Chapter Thirty-Five
Maya
One hour earlier.
“Come on, babe,” Sofia urges as I hover at the entrance to Emily and Jackson’s home. “If a human rule is broken with no humans around to hear, did it really get broken?”
“Maya, I promise, I’m okay with this,” Emily adds. “You being my therapist was part of what helped you find your fated mate. It was destiny, and I don’t believe that you were meant to come here just to pretend not to know me. And not be able to be my friend.”
I’m still reticent to accept the offer of friendship from a former patient. It’s only been maybe a month since Emily stopped coming to me every two weeks. But I also feel as if I could implode if I don’t talk to them both and get more answers.
“Plus,” Sofia adds, “you don’t even know the full shifter story of what really went down with Aidan.”
“Oh my God. I hadn’t even considered that!” I say with a gasp. My eyes snap to Emily.
“Cliff notes version?” she asks, and I nod. “Aidan was my fated mate. Our bond snapped into place when I turned twenty-one. He showed up and tried to take me back with him, and...” She trails off.
“And she was a total badass!” Sofia cuts in, and Emily blushes and winces at the same time.
“Emily rejected the mate bond and ripped his throat out. Then her second chance bond with Jackson snapped into place. We’re really not sure how Aidan was ever her fated mate to begin with because he was a sadistic monster.
Every other mate bond I’ve seen has been a good pairing. ”
My jaw drops as everything I thought I knew about Emily shifts.
I have so many questions that I don’t know where to start.
Poor sweet Emily, who was so traumatized when I first met her.
She was having regular panic attacks and dissociation episodes as she worked to overcome what her ex had put her through.
It had taken so much strength to get away from him, it’s hard to believe she is capable of harming anyone.
“You killed him?”
“Shifter justice,” Sofia responds with a firm nod and a squeeze of Emily’s hand.
“It’s different for us. You have to remember that we are not human.
And this was before we found out Aidan was involved in an omega trafficking ring that Jackson’s sister, Katie, among many others, were kidnapped by and forced into a fucking sex torture system. ”
“I don’t know what all of those words mean,” I say, trying to work through what I did understand. What is an omega? Can fated mates still be abusive? And if so, why do they matter so much?
Their lives are so extreme. But then I remember when Ryan snuck up on me while running during the last full moon and I thought he was a random man who was going to attack me.
I was willing to maim and potentially worse.
Not to mention the time that fake asshole Dom in Sanctum Obscura tried to push me past my limits.
I broke his ribs when I kicked him. And who knows what more would have happened if I hadn’t been so worried about keeping my cover?
So maybe this all does fit into place. Maybe if I wasn’t so hell-bent on ignoring my animal instincts, I would be a lot more homicidal. And not just in the way all women who have to interact with old white men are.
“Shit, did we break her?” Sofia asks, and Emily shakes her head before responding.
“She’s just processing.”
“I feel like all the parts of myself I was trying to tamp down are coming together,” I tell them, massaging my temples to dislodge the headache forming. “It’s making sense, and I don’t know how to feel about that.”
I blow out a slow breath and sink back into my chair with my eyes closed. All these years thinking there were so many things wrong with me but I just hadn’t found my people.
“Speaking of parts you have kept down,” Sofia says, her eyes flashing gold with a mischievous glint when I look to her. “Is it time to let your tiger out?”
The memory of the pain and fear of my first and only shift slams into me with a visceral force I haven't felt in years. Panic claws up my throat instantly, like a suffocating vise that steals my breath and leaves me reeling from the sheer terror of it.
“I… I can’t do that,” I say, my voice small and broken, choked by the flashback to that first and only experience. “The pain was unbearable.”
“It’s not as bad after the first time,” Sofia says softly, like she’s trying to talk me down off a cliff.
“It will still hurt, but the first shift is by far the worst. And you were probably fighting it, which would have also made it worse. I won’t pretend it doesn’t hurt still, but it’s over quickly, and the pain eases once the shift is complete. You just need to let it come.”
The idea bounces around in my mind as I try to calm myself.
Breathe in for four seconds.
Hold for four seconds.
Out for four seconds.
Hold for four seconds.
