48. Ryan
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Ryan
There’s a beach-ball-sized rock sitting smack dab in the middle of my stomach as I make my way to the security check.
A female voice booms out through the speakers, probably sharing important information for all the passengers, but my mind is too hazy to hear it.
The last time I was here, I was boarding a plane to the Bahamas with my mom, her fiancé, and three women who wanted nothing more than to get my mom out of the picture.
I expected it to be a disaster, but it turned out to be a life-changing experience.
This time, I bought the tickets of my own volition, and my suitcase is bigger, but there’s an ache deep in my chest which I don’t see waning any time soon.
I was so sure she’d join me. I barely got any sleep last night, checking my phone to see if she texted me. When my alarm rang at four am, I was already wide awake with the realization that she isn’t coming.
The thought of skipping the flight lasted for only a brief moment before it was replaced by determination. I told her I’d go, so that’s what I’ll do. Maybe she’ll change her mind and meet me there.
Fuck. Parker’s romance books must be rubbing off on me if I think Paige will search Peru to find me and tell me she’s in love with me.
It’s my turn for the security check, so I take off my jacket and empty my pockets into the gray trays.
My down-turned lips pull up remembering when Paige’s vibrator got flagged by the TSA agents.
The memory of her flushed cheeks pokes another hole in my devastated heart.
I shake my head, trying to rid it of those images, but it’s vastly unsuccessful.
Next up is my belt, which slides through the hoops before dropping into the tray with a clink. My throat swallows, trying to clear a lump as I take a parting glance at the airport and the city I’m leaving behind.
The scanner doesn’t ding so I pass quickly, even though my legs are trying to stall.
Putting on my belt and jacket takes forever, and four people pass me.
With a sorrowful sigh, I realize it’s time to move forward.
It’s easier to walk to the gate than to imagine actually moving forward, in my mind and my heart.
My fingers wrap around the telescopic handle of my suitcase, and with a heavy heart, I take a step toward my gate. Just as the last drop of hope evaporates, my phone vibrates in my pocket.
My shoulders drop, noticing it’s an email and not a text from Paige, but I open it anyway, hoping to buy more time.
It’s a notification from Girl Talk magazine. They’re letting me know that The Last Paige has issued a new column. I click on the provided link as soon as I can, my eyes flying over the text, right until the very end where my skin prickles with goosebumps.
You know that feeling when your comfort TV show is on the screen and you wrap yourself in a blanket that is the perfect temperature? That cozy feeling of things being just right. It’s what I attempted to make of my life. Pretty successfully, if I may add.
I surrounded myself with plants and pillows, my favorite people, and stuck to that feeling of coziness.
I’ve metaphorically repeated my comfort show over and over again.
And it’s fine. It’s my favorite show. But life is more than comfort.
It’s plot twists, and butterflies in your stomach, and not knowing what comes next.
And I’d dare say the best things happen outside of the comfort zone.
I’m finally ready to step out.
Hope blooms quickly in my stomach when a familiar voice breaks through the fog of my thoughts.
“Ryan!”
Fuck, I must be hallucinating. But then the voice calls out again.
“Ryan, wait!”
My head snaps back, noticing a mess of black hair bobbing up and down in the queue.
“Ma’am, I’m going to need you to calm down,” a TSA agent speaks. “Oh, it’s you. The vibrator-smuggling girl.” The curly-haired woman recognizes Paige, whose neck breaks out in hives.
“Yeah, th-that’s me. I just need to get through.”
A guy wearing a three-piece suit and a headset turns toward Paige. “We all need to get through. That’s why there’s a line.”
My fists clench as I rush back to the line, but the TSA agent intervenes before I reach them. She lifts her palm in the man’s face. “This is an emergency. Let her through.”
“Th-thank you,” Paige tells her, shooting me a nervous glance.
She nibbles on her bottom lip as she takes her jacket and backpack off, placing them on the conveyor belt. Her face is makeup free, her skin pale, but she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.
