Chapter 18
Gabe
Elle was in my arms. Elle was in my arms. It was like a mantra that I couldn’t get out of my head. I kissed her hair and ran my face along the side of hers. She snuggled into me and my heart jumped at having her so close.
She was so soft, so yielding, so beautiful in my arms. I wanted to stay holding her, feeling her next to me, savoring the moment, what we had for as long as possible.
I wanted to keep her with me. I wanted to never leave the living room.
It was where so much had happened between us.
If I could keep her with me, in that spot for the rest of our lives and beyond, I would have.
“Gabe,” Elle said with a sigh.
“Elle,” I replied.
She tilted her head up and smiled at me. “We need to stop meeting like this,” she said.
I tensed at her words. Did she regret what we had done? Was she having second thoughts? Should I? I reached up and brushed her hair away from her face and smiled at her but didn’t say anything.
She turned her head and leaned back into my chest. Her arms tightened around me and let out a content sigh. I could feel how happy and relaxed she was. But I could also feel her shoulders tensing up as if she wasn’t sure what this meant or what was going to happen next.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I said.
“Can I not think for a little while longer? Can I just enjoy the feeling of being in your arms?” she asked.
I kissed her hair again and nodded.
We didn’t say anything. I was lost in my thoughts and got the impression Elle was too.
I ran my hand lazily up and down her arm and could feel her breathing getting heavy.
I thought she had fallen asleep and was contemplating if I should just sleep with her as we were when she asked softly, “What are we going to do now?”
I thought about making a joke and saying we could see how sturdy the love seat was but I knew that wasn’t what she was asking.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“I want this. I want you. I want this to be easy. But I don’t think I can have any of that.”
“I want all that too,” I admitted.
She lifted her head and looked at me. “But you don’t think we can have it either, do you?”
I didn’t answer her but dropped my head down onto the couch.
“Should we continue this? Probably not. But we’ve shown that we can’t keep our hands off each other. It didn’t work for us to avoid each other. I don’t want you to be homeless again,” I said.
“While I agree with all your points. That doesn’t answer my question or give us a solution.”
“What do you think? What is your solution?” I asked.
“Well,” she said and sat up.
She moved away from me. I missed having her next to me, but it gave me an impressive view of her breasts. I put my hands on her hips and waited for her to speak.
“I don’t want to move out either. I tried to find some place to live this week and though I hadn’t thought it was possible, I think the choices were even worse than before. I want to stay but you’ve shown that you can’t be trusted to see me with anyone else.”
“No. If you stay here, you will not have any men in this house. Or women,” I said.
“Noted. And neither should you. It would only be fair.”
“The only woman I want to be with is sitting in my lap,” I said.
“Good. Because the only man that I want to be with is currently sitting in front of me.”
“I think we have more than proven that tonight and previously. It doesn’t make it any easier for us to be together,” I said.
“Sarah,” Elle said.
“Yes. Sarah. She was the reason we didn’t start this before. That hasn’t changed. She wouldn’t approve of us,” I said.
“No. No, she wouldn’t.” Elle said and stood up.
I watched her as she paced. I could see her mind working. She wanted to be with me, but she didn’t want to hurt her friend. I admired her resolve to do right by her friend. I wanted to do right by my daughter too. But it didn’t make the thought of never being with Elle again any easier to bear.
“What if she never found out?” I asked.
The words were out of my mouth before I even knew I was going to say them. They shocked me, and by the surprised look on Elle’s face, they did to her too.
“You would do that? You would lie to your daughter?” Elle asked.
I wasn’t sure if she was accusing me of being a bad father or if she thought it was a good idea and was shocked, I had said it first.
“It isn’t what I want to do. But I can’t see any other choice,” I said.
“From what I can see we have a few options. We pretend like we aren’t great together, which we tried and it didn’t work.
Or we ignore each other, which also didn’t work.
You move out, which we both don’t want. And even if you did, we would have to tell Sarah why you are and neither of us wants that.
Or we cannot tell Sarah what is going on and continue as we did tonight. ”
“None of those are good options. I have never lied to Sarah and I don’t want to start now. But I also see your point. I shouldn’t move out. It will only draw suspicion to us and Sarah will want answers. Answers, I don’t want to give her. Not if I can help it,” Elle said.
“Do you have another idea? Suggestion? I am all ears,” I said.
“No. I don’t.” She turned and looked at me. Her eyes roaming over my body and I sat up. My body contracted at seeing how she was looking at me.
There were very few women who could turn me on with a look.
Elle could do that but she also drove me crazy.
There was an all-consuming need I had for her.
I only had to look at her and I wanted her.
I only had to hold her, and I wanted her even more.
I knew now that it was not going to go away.
I needed to see what this was. If it meant I had to lie to my daughter to do it, I would.
Slowly, I stood up and walked towards Elle. She stood where I was, waiting for me to approach. When I did. I wrapped my arms around her. She tilted her head up and smiled at me.
“I want you. I want this. We owe it to ourselves to see what this is. No matter where it may lead. I don’t want to lie to Sarah but if I must. If that’s the only way I can have you in my life, then I’ll do it.
It’s a better alternative than not having you in my life and in my bed.
Because that’s not something I’m willing to do.
“Now, you know what I want. Can you tell me what you want? Can you do this? Can you keep this from Sarah?” I asked.
“You’re right. We owe ourselves to see what this is.
Staying away from you sucked. I don’t want to do that again.
I can’t. I need to see where this might lead.
I hate lying to Sarah or not telling her what was going on in my life.
But this isn’t for her to know. This is about you and me.
Sarah might have brought us together, but she shouldn’t be the reason that we’re apart.
“I don’t know what she will do if she ever finds out. I want to believe she would understand. She’s an adult. She has needs, she has feelings, she knows how the world works. But it would be better if she never found out and we never tested my theory.”
“So, what are you saying?” I tightened my hold on Elle. I wanted to hear her say the words. She had to. Sarah was her best friend. Elle had to go into this with her eyes open, knowing the consequences if there were any and knowing she chose this all the same.
“I’m saying. I want to be with you. I want to see where this will go. Do you?” She asked.
Her eyes searched mine and I smiled down at her and brought my mouth down to hers. My mouth was inches from hers when I said, “There is nothing I want more in the world than to make your mine. And that is exactly what I plan on doing.” I then crushed my lips to hers.