6. Mikhail
Mikhail
The jump rope whips around me in fast rhythm, snapping against the mat with each rotation. Sweat drips off my face and rolls down my bare chest to the waistband of my shorts. Alexei stands in the corner doing deadlifts with his face blank and focused the way it always is when he’s working out.
“Untouchable” by MiyaGi & Endspiel blasts through the speakers so loud I can barely hear myself think. The only other sound is the occasional crash when Alexei drops the weights onto the floor.
We’re at my home gym in the apartment, the one I practically live in because working out is the only thing that keeps me from completely losing my mind. Kelly is in the kitchen making smoothies for us, and I hope he doesn’t forget the protein powder like he did last time he was here.
The rope catches on my foot, and I stumble, cursing under my breath. I toss it aside and grab my water bottle, downing half of it while trying to catch my breath from my workout.
Kelly walks in with two smoothies, handing one to me and one to Alexei, who turns off the music. Kelly’s green eyes lock onto mine. “What’s up with you? You look stressed.”
“Danya’s being weird.”
“Weird how?”
“Just weird. Avoiding me. Acting like I did something but won’t tell me what.” I run my hand over my buzzcut, frustrated. “I don’t get it. We’re fine, and then suddenly we’re not, and I don’t know what changed.”
Kelly exchanges a look with Alexei that I don’t understand.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Kelly says too quickly. “Have you tried asking him what’s wrong?”
“Da. Multiple times. He says he’s tired or needs space or some other excuse.”
“Maybe he does need space,” Alexei says dryly.
“From me?”
Alexei drops the weights with a crash. “You’re an idiot.”
“What?”
“You’re a fucking idiot,” he repeats, snatching his towel and wiping his face. “That’s all I’m saying.”
“That’s not helpful.”
“Wasn’t trying to be helpful. Figure it out yourself.”
I look at Kelly for help, but he just shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you, Mik. Maybe just give him the space he’s asking for.”
“I just want things to go back to normal,” I say and start pacing, agitation building under my skin. “Something’s wrong, and he won’t tell me what it is, and I can’t fix it if I don’t know what the problem is.”
My phone buzzes on the bench. I check it, hoping it’s him, but it’s a notification from the club. Nothing important.
“Maybe you should go talk to him in person,” Kelly suggests. “Like actually sit down and have a conversation instead of texting.”
“I’ve tried. He won’t let me. He’s been hiding at Yulian’s office or locked in his room or just conveniently gone whenever I try to find him.”
“Then wait until he’s ready to talk.”
“What if he’s never ready? What if this is just how things are now?”
The thought makes my chest feel tight and wrong. He’s the only person who gets me, who can handle how much of a mess I am without running away. If he decides he’s done with me, I don’t know what I’ll do.
Alexei makes a tsk sound. “Blyat. You really are that oblivious.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Forget it.” He grabs his water bottle. “I’m done here. Kelly, you coming?”
Kelly squeezes my shoulder. “It’ll work out, Mik. Just give him time to sort through whatever’s going on in his head.”
Alexei sighs and leans in, whispering something into his ear that I can’t hear.
Kelly looks over at him and smiles softly, and then Alexei takes his chin and kisses him while wrapping his arm around his waist to pull him closer.
I spin around so I’m not looking at them making out and take another sip of my smoothie and frown because he forgot the protein powder again.
Someone touches my back, and I jump, nearly dropping the smoothie. Turning around, I find Kelly standing there, rubbing the back of his head, looking awkward.
“Just give him space or something. Maybe he’s going through things, you know? Have you ever wondered that maybe he’s just lonely? Maybe he wants a girlfriend or something. I mean, he only has you.”
What the fuck?
He’s never shown interest in anyone, never talked about dating, never brought anyone home.
“Don’t answer that, Mikhail.” Alexei grabs Kelly and shoots him a look that clearly says shut up. Kelly rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue.
“We’re going to go home because it’s opening day at my new clinic tomorrow,” Kelly says, stepping back toward the door.
He recently opened a veterinarian clinic because, apparently, all his bosses keep dying.
The first was Gary. The second and third bosses vanished without explanation, and by that point, Kelly stopped asking if Alexei was involved and just told him he was done working for other people before someone else ended up dead.
