Chapter 13
MARI
As the weekend passes, I have to admit, reluctantly, that the compound feels a lot less oppressive than the penthouse.
I don’t feel so cooped up, and the gardens are beautiful.
I take long walks through them several times a day, breathing in the fresh air I never get in the city.
I still hate the fences and the men who stand around pretending to be harmless, but the bed is perfect, and the quiet is addictive.
If I ignore the earpieces and the guns, it’s almost nice.
Susie, on the other hand, is having the time of her life.
Lev moved her to a West Side apartment with a doorman and a view we could only dream about before.
She sent me a video tour earlier this week.
The kitchen has brand-new appliances. The furniture is luxurious and comfortable.
She has the largest TV I’ve ever seen in my life, and Lev even made sure her fridge is stocked.
“If this is your dangerous era,” she said, “please endanger us into a matching set of wine glasses.”
I told her to shut up. With a small smile and giggle.
Later, she sent me a picture of her feet propped on the balcony railing and said, “No, seriously, get yourself into slightly more trouble. I’m thriving.”
Back at the office Monday morning, I try to pretend my life is normal. I focus on my budget reconciliations and make sure all of our vendors got paid last week. It’s utterly boring and mundane, which is exactly what I love about this job. I need less danger in my life, no matter what Susie says.
It’s 11:15 when my phone buzzes and my stomach drops. There’s a notification from my period-tracking app, reminding me that I haven’t logged my period this month. Panicked, I open it and look at the calendar view. I’m a week late.
Before panic grips me, I force a little logic. Stress can delay things. I’m on the pill. There’s absolutely no reason for me to think I’m pregnant.
I make it to noon, tell my hallmates I’m stepping out for lunch, and end up in the back seat of a black SUV with Pavel.
He’s tall, quiet, and absolutely hates me.
Not without reason. Last week, I made him walk exactly six paces in front of me and refused to walk for a solid five minutes when I felt like he was too close.
I know it isn’t fair to punish him for doing his job, but all of Lev’s men are an extension of him.
I have to let out my frustration somehow.
We drive the two blocks to the pharmacy. It’s a waste of gas and time, but Lev refuses to let me walk anywhere, calling it a liability.
“Ten minutes,” Pavel grumbles when we get inside the pharmacy.
“Set a timer,” I mutter, and grab a basket.
I make sure he stays posted by the door before I head to the women’s aisle. Once there, I swear I break out in hives. There are so many different options for pregnancy tests, and they all look like nuclear bombs.
I grab two different tests because I don’t know which one is better, and I don’t want to take any chances. I toss in a bottle of shampoo, hoping to hide my purchases from Pavel, and pay without looking anyone in the eye.
“How’d I do?” I ask Pavel in an overly cheery tone.
“Thirty seconds to spare,” he grunts. “Not bad. Let’s go.”
Back in the office bathroom, I lock myself in a stall, rip open both boxes, and follow the instructions carefully. The three minutes it takes for the result to come back are simultaneously the longest and fastest of my life.
I pace the entire bathroom, jump around to burn off some of my nervous energy, and stretch my legs out on the sink. None of it helps with the nausea churning in my stomach. When my timer goes off, I pick up both tests, and I really do have to throw up.
Two very clear lines on one test, and a condescending plus sign on the other.
I’m pregnant.
I clean up and go back to my office so I don’t draw any more suspicion. I know Pavel is watching my every move throughout the day.
An unexpected pregnancy is bad enough. I’m only twenty-three. I wasn’t planning to think about kids for several more years. I wanted to be settled, and maybe even married, before I had to decide. This wasn’t part of my plan, and that alone is enough to send me into a panic spiral.
But there’s an even bigger elephant in the room. Lev runs a criminal organization. He’s literally a mob boss, no matter what terms he uses for that title. He’s the most dangerous man I’ve ever met, and now he’s contributed half the DNA of the little life growing inside me.
He kills people. He launders money. He kidnaps employees and forces them to live with him. He won’t want a child. It doesn’t fit into his world in any way. I can’t even imagine how he would react to this kind of news.
My head sinks between my knees as I focus on my breathing and consider my options. I could end this pregnancy quietly and tell no one. I could have the baby and pretend it’s someone else’s. All of that is less terrifying than telling him I’m pregnant with his child.
When my breathing is back under control, I get up, go back to work, and try to pretend nothing is wrong.
At two, I’m in a glass conference room for a scope meeting with Lev and Legal.
He walks in last, and it’s hard not to notice just how good he looks.
