Chapter Eleven
Lucy
Shit, shit, shit!
He is here, he is gorgeous, and he is going to ruin me. Again.
I could see it in the way he looked at me.
The same way he did before I left. It is like no time has passed at all, but at the same time, an eternity.
That cocky arrogance that I loved so much still oozes from him with everything he does.
He had to have known how much he was affecting me in there.
Even now, as we wait for the delivery guy to leave, I can feel how close he is standing to me.
It is killing me.
His chest is against my back as he leans over my shoulder to pay the delivery guy.
Such a simple touch makes me feel more alive than I have in a long time.
I have tried to get over him, forcing myself to date other men.
But none of them were good enough. None of them were him.
It’s just one night, I need to be strong and not let him see how much of an effect he has on me.
I have a feeling he isn’t going to make it easy, and now I have to sit through dinner with him.
Fabulous. I can’t control my eyeroll as I turn to the kitchen.
“Did you just roll your eyes at me? Because I’m pretty sure you did, and you know how much I love it.” He remarks smugly. Staying one step behind. He is so close I can feel the heat of his body on my back. I carry on walking, trying to seem unfazed by him. “You missed me, admit it.”
“Of course I have. You were my closest friend,” I tell him, the words barely a whisper. My damn vocal cords are betraying me.
“I missed a lot more than just our friendship, and I know you did too.” I freeze as I feel the back of his hand skim the length of my arm in one slow caress. “You can admit it, you know.”
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I choke out; my game plan seems to be denial, apparently. Part of me knows I should run into the dining room to escape all of this, but the sadist in me keeps me right where I am. Frozen at his mercy.
He leans in close to my ear and whispers, “Oh Sugarplum. We both know that is a lie.”
The feel of his hot breath against my ear sends shivers down my neck and right to my nipples. They stiffen at the mere closeness of him. I angle my head to look at him, to find him smirking back at me. After a beat, he pulls away and carries on towards our family.
“Come on, we can’t keep them waiting all night.” He calls without glancing back.
God, he is infuriating. The diva in me wants to stomp my foot in annoyance. It takes all I have in me to plaster on a fake smile and follow him in. The bastard.
Liz has already set the table with everything we need apart from the food. She has even sat everyone strategically to keep me and Max separated. But her plan has one fault: we’re now sitting directly in front of each other. Well, tonight is going to be fun.
“So, Lucy, tell us something from your latest adventure. I need all the details.” Fallon asks excitedly. Her large, beautiful smile was beaming at me.
She is truly stunning, with her gorgeous mane of blonde curls bouncing as she chats animatedly.
Everyone, in the salon she owns with Maya, is the same, effortlessly beautiful.
The lot of them could go out in bin bags and no one would bat an eye.
Where Fallon is tall, blonde, and gorgeous, Maya is her opposite.
A brunette with sleek, straight hair and a prettiness that needs no makeup.
Bitches. I’m so tired from the amount of work I put my body through that I have to doll myself up each day just to hide the eye bags.
“It was amazing but so tiring. I’m happy to be home just for the sleep.” Home isn’t exactly what I think of this place anymore, not with the way Liz side-eyes me. “But I finally got to do my Titanic moment on the ship last week.” I chuckle.
“Who with? Don’t tell me his name was Jack?” Max laughs.
“Nope, with Sara. We took turns on who could play the best Rose.” I smile my first genuine smile at him. “Sara won. Her acting holds no bounds.”
“What was the show like? I bet you were fabulous every evening.” Liz says, her face softening as she speaks to me.
“It was incredible. If it wasn’t for missing your food so much, I may have stayed a while longer.” I offer, pride brimming from her at the compliment. “It was so exciting. I never thought I would ever do anything apart from ballet.”
“And what about the men? Let me live vicariously through you. Tell me all the dark and dirty secrets.” Fallon adds, almost bouncing out of her chair from excitement.
“Fallon!” Liz reprimands. “You can’t ask such things.”
But it isn’t Liz I’m looking at. It’s Max. If looks could kill, Fallon would be six feet under by now. I’m almost positive I heard a growl coming from him. I want the floor to open up and swallow me whole.
“Of course I can. I need all the juicy details.”
“Er, no. No men,” I reply quickly, shovelling in a mouthful of curry to keep my mouth too full to elaborate any more.