Notice where my body connects to the chair and push back against the firm points.
I continue the repetitions until the panic subsides and my nervous system calms. I can do this. I am in control.
“It won’t be as bad?”
“Definitely not,” Sofia promises, her tone earnest and reassuring. “Just let it happen. Lean into it; allow your tiger to take what she needs.”
My tiger encourages me to listen to Sofia. She tells me I can trust her. There’s a connection that I can’t explain, but it’s there. Strong and steady. I nod once and then pull off the hoodie I’m wearing and take off my sneakers.
“Do you want us to stay, or do you want to do it alone?” Emily asks softly.
“Stay, please,” I say as I strip off the rest of my clothes.
Then I wait. And wait some more. Goosebumps prickle my skin as I remain standing, naked in the sitting room of Emily and Jackson’s home.
But nothing happens.
“How do I do it?” I ask as a flush spreads up my chest and inadequacy skitters down my spine.
Admitting I don’t know what to do in front of these women who have been doing this for years is humiliating.
The fact that I am standing naked in front of a former patient only adds to the shame burning me from the inside out.
But then Sofia’s voice—sure and calm—cuts through the excruciating embarrassment, filled with the same strength her brother conveys.
“Close your eyes, Maya. Visualize your tiger in your mind's eye. Ask her what she wants.”
“She wants Ryan,” I answer immediately. It’s like I have opened a doorway to her and let her in.
She pushes against me, but instead of pushing back—instead of ignoring her like I always have—I allow her to make her presence known.
My spine arches, and then my bones begin to crack, filling the silence with sickening crunches.
All at once, my form changes—hair shoots out of my skin, my body hinges forward, and the cool timber floor feels alien beneath what are now paws.
There’s pain, and then it’s gone. The process, unlike the first time, lasted only seconds.
“Beautiful,” Sofia murmurs from somewhere in the room, and I think it’s Emily who gasps.
My hearing is sharper, and when I open my eyes, I see everything with a clarity I could never have imagined.
Like the world is in high definition. Sofia opens the door, and I step outside, my paws moving unconsciously forward.
A slight breeze ruffles my fur and carries with it the scents of other shifters and a familiarity that I crave in this moment of newness.
I turn around, testing the feline movements of the animal and taking in Sofia and Emily watching me with soft smiles on their faces. They whisper words of encouragement I can hear as clearly as if they were shouting.
And then there’s that tug, pulling me forward, urging me to find him. My mate. Mine.
As if even thinking of him has conjured him up, there he is.
His dark brown wolf tumbles into the clearing, breathing hard, and he’s followed by two other wolves, one black and the other a lighter shade of brown.
I inhale, and my tiger knows from the scents I picked up earlier that they are Luca and Jackson.
Now that I’m not fighting her, I see how much she has to share with me.
How much I can learn from her if I stop suppressing what has always been inside me.
I pad closer to Ryan, circling him and nudging against him. My tail wraps around his smaller form as if it has a mind of its own. He smells even better in this form, and it doesn’t make sense; we aren’t even the same species. But all I know, without a shadow of a doubt, is that Ryan Rivera is mine.
The other wolves take a wide berth when moving toward Sofia and Emily, standing between us protectively.
Sofia scoffs and rolls her eyes at the unnecessary gesture of security before standing up and announcing they will give us privacy.
She stalks away, and Luca’s wolf follows her like an oversized puppy while Emily and her brown wolf slip inside their home.
Ryan’s wolf lets out a whimper as he nuzzles against me.
I can smell his emotions: fear and anger and sadness warring for dominance, but also awe and affection.
A pang of melancholy hits me right in the chest as the realization of how much I have been missing out on lands.
I spent years wishing away a part of me, associating the animal inside me with a fear I allowed to control me.
I should have embraced it. She could have guided me to others of my kind, if only I hadn’t fought her so hard. I let out a low rumble, and Ryan leans into me, his presence a soothing balm against the grief of how much I have lost.
His presence offers a reassurance that no words ever could. He’s huge for a wolf, but I’m also huge for a tiger, and my form dwarfs his. For the first time since meeting him, I don’t want or need to be dominated. I feel powerful. Beautiful.
In control.