15. Chapter 15
It’s Sunday, which means family dinner night.
I haven’t talked to Oakley in a couple of days, and I just feel down about the entire situation. I’ve decided that family dinner will be the thing to cheer me up if I can just shut my brain up for a couple of hours.
I walk into Ledger and Ainsley’s home, making a beeline for the kitchen, hoping there’s wine or a seltzer—I don’t really care, just anything to take this depressed edge off.
“Well, hello, kill anyone off lately?” Ainsley saddles up next to me, and I have to laugh at her. It’s become a sort of game to her to try to guess who in town I’ve killed off that week. She’s yet to guess correctly, so it’s fun.
“Loads. Too many to count at this point,” I deadpan. “You’re so scary, but I fucking love it.” She grabs two vodka sodas from the refrigerator and hands me one.
I take a long swig and take a minute to look around their house.
It always makes me happy to be here. Ledger gave up a lot of himself for so long, making sure us kids were taken care of, and now he’s living the life he should have always gone for. All because of Ainsley.
“Whose favorite are you cooking today?” I ask since it is tradition, after all. Every week, at Ledger’s house, we all gather and he cooks one of our favorite meals. It’s something we did when our parents were alive, and he kept it going. We also go around the table and say something good that happened to us that week. I usually make quips about who I’ve killed off, hence Ainsley’s game now.
“Today is Rina. She’s been busting her ass on some crazy custom order, so I felt like she probably needed the pick-me-up.”
I don’t envy Rina. Her furniture building business has blown up recently, and it feels like she’s busy more often than not. We haven’t seen a lot of her lately, which is not normal.
“So, burgers then?” I arch an eyebrow. She’s very basic, but Ledger makes pretty damn good burgers, so I don’t mind.
“Yep.” She takes a swig.
The front door crashes into the wall, and I cringe knowing Lennox just put another fucking hole in the drywall. He does this so often; they should really put a stopper or something.
“Shit, I promise I’ll fix that,” he says with a guilty look on his face as he joins us in the kitchen.
“I mean, honestly. Should we just put a metal piece right there this time? So you literally can’t break it?” Ainsley asks in exasperation.
“Oh, bro, you finally fucked up. Ainsley’s now annoyed with you. I don’t think just fixing it is going to work this time.” I chuckle. He’s like a giant puppy dog sometimes, I swear.
Ainsley sends me a covert smirk as Lennox’s face pales.
“I’m sorry, Ains. I promise I’ll do better.”
“I’m just giving you shit. What do you want to drink?” She turns to the refrigerator as Lennox sags in relief.
Yeah, family time is exactly what I needed.
“I watched some badgers build a new home yesterday,” Lennox tells us as we go around. He smiles fondly, but there’s something in his eyes that tells me that wasn’t the only notable thing that happened this week.
“I finished one piece of ten for this fucking order,” Rina grumbles, and now I see why it was her turn for food.
“I took a day off and spent the day watching movies with Ains,” Ledger says with an adorably sweet smile on his face, and my heart trips in my chest.
I don’t think I’ll ever have that with Oakley.
My thoughts turn to all the what-ifs, and I curse myself for continuing to think about him.
“Yeah, ditto. I don’t care if that breaks the rules,” Ainsley adds, and we all laugh.
“Will?” Ledger asks.
“Umm.” I try to come up with something, but it’s been an uncharacteristically bad week for me. “I wrote a lot a couple of days ago. like, more in one sitting than I ever have before,” I offer. When I went back to read what I wrote that fateful night, I cut every single word and moved them into another document. They didn’t fit my current story, but I didn’t want to delete them. They were not only cathartic but something I could possibly use later. Who the fuck knows anymore, honestly.
“Well, that’s great! You think you’ll make the deadline?” Ainsley innocently asks.
“We’ll see.” I give her a small smile. A week ago, I would have said hell yes. Now, I’m not so sure. I meet Lennox’s eyes, and his brow furrows with what he sees.
The rest of the conversation flows normally. It’s a weird mix of super happy Ledger and Ainsley, with a pissed-off Rina, and Lennox and I both stay pretty quiet. But they’re my family, and I love them.
An hour later, I’m cleaning dishes when Lennox walks in.
Wordless, he starts grabbing dishes I’ve cleaned and starts drying them. We work in tandem for a few minutes until everything is done before he grabs us both a drink from the refrigerator and nods to the back patio.
Everyone else is chatting in the living room, but I follow him.
I sit down in one of the rocking chairs Rina built for the house and wait him out. He clearly has something on his mind.
