Chapter 22
Cooper
I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, resisting the urge to flee. I couldn't leave Aspen without a way home.
The passenger side door opened, and I tensed. I'd said some things that were horrible, and I walked away from her. I'd insinuated that we were a mistake. That I never should have gotten into a relationship with Aspen.
Once her seat belt was secured, I backed out of the spot and drove toward Christmas Town. I needed to drop her off, then get to work. There were projects I needed to ensure could continue without me at the helm.
I'd have to find a new job, reach out to old contacts to see if anyone was willing to rehire me. It would be humiliating, but it was stupid to think that I could have something better than I did before. I was always going to end up back where I started.
I might need to sell the house and move somewhere else, far away from the Sterling family.
I expected Aspen to lay into me and tell me all the reasons why I was an idiot, but she didn't. The silence was almost worse.
I wasn't feeling particularly good about anything right now. My relationship with Aspen was over, my job was in serious jeopardy, and I'd ruined my friendship with Hudson and his brothers. There was nothing left for me.
I'd been reckless, thinking we wouldn't get caught.
We'd gone to a town where I didn't think any of her family would show up, and they had.
I'd seriously miscalculated. We should have kept our relationship hidden.
Then we might still have one. But reality was always going to intrude. It was just a matter of time.
I entered the town limits, my heart rate picking up again. My body sensed that this was it. I'd drop Aspen off at her apartment. Then I wouldn't be seeing her again.
I parked at the curb and waited for something to happen, for her to yell at me, to tell me that I'd hurt her. Anything would be better than the silence.
"I don't know what I expected to happen, but it wasn't that." Then she pushed open the door and got out. I watched in horror as she rounded the hood, then disappeared around the side of the building.
I should run after her, tell her that we weren't a mistake. That she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but I was rooted to my seat.
I felt like a fraud driving around in a work truck. I wasn't the supervisor anymore, not one that the Sterlings could trust. I'd destroyed everything with one ill-timed kiss. It didn't matter that I believed I was in love with her. Only that I'd betrayed her brothers' trust.
I pulled away from the curb, resisting the urge to get out and run after Aspen. She was mad at me, rightfully so. I'd dismissed our relationship. I didn't deserve a second chance, and I certainly didn't deserve her.
She was too good for me.
Being with her destroyed everything I'd built. Was it worth it?
I drove to the office without turning on the radio. My mind was a mix of emotions, despair, and irritation. I didn't need anything else clouding my brain.
I parked my truck, leaving the key to the office on Shayla's desk to deal with on Monday morning. By the time she arrived, my desk would already be cleared out. I'd let the Sterlings give her an explanation as to why I was gone.
The regret and despair settled deep in my bones as I walked toward my office. I'd go through the various jobs and put everything in order. Then I'd clear out my things.
Looking around, I didn't have much. I hadn't bothered to hang up any pictures or bring in personal effects.
I needed to focus on organizing things and preparing them for someone else to handle. I ignored the Sterling group chat. When it buzzed for the twentieth time, I deleted it. I wasn't supposed to be part of their close-knit family.
I was an imposter and always would be. I would never be good enough to date their sister. I paused, the pain striking me deep in my chest as if I'd been stabbed.
I remembered the disgust on Hudson's face when he realized I was kissing his sister. He didn't think I was good enough for Aspen. I already thought that, but it hurt to have her brother think it too.
My entire body ached. I was tired and hungry and overwhelmed with emotions. The worst one was despair. I'd screwed everything up.
I worked through most of the night, eventually falling asleep on the desk. When I woke up, I brewed coffee and continued working.
Hudson would have told his brothers by now. They'd all know that I betrayed them in the worst way possible.
Then there was Aspen. What was she thinking? That I never really loved her? It couldn't be further from the truth, but it was probably better if she believed that. It was easier for her to hate me, to think that I didn't want her. That I thought she was a mistake.
The pain was unbearable. I couldn't seem to draw in a breath. And the words on the screen blurred.
I wasn't sure I'd be able to help Emery out at school with her tuition if I took a pay cut. I certainly wouldn't be able to buy her a car.
