18. Chapter 18
This night feels like a dream.
As I lead Willow to the rock formation that overlooks most of Bluebell Falls and is close to the actual waterfall the town is named after, I think about how panicked I was to find her walking along in the park at midnight. It freaked me out so much that I spilled all my anxious thoughts I had been ruminating on.
I sure as hell didn’t expect her to kiss me, or to take her against a fucking tree. Her back is all beaten up, and I’ll have to take care of it later, but right now, I want to talk. A novel idea coming from someone who actively refused to talk to anyone for the better part of a year, but here we are.
It takes less than ten minutes to make our way to the rocks, and after grabbing the flashlight Willow so smartly brought with her, it makes everything go a lot faster.
Holding her hand, I sit down on one of the flat rocks and pull her onto my lap.
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been up here. Lennox would probably be pissed about that.” She giggles.
“I doubt most people even know this is here. It’s always empty when I come up,” I tell her, holding her tightly to me.
She feels so fucking right in my arms.
“Woodcroft called me before I came to your house that night. He was telling me something new about Tennison.” I debate telling her or not. It’s not that I don’t trust her to keep it to herself, but I just don’t want to worry her. “When I quit, he started changing his routine.” I run my fingers along her arm to try and calm myself. I still don’t know how to react to the news Woodcroft told me, but I think talking some of it out with Willow could help. “He’s on the move. South, apparently. He’s only ever attacked in the same area, leaving his victims to cope while he hid out until his next one. He’s never changed things up,” I tell her softly.
“Holy shit, are you serious?” She tries to turn around, but I hold her in place. It’s easier to tell her all of this when I have a little more perceived control.
“Yeah. After I got off the phone with him, I wore my ass out with a workout. For hours, but my head was still a mess from speculating about every little detail I could. The only time my head is clear is when I’m with you. So, I had the bright idea to go to you, figuring the workout calmed me down enough to not take how I was feeling out on you.”
“But your head never cleared. I could feel it.”
“If anything, it made it worse. And I should have never put you in that position or treated you that way. I’m such an asshole.” I press my forehead to her back and breathe in her comforting scent. It’s amazing how she instantly calms me, but I also know I can’t take advantage of that. I can’t use her as a tool to not face my shit, to not work through all the problems I ignore.
“You were an asshole that one night, but you aren’t an asshole in general.”
I chuckle at her distinction. “Maybe.”
“Is that why you called your therapist?” she asks.
“Yes and no. It wasn’t the whole reason. I think I talked to more people this week while you were—rightfully—avoiding me than I have since I moved here. Ledger is worried about you. Sheriff seems to be trying to recruit me.”
“Well, that’s interesting,” she muses.
“Which part?”
“Arlo. Ledger is always worried about someone, so that’s not shocking. But Alro wants you to work with him?”
“He’s hinted at it, more than anything.”
“Huh, is that something you’re considering?”
I sigh. “At the moment? No. It feels like Tennison has a block on me, so I can’t imagine I would be much help to him.”
She hums in response, telling me without words that she doesn’t necessarily agree with me.
I press my cheek to her back, closing my eyes and mentally preparing myself to be completely open with her. This isn’t something I’ve ever done with a woman, but Willow is more than worth it. I just have to hope she’s open to hearing it all.
“I’m scared, Will.”
She starts to turn and I try to stop her, but she moves my hands. Facing me completely, she straddles me and grabs my jaw in both hands.
“You know, it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to not have all the answers.” she says.
I lean forward, pressing my forehead to her collarbone.
“I should be over so much of this, though. Tennison should be my past, but he’s forcing himself back into my life. And you know what scares me the most about that?” I ask her, pulling away and looking into her eyes. “You being anywhere near the line of fire. You’re a vulnerability for me, regardless of whether I wanted it or not. I can’t put you anywhere near danger. And Will, everything around me screams danger right now.”
“I’m a big girl, James. I can handle myself. Not taking into account tonight, I’m usually pretty smart about my actions. I don’t go out at night. I bring things in my bag that can be used as weapons. I’ll keep my eyes open.”
“I appreciate your concern over safety, but my point is that if I get close to you…” I try to think of a way to articulate my thoughts, and I just decide to go for it. “Fuck it. I am getting close to you, and it’s scary as all hell. You being close to me makes you a potential target for Tennison, and I can’t have that. I have survived a lot in my life, but that is something I wouldn’t recover from.”
“But what if you’re doing all this worrying for nothing? What if we could just enjoy our time together because you never know what the future holds? I don’t know that always focusing on the what-ifs in life is the healthiest approach to things,” she says softly.
“You could be right, but what if all that worrying saves you? Protects you?”
“I hear you, I do, but what about things you want? You constantly worry about everyone around you. Your old job was worrying about saving people you didn’t even know. Who worries about you?”
“I don’t have an answer to that.” Mostly because I don’t really want to do a deep dive into why I am the way I am. “You know, Sheriff made a point to tell me that it’s okay to have friends here, and I never realized how disconnected I truly was until he said that. It’s hard to let old habits die, honestly, and I’ve never really been close to people in general. You are the exception to that. Hell, Willow, you’re the exception to everything.”