“How much do you know about Oakley?” he asks, completely blindsiding me. I mean, sure, he knows I’ve been hanging out with him as research for my book, but that’s supposed to be all he knows.
“Umm, that he owns Grind Time?” I play dumb, poorly, but it’s my only defense.
He eyeballs me as he takes a drink, and I’m desperately trying to avoid eye contact. Which, in hindsight, probably gives me away more.
“You know.”
“Know what, Lenny? What are you even talking about?”
“Fuck, I don’t like this, Will. You need to be careful around him, and I think you know that because you know more than you’re letting on.” He runs his hand over his slightly overgrown brown curls, viability flustered, which is very unlike my easygoing brother.
“What exactly do you think you know?” I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me.
“It’s not what I think I know; it’s exactly what I know. I overheard him on a phone call while he was on the trail.”
My blood runs cold. How much did he overhear? Does Oakley know he heard him?
“I talked to Oakley about it, so he knows how much I know. Hell, he told me a lot of it himself. I can already see the panic on your face, so you might as well give up the fa?ade.”
“I didn’t know you knew a word like ‘fa?ade’,” I quip to hide my rising panic. I don’t know what to say to him because it all feels like I’m breaking Oakley’s trust.
“Will…”
“Everything is fine, Len. I’m careful; he’s careful. Things are fine.” It’s generic, and I don’t even know if it’s true, but it’s all I can really give him. I’m not sure what they specifically talked about that’s freaking out Lennox the most, but I’m a big girl and I can handle myself.
But you can’t protect your heart from James. Yeah, but Lennox doesn’t need to know that. Although, it does make me think something else happened. Especially if I combine this knowledge with James and my last interaction.
“If something happens, call me please. And be careful around him. I know you’re using him for research or whatever, but if you can spend less time with him, you should.”
Something in his words makes me angry. Maybe it’s the fact he doesn’t understand just how safe Oakley is, or that he’s telling me how to spend my time, but it doesn’t sit right with me. It probably has more to do with my defense of James, but I don’t want to think too hard about that.
“Yeah, we’re done with this conversation. Please believe that I can take care of myself, and please don’t ever tell me how to spend my time again.” I abruptly stand up, but Lennox grabs my arm.
“I’m sorry. Shit. Will, you know I just worry about you, and I don’t hear from you that often. I just want to make sure you’re safe. It’s not that I don’t trust Oakley, because I do, especially knowing more of his background now, but I don’t trust the situation.”
“Okay. I hear you, but you need to see that I’m not a child anymore. I write thrillers, for God’s sake. If anyone can see the signs of bad shit to come, it’s me. Trust that I won’t get myself into trouble.”
I don’t wait for his response because all I want to do is go home. I’m depressed because of the whole Oakley situation, and now my brother is trying to warn me against him. It’s too much for my confused mind, and I need to leave.
“Ainsley, Ledg, wonderful dinner as usual. I’ve got to get back to the writing cave.” I kiss Ainsley’s cheek and give Ledger a hug quickly, leaving them a little shocked at my abrupt departure.
I know if I stay, the cracks will show. This face I put on in front of them will fracture and all the fucked-up little pieces will start showing through, and I can’t handle a well-meaning family talk right now. Hell, I don’t think I can handle any attention. Curling up in a ball of blankets and avoiding the world feels like a good move right now.
I get in my car and drive home, since Ledger lives on the outskirts of town, breathing out a sigh of relief to be alone.
The entire drive, my thoughts flip from missing Oakley to thinking about how much of a danger he could actually be. Lennox’s words infiltrate what I know and make me second-guess a lot of things. Which I fucking hate. I’m that person that rarely takes a step back and thinks before acting; I usually just jump. Second-guessing is not in my nature.
But I’ve been doing a lot of that lately.
The drive home is one of the scary times you forget you’re driving. I pull into my driveway and have exactly zero recollection of driving here. If Lennox wants to talk about who’s the danger, it’s probably me.
The house is dark when I walk in, and I don’t bother turning on any lights. I walk to the bedroom and collapse onto the bed. Inhaling deeply, I can smell the faint scent of the very man I’m trying to avoid.
Why is the sex so fucking good? Why can’t I just keep my feelings from bleeding into my everyday life and keep him as some fun on the side?
Because he’s a good man who treats you like you’ve never been treated before.
It’s the little things that stick in my mind the most. The lunches, the homemade dinners disguised as him cooking too much. It’s the never-ending flow of lattes when I’m so immersed in writing I don’t even look up to care about my needs.
But James Oakley sees it all. He sees me.
Even if he wants to ignore this connection.
Even if he wants to act like we wouldn’t be great together and all the things he does are normal.
Even if he’s afraid.