Chapter Twenty
Ryan
After spending the day with Maya in her home, I’m no less confused about the enigma that is my fated mate.
She’s a shifter; she has to be. But she doesn’t seem to understand what mates are.
She panicked when her claws came out, as if she had no idea how easily I would heal.
Or like she hadn’t seen them before. She asked for my details like she genuinely doesn’t have a clue who I am.
I’ve kept the mask on, but it shouldn’t matter.
She should know me by scent and the way she is drawn to me.
She should understand the mate pull. My scent should be undeniably hers, unless it’s somehow different for cats.
I’ve had very limited interactions with other shifters over the years, wolves generally being pretty insular as a group.
But surely her cat is begging her to claim me, just like my wolf never stops pleading with me. He cycles through aggression, soft nudges, and begging, sending me images of Maya pregnant. Sending images of us both back in Lunar Eclipse.
It’s exhausting.
Beyond visiting other territories to see if my mate was there, I’ve never really existed outside of the pack.
I’ve certainly never spent as long away from them as I am currently doing.
Sofia had an alligator shifter friend from school for a while, but their family moved away years ago.
Then there’s the pack accountant, Theo; he’s a bear shifter.
He works in the city too, but I don’t know if I trust telling another apex predator about my mate before she is fully claimed.
Actually, no, I’m certain; there’s no way I want to draw attention to her.
Fates, my mind is boggled. Leaving Maya’s naked sleeping body feels like I’m fighting against a magnetic force pulling me back to her.
Like I’m wading through concrete while simultaneously pushing against a gigantic rubber band that wants to bungee me back to my rightful place, wrapped around my goddess of a mate. But I need answers.
I slide into my car as the phone rings too many times before the call finally connects. “So now that I’m not alpha, I can barely get an answer?” I say in a tone that I hope comes across as teasing, but realistically probably does little to hide my frustration.
“You know I’ve always treated everyone the same,” Doc replies with a chuckle.
And he’s not lying. Doc and my sister Sofia are pretty much the only shifters in the pack that don’t bow to me in some way.
With Sofia, it’s because she’s an alpha wolf too.
With Doc, it’s something else. Some kind of confidence that transcends pack hierarchy since he’s the only one who can put us back together again when our injuries are too severe for shifter healing.
“What can I do for you, Ryan?”
“I need to know everything you can tell me about mate bonds in other species. Actually, tell me everything you know about other species, period.”
“Any particular reason?”
“My mate is some kind of cat,” I tell him, resting my head back against my seat.
“I haven’t seen her shifted form yet, so I’m not sure exactly.
But she doesn’t seem to recognize the bond in the same way.
She’s obviously drawn to me but doesn’t seem to know I’m a wolf or even a shifter at all.
Her claws slipped out, and she panicked. ”
Doc lets out a laugh again that raises my wolf’s hackles. “Sorry, Ryan. But there really is a kind of poetic justice in both you and Luca having to work so hard for your mates after not having Jackson’s back with Emily.”
I let out a huff of breath. He’s right, of course. But I don’t want to hear it. Not now.
“Doc, please, do you know anything about cat shifters?”
“There are differences among breeds, but generally cats are more solitary creatures than we are. Their mating habits can be, well, intense, for want of a better word. Similar to us, scent marking and detection are key to recognizing one's fated mate, but they don’t have the same need for closeness as we do. They will often connect only for mating, then go on their separate ways until mating season occurs again.”
My world seems to drop out from under me, and my wolf whimpers at the notion of Maya not wanting us around at all times. I’m happy to give her the kind of sex she seems to crave, more than happy to, but that can’t be all there is to us, can it? I need more. And I need it from her.
“What does that mean in terms of my moon madness?” I ask in a raspy tone, trying to stop myself from spiraling.
“If she’s your fated mate, then mating her will resolve the madness. Claiming her—and her return claim—will banish it completely, even if you’re not physically together as much as you want to be.”
I let out a heavy exhale, relieved but not exactly satisfied.
“I guess that makes sense. My wolf has been subdued and happy just to be in her presence.” Now that I think about it, he’s only ever pushed for me to find her and claim her, not necessarily keep her.
His needs will be satisfied once she wears my mark. It’s just my human side that won’t be.
But if fucking me is what her cat needs, maybe I need to sell her human part on me.
The real me. Not the masked man who dominates her and fulfills her sexual fantasies.
She’s spoken about wanting to feel a sense of belonging.
That’s not about her cat; it’s a fundamental human need. One that I can meet.
After passing on my thanks to Doc, my next phone call is to Caleb Cooper.
He’s the shifter who turned up at my pack a couple of months back and clued us into the missing omegas.
We worked together to find and free them, and between him and his brothers, they’ve traveled around more than anyone.
They had spent close to two years searching for any sign of their missing sister, Camille.
“Hey Ryan, how are you doing?”
“I’m good, man. How’s all in Iron Fang?”
“It’s, uh, I don’t even know how to define what it is.
” He sighs. “I’m not sure if Sofia filled you in, but we have a witch, Cassidy, who is working through removing the chokers.
The spell takes a lot out of her, though, because apparently it’s significantly harder to undo another witch’s spell than her own.
She can only do one or two per day. It’s been slow, and Katie is both refusing to get hers removed until the rest have been done while also wanting to go full steam ahead with hunting down the Keepers.
So I have had to go with her and make sure she doesn’t get herself killed.
Honestly, Katie Clark is the most infuriating female in the world.
Not to mention Camille is still struggling mentally.
She panics as soon as she sees a male. Even me. It’s awful.”
