Chapter 12
Cooper
I couldn't believe I'd forgotten a condom. It was reckless, but it was in the heat of the moment. Every time I was around Aspen, I lost all sense of reality. All I could think about was getting inside her, feeling her sweet heat surrounding me.
I didn't want to walk away, but we didn't have a choice. All we had were stolen moments, a few seconds of blissful release. Then we had to clean up and be on our way. I had to pretend like we were just business associates.
Thankfully, she was on birth control, and we were both clean, so there was no real risk. But there could have been. I'd never been so irresponsible with anyone else.
I wanted to think it meant something. That she was special. But there was no way we could be anything. If her brothers found out, I'd be out of a job. This was all we could have, and we shouldn't even be doing this.
It was crazy, but I'd never felt more alive. I wanted to run after her and ask her if I could go home with her. But that was impossible. I couldn't get any deeper with her.
After the advice I'd given Morgan when he found himself in the friend zone with Reina, I wasn't sure I was in a better position now. No matter how much I wanted another round, it had to be like this.
Today was the town's Cocoa Crawl, so Aspen would be busy. I couldn't get in the way of her doing her job.
Instead, I went to work, avoiding the crowds by getting there early.
I tried to put Aspen out of my head since I wasn't planning on seeing her today.
She'd be visible, walking the streets and going in the shops to ensure that everything was running smoothly.
I wouldn't distract her. That wouldn't be fair.
This work needed to be done, and I needed to stay busy.
I'd gotten several hours of work done before I heard the door to the ballroom open. "I saw your truck," Morgan said as he walked in.
I sat back on my heels where I'd been pulling up tile. It was tedious work, but it kept me busy.
"I brought hot chocolate and subs." Morgan lowered the tray so I could grab a to-go cup and a wrapped sub.
"Thanks." I stood and moved toward the area where the couches were arranged and where I'd fucked Aspen a few days ago. I couldn't think about that while I was talking to her brother though.
I sat on the buttery soft leather couch and unwrapped the sub.
"What are you doing here by yourself again?" Morgan leaned against the wall across from me.
"I wanted to get ahead of the job." I took a bite of the turkey-and-cheese sub.
"You have another crew helping out this week."
I shrugged. "There's always something to do."
He raised a brow, because we both knew that it was quicker when you had more people helping. "Aren't you the one who's supposed to tell us not to work so hard?"
I chuckled because that had been my role. "I'm not dating anyone, and I don't have a family to worry about; I might as well work."
"Ah. So it's okay if you work longer hours because you don't have a significant other."
"Something like that," I said between bites.
"You're a hypocrite."
I ate another bite, not going to argue with him on that.
Morgan sighed when I didn't answer. "I just want to make sure you're okay. I've been so busy; I don't have the time for you anymore."
I rubbed the pain in my chest. "That hurts."
He shook his head. "You know what I mean. You look after us, but who looks after you?"
That had always been the case and wasn't going to change anytime soon. "I don't need anyone to look after me. And it's literally my job to be the supervisor."
"I know you're taking advantage of the fact that we're all busy with work and our growing families."
I snorted. "What are you talking about? I'm just trying to do my job. We have an expedited deadline. Remember?"
He pointed two fingers at me. "I'm keeping an eye on you."
"Don't you have your hands full with Reina?"
He grinned. "We're in love."
Usually I wouldn't have cared about a declaration like that but now? It made me long for something I couldn't have. But I'd given up on things being different a long time ago. "I'm not looking for love."
He shook his head. "Yeah, that's not how it works. Sometimes it sneaks up on you."
A tingle ran down my spine. Is that what was going on with Aspen?
She was supposed to be off-limits. I was already breaking all the rules.
Just because Morgan was in love with his best friend's sister didn't mean it would work out the same for me.
The biggest difference was that Aspen had five brothers, not just one.
It was a completely different situation.
And just because Morgan did something similar didn't mean he'd be okay with me fucking his sister. The thought of him finding out made me shudder.
"You can't be that freaked out about relationships," Morgan said.
"I'm not freaked out. I'm just not interested." I sighed. "I saw what it does to a person when you can't let go. When the other person is so toxic."
"Not everyone is your parents."
"I know that." But did I?
"It doesn't mean you're doomed to be alone."
