Chapter Five
Ryan
Two weeks later
The walls are closing in on me. Tonight is my first full moon locked in this cell.
The fact that I’m the one who threw away the key does little to soothe my wolf’s rage.
The silver embedded in the bars and walls tamp him down but don’t block him out completely the way the silver cuffs did.
I can feel his anger, his intentions, and his desire to run and hunt.
But he isn’t able to take over. He can’t overwhelm me or claw his way out. As long as I stay here, everyone will be safe. Still, his incessant growling and gnawing at me remain ever present, and it’s wearing me down. Up to now I haven’t agreed with him, but tonight that’s different.
Tonight, I’m torn between wanting to stay here—where I’m not a risk to anyone—and wanting to run.
The moon calls to me, as it does to all shifters.
It’s the night we are closest to our animal, the night the entire pack, from teenagers who have just connected with their wolf to our oldest members, shift and run together.
I usually lead them racing through the woods and around the lake until mated pairs split off from the group, and unmated adult wolves hook up to blow off steam together.
Not me though. I haven’t looked at a female in years.
Neither my wolf nor I have had any interest in anyone.
As Alpha, I’ve had plenty of offers, but no one I wanted.
No one my wolf would even consider. And now he pushes me to get out of here, to hunt, to find my mate.
Like it’s that easy. Like I haven’t spent years looking for her only to come up short, time and time again.
“Hello, hijo,” Dad says as he walks into the hallway outside my cell.
“Figured you could use some company tonight.” He holds up a sleeping bag and damn if that doesn’t soften my icy heart.
He hasn’t joined the pack runs since everything with Mom.
Instead, he goes off on his own. As far as I know, it’s the only time he still shifts into his wolf’s form.
“I’ll be okay; you should be out there. You should run.”
“There will be other full moons,” he replies, rolling out the sleeping bag in the cell next to me.
“I don’t know if there will be many more for me,” I admit. The silver will only keep my wolf at bay for so long, and I can’t stay locked up forever. My mind won’t survive it. I need the connection to the pack. I need to shift. But I can’t have those things without endangering everyone.
Dad lets out a low respiration and nods his head while looking down at the sleeping bag before him. I can smell guilt rolling off him in waves.
“I know that a lot of what is happening to you is because of your mother,” he says. “And me. I’m so sorry for that. I put too much on you. But some chosen bonds do work out. We were the exception, not the rule. Isn’t there anyone you would consider?”
I want to say no. It’s what I’ve always said before. But it’s not true anymore. Because as soon as he asked the question, there was only one honest answer. One female I have ever considered. Someone I absolutely shouldn’t even contemplate for a moment.
Maya pops into my head, and for the first time, my wolf doesn’t balk at the suggestion of considering a chosen mate. If anything, he wags his damn tail and runs in circles. But this is insane. She’s human. I’ve never heard of an alpha wolf being mated to a human. Definitely not fated to one.
But then again, a lot has happened lately that I’ve never heard of. Is the idea of a human mate completely impossible? Maybe not when she’s a human who both challenges me and meets me with compassion and understanding. A human who is breathtakingly beautiful, even through a computer screen.
It seems crazy, but maybe I need to test it out. Perhaps I’m just grasping at straws. I probably shouldn’t go anywhere near her. My wolf snarls at me at the idea of not going to her. He’s not pushing me to run or hunt aimlessly anymore. He’s pushing me toward her.
Interesting. Very fucking interesting.