Chapter Forty-One
Ryan
My wolf stumbles into a clearing and collapses onto the ground. My paws are bleeding, and deep gashes run along my underbelly. Other wolves circle me. I don’t know who, and I don’t care. They’re here to end me, and I’m ready to let them.
Maya is gone.
My mate doesn’t want me.
My wolf took control and forced the shift when she left. That was days ago. I don’t know how many. I haven’t been able to shift back, but if I’m honest with myself, I haven’t really tried. What’s the point when I don’t have her anymore?
Instead, I let him run, allowing myself one last chance to experience freedom. I reveled in the pain radiating through me as my paws were cut open by jagged rocks. It was the only thing that could come close to eclipsing the pain of Maya’s rejection.
The only thing that distracted me.
I haven’t slept or eaten in days. I’m weak and injured.
It will make it easier for whoever comes to put me down. I can’t control my wolf. I won’t be able to stop him from fighting back when they do. But at least I know I’m in no fit state to do any real damage to anyone. At least I know I won’t take anyone out with me.
A black wolf steps toward me. Luca. He nudges me with his nose, and I can feel him pressing against the mindlink, trying to communicate in this form. I don’t let him in. I haven’t let him in for days.
“Hijo, you need to come back to us,” comes my father's voice from somewhere behind me. “Your mate needs you.”
That gets my attention. The mere mention of my mate changes everything for my wolf.
Shit. This is not what I want. Maya made herself very clear.
She doesn’t want me. I’d rather die than force her to be with me.
But my wolf doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about her happiness or even mine.
He just wants his mark on her elegant neck, his scent imbued in her blood, and her belly swollen with his pups.
His fantasy has forgotten her infertility. Just like he’s forgotten that she doesn’t want me.
“She didn’t reject you,” he continues. “Not officially. You can’t give up on her or your bond. She wasn’t raised with shifters. She needs more time to understand, and you need to be patient with her.”
My wolf gives way to the shift as his words settle in.
The crunching and creaking of bone and muscle melting from one form to the other rings out loudly in the silent clearing.
Have I given up too easily? Is there still a chance for us?
It seems so unlikely. My shoulders are slumped and my head hangs low.
Luca, Jackson, and my father stand around me. Here for me when I don’t deserve it.
But then confusion hits. I don’t want her here, but when has that ever stopped her in the past? “Where’s Sofia?” I ask.
“She’s back at the pack,” Dad answers, but there’s a tension in his voice that has the hair on the back of my neck standing to attention. Something isn’t right. Something more than me.
“Come, let's get you looked after, and you can talk to Sofia then.” My father wraps a blanket around my shoulders and leads me to his car. He must have traveled like this while my friends tracked me in wolf form. I haven’t seen him as a wolf in years.
Not since my mother broke his heart and their mate bond.
Luca and Jackson shift forms when we arrive back at the car before pulling on sweats and t-shirts and tossing me some clothes to wear. Luca and Dad are up front, so Jackson and I climb into the back.
“You should get some rest,” Jackson says, handing me the blanket I was wearing a few moments ago. I nod and try to sleep, but it won’t come. Every time I close my eyes, I see her, and my heart feels as if it’s being ripped from my chest.
Fates, I miss her. I miss how expressive her face is and how I can know how she’s feeling with one glance.
I miss how her body felt when it was connected to mine.
How tingles of electricity radiated from her touch.
I miss how right everything felt with her, and I can’t help but feel suffocated by how wrong it feels now.
We stop off at the medical center when we arrive back at the pack. Doc cleans my wounds and stitches a couple of the deeper ones, but no one talks. They all look at me like I’m volatile and fragile at the same time. Like a bomb about to detonate. I don’t talk either. I don’t know what to say.
I won’t survive without Maya. Every fiber of my being is pulling me toward her, the bond tugging at me from deep within. But I can’t do that to her.
I push to a stand when Doc has finished, but he presses me back down with a steady hand on my shoulder. Sandra, one of the nurses, brings me a plate of food. Logically, I know it should smell good, but I can’t find the will to care.
“You need to eat, Ryan,” Doc says sternly, and I force myself to bring my attention to the steak, roasted vegetables, and mashed potatoes. I chew and swallow without ever tasting it, going through the motions despite having no desire to do anything that could give me strength or prolong my life.
She’s gone. She doesn’t want me. I’m no good to anyone. A washed-up alpha wolf who can’t even get his fated mate to want to stick around. Everyone would be better off without me.
Still, I clear the plate. I don’t need to make my feelings obvious. It’s not fair to those I’m leaving behind. Just as I’m pushing my plate away, a sharp prick in my shoulder draws my attention. I glance at Doc for just a second before darkness takes me, and I fall into a dreamless sleep.
My mouth is dry, and my throat is scratchy when I wake up. Daylight filters through the edges of the blinds, and starchy blankets press down on me. The smell of antiseptic invades my nostrils, burning away any other scents as I squeeze my eyes shut before opening them.