I threw my wadded-up wrapper at him. "I'm not doomed. I'm choosing to be alone."
He caught it and tossed it into the waste bin.
It was a good thing I threw out the condom in the dumpster out back. I wouldn't want him asking why there was a used condom in the ballroom that no one used except for my crew.
"You don't think it sucks to be alone?"
I stiffened. Not when it was my normal state of being. "No."
"Huh," he said like he didn't believe me.
"You're looking for something that isn't there. I'm not interested in meeting anyone. I have no desire to be tied down. I'm not boyfriend material."
"Because women say you're closed off?"
"That and the example my parents set was awful." I held up my hand. "And don't say that I'm different. You can't know that."
"I don't have to know about your past to know that you're a good man now."
I snorted. How could I be any different from my dad?
"You had my family as an example."
That was something I hadn't considered. "Maybe."
"Are you going to the Cocoa Crawl?" he asked.
"That's not really my thing."
"I'm surprised that Aspen hasn't gotten you to participate in more town events since you're working together."
"We keep it about the work that needs to be done. I'm not involved in the events." I hoped that was convincing. We didn't talk when we were having sex unless to say harder.
"Huh. I was hoping Aspen could pull you out of this funk you've been in."
"I'm not in a funk." I drank the rest of the hot chocolate and tossed the cup in the waste bin. "I'd better get back to work."
"You shouldn't be working so much."
I shrugged. "It's just for this project. Eve wants it done before the winter ball. So we only have a few weeks to get these two bathrooms completed. Then we'll move on to the ones in the lobby of the inn."
"You're a hard worker, Cooper," Morgan said, considering me.
"I try to be."
"But you don't always have to prove that you're different than your dad." He held up his hand. "I don't have to know anything about your upbringing to know that you have some hang-ups, and I can only assume they are about your family."
The Sterling brothers had never focused on me like this before. I was just an addition to the family. I blamed it on them dating women. They thought everyone should be happy, which was ridiculous.
"You should join us. Aspen put on a good event. She has more food trucks than ever before, and every shop is serving a different flavor of hot chocolate. There are carriage rides and ice skating."
I snorted. "You know that's not my thing. But I'm sure it's perfect for you and Reina."
A slow smile spread over his face. "I proposed to her on a horse-drawn carriage ride. It was special."
I'd never seen Morgan look so satisfied with life. He was happy. And he deserved that. But good things didn't happen for everyone. There was no point in hoping and wishing for anything different.
The best I could do was a few stolen moments with Aspen. I would be kidding myself if I thought it could be anything else. Hoping to change the subject, I said, "I'm happy for Aspen. She really seems to be in her element planning events for the town."
Morgan's face softened. "Yeah, Mom's hoping this will be the thing that she settles on."
My forehead wrinkled. "Maybe her interests change, or her passion shifts. Nothing wrong with that."
"Mom's talking about setting Aspen up on blind dates. I'm just glad it's her and not us." He pushed off the wall and moved toward the exit.
I whistled. "Blind dates would be brutal."
He chuckled. "Right? I'm just glad I'm with Reina. Ever since we started dating someone seriously, Mom is on a mission to ensure that all of us are paired off. It's like she has this checklist for knowing her kids will be okay. Career. Check. Married. Check. Baby. Check. Check."
I shuddered. "Sounds terrible. Glad I'm not an official Sterling."
Morgan gave me a pitying look. "Don't be so sure about that. I'm positive that Mom included you when she was talking about blind dates."
"That's ridiculous. Why would she care if I'm settled?"
"I have a feeling she worries about you the most."
"There's nothing to talk about." Speaking of which, I hadn't checked on my mother in a while. It was past time. Ever since I discovered a delivery service to provide her groceries, I didn't go over there as often. It allowed me to avoid hearing about my dad.
"You got plans after this work?"
"I'm going to check on my mom."
He sighed. "Maybe we'll see you at the bar later."
"Yeah, maybe." It was better to be noncommittal with them. I didn't like to raise their hopes because I usually needed time and space to myself after seeing my mother. If she'd break ties with my dad completely, it would be better. But she was incapable of ever doing that.
To maintain a relationship with her was to maintain a relationship with him.
"See you later," Morgan said as he left.