Chapter 29 #2
My stomach churns at the idea of confronting my mother in a real way. Finally telling her what I’ve always wanted to but have been too afraid to rock the boat. I think about what Roman said, about how he never cares what people think about him…except for me.
He cared about me, and if I do this, it wouldn’t only be for me, but for us too. I psych myself up with a few deep breaths and stand, shaking my hands out before pressing my mom’s contact on my cell phone. I put it on speaker so Sloane can listen.
Mom answers on the third ring. “Eloise, hello. Haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“I’ve been busy,” I say, and she makes a dubious noise on her end.
“So what do you need?”
“There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time.”
“Finally. I’m glad you came to your senses—”
I cut her off because I know she’s still expecting an apology, but she’s not going to get one. “You hurt my feelings.”
“What?” She screeches the word. She can’t even comprehend it.
“You hurt my feelings a lot with the way you speak to me. You talk down to me, and it makes me feel bad, and that’s why I have a difficult time being around you.”
“Eloise. How dare you.”
“No, Mom, how dare you. It’s funny that you’re acting so surprised, when you literally do it every time you speak to me or see me.”
“Do what?”
“Condescend to me. You say backhanded things about what I look like or how I act. You’ve never tried to understand my diagnosis, and you act like it’s not real.”
“You’re being dramatic now. I’ve always been supportive of you.”
Sloane rolls her eyes and sticks her middle finger up at the phone, and her being here for this makes me stronger. Bolder. Braver.
“It doesn’t feel like it for me. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.
Your version of being supportive is not.
It’s always been a competition between you and your sister, and if you’re not pitting me against Lily, you’re tearing me down so that I become closer to the version of the daughter you want, and it’s not okay. It’s not right.”
“This is…” She huffs. “I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me.”
“Because you don’t ever listen to what I have to say. It’s not easy to be your daughter when you’re so critical of me, and I’m afraid to bring anything up to you because you’ll either ignore it or tell me I’m making it up.”
She stays quiet, so I take that as my sign to go on. Maybe she’s finally getting it.
“I dread going to family events because of what you might say to me. It’s not a fun way to live.”
An eternity passes before she finally speaks, proving she does not get it.
“Well, I’m a horrible mother, aren’t I? Raising you, keeping you fed and clothed, and supporting you when you dropped out of college.
How terrible to have parents who give you money to open your bakery. What an awful mother I am.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “This is exactly what I’m talking about.
You’re not listening to me. I never said I’m not grateful for you and Dad, but you speak to me as if I’m a piece of shit.
That’s how you make me feel, and I’m done taking it.
Because I know what it feels like to be loved for all of my faults, and it doesn’t feel like that with you. ”
“What are you talking about, Eloise? You’re my daughter. Of course I love you.”
“Then please start being kinder to me. Stop judging me. Because I can’t be around you. And I especially don’t want to bring my boyfriend around you. Not when I know what you think of him.”
“You’re still with him?” She scoffs. “Good lord, Eloise. He is not the man you—”
“He’s everything I want. I love him, and if you can’t deal with that, then you can fuck right off.”
There’s a stunned silence on the other end of the line, and I glance over at Sloane, who smiles and nods, silently clapping.
I smile too. I think of how Roman would be proud, and like him, I don’t have much else to say.
“That’s it. That’s all I called to tell you, that I’m done being your punching bag.
So, I guess I’ll talk to you later, if you want.
But only if you can have a good conversation with me. Otherwise… Bye.”
I hang up on her and fall onto the couch. Sloane hugs me. “That was so fucking awesome. I’m so proud of you.”
I exhale a relieved breath. A weight off my shoulder. “That felt good.”
“One down, one to go. Just gotta work it out with Roman next.”
I roll my head to the back of the cushions. “Actually feels easier now that I told my mother off. I might go complete a triathlon or something while I’m at it.”
“You’re on your own for that one,” she says and checks the time. “The bus will be coming in a few minutes. You want to stay for dinner?”
“Obviously.”
As we head outside to walk down to the bus stop, I throw my arm around her slim shoulders. “Thanks for being my best friend.”
She slings her arm around my waist. “Thanks for being my best friend. And I wouldn’t worry too much about Roman. I don’t know him as well as you do, but I’ve been around those Stone boys long enough to know he fits right in. They all love hard. This is a rough patch. You can work through it.”
I accept her wisdom with a sad smile because while it will hopefully work out for me, it won’t work out for her.
But I’ve got her back.
And she’s got mine.