Sofia hands me a glass of water that I gulp down in one greedy swallow. “What day is it?”
“It’s Thursday. And you need to get your shit together.”
“Fates Sofia, give a guy a minute to wake up before tearing into me.”
“Time is a luxury we don’t have. Maya is missing.”
Blood thunders in my chest, my wolf snarls and snaps at my threadbare restraint, and the glass in my hand shatters into a thousand tiny shards.
“What the fuck do you mean by missing?” I hiss at my sister.
“I drove her home after she left your place and stayed with her that night. She wanted the details of Lo’s kids—” Sofia stops talking and rolls her eyes when my wolf forces a loud growl up my throat. “—which I didn’t give her, obviously,” she continues.
“I suggested taking a few days and then talking to you again before deciding on what to do. I gave her Katie’s number so she could read the files herself.
I’ve spoken to her every day since she left.
She’s been really struggling with what she’s learned about where she came from.
I called her yesterday, and she didn’t answer.
When she still hadn’t called me back hours later, I started to worry.
I drove over to check on her, but she wasn’t home.
Her sister Pippa arrived around the same time, and she was worried too.
Maya missed lunch with her and hasn’t been answering the phone.
Ryan, no one knows where she is for sure, but Pippa told me she had made contact with her biological family. ”
“Fuck!” I roar. Rage and fear war for dominance as my wolf howls and snarls.
Hair shoots from my arms, and my claws rip into the bed, cutting through the thick rubber and foam beneath like butter.
The copper taste of blood fills my mouth as my canines lengthen and sharpen, and I let out a visceral cry.
My form is halfway between wolf and human, and he wants blood.
“Get it together,” Sofia snarls, applying her alpha command. And even though it doesn’t work on me the way it would another wolf, it’s enough to interrupt the ferocity of my emotions.
“Katie confirmed Caleb gave Maya the details,” Sofia tells me and I have to put all of my energy into hearing her over the blood rushing in my ears and my wolf howling in rage.
“I called Brett Lo, but he didn’t answer.
I called the Night Howlers pack house, and they said he’s away but wouldn’t tell me anything else.
We need to find her. Focus, Ryan. Focus on the bond.
Can you feel her? Can you feel anything? ”
I let Sofia’s questions and the command behind them wash over me. My bond with Maya isn’t complete; we haven’t said the words of the claim or marked each other with our bites, but we have gotten to know each other intimately. It has to be enough.
I breathe in for four seconds and hold it before slowly exhaling the way Maya does. Closing my eyes, I focus my mind on my mate, opening myself up to the fragile bond that connects us. It’s distant, but it’s there.
“Southeast. That’s the direction she’s in.”
And then I’m moving—tearing the IV out of my arm and dashing out of the pack hospital. I don’t shift; I can’t trust myself to think rationally in wolf form. I rush to my house and grab clothes, boots, and my car keys. Sofia is beside me at all times, ready to go. Ready to fight with me.
“Maya is my friend. She’s family. And you need me,” she says while crossing her arms in front of her chest and arching a brow. She’s ready to argue with me, but she doesn’t need to. I remember how much worse things would have gone if Sofia hadn’t been there during the omega rescue mission.
“You’re right. I need you. Please help me, Fia.”
Sofia’s mouth drops slightly, and her eyes go wide at how I didn’t fight her or try to convince her to stay behind.
She blinks a couple of times before shaking her head and nodding.
“Right, okay. Shit, I wasn’t expecting that to be so easy.
I’ll mindlink some warriors to follow after us. Don’t mention a word to Luca.”
If this were about anyone else, I wouldn’t be so quick to collude with lying to the pack beta and my best friend. But Sofia has a point. Luca did shoot her with a tranquilizer gun to keep her out of the action the last time.
“I’ll meet you at the cars in two minutes,” I say. Sofia’s eyes glaze over as she sends a mindlink, and then she nods and heads toward where our cars are parked by the pack house.
I run inside again and grab a pair of Maya’s panties from the laundry hamper.
I bring them to my nose and inhale her sweet smell before pocketing them and moving again.
Having her scent in my nose helps me with knowing what direction to go in.
It’s not that I can smell her from here, but it helps me to focus.
Finding Maya isn’t a straightforward task.
I don’t know where she is. I can’t mindlink her.
But our bond pulls me forward, guiding me in the right direction with nothing but my faith in our connection.
Sofia drives, allowing me to close my eyes and focus on the bond and directing her as needed. We’re getting closer. I can feel it. But we’re still too far away. Snapshots of her emotions flash through me. Maya is afraid. She’s hurt and defeated and so alone.
Sickening dread builds in my gut as ideas of what could be happening to her bombard me. But I can’t think like that. It’s not helping.
We have to get there before it’s too late.
Failure is not an option.