“Don’t lie. There must have been loads of men fawning after you.” She laughs, throwing me a wink before saying. “Don’t worry, you can fill me in later.”
I risk another quick glance at Max and wish that I didn’t. His eyes are burning through me with such an intensity that I have to look away. All those years ago, I never got the chance to see his jealous side. Is it bad that I kind of like it?
No. Stop it. We can’t go there.
But I want to. So, so bad.
I still feel uncomfortable sitting here with my parents. As soon as I have swallowed my last bite, I’m pushing my chair back.
“I am so tired after all the travelling I’ve done today. I’m going to head upstairs for a rest. It was so good to see you all.” I fake a smile as I back out of the room.
“Wait, how long are you back for? Girls’ night next week?” Maya calls over. I think that is the first time she has spoken the full time we have been eating.
“Honestly, I don’t know how long I’m here for. I haven’t booked another contract yet, so I am just going to go with the flow,” I tell her, a soft smile pulling at my lips. “A girls’ night sounds perfect.”
Before anyone else gets the chance to halt me, I rush out of the room and straight up the stairs.
I just need a minute to myself to breathe.
Today has been an emotional roller coaster.
First Liz, then Max. It’s just all a bit too much.
I can’t stop the tears prickling at my eyes as I close the bedroom door.
I feel so overwhelmed with just, well, everything.
I take my hair out of the tight ponytail I’ve been wearing and massage my scalp.
I needed some form of relief from the day.
Does he still have feelings for me? After what I did to him?
Abandoning him at the first hurdle. I was so young and barely knew myself.
But I gave up on us, plain and simple. How could he still show any sign of emotion other than anger towards me?
Could he still feel as strongly as I do?
He ruined me.
He ruined me from that very first day with just his kindness and friendship. I was at my lowest point after losing my mum, and it was he who came to the rescue. Maybe I have some kind of hero complex. I wasn’t lying when I said it was only him. It has only ever been him.
Without realising it, I have been pacing back and forth around my bedroom, fingers raking through my hair and silent tears trickling down my cheeks. When a knock at the door shocks me out of my spiral. Fuck, I can’t open the door looking like this. I look like I have escaped a mental institution.
Whoever it is, they don’t give me the chance to decide on whether I should answer or not, as the door creaks open.
I spin to face the intruder, only to find Max standing there, his brow furrowed as he takes me in.
The last thing I want from Max is his pity.
I would take lust or anger any day compared to this.
“Sugar? What’s going on?” His deep voice rumbles with concern as he takes a step towards me.
“Don’t come any closer!” I protest with wide eyes and a hand held out in front of me. The closer he gets to me, the more likely I am to break. “Just go back down to the others and enjoy the rest of the evening.”
“See, here’s the thing. I can’t do that,” he tells me as he edges closer.
“Why the hell not? I have coped just fine without you, I sure as hell will cope now.” I know I’m being a brat. I have no reason to be. After all, it was me who did this to him. Not the other way around.
“You can lie to yourself all you want, but you can’t lie to me.”
He is close now, so close I can almost feel the heat of him on my palm. I hadn’t even realised I still had my hand raised towards him.
“I…” my voice breaks. “I can’t do this, Max. Please.”
He obviously isn’t listening to a word I have said, as he closes the short distance between us and pulls me into his arms, his chest crashing into my hand. I don’t even have the fight in me to pull away. I am weak. Weak for this man, like I always have been.
“Tell me, what’s troubling you so much?” He asks with gentle words.
“Everything. You. Mum. Being here. It’s all too much.” I say, gripping onto his shirt, as if it’s my only lifeline. I breathe in his fresh manly scent, enjoying his warmth as he holds me.
“Sugar, if it’s friendship you need from me, I am here. I know that you don’t want me the same way as you did, and I get your reasons why. I disagree…” He chuckles. “But I get them. Let me be here for you.”
Ugh. Does he not realise this niceness is just making the whole situation ten times fucking worse?
I must have done a better job at hiding my feelings for him than I thought if he truly believes I just want him as a friend.
God, I wouldn’t be so bloody upset if that was the case.
But, he can’t know that. There is too much to lose.
Slowly, he pulls back from me, not letting go. “Friends?” He asks. Then raises both hands to my cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe away my tears. Without realising, I relax into his touch, enjoying the feeling of his hands on me.
“Friends,” I repeat.
What could possibly go wrong?