42. Cassie
CASSIE
My dad’s car is in my driveway when I pull in. He’s parked outside the door to the garage, in the spot where I usually park mine. I pull further around the drive, and take a few deep breaths before I climb out.
On the longer than usual walk to the front door, I run through all the things he’ll probably say to me. How he’ll send me a look filled with such disappointment that I’ll probably shrivel away and die on the spot.
I open the door, and don’t even bother to call out. I can hear his booming laugh reverberating through the house as he talks to someone on the phone.
I lean against the wall just outside the door to the library, and let my head rest on the wall. He’s laughing, talking about numbers and projections and whatever else he needs to talk about with his super important associates, while I wait here for the punishment I can’t even anticipate.
My eyes close, but all I can see is Robbie’s face. The smile that fell as soon as he walked back in the room and saw my bag at the end of the bed. The second of confusion before he realized what it meant. That I was leaving. That we were done.
A tear gathers at the corner of my eye, but I catch it with my nail before it drops. Dad’s call finishes up, and he calls my name.
I take one final calming breath and round the corner.
He’s…smiling?
“There you are,” he says as he crosses the room and presses a kiss to my heated cheek. “I was wondering when you guys would get here. I’ve been waiting.”
What?
He glances behind me as if expecting someone else. “King not with you?”
I shake my head mutely, unable to speak even if I tried. I brace myself for him to raise his voice, or even worse, the quiet disappointment that will hurt much more.
“That’s a shame.” Dad sighs, but it’s missing the ice I was anticipating. “I was just talking with Rupert over at the paper. They’re sending a photographer to come and snap some candids of you guys, but I’ll have to tell them to hold.”
My legs are shaky as I perch on the arm of the sofa. I can’t really compute the words as he says them.
“I’ll tell them to come to the game instead.” Dad shrugs. “You guys can leave together, and they can catch you there.”
I brush my hair away from my head and hold it on the top of my head. My cheeks heat as tears gather in my eyes. “Dad. What are you talking about?”
“You and Robbie.” He smiles, and it’s so unlike any I’ve seen from him before. He seems almost smug. “I have to say, you guys took a lot longer to sort this out than I hoped, but it’s going to do wonders for the team.”
“Sort what out?” The answers are barely out of reach, like a surfboard floating away with the tide before I can catch it.
“You know.” He waves his hand. “The best relationships are the organic ones, aren’t they? The finance team have already shared the projections with me, and they are looking more than healthy. Very good.”
I blink at him. The implication of his words finally sink in. I don’t think I’ve ever had to admit this to myself but, “Mom was right.”
“What’s that now?” Dad asks as he looks back at his phone.
“You planned this?” An ache appears behind my eyes, the tension from this morning and the tears I still haven’t let spill metastasizing with every word. “Me and Robbie?”
“Well, I wouldn’t say I planned it.” He grins and I want to smack it off his face. “But I certainly hoped it would happen.”
“You set me up?”
“If you want to call it that.” He shrugs.
Did I just break up with Robbie for no reason? I didn’t have to start a fight. I didn’t have to pack up my stuff and break his heart. I didn’t have to leave him.
My chest squeezes painfully and I cover my eyes with my palms. “I can’t believe this.”
“Cassie?” Dad asks, concern creeping into his voice.
“You’re telling me—” I take a breath. “You’re telling me, this entire time I’ve been stressing about you being disappointed in me, but this is what you wanted the whole time?”
“Cassie.”
“You manipulated me.”
“Hey now.”
“No,” I snap, rising to my feet. “You told me to come to every game, even though I wanted nothing to do with football, so I did. You told me to come to your stupid events and parties, so I did that too. But you didn’t tell me to do this. You didn’t even ask me.”
“I don’t know what the problem is, sweetheart.” The bewildered expression on his face somehow manages to infuriate me more. “You’re happy, aren’t you? It all worked out in the end?”
The laugh that tears out of my chest is uncontrollable, though nothing about this situation is particularly funny. “Well, I hate to disappoint you, Dad,” I choke out, “but I just broke up with him.”
Dad gapes. “Well, why did you do that?”
“Because I thought you’d tell me to!” I scrape my hands through my hair.
Laughter keeps bubbling and I can’t stop it, even as a headache starts to pound behind my temples.
“Why can’t we just have a normal relationship?
Why does everything have to be business first and family second?
Why is my relationship about the fucking Dow Jones? ”
“Because you’re Cassandra.” Dad explains. “What you do has an effect on the stock market.”
I choke at that. “You’re unbelievable.” I’m literally standing in front of the man who is supposed to protect me, supposed to be my father, but he only sees me as a product that exists to make his portfolio fatter.
The Cassandra that makes him money. My voice and my body and how many tickets I can sell will always be more important than me.
No matter what I do or how much I give, it will always come down to how I can make him more.
People like him aren’t content with what they have, they need it all.
They don’t care how many lives they destroy or fucking trees they cut down, all that matters is how many zeros are in the bank account at the end of the day.
I gave up the one thing that made me happy.
I gave up a good man because I thought this one in front of me was going to tell me to.
My father hadn’t even asked me to jump and I had already leaped, with nothing to catch my fall but the jagged rocks below.
I thought I was sparing everyone by ending things with Robbie.
I thought it was the right thing to do. But it was all for nothing.
“What a great investment having a daughter was for you, Dad,” I tell him, my voice flat and unshaken even as tears cling to my eyelashes. “I hope it was worth it.”
“Cassie,” Dad says. It sounds like he has more to say but nothing comes out. I’ve never seen my father speechless before.
I straighten my spine and ignore the tear that escapes my eye, rolling down my cheek and gathering on my lip. “You need to leave.” I order. “I can’t look at you right now.”
He puffs up his chest, angry redness spreading across his cheeks. “You can’t kick me out.”
“Why not? You don’t own this house Dad, I do.”
He rests his hands on his hips. “Fine. I’ll leave.”
I don’t follow him as he picks up his briefcase, though he keeps glancing at me as if expecting me to change my mind and apologize. It’s only when he’s at the door that I speak up.
“Do you know the worst thing is Dad?” He turns on the doorstep. “My entire life I’ve been so desperate to not disappoint you. I would have done anything to try and make you happy.” I swallow, unable to even look at him. “But you didn’t even ask.”