THIRTY-THREE
“YOU’RE TROUBLED. Talk to me.”
Conn didn’t have to say out loud what she already knew. Oh, but her guy did know her, and never shied from giving her an opener.
Sated, strewn across their Stag bed, this was when she did most of her reflecting. Being with Conn, connected to him physically, in the quiet, in the dark, somehow it leveled her yawing mind.
“‘What’s in your head belongs to me.’” She repeated his words. “That’s what you said. All of me belongs to you.”
“Aye.
His certainty was always absolute, he was never unsure or undecisive. God, she could use a little of that, a lot of that.
“How do you know you’re making the right decisions?”
“Strat?” he asked. Good guess. Her friend was on her mind, but he wasn’t the only one. “It’s handled.”
“I know, you handle everything. I never have to ask twice.” She wasn’t worried about her guy following through. “Just… do it delicately.”
“He’s been good to you. It’s loyalty, Macushla.”
Which, in the past, he’d accused her of not having or understanding.
Rolling onto her stomach, she cupped her face, supporting it with her elbows on the bed. “My decision to take him off our books isn’t about that. I still love him and trust him as much as I always have.”
“You think he feels different about you?”
“No, I’m not severing our relationship. With everything that’s happened recently… When Strat had the chance, he chose to get out of this life. He wanted a quiet existence, not one like this.”
“And Ford walked away from the Manzanis.”
“Will you love me any less if I come without the excess baggage?”
“ Excess ” was relevant because even with protecting the Stratford’s, they still had her father, Vex, and everything else she dragged in her tail of destruction.
He drove his fingers into her hair. “Macushla.”
Just the word reminded her he’d support her through anything.
Her eyes dropped before meeting his again. “Will you tell me what’s happening with Lachlan?”
“Trust your brother.”
“Do you trust him?” An honest question. With Conn, she wouldn’t shy from asking the hard ones. “I love my brother, and I love you, but I never thought you’d play nice together.”
“You think it’s a con?”
“Hard to say when I don’t know what you’re doing together. I know him as a man strict about his career, about his morals. Seeing him with you in secret talks, it’s strange, but…” she held her breath a second. “If he wanted to corner or incriminate you, I’m not sure he’d take his current stance with me. Wouldn’t it be easier to keep me sweet? Maybe then I’d inadvertently help, soothe your potential suspicions or something. Maybe it’s a double bluff, or a double, double bluff. I don’t know.”
On a groan, her hands went up through her hair as she face-planted on the bed.
This wasn’t her ratting on her brother. She had to be honest with Conn and hope they’d never be in a situation on opposite sides. If Lach was in, he was in, great. If he wasn’t, and he planned to prosecute the man she loved, or his underlings, Conn could only follow one line of action: annihilation. She couldn’t lose her brother, but she couldn’t lose Conn to twenty-five to life either.
“You need to breathe, Macushla.”
Just his voice was enough to loosen her clenched muscles. “When did life get so complicated?”
Crawling up the bed, she climbed on top of him, rubbing the inside of her knuckles hard up and down his abs, avoiding his scar.
“This isn’t complicated,” he said. “You make it complicated by layering everyone else’s crap on yours. Stick to this, baby.”
“This has always been easy.” Her head tilted. “Straightforward? Simple?” None of the words seemed right. That was it. “Right. This has always been right. Even all the times I said it wasn’t, being with you is right.” Lowering to kiss him, she tucked her head under his chin and relaxed. “People don’t understand us. How can we be such a puzzle to others and such a breeze to ourselves?”
“Other people are insignificant. They don’t interest me.” His hand went behind his head. “Focus. One thing at a time.”
And he’d take care of the big picture. Having a safety net like Conn almost felt unfair. Whatever happened next week, next month, he’d be there, looking out for her, keeping her safe.
“I focus on you as often as I can.” She took a beat. “Why didn’t you tell me about the flash drive? Ours? I brought up the sex tape and you never said a word about the one I had being blank.”
“You don’t like lies.” And, technically, giving her a blank drive that was supposed to contain something was a lie. “Not revealing a truth is—”
“An omission not a lie.” At least his rules were consistent. “You wanted me to come back. Telling me we were through… you didn’t mean it.”
“Cutting ties was the smart route.”
Not one he could commit to fully if he’d given her the blank drive hoping it would reconnect them.
“At mine, after the attack, when you came to me. I told you I needed people who’d be around a long time. You let me talk to you like… Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
“I let you down. You weren’t protected in McDade territory. If I wasn’t capable of looking after you, I didn’t deserve to have you.”
For a man who lived in the “gray” as Strat put it, Conn dealt with a lot of guilt when it came to her safety. And if she’d been a casual lay, he wouldn’t have placed such a premium on his role as protector.
“You know…” She sighed. “I think I can’t love you anymore and then you just…” With a smile, she kissed him then rose, wriggling her hips. “You’re the one thing I always rely on. Never ask me to live without you again.”
Skimming his palms up her arms, he caressed her for a few seconds then cradled her breasts in both hands.
“I’ll talk to Silvio tomorrow.”
Divert the conversation, take it to work. Man, her guy knew just how to untangle her webs.
“About the tape?”
“No, I won’t give him the satisfaction of asking direct. That game isn’t important to me.”