Alexei’s solution was to throw money at the problem and buy Kelly his own practice. Problem solved. The clinic opens tomorrow, and Kelly’s been stressing about every detail while Alexei hovers around being protective.
Dropping down onto the mat, I sip my protein-less smoothie, staring at nothing.
I’ve never thought about Daniil wanting anyone that way. It’s just weird. Wrong, almost. He’s mine. He’s always been mine, and the idea of him with someone else makes my brain short-circuit trying to process it.
I guess he could want someone, theoretically.
Most people our age are dating or hooking up or doing whatever normal people do, but I’ve never seen him with anyone.
Never seen him look at anyone the way other people look at people they’re interested in.
He doesn’t go out to clubs or bars without me and doesn’t talk about being attracted to anyone.
I think he’s a virgin. Honestly, I don’t know for sure. He might have done it when I didn’t know, but I doubt it.
We’re together constantly, and he tells me everything, or at least I thought he did. Maybe he’s been keeping things from me. Maybe that’s why he’s acting weird now.
The idea of some random person touching him, kissing him, fucking him makes me want to stab something. Or someone. Preferably whoever thinks they have the right to get near him like that.
Taking another sip of the smoothie, I grimace. It tastes awful without the protein powder. My stomach twists, and I put the smoothie down, suddenly not interested in drinking it anymore.
I drag my hand down my face and snatch my phone off the mat. Still no new messages. I type something out, stare at it, delete it, then type it again.
Me:
I miss you
My thumb hovers over the send button. That feels too vulnerable, too honest. Too much like admitting that I need him more than he needs me, which might be true, but I don’t want to say it out loud.
Deleting it, I toss my phone aside, then fall back onto the mat. I stare at the ceiling while my thoughts spiral.
I don’t want him with anyone else or to share him with some random person who thinks they deserve his time and attention and space when that’s supposed to be mine. That’s fucked up, probably. But I don’t care.
The door to the apartment opens, and I jump up from the couch.
Okay, so I might have been waiting here like a complete psycho for him to come home.
In my defense, this is the only way I can corner him and demand answers because fuck this.
I’m over it. I cross the space and meet him in the hallway before he can escape to his room.
He gives me a tired look and bends down to kick off his shoes.
“Where were you?”
He clears his throat, not meeting my eyes. “At the port. Lev needed help with the shipment plans and tracking something that went missing.”
“Can we talk?”
“I’m really tired, Mik. I was thinking I’d just go take a nap.”
He tries to sidestep me, but I grab his wrist to stop him. His skin is warm under my fingers, and he tenses immediately.
“Please, Danya. I can’t fucking take this anymore.”
“I’m not mad at you, okay? I just need some space.” He’s still not looking at me, staring at the wall over my shoulder instead.
“That makes no sense.” I tighten my grip on his wrist to keep him from pulling away. “If you aren’t mad, then why do you need space?”
He tries to pull his wrist free, but I don’t let go.
“Is it because you want a girlfriend or something?”
His eyebrows pull together in confusion, but he still won’t look at me directly.
Maybe he’s already found someone, and that’s what Alexei and Kelly were getting at earlier. Maybe he was with someone, and he’s keeping it from me because he knows I’ll lose it.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“What? No, what are you talking about?” He finally looks at me, and the expression on his face says he thinks I’ve completely lost my mind.
“Good. Because you shouldn’t be with anyone that isn’t me anyway.”
He blinks at me.
“As friends. You know what I mean.” My jaw clenches. “You don’t need anyone else when you have me.”
Pain flashes across his face. “You’re killing me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Never mind.”
“Just tell me what’s wrong!” Frustration bleeds into my voice, and I reach for his other hand, trying to pull him closer. “This isn’t how we act. We don’t do this, we don’t avoid each other and pretend everything’s fine when it’s not.”
He pulls both hands away from me and takes a step back. The rejection stings more than it should. “I just want things to go back to how they were.” I follow him, reaching for him again.
“Mikhail, please.” His voice cracks slightly, and he turns away from me, heading toward his room. “I can’t do this right now.”
“Danya, wait—”
But he’s already walking away, shoulders tense and head down, and he won’t look back at me. I bite the inside of my cheek and watch him disappear into his room, the door closing softly behind him.
Yeah, okay. Fuck this then.