The idea of what Caleb is still going through guts me. If it weren’t for him, we never would have even known about the missing omegas, but he’s lost so much. One of his brothers died in the rescue mission, and it sounds like his sister can’t even be in the same room as him.
“I’m so sorry I haven’t been there to help more,” I say, wincing at how hollow my words sound.
Katie was part of my pack before her abduction.
She’s my delta’s sister, and I should be supporting her through everything.
I should be helping her come home rather than leaving her in Caleb’s pack because he was the only one with enough room for all of the omegas to stay together.
I’m not Alpha anymore, but I still feel responsible for my pack members.
“There’s not much anyone can do,” he replies. “Katie wants to be the one to round them up. I don’t think she could trust if we sent others out to do the job. And the other girls follow her. They don’t want anyone else involved.”
I can understand that. What the Keepers put those omegas through was unimaginable. I would need to see the perpetrators ended personally too.
“But you found your mate after nearly losing everything to moon madness,” Caleb continues. “Priorities, my friend. Focus on what’s in your control.”
“That’s what I’m calling you about, actually. You’ve met more shifters and traveled more than me. Have you ever come across any cat shifters before?”
“Can’t say that I have. Sorry, Ryan.”
Disappointment settles into my bones, but we still chat for a few more minutes before saying our goodbyes. I climb out of my car and head back into Maya’s house, let the dogs out one last time and make sure they have enough water, then climb back into bed with my mate.
Where I belong.
I’ll leave early in the morning before she wakes up, leaving a note to assuage her fears that I won’t come back.
I can’t sleep with the mask on, and I don’t want to risk being seen without it.
Not yet. My wolf pushes me to shift and stay with her, but I soothe him with promises of seeing her again soon.
“Maya will see you now,” the receptionist lets me know.
I shoot her a smile, even though that alone feels like a betrayal.
Hopefully this eases once Maya and I are both claimed and marked, because I don’t want to even look at other females right now.
But keeping the perky blonde on my side seems like a good idea for winning my mate over, and I don’t want to be rude either.
I head to Maya’s door, taking a breath and pushing my wolf down as much as possible.
He already can’t wait to get close to her again.
I haven’t seen her in person since I left her place early Sunday morning.
Maintaining the masked look is limiting my options with her, and I need to get to the next stage of our relationship.
Going back to watching from a distance has left me feeling at odds with myself.
My wolf wanted to crash through her window, and I had to urge him to calm down, making promises that this wouldn’t be forever.
Maya opens the door just as I reach it, and freezes momentarily before she steps back, sweeping out an arm to welcome me inside.
“I got you a coffee,” I say, holding one up.
“That’s not necessary, Ryan,” she tells me firmly, her therapist persona back in full force. It’s hot as fuck.
“I know, but I was getting one, and I figured who doesn’t need a pick me up midway through their morning?”
Maya purses her lips but reaches out for the cup. “Just cream,” I say. “You seem like someone who doesn’t need sugar.”
That gives her pause for a moment, but she’s not looking at me any differently than she did before she met my masked alter ego.
Her hand trembles a little as she takes the coffee and lets me know it’s just this once.
But she can’t hide the little smile that plays on her lips at the gesture.
Or the dampening of her panties since I walked into the room.
“So, do you have any thoughts about what you’d like to talk about today?” she prompts me, ever the professional and sexy as hell.
“I’ve been thinking about what I want,” I tell her, settling into my usual spot on the couch across from her. “Not just about the perfect woman, but about what I want to have with her. Family is important to me, and I want to build that. A family of my own. Somewhere we can both feel we belong.”
She tilts her head slightly and scrunches her brows.
“I didn’t get the impression that was something you were lacking.
Even after your mother left and your father’s mental health declined, it sounded like your community rallied around you.
In your relationship with your sister and friends, it sounded like belonging wasn’t an issue. ”
I smile at her astuteness. She remembers every detail I’ve told her. Part of me wishes that were only for me, but I know it’s not. She’s just great at her job. What she did for Emily alone makes that clear.
“That’s true,” I admit. “But it’s about wanting to create that with and for someone else. Wanting to create an environment that’s so right for her that she surrenders to it fully.”
Maya’s breath hitches slightly, and I continue, giving her more of what I now know she craves.
Is it messed up? Probably. But I’m not lying to her.
I want these things too. I want to build a family with her.
I want to raise pups, or cubs, together in Lunar Eclipse, where we can all belong.
And I can’t help but hope that if I drop enough clues, she’ll see the connection.
She’ll realize she’s already fucking me and that none of the human shit matters because we aren’t human.
“Have you ever felt like you could let go completely?” I ask, pressing forward. “Show all your darkest parts to someone? Show them the animal inside you?”
“An… animal?”
“Yeah. The parts of you that you need to keep hidden from the world. I want to be able to make someone feel so safe that they don’t need to do that anymore. They won’t need to hide from me, because I’ll love every wild part of them, claws and all.”
Maya’s knuckles are white where she clasps her own hands so tightly they must hurt. She stares at the coffee table between us. Her eyes are vacant and intense at the same time, her chest rising and falling rapidly.
“Have you ever wanted that from someone?” I ask her, and her eyes snap back to mine. Raw and intense. Is this it? The moment she admits what she must already know.
“This is your therapy session, Ryan. Not mine,” she says, redirecting me back to focus on myself the way she always does when she’s in therapist mode.
“Of course. My apologies,” I say, though I can’t hold back my smirk completely. “It’s what I want. I want to be able to confide all my secrets. I want to build trust so we can open up and share everything.”
I’m rattling her. My kitten wants to submit, but she’s trying to control this environment. She thinks she has to call the shots for her patients. But she’s wrong when it comes to me.
Her composure is slipping. And I can wait as long as I have to.