If it was them, he’d care someone had access to their private moments. That it was a fake? This was child’s play her guy didn’t have time for.
“Does Silvio know we have Evander?” she asked. “And about the shooting? Is the tape a shot across the bow?”
“If that’s the best he’s got, destroying him won’t take long.”
If not about the tape or Evander… “You’ll talk to Silvio about Hell?” she asked. “Hell’s last letter said he had a parole hearing coming up. That was a while ago though. With the murder and Dad, I haven’t had a chance to write back. Do you think he knows about us? That I’m with you?”
“He knows.”
Could be why he mentioned parole, he’d know about the Dorsey deal too. Being close to Conn, she had the facility to convey messages, to whisper in his ear. Hell had never asked her to pass anything along, or mentioned Conn. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t imply or suggest.
“Should we be worried if he hits the street again? What’s he really like? Is he hungry for it? I can only learn so much through writing.”
Evander wanted to steal the Manzani empire from under his father. With him locked in the Stag basement, that plan wasn’t exactly what she might call “progressing.” If Hell got out and wanted power, would he challenge his father? His brother? His enemies?
“All we get are rumors, secondhand reports, guards intel.”
“You get reports from prison guards?” she asked.
“I get reports from anyone I want.”
For twenty years both Hell and Dorsey had been locked away. How much contact they had with others was unknown, though it was safe to say it had been limited. These people couldn’t know themselves, not as they’d be on the outside. What was important? Was freedom enough?
Dorsey had more than paid her dues. Twenty years she’d been locked up, basically her whole life. And Hell couldn’t have spent much time with savory types. She dreaded to think how that would’ve changed a man already colored by darkness.
Their family, the Manzanis, had the potential to hurt the McDades, to hurt Conn. There, in their bed, she didn’t want to give the opposing family too much airtime.
“I opened the chest in my grandfather’s office,” she said. “The one Lupe told me to check.”
“You were out late. Wasn’t too happy when I heard where you were hanging out.”
“The guys were with me. I wouldn’t go in there alone. Swerve showed up outside when we left, how would he know we were there?”
“Any place belonging to you or your family will be monitored. The Manzanis will do regular patrols.”
So she shouldn’t read too much into it. They’re on the ball, keeping tabs, much like the McDades would. It didn’t freak her out Swerve showed up, might actually work out for them in the long run. By refusing to deal with him alone, and forcing him to come to Stag, she and Conn sent the message they were a single unit.
She stroked his stomach. “Why were we deepfaked? Why us? What did they hope to achieve?”
“It’s game playing.”
“Silvio was the one making porn, not Vex,” she said. “This has to be him.”
“We’ll fire back but leave him playing in the sandbox.” Because the McDades were focused on building their empire. “Once he learns Vex went behind his back, they’ll go through their own civil war.”
And could be in the midst of it when Hell reappeared. Yeah, okay, there was a little schadenfreude in that. It would also give the McDades a chance to gain ground. There would be less of the pie to go around by the time the Manzanis got their head back in the game.
Taking pleasure in another family’s misery was somewhat hypocritical. Her own doorstep wasn’t exactly shiny, clean, and faultless.
“My dad still here?”
“Aye.”
When was the last time she’d slept under the same roof as her father before this recent palaver? A long time ago.
“Will he be here forever?”
How could he keep his job if he was never seen? People would ask questions eventually.
“Until he understands who is in control,” Conn said. “Who he has to thank for his freedom and his position. It’s time for an attitude adjustment.” Which was probably something her father said to her back in the day. “We’ll keep him on a close leash, provide private security.” McDades who’d watch his every move. “And we’ll pull him back in every time he steps out of line. He breathes free air because we allow it. He breathes at all because we allow it. He’ll figure that out fast or it’ll be taken away. He breathes while he’s useful, not a second longer.”
“And my grandfather’s house?”
“It’ll be cleared and sold.”
“You told me that already. I mean when will it happen? I asked the guys to burn everything in that office. That okay?”
“You don’t need my permission to give orders, but I grant it. Whatever you want, Macushla, whatever you want.”
What she wanted was to enjoy being intimate with him in the dark. “Are you sure you want to sell a house with a secret exit?”
“Think the mansion has none of those?”
She laughed. “We’re blocking them before we have kids.”
“Think so? How will we escape them?”
Maybe not straight comedy, but her guy had a sense of humor. Parenthood. Conn was so busy as it was, would it be fair to pile on more responsibility? Why was she so mired in the thought of reproduction? It kept coming back. Something to do with her own position as child to a father who’d wronged them in so many ways. She’d do it differently, Conn would too. Illegality aside, she wasn’t lying when she’d dubbed her love a better man.
They could just stay there, like that, together and safe. Her breathing slowed and though his fingers tangled in her hair, they quickly stilled.
Quiet. Calm. Safety. Love. She’d never been happier than when she was right there, anywhere, existing with him.
An almighty crash shook the walls. The colossal sound reverberated through the floors and furniture, quaking her atoms.
One shout followed another. Movement. There was movement and—
“Stay here,” Connel said, leaping out of bed to rush out, sweatpants in hand.
Oh, geez, this couldn’t be good, wouldn’t be good. Whoever was visiting hadn’t got an invite. Would they leave quietly or make themselves known? Seemed they’d already made that choice.