His sleeves are rolled up and he’s wearing a dark-blue shirt that makes his icy blue eyes pop.
He looks at me once, quickly, and I almost fold right there.
If nothing else, our baby will probably be gorgeous.
Legal drones on about some new procedure that I couldn’t care less about. The whole time, I sit there with my hand pressed against my flat stomach and try not to vomit.
This is real. I’m really pregnant and there isn’t much time to figure out what I’m going to do next, because there is a clock on this kind of thing.
Lev corners me after the meeting.
“You good?” he murmurs as heads bow over printouts. “Yuri told me you left during lunch.”
“I just needed to buy some shampoo,” I answer smoothly, because it isn’t entirely a lie.
He nods once, studying me for half a beat longer than necessary. He starts to say something, but I turn on my heel and walk fast back to my office. I can’t keep this news to myself. I need to talk to my best friend.
After work, I tell the driver to take me to Susie’s.
Lev won’t be happy about it, but he really shouldn’t have given me so much freedom if he didn’t expect me to use it.
The guard posted downstairs clocks my face and straightens.
He says something into his wrist, and I know he’s informing her that I’m on my way up.
She opens the door before I even knock, but her smile drops when she sees my face.
“What happened?” she asks.
“Not here,” I say hurriedly, grabbing her wrists and pulling her inside.
“What the hell is going on, Mari?” she asks, eyes widening. “Did that asshole hurt you?”
“Nothing like that,” I say, shaking my head. “I’m… fuck, I don’t even know how to say this.”
“Don’t tell me you’re pregnant.” She laughs, but she immediately sobers up when she sees my face. “Shit, Mari, seriously?”
“I took two tests this afternoon,” I say. “Both of them were positive.”
She falls back on the couch, shock evident on her face. “There’s no chance they were false positives?”
“You’re the nurse, you tell me,” I quip.
She just nods and looks at her hands, thinking.
“I’m late,” I continue. “Only a week, but it’s enough. I’m on the pill, but I know that’s not one hundred percent…” I trail off.
She squeezes my hand. “Okay. Okay. We’ll figure it out.”
“I haven’t told him,” I say.
“That’s okay.” She nods. “You just found out. You need to get it confirmed before you go to him. Are you going to keep it?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. But I can’t tell him, Suze. I just can’t.”
“You have to, Mari,” she says gently. “He’s the father. He has a right to know.”
“He’ll think I did it on purpose,” I say, voicing my biggest concern. The words taste like tin. “He’ll go cold. He’ll ‘protocol’ me into a room with no windows and call it protection. Any freedom I have now will be gone.”
“He could surprise you,” she says, ever the optimist.
“He won’t,” I respond, completely certain. “He’s not a good guy, Susie. He’s dangerous. His anger is dangerous.”
“What are you going to do?” she whispers.
“I think I have to run,” I say, going cold. “I think I have to get away from him and disappear.”
“Do you think that will work?” she asks skeptically. “He doesn’t seem to be lacking any resources. If you run away, he’ll move heaven and earth to find you.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, making up my mind with every word. “I can’t stay. You can only hide a pregnancy for so long.”
“Mari,” she says firmly. “Think about what you’re saying. You’re going to, what? Disappear in the middle of the night with no money and no resources and go where?”
“I’ll figure it out.” I shrug. “I’m scrappy. I’ve done it before.”
“You haven’t done this before.” She shakes her head. She stands up, going into crisis control mode. “You need to see a doctor and confirm the pregnancy first. Find out what you need to keep yourself and the baby healthy.”
I nod, realizing the wisdom in her advice. I don’t know anything about being pregnant. I should see a doctor and find out everything I can.
“I can try,” I say, and I hear how thin that sounds. “It’ll be hard to visit an OB-GYN without putting him on alert.”
“Just tell him you’re going to a doctor’s appointment. My gynecologist is part of the hospital. Nobody has to know who you’re seeing in the building.”
“Okay.” I nod again. “I’ll see a doctor and make a plan.”
“Yes, planning is everything,” she agrees. “If you’re going to do this, at least know where you’re going and have some money in place. I would be a wreck thinking of you out in the world with no help.”
“You’re not going to try to talk me out of this?” I ask, wary.
“Who are you talking to?” She laughs. “I know you better than anyone, and I know how stubborn you can be when your mind is made up. I won’t stand in your way, but I want to know you’re safe.”
I lean in and hug her hard, grateful that someone is on my side. No matter what happens next, I’ll need her support.