40 - CROSSED CIRCUITS
Lacey
I went down the steps feeling the soaked liner I had no way to change inside his house, and the cool night air did nothing to the heat, which was still going the way it had been since his hand closed around both my wrists. Aaron opened the car door. I got in.
What the hell had happened?
We had spent an hour and a half aligned. The fish, the fire, the laughing. And the second it became clear we were both horny, his wall came up and the evening was over, like getting hard was wrong and he needed forgiveness.
So I had my answer about Derek Harrington, and the answer was that I'd misjudged which kind of disappointment he was.
I knew exactly what had happened to me in his sitting room, and he had just said sorry.
I shook my head.
"Fuck," I said, under my breath.
"What's that, ma'am?" Aaron said.
"Nothing. Sorry."
I closed my eyes against the headrest. I must have some kind of horrible craving for disappointment and denial.
I wanted what any healthy woman in her thirties wanted, a life with some thrill in it, and so of course I'd aimed myself at the one man guaranteed not to give it to me, the same as I'd done at twenty when I picked Brad.
And to make matters worse, I had been rude to him on the way out.
"Did you have a good time, Dr. Bonds?" Aaron asked.
I took a moment to collect my thoughts and chose my words carefully. "Yes," I said. "It was wonderful. He's a very good cook."
“Ha. Don’t tell him that, he’s got a big enough ego as it is.” I laughed politely.
It had been wonderful. Before the wrists, it had just been a good night.
That was the part I drove away from. Not the heat. That I could do something about. The liking I could not.
I picked up my phone. Ricardo had texted:
Hello, beautiful girl. I'm sorry I missed you at the club, I've been away a week. Want to do something fun? Text me when you get a chance.
Ricardo. Ricardo wanted me. Ricardo had never once been ashamed of wanting me. I waited for the warmth that usually came with that, the easy lift of being wanted by someone uncomplicated.
But it didn't come. Or it came and there was a hole in the middle of it. Ricardo would do anything I asked, and tonight, for the first time, that was somehow not enough.
I almost asked him to come over. I was keyed up enough. But Ricardo wasn't who I'd be thinking about while he was on top of me, and that wasn't fair to him.
I texted back.
Sure, let me call you tomorrow.
I closed my eyes again and told Aaron I needed to think for a few minutes. He nodded. The SUV moved through the dark.
There was a lot to think about, but I could only think about Derek. Exactly how he'd held me. The fear, the heat, the unbearable craving. Are you in pain? You could be. Was he just toying with me? Laughing at me?
My hand had slid down before I'd decided anything.
I'm a mess.
I lifted my fingers by a force of will and sat in the dark of the back seat, marinating.