Chapter 13
Elle
I slowly woke and rolled to my side. My eyes opened when I felt a body next to me. I looked over to see Gabe lying next to me. I sat up and looked at his sleeping form as the events of the night before came into focus.
It wasn’t that I had drunk so much that I blacked out. I hadn’t been drunk when I had gone to bed with Gabe. It was just in the light of day; I couldn’t believe that it had happened and I was in bed with him.
He was still asleep, lying on his back, his right arm on his stomach and his left at his side.
His mouth was open slightly. He was naked but the sheet covered him from the waist down.
It gave me an impressive view of his chest. I was still wearing my dress but he must have taken off his shirt sometime in the night.
My cheeks grew hot as I remembered how I had been, what I had said, what we had done. My body reacted by remembering how good it felt and despite my better judgment I longed to do it again.
The attraction I felt for Gabe, the need to be with him, had been overwhelming. I did not regret giving into those feelings. I would never regret sleeping with Gabe but as I looked at him sleeping so peacefully, I knew it could never happen again.
It had seemed inevitable that we would end up here.
The chemistry, the need we had for each other was too great.
Even in the few times we had seen each other, I had felt it.
I had pushed aside the thought that he could have been feeling it too.
But after what we had shared the night before, I wondered how I could have been so na?ve.
Now, I could see that it would have consumed us if we hadn’t done something about it. We needed to let it out.
But no matter how much I had enjoyed being with Gabe, it was a onetime thing.
Quietly, I moved away from him. I knew I was being a coward and should have woken him, told him I was leaving, had a conversation but I wanted to avoid it if I could.
It was best if I just left his bed and we pretended like it never happened.
If I was lucky, he would know that it had been a mistake, however wonderful, and move on.
I was sitting on the edge of the bed looking for my panties when I felt a hand run along my back.
I sighed and looked over my shoulder to see Gabe lying on his side looking at me.
My heart raced at feeling his hand on me.
I wanted to close my eyes and savor the feeling, but I didn’t.
He looked even sexier when he was awake, his eyes were heavy with sleep, his hair had fallen in his face and covered his forehead and a little of his eyes.
I could still see the green of his eyes and there was just a hint of mischief in them.
His eyes roamed over my body and even with me twisted away from him, his eyes lingered over me approvingly. I wanted to do the same thing. I wanted to roll back into bed with him and feel his arms around me.
Instead, I said, “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” he said and sat up. “How did you sleep?”
“Well. You?” I asked.
“Wonderfully.”
Gabe dropped his hand from my back and ran it over his face. When he moved his hand away, I could see the concern. I hadn’t wanted to have this conversation now, but maybe it was best that we did. The sooner we cleared the air, the sooner we could move on, and forget it ever happened.
“So, about last night,” I said.
“Elle,” Gabe said slowly.
“You don’t need to say it. It was nice but it was a mistake,” I said.
“Fuck. You, us, it was,” he stammered.
I blushed. Even if it wasn’t very eloquent. He was saying everything I was thinking and feeling.
“Exactly. It’s not that I didn’t want it to happen. Sorry. That was a horrible way of saying that.”
“I get it. We wanted each other. We’re two consenting adults and we gave into that need,” Gabe said and smiled at me.
“That we did,” I said.
“And it was incredible, even if it can never happen again,” he said.
It was both a blessing and a curse that he was making things so easy for me.
I was glad we were on the same page, but I almost wished he had protested a little more.
We knew what this was and what it couldn’t be.
In the light of day there were consequences that would need to be dealt with. Mainly for me.
“I don’t want things to be awkward between us. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in your own home. If you need me to move out. I would completely understand,” I said.
“What? No,” Gabe said and sat up. “You just got settled. You need a place to stay. I wouldn’t want you to be homeless again just because of one night. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” Gabe reached up as if he wanted to touch me again but thought better of it at the last second.
“I was as much a part of this as you were. I’m the one who is your guest. It’s your place. If you didn’t want me here or if it was awkward for you, I would totally understand.”
“No. We both agreed it was something that had to happen. We’re both adults and can move past it. Right?” Gabe asked.
“Yes. Totally. I agree. If you can pretend it never happened, I can too,” I said.
“Good. Then Sarah never needs to know about this,” Gabe said.
“Hell no. She can never find out. She would kill me if she did.”
“You? She might never talk to me again,” Gabe said.
“I doubt that. You’re her father. I was the one who slept with her father. She would never be okay with that.”
“Nor would she if she thought I took advantage of you.”
“You didn’t take advantage of me,” I said and despite my better judgment, I reached over and put my hand on top of Gabe’s. Gabe turned his hand and intertwined our hands. I looked down at them and then up at him.
“I know I didn’t, but she would think I did. It would be best that she never found out. But that doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of what happened, or how much I enjoyed being with you.” Gabe smiled and eyed my body.
“Thank you. That means a lot. I agree. It was good-”
“Good? Only good?” Gabe teased.
I laughed. “It was great, incredible. You know what you’re doing, that’s for sure.”
“It helps when you have such a receptive partner,” Gabe said and I blushed deeper.
“Be that as it may,” I said.
“Right. One and done. We’ll go back to being roommates. You’ll go to school, get a great education, and start your wonderful career. I will know that I helped you achieve that.”
“Good. I would like that,” I said.
“Me too,” Gabe said and smiled at me.
We didn’t say anything more and it got awkward between us. “I should go,” I said after a moment.
“Okay,” Gabe said.
I looked down to see him still holding my hand. I didn’t want him to let it go. I didn’t want to move away from him. I knew I had to. Once I walked away from him and out of his room, it would be like it had never happened. It was what we both agreed to. It was how it needed to be.
Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to go.
Gabe ran his thumb along the inside of my palm and I let out a slow, staggered breath. My eyes locked on his and I could see how much he wanted me. It would have been so easy to fall into bed with him. To go into his arms and press my lips to his.
Reluctantly, I slid my hand away. I could see the disappointment on his face when I did but he didn’t reach to take it back. I almost wished he had but I pushed that feeling down. I turned away from him and stood up. I could feel his eyes on mine as I found my panties and then walked to the door.
I stood in the doorway and turned to look at him. He had rolled so that he was on his back again with his right hand behind his head. My eyes roamed over his body as if I wanted to memorize how sexy he looked as I was never going to see him like this again. He let me and did the same to me.
There was no word to say what I was thinking or feeling, nor did I think I should articulate them.
With a soft nod, I turned and walked out of his room, closing the door behind me.
When I did, I leaned against it and pushed my head to the door and let out a long sigh.
I stayed there for a few minutes with my eyes closed.
After a few minutes, I moved from his door and walked to my room.
Each step felt like it was taking me away from what I really wanted but knew I could never have.
I might have told Gabe that we could and would go back to the way we had been.
But as I thought back about how it had been to be with him, and how he had looked in his bed, I knew that was a lot easier for me to say than to actually do.