When I'd done everything I could to ensure that anyone who picked up the files would know what was going on and would be able to carry on without me, I logged out of the computer. Then I grabbed the extra sweatshirt I kept at the office, and closed the door. This chapter of my life was over.
I walked out of the office, my heart feeling like it had been sliced open. The pain was too much. At home, I didn't even have the energy to punch the bag. Instead, I climbed into bed and prayed that I'd be able to pass out.
I hadn't slept much the night before, and I was exhausted, my eyes gritty from lack of sleep, my body aching. I slept fitfully, tossing and turning. I hadn't checked my phone, and it was surely dead by now.
By morning, I felt like I'd run a marathon. The night hadn't been restful. I couldn't get my mind to slow down and let go.
I also didn't have anywhere to go. Instead, I emailed a few old employers, asking if they had any spots available for a day worker. That was about all I could handle now. It would be a huge step down, but I needed the money.
I accepted a job and went to work, not telling anyone what was going on. At home, I ate a bagel and fell asleep. I thought that sleep would be easy and the Sterlings a distant memory.
By Friday, I'd fallen into a routine. Work long hours, and don't talk to anyone about what I was doing, then go home to pass out. Do it all over again the next day.
My phone was off, so I didn't have to talk to anyone. I wondered if the bathroom renovation would be done in time for the ball, but it wasn't my responsibility anymore.
It was easier not worrying about material deliveries and deadlines. It was satisfying to do things with my hands. I felt accomplished at the end of the day.
I wouldn't tell Emery about my financial situation yet.
I didn't want her to worry. Not when I could work harder, taking on jobs on the weekends to earn extra money.
If I focused on making money for her, I wouldn't think about how empty my bed was or how I'd let the woman I loved walk away from me without a fight.
Every time I thought about reaching out to her, I'd remember the look on Hudson's face. He'd been so betrayed by my actions. I'd done that. I'd ruined everything. I thought about it so often that it pushed away my feelings for Aspen.
The reality was that I never deserved her anyway.
Her brothers hadn't shown up to beg me to come back to work. I wasn't sure what I expected, but it still hurt.
I'd picked up a side job, building a porch for a neighbor. The contractor had gotten all the materials, torn down the old porch, but then never returned to do the job. I immediately offered to help, needing the cash but also needing to stay busy.
If I was working all the time, I couldn't think about what I used to have or what I thought I'd have. This was my life now.
It was satisfying to build something for a neighbor. I was fixing a wrong, even if I couldn't change anything in my own life.
I disappeared from the Sterlings life as if I was never there at all. I was so easily replaced. It might take some time for Aspen to get over me, but she would. She'd realize that there were better men out there for her.
After working on the porch Saturday, I ordered a pizza and waited on my porch drinking a beer.
Instead, several red Sterling trucks parked in my driveway.
I downed the rest of my beer, not ready to deal with them.
I stood, intending to go inside, but Morgan beat me to the door. "You've been hiding out for a week. It's our turn now."
"Your turn for what?" I asked as the rest of the brothers filed onto the porch.
"To find out what the hell is going on," Morgan added.
"Didn't Hudson fill you in?"
Morgan glanced at Hudson, who stood in the back, his expression rigid. "He saw you kissing Aspen. Did he get that right?"
"Why would you be kissing our sister?" Maverick asked.
Because I was in love with her, and it physically hurt to think about it. "Why do you think?" I wasn't going to make this easy for them.
"You took advantage of her," Hudson growled.
I held up my hands. "I know you're mad, and you have every right to feel that way. But I'm not seeing her anymore. So this anger is misplaced."
Maverick raised a brow. "Misplaced? You were fucking around with our sister."
"Don't talk about Aspen like that." I might not be with her anymore, but I wouldn't stand for any disrespect.
"It's our job to protect Aspen," Ford said tightly.
"I respect that you think you're doing that now. But I already walked away. I have no intention of seeing her again, and I no longer work at Sterling Brothers Contracting." I reached for the door, but Morgan batted my hand away.
"We're not done with you yet."
"You want to take a swing at me?" I sighed, figuring I owed them that much.
"I want to know that you give a fuck. You walked away from the business you built. From us."