She presses a soft kiss to my lips before pulling back. “How about I be the one to worry about you?”
I’m running on far too little sleep right now, but I’m happier than I’ve been in forever.
Brittany has been side-eying me all morning, but what am I going to say about this sudden change in personality? I’m with Willow, and we fucked in the park her brother works at last night? Yeah, no. I’d rather keep all of that to myself.
Speaking of Lennox, he could be an issue, but I think he’d be okay with me dating his sister, though. We get along, so that has to count for something, right?
Willow’s the most important Hutton to me either way, so however he reacts, I’ll deal with it.
Brittany starts tapping her nails on the counter, and I can feel her stare on the side of my face.
“Don’t even think about asking whatever is on your mind.” I shut her down.
“You don’t even know what I was thinking about. It could have been about … about Mabel and Alice’s new fixation.” She huffs.
I hold off my smirk. “You weren’t thinking about Mabel and Alice.”
“You know, for a coffee shop owner, you’re annoying as hell sometimes with how well you know people.”
Because it used to be my job.
I grunt in response because not even Brittany calling me on my shit is going to damper my good mood today.
The bell rings above the door and Lennox walks in, looking pissed as hell.
Might have spoken too soon about that good mood.
“Do you have a minute?” he practically growls.
I sigh and motion for him to head back to my office. “I’ll be back,” I tell Brittany before following Lennox.
I quietly shut the door and cross my arms, waiting for him to tell me why he’s pissed.
“Leave Willow alone,” he says when he finally stops pacing. My eyebrows shoot up, shocked at the audacity he has right now.
“Leave Willow alone?” I repeat.
“Look, I don’t think you’re a bad guy, but you have a past that doesn’t really seem to be so in the past. Leave her alone and don’t put her safety in jeopardy.”
“And you think you can just come in here and decide things for your sister—behind her back, at that—and I’ll just what? Do as I’m told?” I stand my ground. I see where his head is at, and honestly, I understand it more than he’ll ever know. I’m scared shitless to potentially be putting her in danger, but I also recognize that this is as much her choice as it is mine. Lennox coming in here and pulling a big-brother act won’t change her mind.
He scrubs his hand over his face. “Fuck. I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about...” He gestures wildly to me. “All of that shit, and it freaks me out. What if something happens? What if that asshole really finds you? That puts Willow in the direct line of fire and, Oakley, I’ve got to protect her.” The worry in his voice brings my guard down.
He’s doing what he thinks he has to in order to protect her, and I can’t fault him for that.
“Sit.” I walk around my desk and plop down as he does the same in the chair in front of me. “First, Willow decides what to do with her life. I don’t. If she chooses to be with me, which I’m fairly certain she does, then we have to accept that. She’s a grown-ass woman who is more than capable of figuring out what’s best for her. Second, I’m just as worried as you are.” I lean forward and meet his eyes. “You know I’ll protect her with my life, right?”
I need him to see I’m not only serious about her safety but about her as well.
“Fuck. This whole thing has my head so fucked up. How the fuck did you do this shit for a job?” He groans and drops his head back.
“Well, there’s a reason I don’t do it anymore.” I laugh humorlessly.
“I know, logically, she’ll be safe with you, but what if something happens? What if that asshole shows up here? I can’t lose her, Oakley.” His voice gets softer as he talks, and I second-guess every decision I’ve made in the last week.
Can I protect her?
Am I putting her in more danger by not holding her at arm’s length? I still don’t know.
“I don’t have all the answers, Lennox, but I can promise to do everything in my power to protect her at all times. And if something happens and I fuck up in any way, I give you full permission to beat the shit out of me.” I grin in an attempt to lighten the mood. We both know nothing with Tennison is in anyone’s control, but I will do everything in my power to protect her from it all, even if in the end that turns out to be from me.
“I will absolutely hold you to that. Fuck, I’m sorry. That was such a dickhead move to come in here and demand shit. Don’t tell Willow. She’ll skin me alive.”
And just like that, the bulk of the tension dissipates.
We both chuckle, knowing she would kill both of us if she knew this conversation was taking place.
“I really like her, Len, and I won’t take advantage of the fact that she seems to be on the same page. I just want to make her happy,” I confess to him. He’s the closest thing I have to a friend here, and with him being her brother, I want him to know I’m not just fucking around with her.
“I know. It’s written all over both of your faces. It’s really annoying,” he deadpans ,and I chuckle. There’s the little-brother attitude. I’m glad it’s alive and well.
“I’ll remember you said that when you get close to a woman,” I smirk.
“Yeah, you do that.” He stands and walks over to me. Cuffing my shoulder, he looks at me sincerely. “I’m sorry for pulling this shit. I’ll admit, I looked up Tennison after we talked on the trail, and it freaked me out.”
As it usually does.
“Understandable. Just know, I’m keeping updated on the case, and if something is going to affect the town or your sister, I’ll fill you in. I will admit it’s kind of fun seeing you in the protective-brother act.”
“Whatever. I’m going to get a coffee. Text me if you want to work out later. I’m off today.”
He turns and leaves my office, and I slump back in my chair.
My good mood is all but gone because he’s not wrong.
If something happens, if Tennison finds me, can I truly protect Willow?