that he was in Shreveport. Woodcroft called me a couple of days ago because he thinks … he thinks Tennison is coming for me.”
“And is there a good reason he thinks that?”
“I don’t fucking know. We were like Sherlock and Moriarty. He would fuck with me, but I don’t think he has an obsession of me, like Woodcroft does. I honestly think it’s just a coincidence.”
“But this is the first time he’s traveled out of the New England area?”
“That we know of. God knows how long the bastard’s been doing this shit.” I grit my teeth. This is not what I want to talk about today. Sheriff and Woodcroft are making me fucking paranoid that I’m wrong.
He hums, taking another sip. “Please keep me updated if you hear anything else. I think it’s best we both stay extra vigilant.”
I nod.
“You ever thought about doing something more, like the Marshals here?” His question throws me for a loop.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, ever think about not running a coffee shop and coming to work for me?”
He’s dead serious, and I have no answer, but my immediate reaction is a hell no.
“Nah, I got away from that life for a reason.” He doesn’t need to know how badly Alfred Tennison fucked with my head, how I felt like a failure towards the end, and how the guilt of a preventable death and so much suffering will always haunt me. He doesn’t need someone like that on his team, and I sure as hell can’t even imagine putting myself back into a law-enforcement position of any kind.
He eyes me for a second before turning and walking out without another word, leaving me rattled and pissed off.
My hands are shaking, and I clench my fists to try to drive it away. My skin starts to feel too tight for my body, but I breathe in and out to calm myself down. It takes the edge off, barely. My mind is still racing, thinking about every single person I’ve failed over the years. Like a PowerPoint, the slideshow is never-ending.
There’s only one way to deal with this mood I’m now in, and sadly, it’s not fucking Willow. I want to save her from this side of me. She doesn’t need to see this unsure, fucked-up version of me.
I pull out my phone and send a text to Lennox.
Me:
You free for a workout today?
Lennox:
It’s my day off, so I’m open all day. What time are you thinking?
Me:
As soon as I close up.
Lennox:
Done. I’ll meet you at the north trail entrance.
The bell of the front door dings again, and I’m about ready to rip the thing off. My nerves are frayed right now, and that’s not helping at all.
Until I see Willow.
But then I remember my workout with Lennox and feel guilty all over again. God, my head’s a mess.
“I actually ate lunch today, so you don’t have to feed me for once!” She moseys up to the counter with a smile. She says it like I hate feeding her, but nothing could be further from the truth.
And I’m honestly upset I don’t get to feed her today. Taking care of her in and out of the bedroom is quickly becoming my favorite thing to do.
“That’s good. Still want a latte?” I arch my eyebrow.
“Of course.” She turns and heads to her usual table, acting like it’s a normal day. And I guess, for her, it is. But my mind is a fucking scary place right now, and I need to let her know I need space tonight.
I make her latte from muscle memory, grabbing a chocolate chip cookie from the display case before walking over to her table. I awkwardly drop my large frame into the small café chair and set the goodies in front of her.
“Thank you,” she chirps, breaking off a piece of the cookie. “What’s up? How’s the day been? Any fun stories?”
“Nope.” I’m too in my head to elaborate on her questions.
“You okay?” She tilts her head to the side, analyzing my facial features.
“Umm, kind of. Not really.” I run my hand down my face. “Sorry, I just talked to Sheriff, and he got me thinking.”
“We hate when that happens.”
I let out a chuckle. “Yeah. I texted Lennox to go do a workout.” I hold my breath, hoping she doesn’t take it hard.
“Okay. That sounds like a good idea. I can go home and bust out another chapter.” She says it so simply.
I would assume if I wasn’t so worked up, it would be that simple, but to me right this minute… I feel guilty, anxious, and so fucking uncomfortable. It’s like my skin is clammy, and my mind is making up scenarios where she hates me for ditching her tonight.
I was doing so fucking good too. It’s been weeks since I felt like this. I just hope it doesn’t devolve into a full-blown panic attack.
“Just let me finish this deliciousness, and I’ll head out.” She doesn’t sound put out, but I don’t know if I believe it. I did commit to working out, though, so what could I even do if I told her not to leave?
I open and close my mouth a couple of times, trying to figure out what to say, but come up empty. She just seems so cool about me ditching her, a complete non-issue, that I don’t know what to say or how to react, so I don’t. I just get up and let her finish her mid-afternoon pick-me-up.
I’m shifting back and forth on my feet, waiting for Lennox. I’ve already stretched and done a few random exercises to hopefully calm my nervous energy.
Shockingly enough, it didn’t work. I roll my eyes at myself for being so fucking ridiculous right now.
“Hey, man,” Lennox calls when he turns the corner and comes into view.
“Hey.”
“You up for a hard one today?” he asks in a no-nonsense tone, and I appreciate it. No shooting the shit, no catching up, just straight to the point.
“Absolutely.”
“Sweet, so let’s run this three-mile trail. When we get to the point, we’ll do some intervals until one of us feels like puking and then run back.” He smirks as he explains, and I kind of love this sadistic side of him. I have no doubt he’ll give me a run for my money, but I think I can keep up.
“Sounds good. See you there.” I take off, not waiting for him, and set a pretty fast pace. I need to work the anxiety out of my body, and this is the only way I know how.
I’m fucking dead.
I barely made the three-mile run back to the trailhead before collapsing in the dirt.
“Jesus, I knew you were in shape, but damn,” Lennox heaves out.
“Fuck you. You didn’t puke,” I grumble, ashamed he actually kept his word and that I was the one who upchucked.
“Sucks to lose.”
“I beat you back here, so therefore, I win,” I counter through my labored breathing.
“You’re really big on semantics, huh?”
“Winning is winning, Len.”
He punches my shoulder, and I laugh.
“How old are you anyway? When someone asks, I need to be able to say I’m badass,” I ask.
“Why does my age factor in? And I’m twenty-nine.”
“Well, eight years isn’t as much as I hoped for, but I’ll take it. I beat the youngest Hutton today,” I gloat before he punches me again.
“You puked; you didn’t win shit. That means you owe me, like, five paninis.”
“We made no bet in the beginning. I didn’t agree to feed your ass.” I would totally feed his ass. That was one hell of a workout. He earned it.
“Seriously, though, good workout.” He turns his head to face mine.
“It was. Thank you, I needed that more than you know.”
“You know, I’m always here if you want to work out, talk, you know, whatever.”
Friendship. That’s what he’s offering.
Outside of whatever I’m doing with Willow, I haven’t gotten close to anyone in town. But this feels nice. There’s no obligation to talk. I can just get the shit kicked out of me, and he’s cool to leave it at that.
There’s the minor problem of me fucking his sister, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. I inwardly cringe at the thought of him learning about it, though.
“Thanks, man, same to you. Let me know your next day off, and we can do this again.” I hoist myself off the ground, groaning in a way that makes me feel every one of my thirty-seven years.
“Sounds good.” He stays splayed out, breathing heavily.
I only have one thing on my mind at the moment. The second Willow’s name popped into my head, I knew I had to see her.
It’s become a routine for us, sure, but it’s more than that. My body is clearer since my talk with Sheriff, but my mind needs Willow. She calms me, and I desperately need some of that right now. I just hope I can actually get out of my head and not take it out on her.