Chapter 14 #3
“I can’t bear the idea of you not being here, Ren,” Falk said. “It terrifies me.”
Ren’s breath caught in his lungs and he held it there. The dull burn was similar to when he was under the water, when he drowned everything out around him. “I’m not leaving,” Ren said. “I can’t leave you. If you didn’t realize already, it’s against the rules.”
Falk shook his head, his fingers tugging on Ren’s hair, making sure he was still in his arms. “Ren, for gods’ sake, can you just listen to me?
Actually listen to me for a moment?” Falk’s voice was low, a near growl that had Ren doing as he said.
“I want to see you happy, Ren. I want to be beside you when you find happiness again. I don’t think you realize how deeply I care for you, do you? ”
Ren swallowed dry as he shook his head. “You’re… you’re just helping me because you pity me. You’re helping me because you think?—”
Falk really did growl then, stopping Ren’s words in their tracks. “Stop it,” he hissed, “don’t you dare say that—don’t you dare think that?—”
“What else am I supposed to think?” Ren argued, his voice raising as he squirmed in Falk’s arms. “You told me you do not want to be my mate! Why else would you be so kind to me if you don’t want me like that?”
Falk reeled back from him as though Ren had slapped him. “What?” he asked, eyes almost bulging. “You… why would you think I don’t want you to be my mate?”
“That’s what you said,” Ren yelled, throwing his hands up and pulling away fully from Falk. “You told me the morning of my birthday; you weren’t going to ask me to be your mate!”
Falk stared at him for a long time before something in his face changed, like a light being turned on.
“Ren”—he shook his head—“no, I didn’t mean it like that.
I meant I wouldn’t ask you to be my mate the moment you turned twenty.
I wouldn’t ask you to be my mate without courting you first.” Ren blinked at him, not fully processing the words.
“I wanted to do things correctly. I’ve been trying to court you this entire time since then but…
I figured you weren’t interested in me. It’s been weeks and you haven’t taken to my advances at all. ”
“Your advances?” Ren gaped. “What advances?”
“I brought you things! I gave you a flower every day and called you pretty. I even told you, you were perfect and you ignored me. I brought you pastries and held your hand and protected you against other Alphas and?—”
“That was meant to be courting?” Ren asked.
“I’ve never been very good at showing affection,” Falk murmured, eyes falling away from Ren. “I was trying though. I was doing everything I could think of?—”
“Why didn’t you say something?” Ren asked.
When Falk’s hands suddenly came up, Ren startled.
Both of Falk’s palms cupped Ren’s cheeks, holding their gazes together.
“Let me say it now then,” he whispered before the words seemed to tumble out of his mouth, “I care about you, Ren. I want to understand more. I wish I could understand you. I wish I could know what you’ve been through and could take away everything that’s hurt you.
I want to know what you’re thinking. I never seem to know what you’re thinking.
I want you to trust me—for real,” he said pointedly when Ren opened his mouth to protest. “I want you to trust me with your thoughts and tell me everything that goes on in that head of yours. I want to be able to help you. I want to make you happy.”
“Falk—”
“I’m not done,” Falk snapped. “I don’t know why you don’t believe me when I say I care about you. I need you to understand how much—how I”—Falk swallowed hard—“how much I… how much I love you, Ren.”
Ren froze at the words, his mind turned them over and over again.
His heart pounded painfully in his ribcage, and he felt almost like a panic attack was coming on—his hands shook, tears gathered, and his breath quickened.
But the ache in his chest was different—less like something was pressing down on it, forcing the breath from him, and more like something deep inside of him was fluttering, wanting to get out.
He hadn’t ever been able to wrap his mind around someone caring for him. He never had anyone in his life before that had truly cared about him beyond what he could do for them. But Falk’s words had sliced through him in such a way he actually believed them.
He trusted Falk—he had trusted him for a long time. And, it took a moment for his mind to wrap around the idea that Falk truly did care for Ren, that he truly loved him—but once the idea settled, something in Ren clicked into place.
Ren realized Falk was still talking in an endless stream of confessions, “...is why I can’t imagine my life without you. Why, I can’t bear the idea of you leaving me or this world. I need you, Ren, I need you to be mine but even if you’re not, I need to know you’re?—”
Ren lunged forward, surprising Falk whose eyes went somehow wider in shock.
Ren wrapped his arms around Falk’s neck, holding him steady so he could crush their lips together.
He pressed as close as he possibly could to Falk, holding him so tightly he knew his grip on Falk’s hair must have hurt—but he needed to show Falk he understood; that he cared about him too.
Kissing Falk was starkly different from the first time.
Back then, Falk had kissed him so softly, so chastely, so slowly as though they had all the time in the world. Ren had enjoyed it, but hadn’t let himself think too much about it; it had been a means to an end, and that was all.
Falk’s lips were as soft as he remembered them being, but pressed at Ren’s far more insistently than they had the first time.
The slow, lazy drag of their first kiss was quickly replaced by the need that had grown between the two of them—to be as close as possible, to claim the other, to make sure both of them knew how much they needed the other.
Ren whimpered as Falk pressed back against him so hard Ren had to take a step back, and then another as Falk bit and sucked at his lips until they felt tender like a fresh bruise. Ren only stopped when his back and thighs hit the sink. He tried desperately to keep up even as his head spun.
Falk’s tongue slid over his lips, making Ren gasp at the foreign sensation. Ren groaned at the feeling of his tongue sliding into his mouth, pressing against his own. He slowed down a bit, suddenly shy at something so new, and Falk easily took over the kiss.
Falk cupped Ren’s jaw, the touch so gentle compared to his lips, and tilted his head to the side so he could lick further into his mouth. Ren whined, shivering, as Falk traced over everything he could reach, seeming to want to commit the feeling of Ren to memory.
Ren had to pull back to catch his breath, chest heaving as he panted into the barely-there space between them.
He tilted his chin up so Falk could press kiss after chaste kiss to his lips.
Ren could see he was smiling, could feel it as they pressed together over and over again, slowing down when they realized they didn’t only have this one moment.
“I love you,” Falk whispered suddenly, breaking the silence between them.
Ren froze where he was, even his heart seemed to pause in his chest. He had never had those words directed at him before. Ren licked his lips quickly, debating on what he could possibly say.
“You don’t need to say it back,” Falk murmured. “I just want to make sure you know how I feel about you.”
“I…” Ren trailed off, his voice getting lost. “I care… about you—a lot,” he finally breathed.
Falk’s face split into a grin far bigger than any Ren had seen from him, so wide his eyes squeezed into little crescents. Ren found himself smiling back, a sudden giddiness taking over him.
“I love you,” Falk said again, pressing his nose against Ren’s. A flush slowly grew on Ren’s cheeks.
“I love you,” Falk repeated, pressing a kiss to Ren’s lips. Ren’s fingers tangled in Falk’s shirt, pulling him closer, not wanting to let him go.
“I love you,” Falk said. Ren’s pulse was slamming in his ears as he tried to get his mouth to move.
Finally, Ren whispered back, “I know.”