My pulse rages in my veins as I wait for her to get through the security check. It feels like an eternity until it’s finally her turn, and she runs through the scanner straight into my arms. A sob breaks free from her lips as soon as I wrap my arms around her.
“Shh… What’s wrong, Paige?” I caress her hair as my lips press to her forehead.
A sniffle escapes her before she picks up her gaze, her eyes watery. “I’m sorry, Ryan.”
“What are you talking about?” For a second, the inflated balloon in my chest deflates. “You’re here.” My eyes trail her face, searching for an answer. Please don’t tell me you just came to say goodbye. It’ll kill me. “You’re coming with me, aren’t you?”
She shakes her head, and for a beat, my heart stops. “I should’ve said yes at the wedding. I never should’ve made you feel like you weren’t my first choice.”
“Oh, thank God.” I let out a relieved chuckle, and her brow furrows. “Paige, baby, I thought you were here to say goodbye. I was getting ready to get my heart broken, and then you apologize for something you shouldn’t have to apologize for.”
She sneaks out of my hold, stepping backward. “I should apologize. I made you feel like you didn’t matter. I was just scared to let you in, Ryan… Scared of getting hurt again. But I’m here, and I’m ready to be brave.”
“You’re so fucking brave, Paige. And I’m so glad you’re here now. But we should head to our gate.” I take her hand, but she snatches it back.
“No.”
“No?”
“I have more things to say.” She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath.
“I love you, Ryan. I was barely living before I met you, and now that I have, I can’t imagine living without you.
I can’t imagine going back to that dreadful, boring, Ryan-free life.
You tease me, and push me, and make me feel alive.
You’re an incredible person and you deserved for me to tell you right away.
I never should’ve let you go home thinking I didn’t love you. ”
Tears stream down her face, but the boulder in my stomach has fully dissipated, leaving only elation. She loves me.
“I don’t care about that, Paige. I don’t care if I said it first, or if you haven’t said it back.
I wouldn’t care if you still needed more time to fall in love with me.
” I take a step closer to her, tipping her chin with my finger.
“I just want to be near you. It’s all I can think about.
Your skin, your scent, your laugh, the roll of those gorgeous blue eyes.
I want it all. I want your happiness and your sorrow, your laughter and your tears. More than anything, I want us.”
She wraps her arms around my back, pulling my body flush against hers. “And I really want to go to Peru.”
A laugh bubbles out of me, but I quickly replace it with a kiss.
Her soft lips press to mine and elicit a groan from the depths of my chest. The salty taste her tears left on her lips only make me want to kiss her harder, to erase any sadness from her mind.
I grab the back of her head with my hands, and a cheer sounds out around us.
People woo and clap, but I can’t seem to separate from her.
My heart beats louder, finally holding her in my arms. This time for real. This time for good.
“Okay, okay. I’ve allowed this for as long as I could, but you need to move forward now.” The curly-haired TSA agent snakes an arm between us, ungluing our lips.
Paige runs a finger over her mouth. “Thanks for letting me pass.”
“It’s faster when you’re not hiding any sex toys.” She gives Paige a sly wink and returns to the scanner, leaving Paige completely flustered.
A hearty chuckle escapes me. “Come on, baby. We have a plane to catch. Where’s your stuff?” It’s then I notice there’s only a small backpack on the floor next to her feet.
“Erm, I hadn’t really had time to pack. I had to send in a column and move all my plants to Linda’s, which required explaining how to take care of them.
So, I pretty much only have my laptop for work, a toothbrush, and a few pairs of socks and underwear.
” She lowers to grab the backpack, but I’m quicker, throwing the small bag over my shoulder.
I shake my head, smiling from ear to ear. “Don’t worry, I’ll buy you everything you need. And your column? It’s the best one you’ve written so far.” I press a kiss to her hair, wrap an arm around her shoulders, and lead us toward our future.